“We will give it some thought, Samuel.”
“Danke, Bishop.”
After the conversation, Sam went back to the campus to meet with his school’s administrator. That discussion was far harder.
“I don’t understand, Sam,” Bill Ames sputtered. “You’ve been extremely successful in both the classroom and in the research department.”
“I’ve enjoyed being here a great deal. I don’t know if I can explain my feelings other than that I think it’s time I went back to my family.”
“But aren’t they only an hour or two away?”
They were a world apart in other ways. “Yes.”
“What are you going to do?” Bill raised an eyebrow. “Do you have plans to go to another university? If so, I feel I have a right—”
“It’s not that.” Feeling suspiciously like a lad in trouble, Sam figured he had nothing to lose. “Bill, the thing is, there’s a woman involved. She’s Amish.”
“But you are, too. Right?”
“No. We Amish don’t join the church until we feel compelled to. I never joined. But I’m ready to join now.”
“Couldn’t this…this woman just come out and live with you?”
“I will not ask her to. Her faith and family are as important to her as breathing.”
“But she could. I think you should speak with her.”
“I’ve made my decision. Though, I have asked the Bishop if I could come back as a guest lecturer at times.”
“Is that right?”
Sam could feel himself blushing. “I know it’s a lot to ask. But I am only following my heart and soul.”
“I am starting to realize that. Well, this is going to cause me no small amount of problems. We’ve already made up the schedule for the fall semester. We’ve assigned classes to you. Students have signed up.”
“I know, and I am sorry about that.”
“But not enough to change your mind?”
“No. I’m afraid not.”
A dimple appeared in his boss’s cheek. “So you’re leaving everything for love, huh? When some of the girls hear of this, they’re going to swoon.”
Sam sat down with a chuckle. “Hopefully, things will work out. I haven’t talked to Winnie yet.”
“You’re taking a leap of faith, then.”
“I guess I am,” he said with some surprise.
Bill stood up and shook his hand. “I truly do wish you the best of luck. If you find the opportunity to be a guest lecturer, let me know.”
“You’d allow me to do that?”
“Without a doubt. I hope that woman knows how lucky she is. There’re not many who would be willing to switch careers and lifestyles like you are.”
“If you knew Winnie, you’d know that she’ll tell me what she thinks, for better or worse,” Sam said as he walked out the door.
To his surprise, he felt lighter and freer than ever.
Chapter 17
“Have you heard the news?” Katie asked as she entered the Sitzschtupp.
“News about what?” Winnie looked up from the wedding ring quilt she was working on. To her dismay, it had taken a broken leg to finally gain the patience needed to complete a project.
“About Samuel Miller, of course. Everyone is saying he’s moving back.”
Winnie dismissed the gossip with a smile. “That’s not news. He’s been back for some time, helping Jonathan with the cleanup of the barn and helping Eli with the spring plowing and such.” Honestly, sometimes Winnie was sure her sister-in-law loved to make mountains out of molehills.
“It is far more than that, Winnie. He’s moving back, for good. He left his college and everything. At least, that’s what I heard he talked to the bishop about it.” Katie shook her head. “This is surely a season of change. That barn burning has set off a series of events I never would have dreamed.”
Startled to find her hands shaking, Winnie pushed the material to one side, not even caring that some of it fell to the floor in a wrinkled heap. “I can’t believe Sam would do something like that. He loves his college.”
Looking mighty satisfied to have finally gained her sister-in-law’s attention, Katie folded her arms over her chest. Somewhat smugly she added, “Perhaps he’s found other things to love.”
“Nothing you’re sayin’ is making any sense.” Winnie knew her voice was flustered, but she didn’t care. “I think we should wait to speak to Sam himself before we go speculating on his future.”
“Suit yourself, but I know I’m right. I heard all this straight from Mr. McClusky at the store this morning. He’d heard straight from Lydia Hershberger, who heard from the bishop. It’s a fact, Samuel Miller is coming back.”
“My word.”
Katie rushed over and hugged her tight. “Oh, Winnie, I’m so happy for you.”
“Stop talking like that, wouldja?” She was too nervous for so much teasing!
“Surely you don’t have to be so cross.”
“I’m not trying to be bad-tempered. I just don’t want to hear any more talk and gossip about Samuel.”
“Do you want me to leave, then?” came a voice from the doorway.
Winnie whipped her head toward Sam—toward that voice she’d know anywhere. “I didn’t know you were here.”
“Jonathan let me in.” With a gentle smile, he stepped closer. “So, may I come in, or would you rather I leave you alone?”
Katie beamed. “Of course, Samuel. Come sit down.”
Winnie just stared. She felt helpless and out of control, like she was stuck in the center of a tornado. Gingerly, she got to her feet, anxious to at least be able to face him that way. “How much did you hear?”
“Enough.”
“You shouldn’t have listened.”
“I couldn’t help it. Your conversation was pretty important. I sure didn’t want to interrupt.”
“Still—”
Katie cleared her throat meaningfully. “Honestly, Winnie. What is wrong with you?”
