by David Moody
‘You wouldn’t fucking dare.’
She leant against the door for support, legs like jelly, doing all she could not to let him see. ‘Try me.’
He just smiled. ‘Go on, fuck off.’
#
Scott spent the night alone on the sofa in the living room. He told Michelle he couldn’t sleep and he didn’t want to keep her awake. She knew better than to argue.
18
It was getting really late but Heather didn’t care. Dad thought she was in bed. He and Jamie were watching football downstairs, yelling at the TV so loud that they hadn’t heard her slip out the back door. Chez was watching the same match at his place, so she hadn’t stopped there for more than a few minutes. He’d tried to get her to stay, but she’d got more self-respect than to hang around in his kitchen waiting for a quick half-time shag. She’d toyed with the idea of trying to see Tammy earlier, but she’d decided to keep her distance. If everything Jamie’s mate Joel had said was true, she’d be giving that whole family a wide berth from now on. Much of what Joel said was usually crap, but he’d been right about that Polish girl at the weekend. That Tammy was a nice enough girl, but from what she was hearing, her step-dad was a fucking nutter. Probably best to cool off a little. She’d have to give her some distance at school tomorrow.
It was a frigging pain in the arse being a teenager in Thussock. There was bugger all to do, mid-week especially. Being a girl was harder still, because girls were few and far between here. Most of the other girls on the estate stayed home most of the time, ’cause the boys here were predators, only after one thing. Having Jamie around had made it a little easier for her, but she’d had enough of all that mucking about. Chez was the only bloke she had sex with now. He was a real man (when the football wasn’t on). She’d had enough fingers and fumbles with inexperienced kids to last a lifetime.
She walked back home trying to work out if she’d ever be able to afford to learn to drive. Dad kept trying to talk her out of it, because all he thought about was the cost. He did have a point, though – driving tests and lessons cost a bloody fortune, and she’d have to go elsewhere for them because there weren’t any instructors in Thussock. And then there was the cost of a car and fuel and insurance and all the associated bills... she knew Dad was right, but there was one thing he wasn’t taking into consideration, and that was the value of her freedom. Being able to get away from Thussock whenever she wanted and go and see the few mates she was still in contact with who’d already managed to escape... now that was priceless. She’d been thinking about maybe getting a scooter. She daydreamed about it as she walked the dark streets back home.
It was raining. Just a light mist, but wet enough to soak her and dense enough to reduce her visibility. The light from each streetlamp was little more than a hazy corona, a yellow-white flower head, and the few windows illuminated from lights inside barely made any difference at all out here. Heather plunged her hands into the pockets of her quilted purple jacket and walked a little faster. Tammy said she liked this jacket. Chez bought it for her off the Internet. Tammy said some of her friends in Redditch had jackets like it and that she’d wanted one herself. It made Heather feel good knowing she’d got one up on the girl from the city.
She wasn’t that far from the estate, just near the community hall, when she heard a noise she wasn’t expecting. It sounded like animals scavenging around the bins. Wait, no... she could hear something else now. It sounded like someone crying. Not sobbing their heart out or anything like that, just a low, quiet, intermittent moan; an occasional sad sob.
‘Hello?’
No answer.
‘Is anyone there?’
There was nothing on at the community hall tonight (there was nothing on most nights), and all the lights were off save for the yellow security light over the front door and a couple of streetlamps nearby. The small car park was empty but she thought she could see something moving over by the metal wheelie-bins at the side of the building. Probably just a fox or a rat, something disgusting like that. Or was she just imagining it? She told herself to get a grip and get home, to stop freaking herself out over nothing.
‘Hello?’ she called out again, just to be sure.
Someone stood up. It was a man. What the hell was he doing hiding behind the bins? Her pulse started to race but then she relaxed slightly when she realised she recognised him, though he looked completely different out of uniform. It was one of the local police; the young, good-looking one. She didn’t know his name but they’d spoken on many occasions, usually when he was looking for Jamie or one of his dickhead mates when they’d been causing trouble. But this was different. Tonight it looked like he was the one in trouble.
