“Kitra, please. You have to believe me.” Caden sounded as broken as I felt.
“I’ve seen enough to finally understand.” I looked back over my shoulder watching Caden shrink in on himself. “Whatever we are shouldn’t make me hurt this much. Right now... I. Has our short time been worth it?” The first tear hit my cheek as Linc reached for me. “Take me home, Linc. Please.”
Linc wrapped me into a heavy embrace and guided me out to Gwen’s mother’s SUV. Allie and Gwen silently climbed into the front while Linc and Austin sat me between them in the back seat. Caden ran out the front door as we drove away and I lost myself to the second worst pain I’d ever felt. I wept on Linc’s shoulder while Austin grasped my fingers.
Chapter 7
I SPENT THE ENTIRE day, Saturday, wrapped under my blankets hiding from reality. Under their warm comfort nothing could harm me, or at least that’s what I kept telling myself. I second guessed my final words to Caden last night, but all my mind played over and over was the heated kiss between him and Jessie. How could he not know t it was not me? The others said my scent was unique and Jessie’s wasn’t even close so he should have known it was someone else.
My cellphone chimed for the billionth time and I reached into the bedside table in search of it. In my self-made fortress, its small screen blinded me in the darkness. I wiped the salty hair matted to the side of my face back and cringed at its stiffness. No more crying. My hair couldn’t handle it.
I had 74 missed texts messages. Several were from my friends, but most came from the reason of my heartache. Why couldn’t he just leave me be? I’d thought I’d made myself clear last night. I wanted nothing to do with him. I turned off my lifeline to the outside world and opened another piece of chocolate from the bag I was curled around. I let the smooth treat dissolve over my tongue and my wolf nudged my senses stressing her own brokenness.
She didn’t understand how the guy she had claimed as her own could ever betray her. She wanted answers and demanded I find them, but I wasn’t the strong one this time. I couldn’t face him yet, not without falling apart. I stiffened as I heard movement outside of my door. I knew it wasn’t Allie. She and Gwen spent most of the night and part of today consoling me, but a little while ago, they had left to get some rest. Two sharp raps were followed by the locked door knob twisting. After the girls left, I’d secured my fortress from any intrusions and I wasn’t opening the door to anyone else. Uncle Kalen had tried earlier, but I didn’t want to discuss Caden with him. The only person I really wanted to confide in was recovering in another realm. Aunt Mauve would know exactly what to say to make me feel better.
“Kitten?” Caden’s voice shook. The use of his nickname for me wasn’t softening my heart. “Please talk to me.” I evened my breathing so he’d think I was asleep, but he kept talking. “I never meant to hurt you. I swear on my life I thought it was you. When you walked out...I was so angry and everyone told me what an idiot I was to think you were leading me on; especially Austin.” It sounded like he had placed his palm against the wooden door. “I lost your scent and searched for you everywhere, but I couldn’t find you. I was desperate and when I felt the hand on my shoulder, I believed it was you and reacted. I didn’t want to kiss her. I’ve never wanted to kiss her. I wanted it to be you.”
Blessed silence met my ears, but I knew he was still standing behind the wood separating us. I listened to his steady heartbeat. He wasn’t lying. If he had been, his heartbeat would’ve been fast and irregular, but I was still haunted by my vision of their intense embrace.
“I’m going to my dad’s tonight, but I’ll be back tomorrow evening. Maybe we can talk then.” Caden slipped away and left me to my thoughts.
After two more hours of sulking, I showered and dressed in a pair of black leggings and a black tank top. I needed to train. Nothing lifted my spirits like beating a dummy within an inch of its life. It was cathartic and recentered my rambling thoughts and bouncing emotions. I was finished feeling sorry for myself.
The first creak of my door brought an onslaught of unwanted attention.
“Kitra,” Soft words from Curtis stopped me in my tracks.
“Yes?” I didn’t mean for it to sound exasperated; I just wanted to train. Zander stood next to the shaggy blonde with his arms crossed over his chest. His gaze said they weren’t going to let me leave until they said what they wanted me to hear. I bit down on the edge of my tongue to keep the snotty sentence begging for release locked behind my teeth.
