by David Moody
‘She can have all the fucking space she wants around here. There’s nothing but space.’
‘Come on, love. Leave her to it. I’ll go and see to her, then I’ll come back and make us both a cup of tea. Okay?’
‘She needs to sort herself out. Bloody prima-donna.’
‘Let me talk to her, Scott. Please.’
#
Half a bar appeared, then a whole bar, then two. Tammy was well away from the house now, walking along the road into Thussock. She dialled out, desperate not to lose the precious signal strength. The call was answered quickly. ‘Dad? Dad, can you hear me?’
‘Tam? I was just thinking about you. How’re you doing? You settled in yet? What’s the house like?’
It all came flooding out. She couldn’t help it. ‘I can’t stand this bloody place, Dad. The house is vile and there’s nothing to do here, and all I want is to go home...’
‘Whoa, whoa... slow down. We talked about this. You knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but you need to be with your mom and your sister and George and—’
‘It’s not them though, is it? It’s him.’
‘Come on, Princess, we talked about this too. I know you don’t get on and I know he’s had his problems, but he’s trying. You just have to give it some time.’
‘Can’t I come and stay at yours?’
‘You know you can’t. I’m not around much at the moment, and I can’t leave you on your own. Anyway, listen, I was going to try and call you later. I’m in Switzerland for a few days in a couple of weeks. I thought I could arrange to fly back into Edinburgh instead of Heathrow, then I could come and spend a few days with you and Phoebe. I’ll have to check with your mum first, but I thought it could be good. You can show me the sights.’
‘There aren’t any.’
‘Well you’ve got about ten days to find some, okay?’
‘Ten days... I don’t think I’ll last ten more hours here.’
‘Of course you will.’
The phone crackled. She stopped walking. ‘Dad? Dad... you still there?’
An anxious pause, several seconds too long. ‘I’m still here.’
‘The signal’s rubbish up here. I don’t get it. We talked all the time when you were working in Kenya.’
‘And Nigeria last winter.’
‘It’s just this place.’
‘Hey, are you ready for school tomorrow?’
‘Suppose.’
‘You seen it yet?’
‘Saw it this morning.’
‘And?’
‘And what am I supposed to say? It’s a school. School’s school.’
‘Big day tomorrow, though. Hope it goes well.’
‘Just as long as it goes...’
‘Come on, Princess, cheer up. It’s not that bad.’
‘It is that bad. Honestly, Dad, you won’t believe this place when you see it. It’s a dump, and the people are all retards and chavs.’
‘They can’t all be retards and chavs, I don’t believe that.’
‘Like I said, wait ’til you come here.’
‘I’ll look forward to it. I’ll try and give your mum a call later, sort things out. But Tam, just try and be positive, okay. I know it’s hard, but—’
‘You don’t understand.’
‘I can’t hear you... you’re breaking up. Tam...? Tammy?’ She could still hear his voice, but he couldn’t hear her. Then he disappeared altogether. Three bleeps of disconnection sliced through the silence, emphasising the separation. She just stared at the phone thinking it worked in Kenya and Nigeria... why not in fucking Thussock? It made it feel as if her dad was further away than ever, almost like he was on another planet.
She’d walked as far as the wooden bus shelter. She sat down on the uncomfortable bench inside.
‘No buses for another twelve hours or so, love,’ Michelle said, startling her. She’d followed her from the house. She gestured for her daughter to shuffle up and sat down. ‘Get to talk to your dad?’
‘A bit. Signal went.’
‘He okay?’
‘Fine.’
‘Do you want to talk?’
‘No, I want to go home.’
‘We are home.’
‘You know what I mean.’
Michelle swung her feet under the seat, the tips of her toes scuffing the gravel. It was impossibly quiet. From here the side of the shelter obscured the house belonging to the twins they’d seen earlier, and the curve of the road had hidden their own place. She realised that apart from the shelter and the road, she couldn’t see anything else man-made. The isolation was useful. She could talk freely here. ‘It’s all a bit shitty, isn’t it?’