“Nothing.” It was just she was terribly embarrassed.
Samuel came closer, now standing mere feet away from her. “I was hoping we could have a conversation—not an argument.”
“Yes. I…I’ve been wanting to talk to you, too.” However, inside, she felt as if everything was off kilter.
“You could talk now,” Katie said, all smiles.
“I’d like to talk. Privately.” Winnie sent a meaningful glare Katie’s way.
Katie finally caught the hint. “I think I’ll go upstairs. I’ll take the girls, too.”
“Thank you.”
Sam’s gaze turned guarded. “Winnie? What is going on with you?”
“Not as much as with you, I’m coming to find out,” Winnie replied, feeling somewhat shaken up inside. Her heart seemed to be beating double time.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means that I’ve just discovered that you intend to stay here. That you intend to join the church.”
Samuel took a chair. “Please, Win, let’s sit down and talk things over.” When she did as he asked, he surprised her once again by reaching for her hand. “Here’s what I’ve been thinking. I thought maybe that way we could maybe try courting a bit. I met with the bishop and I think I’ve got everything arranged.”
“To do what? Quit your job?”
“Well, yes.”
The tears fell, and she didn’t even try to hide them. “But why?”
“Because I can’t be all things to everyone. I chose you.”
“Really?”
He squeezed her hand. “Yes, really. What are you upset about?”
“Sam, I’ve been wantin’ to talk to you, too. To tell you that I would leave the order for you to be happy. I’ve been praying about it, and I think I would make a mighty fine professor’s wife. If…if we came to that.”
He stood frozen. “You would have done that?”
“Yes, if that’s what would have made you happy.”
“But,
Winnie, I never even considered asking you to do such a thing. The outside world is so different.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. We would have each other, and you would be happy. That was going to be good enough for me.” Glaring at him, she chided, “Unfortunately, you didn’t even think to talk to me about it. You didn’t care enough to seek my opinion.”
“But you have it wrong, Winnie. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust you. Or that I didn’t care about you. See—I wanted to surprise you.”
“You certainly did that.” She wanted to unbend, but she still felt a bit foolish—and dismayed. Perhaps they should take things more slowly?
“Winnie Lundy, I’m not giving up on us. I aim to court you.”
Looking at their hands, at their fingers linked together, Winnie knew she’d never felt more breathless. Never felt so happy. Never felt so confused. Slowly, she looked up at him. “Why?”
“Because I can’t help myself,” he said simply. “Whenever I think of my future, I now imagine you in it. And here is the place for us. This community. Among the Amish.”
“You wouldn’t miss your university?”
“Not as much as I would miss you.” He almost smiled.
So did she. Perhaps their foolishness was over. Now that all their obstacles were being removed, they would finally be able to concentrate on just the two of them, and how they felt about each other. “I would miss you, too, if you went back to the English.”
Then it seemed only natural for her to reach for his other hand. It felt only right to link her fingers through that hand, too.
To simply just appreciate how much Sam had come to mean to her.
“So, may I call on you again soon?”
“Yes. As long as you announce yourself instead of lurking around doorways.”
He tapped his head. “I’ll try and remember that.”
And then he was gone. Giggling like a schoolgirl, Winnie fell back on the couch. For the first time in a long while, she felt pretty and fresh. Wanted. It was a right gut feeling, indeed.
Chapter 18
David couldn’t catch his breath. His chest hurt something fierce and his lungs burned, like a pile of hot coals were sitting on his chest, weighing him down, preventing him from moving.
The worst had happened. Jonathan Lundy had found out the truth.
Just a few moments earlier, Jonathan had shown up by his side at the lake and boldly stated that he knew David was the one.
The person who’d set fire to his barn.
And now all the air inside of him seemed to have left.
“David, surely you’re not going to pretend you didn’t hear me. Don’t you have anything to say?”
“Ah…yes.” In the space of two heartbeats, David slowly managed to meet his gaze. Those crystal blue eyes that had always seemed so patient and sad, especially after the first Mrs. Lundy had died, looked nothing like they usually did. Instead, the man’s pupils looked like ice, like the depths of the skating pond come March, when the top layer was so thin you could see underneath it.
He gathered himself together. Looking back down at his boots, so scuffed, on account they’d been his older brother’s, he murmured, “There’s nothin’ to say.” He winced, automatically flinched when he heard his words out loud. This was about the time his pa would have backhanded him for speaking at all.
But instead of looking even more angry, Jonathan sighed. “So it’s gonna be like this, is it?”
“Like what?”
“Like you pretendin’ you don’t know what I’m talking about and like me pretending I’m not hurt.” Looking across at the stillness of the pond, he shook his head sadly. “To tell you the truth, I’d kinda hoped things would be different.”
David had hoped his secret would stay hidden forever. That he’d never be having this conversation. But it was finally time to face his punishment. “There’s nothin’ to talk about. I burnt your barn and never told no one.”
Around them, clouds filled the sky. Within the hour, rain would come, treating the tiny seedlings in the fields beyond to a much needed drink of water. Cooling things off for a bit.