“Zander and I wanted to speak to you about last night.” Curtis’s voiced faded toward the end of his statement as he feathered his fingers through his long locks.
“Yes,” Zander picked up for his friend. “We think you should give Caden the benefit of the doubt.” He squared his shoulders. Did he really think this was the best way to talk to me? Zander was rough around the edges until you got to know him, and he sometimes tended to talk before thinking more often than the others.
“Oh really? Why is that?” My eyes narrowed and I felt a recognizable retaliation energy dance over my skin.
“He didn’t mean it like that.” Curtis cut a quick glance to Zander who had dropped his head showing off his blond highlights. Zander was pretty, but sometimes pretty didn’t equate to smart. “What Zander meant to say was Caden would never intentionally hurt you. Caden’s just as upset over all of this as you are but we want you to know that we’re here for you if you need us.”
My arms dropped and wrapped around them both in an awkward hug. “Thanks. I’ll think about it.” I left them standing beside my bedroom door and raced down the stairs before any of the others showed up, but I wasn’t so lucky.
“Kit Kat.” I cringed a little on the inside. “Are you okay?” Uncle Kallen held his arms open for me to fall into. His soothing warmth was the balm my soul needed.
“I’m fine.” I squeezed hard. I really didn’t want to talk about Caden with anyone, especially my uncle. “Just going to do some training.”
He held me at arm’s length searching for any sign saying otherwise. “Alright, but I think you and Caden should talk about last night.” My eyes almost bugged out of my sockets. Was he siding with the enemy? “Now hear me out. I believe this is all a misunderstanding. That boy only has eyes for you. You’ll see. It’ll work itself out in due time.”
“Okay, Uncle Kalen.” After the pain I’d suffered last night, I couldn’t believe he was acting as an advocate for Caden. Tears began to well in my eyes as I pictured Jessie in Caden’s embrace. “I’m going to train now.”
I’m not going to lie. I ran. I ran from the pity. Ran from their sound logic because what if it was a misunderstanding and I was being irrational. I didn’t care. It didn’t change how much it hurt. I knew of one person who’d agree with me; Linc.
We both must have had the same need to release our sentiments because Linc was ripping out chunks of the polyester strike skin on one of the humanlike dummies with every punch and jab. Not wanting to interrupt his workout, I paused in the doorway. Linc’s normally brown hair was darkened and plastered to his forehead. Sweat traveled in tiny rivers over each exposed muscle to the top of his sweatpants and small drops landed on the mat next to his bare feet. Heaving with one last swing, Linc grasped the fake torso.
“I know you’re there, Kitten.” He turned and I watched six abs contract and release with every inhale and exhale. “You like what you see?”
“Hardly.” How could he joke after Caden had kissed the girl he was interested in? “I wanted to talk.”
“About?” He scrubbed his face with a towel and continued with his hair. He couldn’t be that obtuse.
“Last night.” My hands landed on my hips. “Or did you forget Caden kissed Jessie.”
“Listen, Kitten.” Linc stalked over until my nose almost touched his naked chest causing me to look up. “I never cared about Jessie. Caden didn’t like the way she was hanging all over you so we devised a plan to keep an eye on her. I was a distraction.” M
y mouth was hanging near my knees.
“Wh…what?” I was having trouble wrapping my mind around his confession. “You were a distraction?”
“Yes.” He stepped back with a sigh. “I volunteered to get to know her; flirt a little and get her to talk to me. Basically, I was undercover, gleaning any information I could weasel out of her. We wanted to know why she had suddenly shown up. It was weird.”
“So, you’re not mad at Caden?” I thought he was besotted with Jessie.
“No. Why would I be?” One side of his mouth lifted in a cocky smirk. “Jessie was pretty, but she was a bit daft. I like my ladies with a little more going on between their ears. Plus, she’s not feisty enough for me.”
“But Caden kissed her.” My voice wavered. It was the only thing I could say.
