by Skye Winters
Going on a hunt always released tension in the pack. Just being powerful enough to take something down—to be in control—I couldn't deny her that release, but I also couldn't share it with her.
The pack didn't use firearms. We had no need for them. If a territorial war broke out, it was handled the way we were born to fight. And because the humans couldn't see us or our boundary, we had no reason to be concerned when it came to attacks from far away.
Only now, I wished I had something to shoot. To kill. I needed that rush. My wolf needed it.
"Improvise," Caine's voice rang in the back of my mind.
I pinched my nose between my thumb and forefinger. It was wrong. Thinking about it was worse. I was bonded. I had a mate. But you can't enjoy each other's company. Not the way I needed to.
I held my head in my hands. On the edge of fighting my wolf along with my father and giving in, I refused to submit to the old magic. If I'd lasted this long, I could last a while longer.
It'd be easier if you weren't so tense.
My wolf growled, and I would've done the same if Caine's suggestion didn't sound so right.
No matter how hard I tried, my thoughts kept going back to that small possibility, and as they did, the more enticing it became.
Rowan would never question such a decision. If our roles were reversed, she would've done the same thing.
So why are you fighting it?
I took a deep breath and eyed the door to my bedchambers. I hadn't locked it after Caine left, and the effort required in doing so now was too overwhelming. I could've walked over to the door and locked it, but if I did, it would've gotten me that much closer to leaving the room—and this very real possibility—behind.
My head pounded as I drew back the covers and crawled into bed. Ever since my father restricted me to a single form, I'd fought to stay awake an hour at a time.
I couldn't focus. I could barely think. Breathing was more complicated than it needed to be, and I had a feeling it would get even worse the longer I held everything back.
Just this once, my body begged. A single release.
I waited for my wolf to whimper or complain, but my tie to her had either been severed, or I was too desperate to care.
Checking the lock on my door again, and knowing anyone could walk in at any moment, I stripped under the covers, lay my head on my pillow and finally closed my eyes. I took a breath. Another. And another.
Bit by bit, my resolve against what I needed most waned. My body ached for release. My head throbbed as my heart pounded in my chest.
You're anxious.
I'd done this before. Before Rowan. Before our bond.
But not since. I'd had no need for it.
But you do now.
Caine had only said what I'd been thinking for weeks. The one thing I'd tried to ignore.
You need to do this before you tear yourself apart.
If I didn't, there would be casualties.
If you keep going like this—
I'd lash out. Randomly lose control. And control over everything but my ability to shift was all I had left.
"Okay," I exhaled. "Just this once."
My heart raced a little less, and as the pounding in my head started to subside, I took my time. I thought of Rowan. Her lips on mine. The way she kissed and how she drew me close, skin to skin, whenever she was near. Her icy blue eyes pierced my thoughts. My breath caught, and I lost my focus.
It shouldn't be this hard.
There was no reason for me to hold back. Rowan had found her release through hunting. I envied her every morning I woke and found she wasn't there. I might not have been able to share that thrill with her, but there was something I could do.
It wasn't like I was cheating on her. Hell, all I could think about was the way her skin tasted on my tongue. And how badly she trembled at the edge of release.
I swallowed. Hard. I exhaled and tried to think of something else, but she was always there. Kissing me. Caressing me. Stroking me.
Oh God.
I gently trailed my fingertips down my sides and across my ribs to my breasts. My touch was tentative at best, the same touch Rowan used, and soon, it had the same effect. Goose bumps prickled all over my arms as a chill rushed up my spine.
With just the sheets to cover me, every move I made was magnified. If I bent my knee, the sheets moved, sending a breath of air onto my bare skin. Those short puffs of air belonged to Rowan as she kissed between my breasts and along my stomach, stopping above my navel.
I focused on her. On her sweet scent and how amazing it felt whenever she glided her hands over my hips.
The hands were mine. Every move I envisioned Rowan making was something I was doing. And yet, I felt disconnected from my own body. I may have been the one making the motions, but all my body registered was Rowan.
