by Mac Flynn
He frowned. "To who?"
"To a-um, a neighbor of mine. I thought I'd invite us to tea at her place," I explained.
Whinier raised an eyebrow. "Why'd you do that?"
"I thought, well, that maybe we needed to test out Bunny's cold-turkey by taking her out to see some of my male neighbors," I replied.
Whinier furrowed his brow and stroked his chin. "You may have something there, Monet. We should see if she's really changed or not. When do we leave?"
"Tomorrow afternoon at three." I glanced past him and into the cabin. "I thought maybe Bunny might need some time to sleep. How's she doing?"
"Better. I got her hand wrapped and told her about that fellow carrying something her dog didn't like." He chuckled, and the sound sent shivers down my spine. "She didn't take that too well, but if she's going to be going cold turkey then we've got to scare her a little. I don't think she'll even be coming out of her room until tomorrow."
My smile grew strained. "How-um, how ingenious-" and sadistic.
Whinier tapped his temple. "Yep. This old thinker's still got it. Now what do you say we get more work done?"
The next few hours passed by in a blur of work and pampering to Bunny's every needs as she remained within the confines of my bedroom. It was probably for the best that she was stuck in the room because whenever anyone opened the door Snookums picked up his head and snarled at the room. That invariably caused Bunny to shriek in fear, and the door was shut to protect her and the dog. I wouldn't have wanted to deal with a dog who bit a werewolf-infected human. The last thing I needed was to cure a were-mutt.
When night fell so did the lethargy of sleep. Whinier sat in the bedroom regaling her with tales of how he started the fire that warmed me as I sat on the couch. For her part she was not as loud nor as vapid as usual, at least when I heard them converse through the closed bedroom door.
"I didn't mean to be sick and all," I heard her apologize to Whinier for the tenth time that day.
"It's all right, but you still have to stay away from him for a few days so Snookums can hug you," Whinier cooed. I tried not to gag at the puddle of ooze he became around his wife. It was no wonder she'd steamrolled him for so long.
"But I can go visit those people with you tomorrow, can't I, Honey-Buns?" she pleaded.
"Of course, dearest, but you have to avoid touching anyone. You don't want them to catch it, do you?" he returned.
She sighed loud enough to rattle the door. "No, I suppose not."
"Good, now you just stay in here and I'll be right back. Then we can get some sleep." I discontinued my ear from listening to their conversation and my eyes focused on the fire as though it was the most interesting thing in the world. The bedroom door quietly opened and shut, and Whinier strode over to the couch. "We're going to bed. You will keep the dog out here with you," he ordered me.
I glanced down at the mutt at my feet who wagged its furry tail in response. "Sure, no problem." I hoped.
"Good. I hope you don't mind an early morning. I get up at five. Goodnight."
I inwardly groaned. "Goodnight. . ."
Whinier left me with the dread of an early morning. This would be my first night on the couch, and I made myself as comfortable as possible among a pile of assorted quilts and pillows scavenged from the kitchen and the couch and chair. I snuggled down amongst my makeshift bed, but no sooner was I comfortable than something solid hopped up beside me. I peeked out from the blankets and glared at the mutt who stared at me and whimpered.
I sighed and rolled my eyes. "All right, but no hogging the bed," I ordered him.
Snookums slunk to my feet and crashed atop them. He was like a lead brick atop my toes and I swore feeling left them beneath his hefty weight. I wiggled my feet, but he didn't budge. On the contrary, I think I heard whistling noises emitting from his nose. The dog had already fallen asleep. I groaned and plopped my head onto my pillow. This was going to be a long night.
Little did I know how long until around one o'clock when a long, high-pitched howl erupted from the bedroom. Snookums and I bolted up, and the dog turned its short snout towards the bedroom. He bared his teeth and growled at the door. Other noises caught my attention, and they all came from the bedroom.
"What the hell was that? Bunny, you okay?" I heard Whinier ask his wife.
"I-I'm fine, Al, but-well, I don't know what came over me. I just had to howl," she replied.
"You what?"
"I just had to howl. I don't know why, I just had to," she insisted.
