“Security, I want the ER waiting room cleared right now!” Kathleen boomed. “Move everyone to the cafeteria until they can be triaged and sent to surrounding ERs. No one, and I mean no one, enters the ER except the police, medical staff, or EMTs bringing in burn patients. How many critical do we have on hand, and status?”
Keith Omafu answered. Kathleen knew he would be one she could depend on. “Two, one cardiac and one orthopedic, car accident, broken ribs and leg. Both stable.”
“They need to be cleared out of the trauma rooms. Nancy, work your magic and get them moved upstairs, stat. Has anyone here had experience with burn patients?”
“I have.”
Kathleen turned to see a small woman in her late forties, with graying hair pulled tightly in a bun. “Do you work here?”
“Yes, I’m Cheryl Troop. I’m a nurse practitioner and work part-time in pediatrics.”
Kathleen immediately recognized the name. “Thank God! Cheryl, you’re the County Emergency Medical Services Coordinator, too, right?”
“Yes, we spoke over the phone a few months ago. It’s nice to put—”
“—a face to the name, I know. We can sure use somebody with your skill and pull. We’re going to need to transport up to five.”
“I can call the burn centers in Los Angeles and see if they can accept. It won’t take me long; I know who to talk to and then I’ll be ready to help with your patients.”
Kathleen nodded and turned to the staff.
“We’ve got five burn patients arriving in about ten minutes. Two adults, first and second degree burns; three children, second and third degree burns. Our goal is to keep them alive and ready them for transport to burn centers in Los Angeles.”
The staff exchanged uneasy glances.
“Keith and Kim, you’re assigned to Trauma Room One. You’ll be treating the two adults. As soon as your patients are stabilized I want Keith to join us in Trauma Room Two. Kim, you’ll stay with your patients and continue to monitor.
“We’re going to put the kids together in Trauma Room Two. Glenn, Mason, Cheryl, and I will be treating the children. Glenn, you’re the guru with IVs, I’ve watched you. I want you to focus on that one task. Mason, Cheryl and I will concentrate on airways, intubating, and resuscitation.”
Kathleen spoke softly to her staff. “I know you’re scared and you’ve probably never had to handle anything like this. I have, and this approach will work. With any luck, we’ll be transporting all five.
“We’ve got about ten minutes to assemble supplies and equipment. We may need ventilators for all five patients. Make sure we have pediatric equipment in room two. Nancy, I want you to move between the rooms and keep the supplies flowing.
“Reminder, intravenous access should be through unburned skin if at all possible. Stay steady and you’ll all be fine. If you have trouble with intubating, or starting a line, call me.”
Kathleen turned to Cheryl. “Where did you work with burn patients?”
“I did a stint at Children’s in Los Angeles.”
Kathleen nodded. “We’ll work together. They’ll be bringing the kids in. I don’t think the others have seen…”
Cheryl nodded. “I know, I know.”
Kathleen heard the sounds of helicopters overhead as they prepared to land. All five patients survived to be transported to Los Angeles.
An eerie silence filled the ER as orderlies and janitors began to ready the exam rooms for the next shift and the new wave of patients needing care. Kathleen saw her team standing dazed by their experience, looks of pain etched on their faces. She knew this would be a day they would never forget. She went over to each one, held them, and whispered words of comfort.
Cheryl came over. “You’ve done an incredible job, Kathleen, and it’s been a real privilege to work with you.”
“Thanks, Cheryl. You were a godsend.”
“It’s what we do.” She looked at Kathleen. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, probably just tired.”
Kathleen didn’t wait to use the hospital showers or to change her clothes. She could feel the world closing in, and she knew she couldn’t hold on to reality much longer. She covered her stained scrubs with a lab coat, taking the smells and sounds from the ER home with her.
She stayed focused, and walked erect toward her car. The smell of burnt flesh and hair from the fire victims had entered her nose and permeated her hair and clothing. The patients’ screams became a collage of pain, joining and reverberating with cries from the past. No one who saw her would have known she was slipping into a time warp where the past and the present had merged and the future had dissolved.