Her breasts against mine as I squeezed them with my hands. She teased the curls above my clit as I took another breath. My body trembled. I reached down to part my pussy lips and groaned when my fingertips came away wet.
Grabbing at the bed sheets with one hand, I used the other to tease my clit, drawing tight circles around it as my memories of Rowan drove me higher. I could almost hear her voice as she whispered in my ear. I could taste her skin as she came in for a kiss.
And when I parted my pussy lips, she was the one beckoning my G-spot. She kissed the side of my neck and bit down as she inserted a second finger into my folds. I tried to speak, to breathe, but when I did, she bit down even more.
The back of my mind tingled, deprived of oxygen as I sucked in a breath. Held it.
I curled my toes and thrust up at my hand, taking my fingers in a little deeper. I rocked my hips and bit my lip as the room started to spin. Higher and higher I went as my fingers moved faster and faster. I pressed my palm to my clit, carefully moving it up and down in time with the fingers on my G-spot.
My head was pounding again. My heart stopped hours ago. I kept going.
I could smell Rowan. Her scent. I could feel her hair on my skin, on my shoulders as she seized my lips, stealing whatever breath I had from my lungs. It was her fingers deep inside my walls. Her fingers my pussy clamped down on as I got that much closer to my release.
Her lips on mine. Her expelled air hitting my skin. Her tongue searching out my own.
The closer I got to my climax, the more of Rowan I felt. The hand on my breast wasn't my own. It was her. All of her.
She kissed down my side, over my hip. Inside my legs.
I took a breath, and that's the last time I remember breathing. In the next instant, her lips were on my clit. Licking it. Teasing. She thrust her fingers inside my tight walls as she licked my clit. I couldn't comprehend—I couldn't think—when she had me like this.
On my back. Writhing with so much need.
I was trembling so much, Rowan's hand shook when she caressed my face. Her eyes entered my thoughts again and vanished just as quickly as I screwed my eyes shut.
I was close. Right on the edge. All I had to do was tumble off the side, but she wouldn't let me. I dangled there, begging for release until she was ready to give it to me.
In the bedroom, I wasn't in control. Not now. Not when she had me right where she wanted me. Just like stalking her prey, she played mind games with me until I had nowhere else to go. My fight or flight instincts bailed on me the second I hit the bed, leaving me behind to experience every bit of desire. Agony.
"Please," I said through chattering teeth. Please, Rowan. Please.
I needed this. I'd waited for this. And now that she was here—now that I was this close—I couldn't stop. I vaguely remembered the door to my room was unlocked, and even if someone had walked in, I couldn't hold myself back even if I'd wanted to. So I kept going.
I beckoned my G-spot faster. Squeezed my breast tighter. Bit my lip until I almost broke the skin. And as white specs crowded my vision, Rowan's teeth sunk into my throat, sending hot fire all along my spine. It was her killing
blow that propelled me into the stratosphere.
I couldn't breathe for a long moment. My senses were all over the place. I could hear and feel something, but I was so out of it, I couldn't figure out what that something was.
Not until I drew my next breath. Not until I'd done a few laps around the moon and returned to Earth.
Eons passed, and I was still a long way out.
May as well enjoy the ride.
Chapter Three
It was hard to say how long my rush of endorphins would last, but when I finally came to, I was still in bed. And I wasn't alone. Unable to open my eyes against the intense light coming in through my bedroom window, I blindly searched the other side of the mattress for the cold sheets I'd come to expect.
Cold sheets that had been replaced with smooth, warm skin. Not fur. Skin.
Under my fingertips.
This can't be real.
I had to open my eyes.
Don't. Don't ruin it.
I didn't even know what it was. For the first time in weeks, there was another human in my bed. With me. And seeing as the skin wasn't riddled with hair, I knew it wasn't either of my brothers.
Maybe he cracked.
No way in hell my Dad gave up so easily. Not after holding out for so long. That would've been just as bad as if I'd gone back and begged him to reconsider.