“I suppose that’s how things could be described.” Turning away from the water, Jonathan faced David again. “Is that how things happened exactly? All of a sudden, you got a bee in your bonnet to harm my family?”
David couldn’t help it—he flinched. But he didn’t try to defend himself. There was no defense.
Jonathan’s eyes narrowed. “Well? You want me to be guessin’ again? All right. So, you reckoned you wanted to kill my horses?”
David bit his lip to keep from talking.
“You wanted to go to jail?” An eyebrow raised. “You wanted to hurt Winnie?” He leaned forward just as David tasted the sharp metallic hint of blood. “Is that it? For some reason, you’re upset with my family? Is that what happened?”
“No…I…” How could he answer those questions? He felt so helpless. What excuse could he possibly give?
“All right, then. I suppose we have the answer.” Roughly, Jonathan grabbed him by the collar. “Come with me. We’ll go down to the sheriff’s office and I’ll press charges. You tried to murder me and my family when we haven’t done anything.”
“No!”
Miraculously, Jonathan’s iron grip eased. “No? Then what happened? How did that fire come to be? Talk, boy,” he whispered. “You’ve got nothing to lose and only the truth to gain.”
“The fire was an accident.” Tears started to fall. His voice cracked. He struggled to breathe as everything that he’d tried so hard to hold in threatened to fall, to break apart, to burst through him. “I promise, I never meant for it to happen, I never meant to harm the horses.”
“Ah.”
But now that he’d set his tongue in motion, it appeared in no great hurry to stop. The words rushed out. “Please believe me—I would never mean to hurt Winnie. Or you. I didn’t mean to. I was tryin’…” He struggled to talk. “I was trying to…” He couldn’t say it.
Jonathan pushed. “Trying to what?”
To David’s surprise, Jonathan reached out and took hold of his hand. As if he felt David’s scars, he gently turned his palm over and examined the rough, angry skin that was taking so very long to heal. Clicking his tongue he said, “I don’t know if it makes things any easier, but the Lord already knows the truth.”
“If He knows, He doesn’t care. I asked Him to make everything better. He didn’t.”
“Our Lord can’t verra well go putting burnt barns back together, can he?”
“I asked him to guide me to know what to do. To help me. He didn’t.”
“He guided you here, to this conversation. That counts for something, I’m thinkin’.”
“But He grants miracles in the Bible.”
“David, it’s my belief that some miracles are small. The love of a family member. The beauty of a sun-filled day. See, He grants us miracles even when we don’t deserve them.” Jonathan released his hand and crouched in front of David just as the rain started to fall all around them. “Jesus already knows our sins but loves us anyway. He already knows our sufferings, our weaknesses, our dreams, and he loves us anyway,” he said again. “Always. No matter what.”
“You really believe that?”
“With all my heart. There’s some good in that, don’tcha think?”
David had never thought of the Lord already knowing things. In a way, it did make him feel better. To not have to hold secrets anymore.
But why, then, hadn’t he already gotten in trouble? “Why hasn’t God punished me?”
Jonathan looked him over. “Maybe He already has. You look like you’ve been carrying a heavy burden all on your own. Perhaps it’s time to share some of that weight. Please talk to me, David. If you didn’t mean my family harm, tell me what happened that night. I need to know. And, I have a feeling, you might need to share the story.”
Whether it was Jonathan’s words, or the way the man’s hand was curved protective
ly around his own, or the light cleansing rain falling from the sky, David finally felt able to talk. “I should first tell you that I don’t have too many friends. I don’t know why.” When the older man said nothing, only nodded, David continued.
“Sometime back, some boys had gotten hold of cigarettes and were selling them. I took some money that I’d saved and bought a few packs and two lighters. For the first time, the other boys looked at me like I fit in.”
“And so you started smoking?”
“Jah. At first, I was no good, but then I got better. When a few others started talkin’ about some Englischers who could make smoke rings, and they talked like they admired that, I decided to try and make them, too.”
Instead of glaring, Jonathan merely looked reflective. “I imagine those would be difficult to make.”
“I got pretty good at it. But I wanted to be real good, so next time I saw everyone I could show them.” Oh, his pride and vanity had cost so much.
“And did you?”
David shook his head. “No. That night, I went to your barn. It’s not too far from our house, you know. Plus, the loft doesn’t have any windows. No one would see the sparks of the cigarettes in the night.”
“And so there you were.”
“Yes. I was tryin’ to make smoke rings. I could just make out their forms in the dim light peering up from the windows below. I was trying so hard, I hadn’t put out one of the old cigarettes so well.” He swallowed. The sparks, the memories, were as vivid as if they’d happened hours instead of weeks before. “When the hay caught on fire, there wasn’t anything I could do. I tried to stop it. There was a horse blanket, I tried to smother the flames, but they just seemed to eat up the fabric instead of be hindered by it.”
“And you burned your hands.”
David looked at his palms. “I did. By then, there were flames everywhere. It was too late.” Daring to look at Jonathan, David murmured, “I promise, I tried to put out the flames, but it all happened so fast.”
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