‘You okay?’ she asked.
He just looked at her, didn’t say anything. Concerned, she walked across the car park to where he was standing... where he’d been hiding. Shit, was this some kind of police operation like she’d seen on TV? Had she walked into the middle of a drugs bust or something? But there was no one else around and he wasn’t trying to stop her.
‘Is something wrong?’
He nodded and beckoned for her to come closer. She saw that he had tears streaking his face, glistening in the security light. Poor love. He looked so vulnerable, so frightened... afraid almost. His uniform shirt was hanging out and his hair was all ruffled like he’d just got out of bed.
‘What’s the matter?’
‘I don’t know,’ he said.
‘Are you hurt?’
‘No.’
‘Are you in trouble?’
‘Yes.’
Bloody hell, he was lovely. His unexpected vulnerability just added to the appeal. She thought about Chez slumped in front of the TV at home with a can of lager in his hand and a fag hanging from the corner of his mouth. Why couldn’t he be more like this man? His broad, powerful shoulders, strong features, cute hair... Heather had had sex loads of times with loads of kids, but she’d never been loved, never felt protected, never had someone make her feel wanted, not even Chez... especially not Chez. She looked into the policeman’s eyes, so full of life, and dared to dream about how he might make her feel. But she was just a school kid letting her mind run away with itself. Nothing was ever going to happen between a girl like her and a man like him.
‘You okay?’ he asked, and the fact he cared enough to ask made the warmth and wanting inside her increase. She just wanted to be close to him now, to hold him and to be held.
So she wrapped her arms around him.
To her surprise, he reciprocated, holding her tight. It felt wrong, but it also felt so right.
She could feel his hands around her waist, could feel his breath on the side of her face, could smell him... She was starting to think he wanted her like she wanted him, but they couldn’t, could they? What would people say? Somehow that made her want him even more. She felt herself moisten when she saw he had an erection.
Her first time had been around the back of this building with a spotty little kid at a youth club Christmas disco a few years back. It had been freezing cold. The sex had been fast and painful, devoid of any emotion or attachment – everything her first time shouldn’t have been. Even now Chez was little better. Sure he told her he loved her and said the things he thought she wanted to hear, but it was still usually an empty fuck on his terms and for his benefit. She wasn’t particularly experienced but, right now, standing here holding the policeman like this, staring deep into his eyes, feeling his gentle hand caressing the side of her face, she felt supremely confident. She wanted to feel him inside her so very badly.
It was wrong. It was dangerous. They were out in the open. She was much younger than him and he’d get into all kinds of trouble if anyone found out... but Heather and PC Hamilton did it just the same. They stripped, then fucked fast and hard and beautifully against the wall of the Thussock community hall.
19
Scott prised one eye open then closed it again. Then he sat up fast, panicking. Déjà vu. It wa
s late afternoon but it felt just like it had a couple of mornings back... someone banging angrily on the front door, waking him up. He hadn’t gone into work today, calling in sick so he could catch up with some sleep while the kids were at school. Michelle had been keeping her distance, giving him space, so who was at the door?
At first he didn’t want to answer it, couldn’t stand the thought of going through all that again if it was the police, but he knew he didn’t have any choice. He was the only one in the house and any refusal to talk would inevitably be construed as an admission of guilt. Mouth dry with nerves, wearing only a T-shirt and briefs and shivering with cold, he walked towards the front door. He could see an outline through the frosted glass. If it is the police again, he thought, I’ll sue the fuckers for victimisation. It didn’t look like it was, though. There were no patrol cars with flashing blue lights on his drive this time.
When he yanked the door open, Scott did a double-take. Standing on his doorstep was Jeremy, Tammy and Phoebe’s dad, Michelle’s ex. ‘What the hell are you doing here?’