You're too proud.
We both were.
But then, who the hell was in my bed? Better yet, why didn't they wake me up?
Only one way to find out.
It could've been my imagination. I'd sensed an animal crawling on my bed before only to find it gone once I opened my eyes.
So don't open them.
I had other senses I could use. Strong ones like smell, touch—taste.
I shivered and clutched the sheets. My stomach twisted and my skin warmed from the fiery blaze waiting just beneath the surface. It's nothing. You're imagining things. Things that weren't there. Things like—
"Rowan?" I asked in a low whisper.
The weight to my side shifted as the comforter rustled around us. Okay, so maybe I'm not imagining it. That still didn't mean I had to open my eyes.
"This is a dream. It has to be," I said as much to myself as to whomever I shared my bed with. "Please, say something. Anything. Tell me I'm not insane."
Rowan's quiet laugher sent butterflies into my stomach. "Of course you're insane. Quite frankly, being normal is way too overrated."
You've said that before. Clearly I was having a serious case of déjà vu, but I sat up and opened my eyes anyway. Rowan. She was still there, sitting next to me. She didn't vanish into a puff of smoke, and I wasn't staring at my wall. Instead, when I opened my eyes, I found myself looking directly into hers. "It is you. As a human. You're here."
"Human as a wolf can get," she said. "Were you expecting any different?"
"As a matter of fact... never mind. It sounds crazy now that I'm awake."
Rowan frowned and caressed my cheek. "You having those dreams again?"
I exhaled. "No, this one was different."
Nightmares had plagued my mind in the past, but ever since Rowan and I had bonded to one another, they'd ceased to exist. It was hard to say what was real anymore.
Is this real?
Are you real? I wanted to reach out and touch her. To return the gentle affection I'd been given, but my fear of sending her away stilled my hand.
She sat cross-legged beside me and took my hands in hers. "Tell me. It might make you feel better."
I closed my eyes with a nod. "You know I love you, right?"
She squeezed my hands, and when I met her gaze, she spoke. "Of course I do. Never hurts to say it again." She winked, but her smile soon faded. "What is it? Did I do something to upset you? I thought this was what you wanted?"
"You've done nothing wrong. Of course I wanted to bond with you. And I would never turn my back on that. It's just, like I said, the dream or whatever it is I had—am having—is a little on the crazy side."
"Try me."
Deep down, I knew I was dreaming. The sun was far too bright and the gentle shine on Rowan's hair was too golden brown when it should've been a light red. These weren't images of a normal waking life. They were from a dream. A very old dream I'd had once before.
Don't chase it away.
The more I thought about it, the fuzzier the details would get. But if I didn't challenge it, if I gave into it—
"My father knows. About us." I couldn't look at her. My throat tightened. "If I'd just kept everything to myself—"
"Anna, start at the beginning. What happened?"
"He wants me to bond with Devlin James. He gave away my heart without my consent." I laughed. "It's funny, thinking back on it now, but you're the reason I went looking for it. My pendant. I stole it back, and everything would've been fine if I'd just remembered to cover my tracks. I didn't mean to tell him about you. Us. It just sort of slipped out, and now you're stuck as a wolf and I'm stuck as... well, this." I gestured to myself.
"Sounds more like a bad dream if you ask me. And that's something you can wake up from." Rowan leaned in to kiss my earlobe. "I can help you forget about it. Maybe even wake you up." Another kiss, this time on the edge of biting. "If you want."
A chill ran down my spine. I wanted to lose myself in her arms. To feel her lips on mine. For her to bite my neck. To take my swollen breasts in her hands and tease me until no thoughts entered my mind. Until the endorphins took up so much space, there wasn't room for much else.
"That would be..." I wet my lips and tried again, but when I went to say something, all that escaped was a soft moan as Rowan trailed kisses down the side of my neck along my collarbone.
This isn't real.
At this point, I didn't care. Especially not when a low growl crept up Rowan's throat.
"Don't." My voice cracked. "Don't be a tease. Not now."