Linc’s rough finger swiped at my cheek. I hadn’t realized I’d begun to cry again. “Caden wouldn’t have kissed her if he had been in his right mind. After you stormed upstairs, he fell apart. I’ve never seen him that way. Caden may be gruff and pigheaded, but no girl has ever caused him to react the way he does with you, Kitra.”
“You believe him?” I still wasn’t on board with Caden mistaking Jessie for me. He’s a Dire Wolf so he should’ve known the difference.
“I do believe him.” Linc shrugged when I didn’t meet his eyes. “I know what you saw hurt but Kitra, he was a mess. He had tunnel vision last night. Finding you was the only thing that mattered. Think about it. She was dressed like you and your similarities are more than freaky so it’s not inconceivable in the state of mind he was in, he’d think it was you when he turned around. Pure panic can cloud the other senses.”
Linc gripped my shoulder as he passed through the door leaving me to my thoughts. Was it that simple? Could I accept this excuse? All I wanted now was blissful silence.
I went over a simple warm up and used the same training equipment Linc almost destroyed. There was no sense in damaging another one. Each contact reverberated from the tips of my fingers into my shoulders. Mindless movements continued over and over until I couldn’t feel my arms, but my mind still wasn’t settled. My wolf whined her discontentment and I knew what we needed.
Back upstairs, I made sure no one saw me go out the patio doors. In one leap, my muscles elongated as my wolf emerged. Bones popped out of place, cracking and twisting before sliding into new formations. After the way my world had shattered last night, the slight pain of the shift was welcome. My nose and mouth grew into a snout and my hands and feet shrank and became four white paws as they landed on the ground.
My wolf burst forth in a show of speed dodging low hanging branches and soaring over moss covered boulders. Each sight and sound was individually catalogued and processed in milliseconds, but we didn’t stop to investigate. We wanted the freedom of the run. Nothing else mattered.
I’m not sure how long we ran, but when she slowed I knew we were far from home. Our surroundings consisted of lush oaks, hemlocks, walnut trees, birches, and pines. Colorful moist soft leaves carpeted the forest floor as they fell from their sentry posts. A cool breeze hinted at the change in seasons creating nature’s own soundtrack of tranquility. Summer temperatures would soon be replaced by autumn’s chill. A spring of icy cool water bubbled from the ground forming a pool and quenched the fiery thirst burning my throat. This was the perfect place to rest before I went back home to face reality.
I dozed on and off for a while only waking from the interruption of squirrels and chipmunks who gathered food for the approaching colder months. I wished my life were as simple. Sometimes, I wished I’d never found out about my true heritage. Then, I could pretend the weight of the world wasn’t on my shoulders. I wouldn’t have seen Caden kiss Jessie. The latter didn’t seem as important when compared to keeping the world safe, but right now it felt more so.
If Linc was telling the truth, which I did believe he was, then Caden had truly mistaken Jessie for me. I wanted to hate him and declare to never speak to him again, but I couldn’t do it. A relationship with Caden felt both right and wrong. I was so confused and couldn’t decide which held a bigger sway.
On one hand, my heart and soul screamed that Caden was our home. He complimented my personality and I knew he was a great guy. On the other hand, our time was running out. If I ever met my two soulmates, a choice was going to be made. Would I agree with whoever the Creator had handpicked for me or would I follow another path?
One minute Caden filled my heart with joy and the next he drove a knife into it. A relationship shouldn’t be this turbulent, should it? I loathed my confusion and inability to solve the problem that continued to revolve in my head. Right now, the relationship we now had, however, wasn’t healthy.
Kitra. I knew they’d send someone for me. Why did they have to send the bane of my existence? I’m not the bane of your existence and you know it.
Says the wolf who kissed another. I wasn’t over it just yet even if it had been an accident and a misunderstanding.
I heard your thoughts a while ago, Kitra. The only time Caden heard my inner musings was when we were both in wolf forms. Was he close by? I didn’t mean to hurt you. It was never my intentions. The thing is…she had your scent. I didn’t realize the truth until I heard your anguished gasp.
She smelled like me? How could she do that?