Weekend visitors to Santa Barbara crowded the roads and the drive home took longer than usual. Kathleen tried to stay in reality by playing the loudest music she could find and opening the car windows. In spite of her efforts, she felt her hands shake and sweat ooze from every pore. She was falling into another dimension.
The stairs to the second floor were steeper than she remembered and she had to hold onto the railing, pulling herself up, one step at a time. She heard Claire on the phone talking with her bubba. Laughter, belonging to another world, floated from Claire’s room and followed her down the hallway. Kathleen slipped into her bedroom, quietly shutting the door behind her.
Kathleen stripped off her clothes, found a plastic bag, and threw them in the trash. She turned on the shower, made the water as hot as she could tolerate, and watched as the bathroom filled with steam.
Kathleen scrubbed her body until her skin became red and irritated. She didn’t feel clean. She had to find a way to feel clean, to erase the screams from the soldiers and noncombatants, which bullets and bombs devastated equally, without prejudice; her own silent screams, ghostly visitors from the past, erased from her consciousness.
She took the small scrubbing pad from under the sink and returned to the shower. She scrubbed her arms and legs until they began to bleed. Then she reached as far as she could onto her back. She turned off the water, dried her body, and brushed her hair.
She opened the cabinet under the sink and found the bottle of alcohol.
Kathleen pulled the sheets tightly around her neck and let her hair fall over her face. The only part that showed was her eyes that drifted between open and shut until nothing but darkness remained.
She dreamed, she dreamed. Dark dreams that made her shudder until she gasped and woke with a start. Her eyes were slow to focus. As the haze cleared she saw Claire sitting on the edge of the bed. Her face was a study in worry and concern.
“What happened?” she asked.
“We had a bad scene at the ER. I’m really tired and I can’t talk about it. I have to sleep.” Kathleen turned over. “This has been a really rough day. Would you feel bad if I asked you to sleep in the other room?”
“I’m okay with that, but let me get something to put on your skin.”
“Why? My skin is fine.”
Claire said plaintively, “No it’s not… I saw your arms, Kathleen, I saw.”
“Please, go away. Leave me alone.”
“I’m worried about you and I’m not leaving you alone. If you want to be pissed at me, go for it.”
“I can’t, I can’t fight anymore.”
Claire leaned closer to Kathleen. “You don’t have to fight. Please let me in. We can’t go on pretending nothing’s wrong.”
Kathleen shook her head and sighed. “Do what you have to, then leave me alone.”
Claire went downstairs to the medical supply cabinet, got several tubes of antibiotic ointment, and ran up the stairs to the bedroom.
Kathleen’s back and arms looked as if she had fallen on a patch of hard pavement. Claire’s voice quivered, “Is it like this on your legs, too?”
“I shouldn’t have let you see. Why can’t you go away? I don’t want you here.”
Claire clenched her jaw and planted her feet firmly on the floor. “I’m not leaving, and you have no idea of how stubborn I can be
.”
“You want to see?” She pulled off the sheet. “Happy now? Come see what I’ve done—more future scars for you to love.”
Claire flinched. “Lie on your tummy first; I’ll get your back.”
“What are you using? Do you know what you’re doing or are you playing doctor?”
“Definitely not playing doctor; I leave the doctoring to you. This is a special balm with magical properties. Would you like to know how I got it?”
“I’m too mad for storytelling.” Kathleen sighed. “I don’t have any tears left, and I don’t want to have to tell a story.”
“This one’s on me.” Claire put some ointment on her fingers. “Did I ever tell you about the time I went camping in Ireland?”
“No.”
“About three years ago, I was camping with a group of friends near a lake. They decided to go fishing, and I was hanging out by myself. I was sitting quietly under a big tree, reading, when I heard this rustling sound. I didn’t move and I wondered, are there bears in Ireland? I turned, trying not to make any noise, and saw these two tiny men wearing green suits, red caps, and buckled shoes. I thought, if only my bubba was here to see this marvelous sight: two real leprechauns! Well, they were having a terrible argument over a jar filled with some kind of lotion. The jar was almost as large as they were, and I watched as they had a fierce tug of war over it.