She grinned as she kissed my shoulder. "Why would I ever want to do something like that?"
I turned my head and watched her as my inability to make a coherent sentence was too strong. "Reasons."
She nipped along my arm. "Care to elaborate?"
I shuddered as she threw the covers away from my body, exposing my skin to the cooler air of the room. Air that was almost too cold. I grabbed at the blankets, but Rowan stopped me.
"You don't want to do that," she said. "You really, really shouldn't."
"It's cold."
"So you're shutting me out?" She tried to look hurt, but I knew better.
"No, just the cold in the room."
Rowan cocked an eyebrow at me. "How do you expect me to put my hands all over you if there's a pile of blankets between us, hmm?" Another nip, this time to the back of my arm where it was most sensitive.
I bit the inside of my cheek and forced back a moan as Rowan's voice dipped from casual to sexy. "You could always join me."
"You don't say." She rolled over onto her side and teased my nipple between her thumb and forefinger.
I arched my back and closed my eyes as I struggled to focus on anything outside the realm of what she was doing with her hand. "So long as you get undressed with me." I swallowed. "I'm at a horrible disadvantage here."
I didn't have to remove the blankets from my legs to know I was naked. I could feel every wrinkle of fabric as it washed over my skin.
She leaned in so her lips were right against my breast. "I'm here for you."
My voice shook as I spoke. "And I want us to share. Please." For the love of God, take off your clothes.
That voice. Those lips. Everything Rowan said or did sent blue fire throughout my veins. I wanted to touch her. Hold her. Caress her. But I also knew she'd draw back if I did. She was a small bird. Easily spooked. Just like this dre—
Don't say it. Don't recognize it.
I should've had full control over what came next, but it was far too much to process. If I acknowledged the dream, if I really, truly admitted it, my tim
e with Rowan would end. I'd wake up in my bed. Alone.
If I thought the sheets were cold now—
I kicked off the remaining covers, rolled onto my side and cupped Rowan's face in my hands. "My sweet, innocent, beautiful wolf, have I ever told you just how much this means to me?"
"Innocent?" She laughed. "I hope not. As for beautiful, I'm looking right at it."
I followed her line of vision and looked at the wall behind me, but she quickly took my chin in her hands and kissed me on the lips.
"You, silly." She kissed me again. Harder this time. "I'm looking at you."
My nerves ran circles around my stomach as every breath, every touch was new to me. Rowan had a way of making every time feel like the first, and now was no different. I was her focus, and she was mine. The room could've been on fire, and we'd still be in each other's arms adding to the growing flames.
She pierced my lips with her tongue. Her hand was still on my breast, carefully squeezing the taut flesh enough to make my breath catch.
My head was spinning. I couldn't breathe. But as my heart pounded, I drew her to me and kissed her back until she was just as breathless as I was.
"Someone's needy," she spoke against my lips. "What's the hurry?"
I'm afraid this is a dream and you'll vanish in a puff of smoke.
"Clothes off. Right now." I tangled my fingers in her hair and tugged until she tilted her head back. "Unless you want to be tortured," I went on as I alternated between kissing and nipping along most of her neck.
I smiled when a tremor ripped through her body into my own, pushing us closer together. Her hair grazed my nose, and I took a moment to breathe her in. Not just the shampoo. Her red wolf. The woods out back. The soil that was engrained into our skin. The stream we'd swam in countless times. Some of those times when we had nothing on at all.
It was this life—this wolf I was attracted to. I didn't have to make new memories with her because I still had old ones to fall back on. Every tentative touch, her whispered voice and the way she averted her gaze when she was the one in control. She was my wolf. My bonded. And no wolf, my father or otherwise, could ever change that.
Rowan's pulse came up to meet my lips as I kissed along her neck. Against her jugular. The lower I went, the faster her pulse became. She exhaled in short, fast bursts as she tried to stay steady. She caressed my cheek. Moved her hand to my shoulder. My breasts. She set her hand at her side and clawed at the sheets.