by Ryan Casey
He thought about Chloë as he lowered that boat down. As he held it on the surface of the water.
He thought about the last thing she’d said to him before Mattius crashed the blade into her skull.
“Keep Kesha safe—”
Was this what it was?
“Keep Kesha safe…”
He looked up at the sky.
He listened to Kesha’s chattering, Kesha’s laughing.
Then he let the crate go.
He stood there. He wasn’t sure for how long. But he just stood there listening to the waves around him. And he felt that urge inside. That urge to just let the waves carry him. That urge to just let the waves swallow him up too.
Because that’s all he could see now.
The light.
That’s what the light was.
The light in the darkness was a way out of this existence.
A way past this life.
So he put Anna and his unborn child and everything to the back of his mind, and he descended into the water.
When he was down there, he held his breath at first, closed his eyes. And he was amazed by how silent it was under there. How beautifully serene it was. How he wanted to be down here forever, away from the crashing waves, away from the horror above.
And he knew that if he just held himself here for a little while longer, he could see that light.
He could be one with the light.
He wouldn’t have to hurt anymore.
But something happened. Something made him open his eyes.
And when he opened them, he saw her.
Kesha. Right in front of him. Right under the water.
Horror in her eyes.
Fear.
For the first time in her young life, total fear.
He looked at that fear in Kesha’s eyes, and he knew right then, as the sun glowed down from above, that he couldn’t.
He just couldn’t.
He grabbed Kesha and pulled her up out of the water.
He gasped for air. Held on to Kesha, patted her back, helped her cough, helped her get out any water that she’d inhaled.
And then he tightened his arms around her soaking little body, and he cried, and she cried, and he stood there in the waves and felt her warmth, and he apologised for everything, for everything.
“I can’t,” he said. “I just can’t.”
He wasn’t sure how long he stood there. He wasn’t sure how long he held Kesha, but long enough until she stopped crying. And when she had, he pulled her back. Looked at her. A little better now the blood had been washed away. But still pale. Still struggling. Still sick.
“I’ll fight for you as long as you’re with us,” Riley said. “I’ll… I’ll fight for you even when you go. Because you aren’t going to let this beat you. None of us are going to let this beat you. Because you are the light.”
He saw a little smile on Kesha’s poor, confused little face.
Then he found himself smiling back.
As guilty as he was, he found himself smiling back.
He turned around, Kesha in his arms, and looked back at Anna and Carly.
Started to make his way back to them.
To tell them they weren’t going to give up on Kesha. That they were going to fight.
He was close to the shore when something froze him.
Something stopped him dead.
The movement behind Carly.
Right behind her.
“Carly!” he shouted.
He saw Carly frown.
Saw her frown as the creature emerged from the shadows and threw itself at her.
Threw itself at her just like one had in the past, only that time, Riley had been there to fight it. That time, Riley had been there to save her.
He raced out of the water. Pushed Carly out of the way. Punched the creature across the side of its head, stamped on its skull, put it down. Because they were going to be together. Nothing was going to happen to any of them. They were the light. They were what kept the darkness from suffocating them.
But that wasn’t how it happened.
Only in his mind.
Because how it really happened was too painful to accept.
Too painful to face.
Riley stood there in the water, frozen, dead.
He watched as the creature threw itself at Carly.
As it grabbed her, pushed her to the sand.
And before anyone could do a thing about it, it opened its mouth and went to press its teeth into her shoulder.
Chapter Seven
Riley watched as the creature threw itself onto Carly, and there was nothing he could do but run.
He ran through the water. Ran as fast as he could, Kesha still resting in his arm. She was crying now. And as much as he held her, as much as he tried to reassure her that everything was okay, that everything was going to be okay—even though he knew he couldn’t make those kinds of promises—right now the main thing to deal with was Carly. She was in danger. He had to get to her. He had to help.
He saw Anna rushing to her side. Dragging the creature away from Carly. But that alone made Riley fill with fear. Because he wanted Anna to stay away. He didn’t want her to risk herself too.
But at the same time, he knew that Anna was his only hope right now, as he waded through the water, struggling to race his way through it. As Kesha kept on crying, as the waves kept on crashing around him, as—
A scream.
He wasn’t sure who it came from. Anna or Carly for certain.
But it didn’t matter which of the two, really. It didn’t make a whole load of difference.
They were both his people.
They were both his family.
He had to get to them. He had to help them. Now—
He fell.
The water smacked against his face.
He felt Kesha fall beside him, back into the water.
He scrambled around in the cold wetness in the hope that he could get Kesha back above the surface; in the hope that he could get back to the coast, back to Anna, back to Carly.
And he did. Eventually, he managed to lift Kesha out of the water again, to hold her close as she cried and cried, the blood at least washed from her face now.