“I stood still so that I could overhear their conversation. Naturally, they had thick brogues and I couldn’t understand every word, but they were saying if you touch someone with this balm they would forever, and for all eternity be your true love. I thought, wow, if only I got my hands on that jar, all my relationship problems would evaporate. I was trying to formulate a plan to catch a leprechaun and barter his freedom for the magic balm, when—” Claire stopped.
“What’s wrong?” In spite of her pain, Kathleen had been hanging on every word.
“I need you to turn over.”
Kathleen turned over, sighed, and looked at Claire. “I’m sorry, I’ve been horrible.”
Claire sat on the bed. “I love you, Kathleen, but someday you are going to have to let someone in; if not me, someone. Shoot, I’ve forgotten where I was in the story.”
“You were trying to formulate a plan.”
“Oh, yeah. All of a sudden there was this snapping sound and the leprechaun who was holding the jar fell into a hole. The other leprechaun ran away so it was just the two of us, mano a mano. I thought, this is my big chance. I leaned over the hole and said would you like to get out? He replied, ‘Aye, faith and begorra! And I will shall you one wish for getting me out of this blamed hole!’
“I reached in and picked him up. He looked me straight in the eye and said, ‘What is your wish?’
“I want your magic balm!
“He chuckled and said, ‘Ah, having love problems, eh? Well, use it wisely, because if you use it on the wrong person you are stuck!’”
“Are you stuck with me?”
Claire held Kathleen’s hand. “Being stuck goes with being in love. I think we’re stuck with each other, but perhaps it’s not always a bad thing. Can I get you anything before I go to bed?”
Kathleen touched Claire lightly on her arm. “I’m afraid to be alone. Will you stay with me?”
“Tell me something, anything. Please, don’t shut me out of your life.”
Kathleen whispered. “It was a fire. Kids burnt.”
“Are they okay?”
“It’s bad. They’ll have years of pain and a lifetime of being stared at. I couldn’t put it aside, and I slipped into a place with dark memories. Claire, I’m sorry for the way I’ve treated you. I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to leave. I can’t understand why you want to be with me.”
“I’ll tell you a little secret, but you have to promise not to tell anyone. Okay?”
Kathleen nodded. “Okay.”
“I have to whisper it.”
“So you won’t hear it?”
“No, so you will.” Claire leaned over and whispered. “You’re easy to love, Kathleen, you’re easy to love.”
Kathleen stirred and turned on her back. God, she hurt. What day was it? Oh, please God, let it be Sunday, not Monday. Saturday seemed like a dim memory. Had it happened? She looked at her arms. She remembered. She put her fist in her mouth to muffle her sobs. She curled up in a ball and fell back to sleep.
She woke. She felt hung over. She looked at the bottle of pills. Oh, Christ. How many had she taken? She thought two. Two was okay. She was afraid she had taken more. She heard Claire making soft, dreamless sounds. She fell back to sleep.
She stirred, eyes trying to open. She saw Claire walk in, put a cup of coffee on the cup warmer, and get back into bed. Kathleen whispered Claire’s name. Claire turned over and nuzzled gingerly against Kathleen.
Kathleen said, “I had the strangest dream. Can I tell you my dream?”
“Only if you hold me.”
“It’s hard for me to hold you. My arms hurt.”
Claire sat up. “Rest your head on my lap. You need to know my heart is breaking right now. I can’t stand that you hurt yourself.”
“I’m sorry. It was so bad, I tried not to go there, but I slipped in and it was all black. I couldn’t find my way out.”
Claire touched Kathleen’s face. “I never knew loving someone could hurt this much.”
“Are you crying?”
“Yes, and I can feel your tears with my fingers.”
“I didn’t think I mattered this much, to anyone.”