"Are you sure you're feeling well?" he questioned her.
"I don't know, Al. I think I'm just feeling a little restless, that's all. Maybe my throat's dry and I just need some water. Could you get me some water?" she pleaded.
"All right, but you stay right there." In a moment the door opened to Whinier in sky-blue silk pants and shirt. His feet were bare and his hair was tussled. The bedroom light illuminated his figure and cast his shadow across the room and over me. He shut the door behind himself and I was glad for the darkness. "Monet, get some damn lights on in this place," he barked at me.
"Yes, sir!" I replied. I hopped from my bed, spilling my blankets and the dog, and switched on the kitchen and living room lights.
Whinier met me in the living room and grabbed a glass. He also grabbed my phone from the counter and tossed it at me. "Call a doctor. Something might be wrong with her," he ordered.
I clutched the phone and the color drained from my face. "A doctor? Are you sure it's that serious?"
"How the hell should I know? Just call a damn doctor and ask him!" he growled.
"Um, sure." I moved toward the front door.
"Where the hell are you going?" he shouted at me.
I jerked to a stop and looked over my shoulder with a sheepish grin on my face. "Just going to go call a doctor like you asked."
He pointed a finger at the couch. "You can do it in here so I can hear what's going on," he commanded.
My shoulders slumped and I dragged my feet back to the couch. Whinier prepared the glass of water for his wife while my mind frantically searched for some way out of this mess. There was only one, and I'd have to suddenly learn to be a good actress.
I dialed Adam's phone number and turned down the volume so only I could hear the other line. It rang only twice before he picked it up. "What's wrong?"
"Um, hey, Doc, it's me, Chris Monet. I was just wondering if you could give me some advice for a friend of mine who's staying over here," I replied.
"Chris, this isn't Doc's number," Adam replied.
Whinier sat down in the chair close by and watched me like a hawk. I nervously smiled at him and turned my face away. "I know it's late, Doc, but there might be something wrong. She just woke up and-well, started howling in pain. Any idea what it is?" I asked him.
"Chris, is someone there who you don't want to overhear our conversation?" he guessed.
"Yeah, that's what I said. What do you think's the problem?" I answered.
"If that's the case then I will prepare what ingredients I have tonight and we both need to be ready for the hike tomorrow," he instructed me.
"What's he saying?" Whinier snapped at me.
I placed my hand over the tiny receiver and turned to him. "He says there isn't much cause for concern. She probably just had a nightmare and was acting out, or maybe had a muscle spasm that made her howl in pain," I told him.
Whinier frowned at me. "She's never had any of those. What kind of a doctor are you talking to?"
"The only one around," I replied.
Whinier thrust his hand out toward me. "Give me that phone."
"But-"
"Give it to me or you're fired." I scowled at him, but forked over the phone. He put it against his ear. "This is Albert Whinier. Who am I talking to?" There was a pause as he listened. His eyes narrowed and his lips curled down in a growl. He thrust the phone back at me. "Take it. I can't understand a word he's saying."
I smiled and took the
phone from him. "Yeah, he's a little weird, but he knows what he's talking about."
Whinier looked me over with a careful gaze. "I didn't know you understood German."
My face dropped. "German?"
"Your doctor there is speaking in German, or didn't you know that?" Whinier questioned me.
I laughed. It actually sounded convincing. "Oh, yeah. I guess I know it so well that it's second nature."
"Then speak a line for me," he ordered.
"I-um, I don't speak it, I just know what the words mean." I returned to the phone. "Anyway, Doc, what should we do for her?"
"Give her alcohol to make her go to sleep and make sure she remains inside for the rest of the night. I will see you tomorrow." Click.
I pulled the phone away and glared at it. Whinier was on the edge of his seat. "Well? What'd he say?"
I shook myself and turned to him. "He said to give her some alcohol and keep her inside until it-um, until the sun comes up. He thinks maybe she's catching a cold."