‘You can say that again.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Why are you apologising, Mum? It’s not your fault.’
‘I feel responsible. I helped make the decisions.’
‘No you didn’t. This was all down to Scott, it always is. Stop making excuses for him.’
‘I’m not. Look, Tam, I know it’s hard. I think it’s probably harder on you and Phoebe than the rest of us.’
‘You reckon? I don’t. I think you’ve got it toughest.’
‘Me? How?’
‘Phoebe and me still have a way out. I know Dad’s not around much at the moment, but he keeps saying he’s going to jack his job in so we’ll be able to spend more time at his, and there’s uni and we’ll get our own places eventually. But this is it for you, Mom. You’re stuck with Scott.’
‘Come on, that’s not fair. Don’t say that.’
‘I just wish you’d never married him. Things were fine before he came along and you and Dad split up.’
‘The two things weren’t connected, Tam, and you know it. Your dad and I just grew apart. It happens. We still get on, though, and that’s just about the best we could have hoped for in the circumstances.’
‘Spare me, Mum, I’m not a kid anymore. I’ve heard this a hundred times and I get it – you fell out of love and now you’re just friends. I don’t have an issue with any of that. It’s Scott I have a problem with. He treats you like shit.’
‘That’s not true. He’s been under a huge amount of pressure since—’
‘It is true.’
‘For all his faults though, Tam, I love him. He infuriates me and he does some bloody stupid things at times, but I love him. Besides, we’ve got George. You think the world of your little brother.’
‘I do, and none of this is his fault. When he was born Phoebe and I used to think having him would make everything okay and bring us closer together, make us feel like a real family.’
‘We are a real family.’
‘Hardly.’
‘Come on...’
‘Anyway, I’ve realised I got it wrong. Having George didn’t bring us all together, it just stopped you and Scott from falling apart.’
‘That’s rubbish.’
‘It’s not.’
There was no talking to Tammy when she was in this kind of mood. Michelle just put her arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer. She didn’t know what to say for the best and so said nothing. There were no right answers, no easy solutions. Christ, with Tammy pulling her one way and Scott the other, it was a wonder she hadn’t been torn down the middle.
After a few seconds, Michelle stood up. She reached out her hand and pulled Tammy out of the shelter. The twins were working in their garden across the road. They’d changed now, both of them wearing matching baggy jeans and complementary T-shirts. ‘You were right earlier,’ Michelle said, watching them. ‘They are a bit weird.’
Tammy laughed and wiped her eyes. ‘I don’t get how they’re happy wanting to look the same? If I had an identical twin I’d want us both to look completely different.’
‘Jeez, two of you... imagine that. I struggle enough with just the one.’
‘Shut up!’ Tammy said, leaning against her mum.
Michelle was about to speak when a car shot past them. The driver braked h
ard, then put the car in reverse and came skidding back towards them. He wound down his window. ‘Youse two ladies all right here?’
Michelle and Tammy looked at each other, both struggling with the accent. Michelle subtly positioned herself in front of her daughter. She didn’t like the look of the man in the car. Unshaven, with a horrible, wiry ponytail and wearing a grubby denim jacket and faded football shirt, he looked like he’d been wearing the same clothes since the mid-eighties. His car, a battered old Ford-something-or-other, might have been impressive twenty-odd years ago, but it definitely wasn’t now. The paintwork was patchwork, and the knackered exhaust made it sound more like a tractor than a car. The bodywork was spattered with mud, like it had recently been taken off-road. Inside was no better. The floor and dash were covered in all kinds of crap, the back seat full of DVDs and drinks cans, and the rear windscreen was more stickers than glass.
‘We’re fine, thanks very much,’ Michelle replied. He kept trying to look around her. She couldn’t tell if he was trying to eye her up or Tammy. Probably both, she thought.
‘You lost?’
‘We’re not lost.’
‘You new?’
‘Just moved in down the road,’ she said, inadvertently giving him more information than she’d intended.