Claire leaned over and kissed Kathleen’s face. “You matter to so many. I want you to know it, to believe it. Now tell me your dream.”
“I was riding a large white carousel horse. Its mouth was open and its nostrils flared. He looked so angry and horror stricken. Suddenly the carousel stopped and the horse began to move. He jumped off and we began to ride through a battlefield. There were tanks, and artillery, and bodies strewn everywhere. It was as if I was seeing every battle through the ages. Some of the equipment was ancient and some was modern. Bodies were clothed in uniforms from the past and the present. Everywhere I went I could see rotting corpses and smell the stench of decaying flesh. There was no life anywhere. I felt lost. I didn’t know where I was and I had no sense of direction.
“There were dark, angry clouds everywhere. It began to pour and at first, I felt grateful for the rain. Then I noticed it was blood, not water. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t wipe it away or avoid it. It was everywhere—in my hair, in my eyes. My horse kept moving forward although he, too, was covered in blood.
“Finally the rain stopped and we were at the bank of a river. My horse began to swim to the other side. The water came up to my neck and in some places, I was underwater, but I wasn’t afraid. As we crossed the river, the blood washed away and by the time we reached the other side all the blood and filth were gone. My horse was transformed from a carousel horse into a live horse. His mouth was closed, and he had a calm, gentle look about him.
“This side was different. There was a flowing green meadow where wildflowers of every size and color grew. The flowers began to change into men and women. They lined up, forming two columns. As I rode between the columns, they saluted and threw flower petals in my path. It was odd, because some were in uniform, clean and crisp, while others had on casual beachwear or golfing togs. They were all smiling as they saluted. As we passed through the meadow I felt calmer and more at peace.
“I came to another area that was smaller and sheltered by trees. I saw two children, a boy and a girl. The girl was holding a butterfly net and the most beautiful butterflies, in an ever-changing kaleidoscope of colors and designs, surrounded her. After she caught them she would set them free. This game went on for quite a while. The boy was more serious. He was lying on his back, reading The Wind in the Willows. One leg was crossed over the other, and he seemed to doze from time to time.
“The girl had red hair and freckles and didn’t see
m to notice me; she was too busy running around, having a marvelous time. The boy stared at me and smiled. It was a small but sweet smile, as if he knew me. As I looked at him I saw that his skin was darker than the girl’s, and his hair was black. His eyes were the deepest blue I had ever seen and because his hair was so black, they appeared purple.
“That’s when I woke up.”
Claire recited a prayer in Hebrew.
“What is that?”
“It’s Kaddish, the prayer Jews recite for the dead. We say it every day for eleven months, and if the person was wicked, we say it for twelve. The extra month is to protect their soul from punishment in the afterlife.”
Kathleen thought about Mrs. Roth, and all the troops who had died. “Teach it to me? I want to say it every morning, for eleven months.”
CHAPTER 32
Fall was ending and winter was getting ready to take its place. The leaves on the deciduous trees, like the occupants of Canfield House, were in transition. At first the leaves fell in gentle numbers, then cascaded in spurts as if to say, “Come see me. I am as beautiful bare as when I am adorned in the protection of my leaves.” From oval to tapered shapes they fell to the ground, creating a patterned quilt in colors of soft orange, yellow, and scarlet.
Sam started a men’s health support group and used the solarium one evening a week.
Helen began to have doubts about her matchmaking skills. She saw Kathleen’s need for secrecy struggling against Claire’s need for intimacy. She wondered if she had done the right thing by interfering with Eros, the god of love.
Claire finished the furniture project and the rooms in Canfield House were filled to capacity. Kathleen and Claire’s love ran deep, but unresolved conflicts moved quietly beneath the surface of normality.
Claire and Kathleen were sitting in front of the bedroom fireplace, wrapped in each other’s arms.
Claire said, “I have an idea.”
Kathleen pulled her closer. “Okay, let’s have it.” Life with Claire was never dull and surprises were always around the corner.
Flowers from Iraq (The Storyteller and the Healer Book 1) Page 22