He waded further through the water. He could see that Anna had taken the creature down now. He could see her crouching down, crouching right by Carly’s side.
And all Riley could do was wade further through the water. And as he waded through, all he could think of was what had nearly happened. What had nearly gone down. What he’d nearly done.
Kesha was still here.
She was still alive. For how much longer, he didn’t know. Nobody could know.
He’d spared her life.
But the very fact that he’d considered it—the very fact they’d all considered it. No, more than considered it. They’d sanctioned it, every single one of them.
He looked up at the sky as he made his final charge through the water, and he saw that the sun was completely enshrouded in cloud now. Thick, dark cloud, specks of rain falling down from above. And as he looked up there, he found himself asking that question. He found himself asking it once again.
Where is the light now?
Is there any light left?
Can there be any light left?
He battled his way out of the water. Onto the shore. Kesha still in his arms.
He walked, soaking wet and shivering, up the stones. He walked past the body of the creature, which had fallen. Looked fresh. Like it had only recently turned. A reminder that the infection was still very much present. That it hadn’t been eliminated.
That they had to have their guards up at all the time.
He stepped past the creature, and he reached Anna and Carly.
Anna didn’t look up at him. She didn’t look at Kesha. She didn’t make him explain what had happened out there, why he hadn’t done it.
She just looked down at Carly.
And when Riley saw he
r, when he saw the way she was lying there, that’s all he could do too.
Stand there.
Stare at Carly.
At her pale face and her wide eyes.
Breathing heavily.
Tears on her cheeks.
There was a bite mark on her shoulder.
Blood was seeping out.
Carly had been bitten.
Chapter Eight
Riley stood over Carly and watched as the blood spurted out of her shoulder.
The clouds had thickened over completely. The sky was as black as night. Behind, Riley heard the waves crashing on the shore. He shivered, cool water dripping down his body. He wanted to be back there. Back in the water, Kesha by his side. He wanted to fall under the water again, away from all this. Away from everything.
But he couldn’t.
He was here now.
His reality was here now.
And there was no turning away from it.
Carly was lying with her back on the ground. Blood was spilling out heavily, staining the pebbles underneath her. She looked like she was growing paler by the second.
She looked up at Riley with tears in her eyes. Then she looked at Kesha. And Riley expected her to look disappointed, for some weird reason. Like he’d not carried out the task he was supposed to carry out, as grim a task as it was. Like he was weak.
But she didn’t look at him like that at all.
She looked at Kesha with a smile on her face.
“She’s still here,” she said.
But there wasn’t accusation in her voice. There was relief. Pure relief.
Relief that made Riley crouch at Carly’s side, to hold her hand. “Yes,” he said. “Yes, she is.”
Carly went to reach out a hand, to stroke Kesha’s head. Kesha immediately stopped crying when she did, grinned at Carly. “Hi Car,” she said, in that cute little voice of hers.
Carly laughed, even though laughing clearly caused her pain. “Hello, angel. Hello.”
Kesha smiled, sniffing back some tears. “I been swimming!”
Riley sat there with Carly for a while, Anna and Kesha by his sides. All of them were quiet. All of them were just listening. Listening to the waves. Listening to the silence around.
And nobody asked Riley about what had happened out at sea. Nobody asked him about what had happened with Kesha; about how it had gone down.
Because they understood.
They all understood.
They were the light.
They were together.
But one of those lights was fading.
Carly reached out a hand. She took Riley’s. Squeezed it. And he squeezed back.
“The sun’s back,” she said.
And Riley felt it, then. He felt the warmth of the sun on his neck, and he knew Carly was right. It was back.
And there was something about that which made Riley cry. Something about it that, for the first time since all of this broke out, made a few tears crack through the numbness.
Because it reminded him there could be goodness.
There could be light.
No matter what.
No matter how hard things got.
“You have to promise me,” Carly started.
“Promise you what?”
She looked back up at him. Tears and tiredness in her eyes. “You… you have to promise me you’ll fight. That you’ll fight for Kesha. No matter what.”
And Riley found himself squeezing Carly’s hand harder, then. He found himself smiling wider. Because hearing someone else say that was enough for him to know that he’d done the right thing. That they couldn’t hurt Kesha. That they couldn’t do anything to put her in danger.
Sure, they’d been trying to do the right thing in the wake of infection. But they had to keep going. They couldn’t give up.
They had to fight for Kesha for as long as they could.
“I loved… I loved Marie.”
Hearing those choked words made Riley’s body turn cold. Because as he looked there at Carly, he realised damn well that she understood exactly what was happening. That she knew what was happening to her, what was going to become of her. Where this was going.
“I know,” Riley said. “I’m so sorry about what happened to her.”