‘Sorry to turn up unannounced like this,’ Jeremy said.
It was cold outside, but not cold enough for Scott to let him in. He went out instead and pulled the door shut behind him. ‘I thought the agreement was you and Michelle arranged contact in advance. You’re not supposed to just turn up. Why didn’t you phone?’
‘Couldn’t get through.’
‘We’ve got a landline now.’
‘What, and I’m supposed to just guess the number?’
‘You could have sent a text.’
‘I did. I heard you had some grief with the police.’
‘That’s got fuck all to do with you.’
‘I know that. I’m just here because of my kids.’
Scott remained in front of the door, arms folded like a nightclub bouncer. Jeremy took off his wire-framed glasses and rubbed his eyes. The last thing he wanted was conflict. If it came down to a physical fight between him and Scott, he knew he’d inevitably come off second best.
‘Your kids are fine. Everything’s fine.’
‘I’m worried about the girls. I’m worried about all of you, actually.’
‘We’re all right, thanks for your concern. You can go now.’
‘I got this garbled message from Tammy on my phone on Sunday night when I got home... I tried calling her back but I think it was a payphone.’
‘It was. She had... there was an incident.’
‘What kind of incident?’
‘Someone exposed himself in front of her. The local pervert.’
‘Jesus. Was she...?’ He didn’t need to finish his question. Scott was shaking his head.
‘I got to him first.’
‘Thank you,’ Jeremy said, and he meant it.
‘I don’t need your thanks. I smacked a deviant in the face because he was flashing his dick at your daughter. That’s why I had grief with the police.’
Scott just wanted to go inside and lock the door and shut Jeremy out but he knew he couldn’t. Physically he could, but that wasn’t going to help anyone. Jeremy was a weed, always had been. A strip of piss, was how Scott usually described him. While Scott had always worked with his hands, Jeremy was a dyed in the wool pen-pusher. Dull. Boring. No wonder Michelle had left him.
Jeremy leant against his car. A year-old Volvo, it was neat and tidy and efficient and completely lacking in excitement, just like its owner, Scott thought. He offered Scott a stick of gum which he refused. Scott wasn’t giving any ground.
‘Bit barren out here, isn’t it?’ Jeremy said, looking across the road at the featureless yellow-green fields which rolled away into the distance.
‘Suppose.’
‘Nothing like Redditch, eh? It is lovely, though, I’ll give you that. I drove through this place once when I was younger. Me and my brother were rebelling. We decided we’d just get in the car and drive as far north as we could and—’
‘I’ll ask you once more, why are you here, Jeremy?’
Jeremy smiled at the interruption. He’d been stalling for time, trying to break the ice and make things a little easier. It was a management technique he used all the time at work, but Scott wasn’t having any of it. ‘Like I said, I was concerned.’
‘And like I said, you don’t need to be.’
‘Well maybe I need a little more reassurance? Look at it from my perspective, Scott. You pack up everything and move my kids to the opposite end of the country. Now I genuinely don’t have any issues with you. We’ve had our differences and Christ knows you’ve had a lot to deal with these past twelve months or so, but you, me and Michelle have always managed to get on with each other and stay civil for the sake of the kids.’
‘And that hasn’t changed.’
‘I didn’t say it had.’
‘What then?’
‘The few times I have managed to speak to Tam and Phoebe since you moved here, they’ve sounded like they’ve been in a real state, Tammy in particular.’
‘It hasn’t been easy, I’ll give you that. But like I said, they’re fine. They just need to—’
Jeremy held up his hands as if to say I surrender, don’t shoot. ‘Let me finish, Scott. Don’t start attacking me or defending yourself ’til you’ve heard what I want to say, okay?’
‘Okay.’
‘You always think the worst of me, don’t you?’ No answer. ‘Look,’ Jeremy continued, ‘when I spoke to the girls I told them both all the things I thought I should. I said they were going to feel a little weird for a while, disorientated. Short of emigrating, you’ve put yourselves about as far away from your old lives as you could have and I understand that. I know why you did it and, for what it’s worth, I think you’ve probably made the right move.’