Yes. I don’t know how she did it, but her scent was exactly like yours. That’s why I reacted the way I did. I thought it was you. He really did think it was me. It was strange. I’ve talked to my father about it and he thinks that I was imagining it because no two supernatural creatures have the same smell. Or she fabricated it somehow. I wanted it to be you behind me. Will you forgive me?
Could I forgive Caden? I had to. I knew it in my heart. Yes.
Great. I can’t wait to show you how sorry I am. I promise you’ll enjoy it. A thrill went down my spine and my wolf shook in anticipation, but I had to squash the feeling. I couldn’t handle the hurt anymore.
Caden, I’m sorry…we can’t return to the way it was before. He didn’t know how much I was struggling with my own dual nature much less with my feelings for him. I still wasn’t in complete control of my fae side even though the ability to use some of my powers was becoming easier. Right now, I was as dangerous as a bomb waiting to explode and everyone around me was a potential target for the aftermath.
Your wolf won’t let you hurt us. I won’t allow it to happen. That was the problem though. Caden didn’t understand my fae side was just as strong as my wolf.
It’s not only about that. What happens when my soulmates show up? Do we pretend our attraction never happened and we never tried for something more? I couldn’t lose him. Caden was too important to me and I knew my soulmates would tear us apart. How could we even remain friends when that happened?
What are you talking about? Lose me? You can’t really think that! Panic sped up his words. Don’t do this.
We both know that whatever our relationship is, it’s toxic. I don’t want to hurt you and I won’t let you hurt me. I’d rather have friendship than let this turn into something we’d both end up regretting. His wolf howled in pain and my wolf wanted to cry.
You’re wrong. Is this because of what I said about your fae side? Heartache ballooned in my heart as I remembered his harsh words when I first moved back to Serenade Falls.
I know my hybrid nature causes you to be leery. He tried to protest, but I pushed forward. You don’t respect me, Caden. Not all of me..
Respect you? I protect you! We will figure out your fae side. We’ll come up with a plan to use it or silence it. This was exactly what I was talking about. Caden needed to see my wolf and fae sides as equals. They were both real parts of me.
Silence it? You can’t ignore the half that makes you uncomfortable. It makes me who I am whether you like it or not. Didn’t Caden see how much pain his statement caused?
You need to understand your wolf is stronger without the fae side. No wonder you’re having so many issues sor
ting your feelings. It’s probably ripping you in two. The only thing tearing me apart was Caden’s words.
Your constant mood swings and prejudices are giving me whiplash. The smallest things, like when I smile at a stranger, set you off. I am the one getting hurt. It shouldn’t be like this. Silence met my words.
I’ll change. I promise. Give me another chance. I’ll do anything. His pleas broke me as much as it did him.
Let’s cool off for now and just focus on our friendship. We need to get to know each other better and respect one another. You should examine your own feelings towards heritage. Both are me and it’s not going to change. I am the whole package. More silence. If we do that, maybe we can reevaluate our relationship later.
Fine. I’ll do whatever you want. His voice sounded more gruff than usual. I knew he wouldn’t like what I had to say, but at least he was going to try. I’ll tell the others you’re on your way back.
Thank you. Our mental connection severed as he shifted. I wanted to weep as I remained in wolf form and ran back to Frost Manor. My wolf was furious with me. She felt as if I’d killed our chances with Caden. She’d have to learn to agree to disagree on this. For both our sakes, Caden and I needed to mature and grow as people before rushing into something neither of us could handle.
Chapter 8
C ADEN WAS ABSENT when I got home and didn’t return for the rest of the weekend. Whenever I asked about his whereabouts, the others said he was working for Lucian. However, Linc finally broke down and confessed that Caden actually retreated to the pack’s male dormitory to get his emotions under control. I too felt the need for isolation so I stayed to myself most of the time. I understood his confusion because I was waging my own war with my heart. Had I made the right decision when I asked for time? All it led to was a landfill of foil scattered around my room from the chocolate I used to drown my sorrow. My wolf rebelled against my decision and pushed for freedom, but I wouldn’t allow her to change my mind. I always told myself I would never be that angst riddled teenager portrayed in movies, but here my wolf was proving me wrong.
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