“I wanted to die,” Carly said. “Right… right when that happened. I wanted to die. But Ricky… he… he saved me. Made me want to live again. And now he’s gone. And now I’m…”
He heard the sadness in her voice, and he moved closer to her. Kissed her on the forehead. “You don’t have to go. Not until you’re ready. Your terms.”
Carly looked up at him, a mixture of fear and gratitude in her eyes. “Get it done with. I’m ready now. I’m ready.”
Hearing those words come from Carly’s mouth… they filled Riley with even more sadness. Because there was nothing worse than hearing someone accept their fate. Accept that there was no other way around this; nothing else that could be done.
And it sounded like Carly had given up in the not too distant past. But that she’d found a way to learn how to love to live again. That she’d found a way to conquer her demons and push forward.
But now she’d been robbed of any true chance of recovery. Now she’d been robbed of any real chance of adapting to this new world.
“Make it quick,” Carly said. “As quick as you can. I don’t… I don’t want to feel anything. I don’t want to know what’s happening to me. Please.”
Riley looked away, throat bobbing. Anna looked on, horror on her face, Kesha in her arms now. He wasn’t sure he could do this. He wasn’t sure he had the strength to do this. A friend. A close friend. Someone as good as family.
In all the time he’d been surviving in this world, he’d never had to put a friend down before. Not like this.
All this time, and so long after he thought the horrors were over, and here were new horrors, taunting him in ways he thought were long gone.
He lifted his gun. Lifted it over Carly’s head. Held it in a way he couldn’t bring himself to with Kesha because it was too hands-on, it was too real.
He looked into her beautiful eyes.
But no.
He couldn’t do it.
Not this way.
He couldn’t destroy her in that way.
He put the gun down and lifted his knife.
Pressed the edge of the blade to the side of her head.
“I want… I’ll make it as quick as I can,” Riley said, barely unable to believe what he was saying. “You won’t feel a thing. I promise.”
Carly tightened her grip on Riley’s hand. “You promise to look after Kesha,” she said.
“I promise.”
“You promise you’ll—you’ll keep on fighting. That you’ll keep on going. No matter what.”
“I promise.”
He looked back at Carly then. Looked into her eyes, as Anna leaned over, as she kissed her, as she said her goodbyes.
He looked at that blood pooling out of her shoulder, and he wondered if there was still a way.
But no.
She was losing too much blood as it was.
There was no other way.
He looked into her eyes, and he remembered the first time he’d seen her. The fight she’d had in her. All the things she’d battled through. All the things she’d conquered.
Where was the light now?
Where was the light?
Then he took a deep breath and looked away.
He held Carly’s hand tightly in one hand.
Held the knife by the side of her head in another.
“I promise,” he said. “I promise.”
He rammed the knife into the side of Carly’s head.
Her hand tightened. Even tighter than it had ever been before, just for a moment.
And then it loosened.
Riley knew it was done.
The sun shone down.
The waves crashed.
The light covered the shore.
; Chapter Nine
Riley stood over the burning mound that was Carly’s body, cigarette in his mouth, and felt the tears building in his eyes.
The sun shone down brightly. Which was nice of it. Considerate, at least. I mean, the sun could be such an arsehole, especially in Britain. Had this nasty knack of never really showing up when you wanted it to.
Honestly, Riley didn’t care what the weather was like right now, though. But sun was always better in scenarios like this, or so they said. “What an awful day for Janice’s funeral,” people used to say in the old world, like a bit of rain made a difference.
But in a way it did.
In a way, it just proved that humanity was at the mercy of the world’s greater whims.
And there were no greater whims than the infection and the disaster it had caused.
All over again.
He held on to Anna’s hand, tightly, as he looked down at the mound. The smell of burning filled his nostrils. He could taste it in the air, too. Taste the remains of what was going up in flames. And he wanted to feel something about it. He wanted to break down. He wanted to be devastated. He wanted to fall to his knees and let out a deafening roar.
But he couldn’t.
He just stood there. Numb.
Stood there, staring.
Stood there, remembering.
And it was at that point that he heard a voice in his head. Only it wasn’t just an ordinary voice. It was a memory. A memory of a time not long ago. Of words Anna had said.
“And even though we’re going to be surrounded by darkness forever… there’s always light as long as we allow it to shine through.”
And he tried to see truth in what she had said. He tried to believe her.
Because she was right, of course she was. They were surrounded by darkness. Totally surrounded.
But there was light.
There had to be.
But as he looked at the glow from the flames, he started to question that.
Where was this light now?
Because even though the flames were bright, all Riley could see was darkness.
He looked over at the three crosses. The crosses that marked Carly, Marie and Ricky’s graves. And he remembered what he’d said to Carly. One of the last things he’d promised her, just as he’d promised Chloe.