Hell And Back
Prologue
Walking into the bare room, I look around. A small dresser with three drawers sits up against the plain white wall.
A couple of shorts, shirts, and some socks fill the drawers, but most are empty. The small toddler bed lies in the middle of the room.
Two nails hold up a dusty sheet in the window to block out the light. It used to be navy, but the years of wear have turned it to baby blue.
I look down at my three-year-old daughter curled up into a small ball. Almost like she is guarding or protecting herself from whatever evil is lurking around us. She’s seen enough blackness in her three years to last a lifetime.
She cried enough tears and heard enough sobs to fill twenty years’ worth of scary movies.
When the doctor placed her on my chest I vowed to love and protect her, but I’ve failed her. I’ve failed myself. But no more. From that fateful day I vowed to right all the wrongs I did to her.
I’ve escaped the horror we’ve endured. The bruises are starting to fade. The black and blues have now turned into a greenish yellow.
The scars will fade, too, but the terror, the memories…nothing will erase them.
I wake my girl up and grab her from her bed. “Momma, we habe to leabe again?”
“No, baby, I just want to show you the stars outside.” I tuck her into my chest and make my way to the porch.
No one knows about this one-story house my grandmother left me. Which is why we are safe. For now.
The yard is overcome with weeds. Something I plan to rectify tomorrow. We’ve been here for the last seven days, staying inside. Trying not to bring attention to us. I’ve done my best not to be too jumpy, but every time I hear a car door slam shut, I hold my breath, hoping no one is coming up the steps that lead to the front door.
We haven’t even opened the windows. It is almost like we’re shuttering ourselves inside this temporary safe haven as if we don’t even exist.
Opening up the screen door, the rusty springs make a loud squeaking noise in the dead of the night. Trying not to make it slam shut, I hold the handle till it shuts softly.
The sounds outside are quiet. Serene. No car sounds, no horns honking, no rushing, just crickets. I settle into the swing I know my grandfather hung to make sure my grandmother had somewhere she could sit and watch the stars.
For thirty-seven years, they did it all together until death came and took my grandfather in his sleep. Ten years later, he came and rescued her from the pain of ALS. Her knitting, cooking, cleaning, gardening, baking all came to a halt the minute her hands shook so badly she couldn’t hold not even a fork to feed herself.
Settling myself into the swing, I fold one foot under me, pushing off with the other one.
“So many stars, Momma.” My brown-eyed girl looks up, pointing to what looks like a million twinkling lights in the sky.
The darkness of the sky makes them sparkle like diamonds. Some are small, some are blinking. All are beautiful. It’s peaceful. It’s everything I remember it to be.
It’s hope, hope for change. Hope for the future. Hope for the end of the nightmare I have been living the last four years. “Look, baby, a shooting star. Make a wish.”
She closes her eyes, and I see her lips move, but no sound comes out of her mouth. I lean down kissing her forehead, making my own wish.
I do this for the next thirty minutes, maybe more, pushing myself on that swing with one foot. Once I know she is asleep in my arms, I get back up to go inside.
The whole time I never realized that the neighbor across the street has been sitting in his living room with the lights off just staring out the window at two broken girls sitting across the street.
Pieces Of Heaven
Prologue
Mick
I’m sitting here on a stool in this old, run-down, dead bar called Molly’s. The smell of stale cigarettes lingers on the walls, having soaked in over the years, way before they were banned.
I swirl the brown liquid in my glass, thinking about how I got here, how much I could fuck up, even my own life.
The stool next to me moves, scraping across the floor, but I don’t take my eyes off the glass.
I don’t have to turn around to see who is sitting next to me. I know Fred, the bartender, called him. It’s what he always does when he thinks I’ve gone over the edge.
I think this is my worst bender yet, and trust me, I’ve had a lot of fucking benders. How could I not?
I’ve been here for the past five days, each day coming in at around noon, not leaving till past midnight. A couple of times I even passed out on his dirty, old couch in the office, waking in a puddle of drool with cat hair on my tongue.
Just another phase, they thought. Just another bad time. If only they fucking knew.
“So,” I hear Jackson talk. “How long is it going to last this time?” This is not our first rodeo. Jackson is the only one who has been there for me over the years.
I shrug my shoulders, not even sure of the answer myself.
“Is it Marissa? Is it Lori?” Just the mention of their names is like a stab to the heart. The pain is so unbearable I grab the glass and drink the amber liquid, hoping the burn will overpower the pain.
“Gone,” is all I say, all I can muster up.
“Gone where? Bella just spoke with her,” Jackson says.
“Sandie’s pregnant.” The thought alone makes the liquid I just swallowed down begin to climb back up.
The shocked look on Jackson’s face mimics mine when she told me.
“Had heaven in my hands and I let it go. Fucked it up. Now I’m living in hell.”
With that, I close my eyes, remembering the day I actually touched heaven.
Acknowledgments
Every single time I keep thinking it’s going to be easy. It takes a village to help and I don’t want to leave anyone out.
My family: To my children, Matteo, Michael, and Erica, Thank you for letting me do this. You encouraged me, you pushed me, you support me, and I am utterly and forever grateful for all of that. Well when you weren’t complaining you want real home cooked food, which was often. Thank you for going on this journey with me.
My Husband: You share me with this hobby that has taken over our lives. Thank you for holding my hand and for coming up with words when I'm stuck. I love you more than words can say.
Crystal: My hooker. What don’t you do for me? Everyone needs someone like you in their corner and I am so blessed than you chose to be in mine. I can’t begin to thank you for the support, love and encouragement along the way.
Rachel: You are my blurb bitch. Each time you do it without even reading this book and you rocked it. I’m really happy I bulldozed my way into your life.
Lori: I don’t know what I would do without you in my life. You take over and I don’t even have to ask or worry because I know everything will be fine, because you’re a rock star!
Beta girls: Teressa, Natasha M, Lori, Sian, Yolanda, and Carmen, Yamina. You girls made me not give up. You loved each and every single word and wrote and begged and pleaded for more.
Madison Maniacs: This group is my go to, my safe place. You push me and get excited for me and I can’t wait to watch us grow even bigger!
Mia: I’m so happy that Nanny threw out Archer’s Voice and I needed to tell you because that snowballed to a friendship that is without a doubt the best ever!
Neda: You answer my question no matter how stupid they sound. Thank you for being you, thank you for everything!
Emily: Thank you for holding my hand and not giving up.
BLOGGERS. THANK YOU FOR TAKING A CHANCE ON ME. EVEN WHEN I HAD NO COVER, NO BLURB, NO NOTHING! FOR SHARING MY BOOK, MY TEASERS, MY COVER, EVERYTHING. IT COULDN’T BE DONE WITHOUT YOU!
My Girls: Sabrina, Melanie, Marie-Eve, Lydia, Shelly, Stephanie, Marisa. Your support during this whole ride has been amazing. I can honestly say without a doubt that I have the best Squad of life!!!!
And Lastly and most importantly to YOU the reader, Without you none of this would be real. So thank you for reading!
Something So Perfect Page 23