Whinier scoffed. "Damn doctors don't know anything, but a little of my grandfather's cough medicine won't hurt her." He returned to the kitchen, poured out the water, and replaced it with some of the whiskey I gave to him earlier in the day. Whinier went back to the bedroom, and I heard the bed creak under his weight. "Take some of this. It should help you sleep."
"But what's wrong with me?" Bunny asked him.
"We just called a doctor, and he thinks maybe you're just a little under the weather. This should help." There was a brief pause followed by the sound of Bunny coughing. "See? That'll put hair on your chest. Now let's get some sleep."
In a few moments the light beneath the door disappeared. I shut off the other lights, but lay awake for another hour watching the door and listening for any escaping were-Bunny's. Nothing happened, and I dozed off into sleep.
Chapter 11
The morning proved to be uneventful. Bunny remained in her room while Whinier barked orders at me to help him with his email and paperwork. Bunny must have had some smarts because Whinier wasn't all that competent with even basic internet abilities like browsing and not clicking on every spam pop-up that appeared.
As the time approached two forty-five I was a bit of a mess. I was exhausted, sleepy, and not looking forward to the six-mile hike that awaited me should Adam succeed in wrangling me from my guests. Bunny and Whinier, on the other hand, openly looked forward to the coming tea party.
"You say these people are pretty important?" Whinier asked me for the tenth time.
"The most important people here," I assured him. I glanced at the clock on the wall. It read two-thirty. Fifteen minutes until time.
He scoffed. "That's not much to say. What's their connections? Why do they know? What do they do?"
"Um, I'm not really sure, but they've got quite a bit of money," I replied.
"How much we talking?" he persisted.
"Enough to invest in any newspaper or online paper they wanted," I pointedly remarked. I could practically see the saliva drip from the corners of his mouth. Gone was the importance of Bunny and in its place was the prospect of investors for his real baby, the company.
He rubbed his hands together as he sat in the chair while I had the couch. "Good, good. That's just what I wanted to hear. Now you'll introduce me as your boss and Bunny as my wife. None of this secretary business. A lot of people don't like mixing business with pleasure."
"I'll be glad to do that," I replied. I would be even more glad if Adam would get me out of doing anything at all.
Whinier glanced at the clock and stood. 'We'd better get ready. Bunny takes a heck of a long time getting her face on." The images his statement gave were frightening, and he left me with them to attend to his wife. He strode into the bedroom and shut the door behind himself. "You getting ready yet?" he asked her.
"I don't know about going, Al. I'm not feeling too well," Bunny moaned. I cringed. Not feeling well was a sign of Adam's initial curse-ness.
"Don't be a fool. These people will help us get what we both want, now get some makeup on and take some more of the cough syrup," he ordered. Now I pitied Bunny for her spouse, and envied her for being able to take a drink without worrying about later.
In fifteen minutes the pair emerged from the bedroom. Whinier wore a blue suit and Bunny had on a red dress that showed off her assets. The husband had on polished black shoes and Bunny sported high heels that matched her shockingly red dress. They looked like they were going out on a dinner date at a fashionable restaurant rather than a simple tea time with one of my neighbors. I glanced down at my attire. I wore a simple white t-shirt with stained jeans. At the door stood my mud-covered hiking boots.
Whinier noticed my less-than-stellar outfit. He raised an eyebrow and pursed his lips. "Do you plan on joining us for this appointment?"
I sheepishly grinned and shrugged. "Mrs. Vandersnoot doesn't really mind me going au natural," I replied.
Whinier sighed. "All right, but-" His scolding was interrupted by the angry sound of Snookums. The dog stood in front of the fireplace and bared its fangs at Bunny.
Bunny returned the compliment when she curled her lips back and snarled. Whinier and I blinked at her, and she started back. Bunny clutched her head in one hand and shuddered. "I don't think I want to go anywhere today. I don't feel well," she told us.
Whinier clasped one of her fingers in his hand and patted the top of her hand. "I'm sure you can do it, sweety. You just need to do this for a few hours and you'll get those connections you always wanted."
She lifted her head and looked at him. "You really mean it?"
"Do I lie?" he returned.
She frowned. "You once promised me a fur coat, and I didn't get one."