‘The grey house?’
‘Uh huh,’ she replied, not about to risk saying anything else, feeling increasingly uncomfortable. The way he looked at her... the way he kept licking his lips with his snake-like tongue...
‘You know there’s no buses Sunday afternoons?’
‘We noticed.’
‘You could walk back from here. S’not far.’
‘We know, that’s how we got here,’ Michelle said, trying not to laugh. ‘We were just getting a little air. Getting to know the area.’
‘I’ll give you a lift. Plenty of room,’ he said and he leant across and opened the passenger door. The worn velour seat would have looked just as uninviting had she known him. Now she was really starting to feel uncomfortable.
‘No, thank you,’ she said firmly. ‘Honestly, we’re fine.’
‘Ah, go on. I’ve always plenty of space for two lovely ladies. You’re not out my way. Last chance...?’
‘We’re okay, thanks,’ Michelle told him.
The man in the car nodded, pulled the door shut again, then put his foot down and disappeared in a cloud of gravel and dust. She might have been impressed, she thought, had she been Tammy’s age and it had still been nineteen eighty-nine.
3
By mid-evening the tension in the house had reduced to a slightly more bearable level. Michelle had been working in the living room for the last hour or so, arranging the little furniture they had and leaving spaces for the rest of their belongings to be slotted in tomorrow once the removal van had been and gone. George was in bed, Phoebe had crashed out on a beanbag with her face buried in a book, and Tammy was sitting on an inherited sofa which, Michelle hoped, would be dumped outside by this time tomorrow. Scott was messing with the TV, had been for a while. He’d just about managed to get a decent signal. The picture was occasionally distorted by bursts of blocky digital static but, on the whole, it was watchable.
‘Can’t we get Sky?’ Phoebe asked, not looking up.
‘We can’t afford it,’ Michelle said quickly, hoping to nip the conversation in the bud before anyone could get any other ideas. She failed.
‘I’ll ask in town tomorrow,’ Scott said.
‘Just the basic package if we do. That’s all we need,’ Michelle warned.
‘And the sports channels.’
‘You had all those extra channels in Redditch and no one ever watched them.’
‘I never had time back in Redditch. Anyway, I need to get the Internet sorted and the phone. Might as well get a bundle. It’ll work out cheaper that way.’
‘There’s a free version, isn’t there?’ Tammy said. ‘Hannah had something. Freesat, I think it was called. You have a dish and a box, but you only get the free channels.’
‘Might be worth looking into?’ Michelle said.
‘Can’t get the sports channels,’ Scott said, still messing with the TV. ‘Not worth it if you can’t get the sports channels.’
‘Can you even get satellite TV out here? Isn’t it a bit remote?’
Phoebe put down her book and sighed. ‘We’re in Scotland, Mum, not on Mars. What, do you think satellites don’t fly over here?’
‘Haven’t really thought much about it.’
Phoebe looked back down, then back up again. ‘You know what, I actually think this place is going to be all right,’ she said, surprising the rest of them. They all looked at her, as if demanding an explanation. ‘I’m serious. I mean, it’s not like being home, but I think we’ll get used to it.’
‘Speak for yourself,’ Tammy grumbled.
‘Good for you, Pheeb,’ Michelle said. ‘It’s nice to hear someone being so positive. We need a bit of positivity around here.’
‘We need a lot of positivity,’ Scott agreed.
Nauseated by the sudden abundance of forced positive vibes, Tammy turned up the TV. It was the usual Sunday night shite they were watching, but it was a welcome distraction nonetheless. Without the Internet or a reliable phone signal, the TV felt like the only tenable connection she still had with the world she’d been forced to leave behind. Strange how reassuring it was seeing adverts she’d seen a hundred times before, and listening to theme tunes she knew note for note. Strange also how jarring it was when things weren’t as she’d expected. When the national news bulletin ended and the announcer handed over to regional newsrooms, the graphics and theme music seemed all wrong – almost like what she remembered, but not quite. This programme was Scotland Tonight, not Midlands Today, and it would take some getting used to. The presenter’s face was unfamiliar, she’d never heard of any of the place names, and the woman’s accent was all wrong... Tammy stopped listening and thought about home again, no longer paying attention.