‘I don’t need your approval. Look, Jeremy, you’re not making a lot of sense here. You’re talking a lot, but you’re not actually saying anything relevant.’
‘I was prepared to let it go at first,’ he continued, heart pounding but remaining outwardly unaffected by Scott’s thinly veiled aggression. ‘It was hard, really bloody hard, but I was willing to keep my distance to let the girls get settled. I’m big enough and ugly enough to know when not to stick my nose in, Scott.’
‘You sure?’
‘I knew that if I’d turned up any sooner it would have done more harm than good. All the hard work you and Michelle have been doing to help them settle would have been undone.’
‘So you thought you’d give it a week or so...?’
‘I just happened to be passing through.’
‘Bullshit.’
‘See, I knew you wouldn’t believe me. Fact is I’m needed at a site just outside Aberdeen later this week. I’m owed a few days leave, so I thought I’d drive up here rather than fly in for the meeting, that way I could drop in and see the girls first.’
‘Like I said, you should have called.’
‘And like I said, I’ve had trouble getting through. I also know you’d probably have done everything you could to stop me coming. Me being here is probably the last thing you need right now, but I’m here with the best of intentions. I know you can’t see that, but it’s true. I’ve had enough, Scott. Imagine how you’d be feeling now if you’d been separated from George and no one was telling you anything?’ He paused for a response which didn’t come. ‘I’m planning to spend a few days in the area, reassure the girls and myself and spend some time with them if I can, then I’ll move on. Put yourself in my shoes, mate... how could you not come and see your kids when...?’
‘When what?’
Jeremy took a deep breath. ‘When you see the town they just moved to on the news each night? When you can’t talk to your children to check they’re okay but you’re hearing plenty about a string of murders happening where they are, and you’re out of the country a lot of the time. I got back from Switzerland late on Sunday and the first thing I heard was that message from Tammy. She was beside herself.’
‘And I’ve tol
d you why that was. It’s sorted now.’
‘Like I said, put yourself in my shoes. What would you have done?’
Scott wasn’t sure how to answer. A flurry of movement let him off the hook. Michelle pulled up in the car. She’d barely stopped the engine before the girls were out and all over their father. Jeremy raced towards them, grabbing hold of his youngest daughter first, squeezing her tight. ‘Love you,’ he said. ‘Missed you.’
‘Missed you too, Dad.’
‘I was passing through and I thought I’d drop in on you. Thought I’d surprise you both. That okay?’
‘That’s okay,’ she said, grinning.
#
Once she’d calmed everyone down and got her head around Jeremy’s sudden arrival, Michelle invited him to stop for dinner, checking with Scott first. She told him she needed to go back into town and pick up something to eat but Scott volunteered to go instead. It was preferable to sitting in the house with Jeremy, making awkward small-talk and watching the kids fawning all over him. Michelle scribbled out a list and gave it to him, cornering him alone in the kitchen. ‘Here you go. And can you get a couple of bottles of wine in and some beer? Something decent, okay?’
‘Okay.’
‘You sure you’re all right about this?’
‘I’m fine.’
‘And you’re okay with Jeremy being here?’
‘If it helps the kids, I guess.’
‘Good. Thanks, love. This means a lot to them. It’s important.’ He turned to leave but she pulled him back. ‘I love you, Scott.’
20
Scott drove into town with George. There was a police cordon around the side of the community hall. A small crowd of people had gathered there, mostly school kids, held back at a distance. Scott just kept driving and didn’t even look up. He didn’t know what had happened and he didn’t care. It was nothing to do with him and he wasn’t about to give anyone any reason to think otherwise. Sergeant Ross was in the middle of it all as usual, and he could see that fucker DI Litherland too. Scott was paranoid that one of them would see him driving past and jump to another immediate, baseless, incorrect conclusion.