"Then I'll give you a fur coat when we get home. How does that sound?"
"What about that pink corvette you promised me?"
"We'll go to the dealership the first thing," he insisted.
She sighed and straightened. "I guess, but I don't want to be there too long."
"Just a few hours, and we'll be back. I promise," Whinier told her.
I clapped my hands and grinned at the pair. It was time. "So if we're all ready then let's head out."
I led the pair outside. My car keys were in hand. There was no sign of Adam. We approached my car. Ten feet. Five feet. I reached out to unlock my old mobile.
"Where are you going at so early an hour?" a voice called out.
The three of us turned toward the path and watched Adam stroll down toward us. He had a wide, smooth grin on his face and sauntered to us with a stride as wide as his grin. Bunny's eyes widened and she let out a yelp before she dove behind her husband.
Whinier scowled at Adam and then at me. "Get him out of here," he hissed.
I strode up to Adam and put my hands on his chest to arrest his movement. "I think you need to go," I told him.
Adam replied by wrapping one arm over my shoulders and pressing me against his side. He turned me so we both faced the Whinier pair. "I'm sorry to be interrupting, but I couldn't stay away from my darling any longer," he told them.
I cringed. "Now's not the time for lovey-dovey," I whispered to him.
He leaned down and lowered his voice to a whisper. "Now is the perfect time."
Bunny pointed an accusing finger at me and her voice rose to a fevered pitch. "He touched her!"
I blinked at her, then to Adam and back. "So?" I returned.
Bunny ignored me and turned her attention to her husband. She grasped his suit in both hands and nearly yanked it off him. "I don't want to be infected again!"
Whinier grabbed her hands and pulled her off him. He smiled kindly at her as one would a frightened child. "It's all right, honey, we don't have to go with her." He turned his gaze to me and his eyes hardened. "She can stay here while we visit her neighbors."
My eyes widened and my mouth fell open. There was Adam's ingenious plan in a nutshell. He would infect me with the imaginary disease and I woul
d be barred from our outing.
"Let's hurry before I get it on me again. Please?" Bunny pleaded.
"Sure thing." Whinier guided his wife toward their own car, but he glanced over his shoulder and shot us one last parting glare.
"It's the first house on the right," I shouted to them as they slipped into the car. In a moment their vehicle disappeared down the road.
I pulled myself from Adam's grasp and spun around to stare at him with a look fo admiration and doubt. "How were you sure it would work out that way?" I asked him.
He grinned and shrugged. "I wasn't, but I couldn't think of a better plan."
I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. "What a plan," I murmured.
Adam scrutinized my clothes. "Are you ready for our hike?"
I dropped my hand and nodded. "As ready as I'll ever be. When do we leave?"
"Right now." He returned to the head of the trail and pulled a small backpack from the brush. "I have gloves and scissors to cut the plants, and plastic bags to contain the noxious smell and masks for both of us." He also pulled from the bushes a long, heavy shotgun which he slung over his shoulder.
I pointed at the weapon. "What's that for?"
"In case we meet with trouble. I'm not in a condition to fend off a rabbit, much less anything larger," he explained.
I cringed and swept my hand toward the woods. "Lead on, armed guide."
Chapter 12
Our path was one of the half dozen that lay in front of my cabin. It wound its way a little ways up the incline of the hill between my home and Adam's before it made a straight shot deep into the woods. Well, as straight as a meandering path filled with sharp, pointy bushes and low-hanging tree branches could be. As we made our way through the jungle-like forest I worried about my guide. Adam didn't move with his usual lightness of step. Rather, he plodded along and I was easily able to keep pace with him.
Halfway to the garden spot I grabbed his arm and stopped him. "You don't have to come along. You could go home and rest," I suggested.
Adam turned to me with a small smile. Now that I saw the front of him I realized he panted for breath and his face was flushed. "I wish I could take you up on your suggestion, but I'm afraid we may have a problem ahead."
I frowned. "What's that?"
He nodded to the path ahead of us. There was some nice mud in spots, and one of those spots had a distinct paw print in them. "It seems your bear has made use of my trail."