‘That’s horrible,’ Michelle said. ‘Absolutely horrible.’
‘What is?’
Michelle nodded at the TV. ‘They found a body.’
The picture threatened to break up again, then steadied. On the screen Tammy saw an area of woodland, criss-crossed with police ‘do not cross’ tape. There was a white forensic tent in the middle of the space. It reminded her of the gazebo Dad used to put up in the garden when he did barbeques before he and Mum split up. Officers in all-in-one white forensics romper suits worked around the scene.
‘What happened?’
‘Some poor woman,’ Michelle said. ‘Murdered.’
‘So they found her, then,’ Scott said. ‘We saw them out looking yesterday afternoon, remember?’
The TV cut to a reporter loitering on the public side of the police cordon, the tent visible over his shoulder. ‘The body was found late last night by a security guard. Cause of death has yet to be established, although we understand the woman may have been the victim of a sexually-motivated attack. An eye-witness described the body as being in a state of partial undress and having been badly mutilated. Falrigg is popular with fell runners and walkers and police are appealing for anyone who might have been in the area over the course of the last twenty-four hours to come forward. Formal identification of the body has not yet been made, and police have so far refused to comment on any links with the disappearance of Joan Lummock. Mrs Lummock of Glennaird has been missing since Thursday evening.’
‘Nice,’ Phoebe said. ‘Is that far from here?’
‘It’s about a twenty minute drive,’ Scott said. Michelle looked at him and he felt compelled to explain. ‘The tip’s not far from there, if I’m thinking of the right place.’
‘Lovely area you’ve brought us to, Scott,’ Tammy said, goading for a fight.
‘Come on,’ he protested, ‘it’s not like there were never any murders in the Midlands.’
‘Ignore her, she’s just cranky,’ Michelle said.
‘Damn right I’m cranky.’
‘Shouldn’t you girls be going to bed?’ he said. ‘Big day tomorrow. First day at your new school.’
‘I’m sixteen, Scott, not six,’ she reminded him. She changed the TV channel, then looked across at him. ‘Sorry, were you watching that?’
‘Ah, you’re fine,’ he said, and he got up and walked away. Tammy was past caring anyway. She scrolled through the limited channels until she found something completely dumb and inoffensive, and she switched off her brain and soaked it up.
4
The morning arrived too soon. ‘Stop treating me like a little kid,’ Tammy complained as they drove up the high street towards school.
‘I’m not,’ Scott said. ‘I’m just checking you’ve got everything, that’s all.’
‘It’s not like we’ve never been to school before,’ Phoebe grumbled from the back. ‘Just not this school.’
‘Can’t you just drop us here?’ Tammy asked. ‘We’ll follow the other kids.’
‘I told your mum I’d take you all the way to the gates, so that’s what I’m going to do.’
‘Jesus, don’t. Just stop on the other side of the road or something. Don’t take us right up to the gates.’
She looked across and he caught her eye. He’s actually enjoying this. He stopped just short of the entrance to the school in the worst possible place. Hordes of kids swarmed past on either side. Tammy got out fast and slammed the door. Phoebe scrambled out after her, running to catch up. Tammy froze when she heard the car horn. Phoebe started to turn back, but Tammy grabbed her quick. ‘Don’t,’ she said. ‘He’s just winding us up.’
‘Have a good first day, girls,’ they heard him shout. ‘Stay safe and be good!’
‘He’s such a prick,’ Tammy said, her face red with anger and embarrassment.
They followed the signs for Reception, sticking close to each other as they walked towards the main building, trying to avoid all eye contact. It was a walk of shame, everyone else stopping and looking at them, staring at them.
‘It’s like that horrible TV programme Dad used to watch, remember?’ Phoebe whispered.