Kathleen dressed and followed the scent of waffles and eggs into the kitchen. “God, I’m starving.”
Claire laughed. “For what?”
“Waffles first, then?”
“What’s your schedule for today?”
“I’m presenting first and should be done around noon. I forgot Gayle and Robert are coming. There’s a luncheon afterward, I’m thinking around two o’clock.”
“Any plans for this evening?”
“I could think of all kinds of plans.”
“Me too. When do you have to leave?”
“Tomorrow morning.”
“Come out with me tonight?”
“You mean a date? It’ll be my first,” she said shyly.
“Then it will have to be special, in every way.” Claire stared at Kathleen. “I think I should drive you to the hotel. You do look a little green around the gills.”
“I don’t know how I’ll get through the day.”
“What are you presenting?”
Kathleen groaned, “Don’t laugh. The seminar is on PTSD in returning vets. The government is recruiting psychotherapists to treat veterans and it’s a full house. I’m afraid something might get triggered and I’ll start to unravel. What if I start crying in front of three hundred therapists?”
“I imagine all of them will run onto the stage with tissues in their hands.” Claire held Kathleen’s hand tightly. “These are professionals who will take back whatever you say and apply it to their patients. Level with them—talk from your heart, not your head. You have so much to share. You know what it’s like to be at both ends. If you can get across half of what you’ve learned, you can help hundreds of struggling vets.”
“Claire, come to the seminar?”
“Honey, I can’t hold your hand.”
“It’s not about that, I want you to hear what I have to say. Afterward, I want you to have lunch with me… with us. I’d like to introduce you to everyone.”
Attendees were standing in long lines, completing their registration. Kathleen found a chair for Claire toward the middle of the room. Before walking to the stage, Kathleen put her arms around Claire and whispered the words that had been held inside. They were simple words spoken everyday: “I love you.”
After her introduction Kathleen walked to the podium. “Good morning, I’m Kathleen Moore, and I’ve been thinking about how I can best serve you and your patients. We can spend the next three hours looking at slides about the symptoms and treatment of PTSD, or we can try something else. How many of you are currently treating someone with PTSD, military related or not?” Almost every hand went up. “Is there anyone who is not sure about diagnosing PTSD?” A few hands remained raised. “I think I will be able to cover the diagnostic criteria, but not in the usual way.”
Kathleen paused while an excited murmur flowed through the crowd.
“I’m going to begin again. My name is Kathleen Moore. You’ve heard that I am a physician, and you probably know that I served in a Combat Support Hospital in Iraq. What you haven’t heard is that I was injured while serving and I also have PTSD.”
Again, the crowd murmured, and there was a smattering of applause.
“I’d like to begin by telling you about my experience as a physician in a Combat Support Hospital and then continue with my experience as a patient. We’ll take a short break around ten-thirty, and then follow with your questions or comments. Microphones have been placed in the center aisle. Okay? Let’s get started.”
Kathleen stood on stage for almost three hours, passionately relating her experiences in the CSH as a physician and then as a patient. She spoke about the emotional pain experienced by caregivers.
“There are heroes that don’t get decorated. The families that care for the disabled veterans don’t receive a medal. They are subject to crises, financial strain, and, oftentimes, a loss of intimacy. It’s important, as therapists, for you to remember that your patient may extend beyond the injured vet you are treating. Keep in mind, not every veteran has a family to care for them and too many are homeless. Dr. Mark Epson will be speaking this afternoon on that subject.”
She glanced up and saw Gayle and Robert sitting hand in hand next to Claire. “I was blessed to have people in my life to love me, so many people.” She placed her hands together in a prayerful attitude and bowed toward the beaming couple. “When I wanted to give up, my mom and dad wouldn’t let me.” Her voice broke. “They never gave up on me, even when I threw a tantrum or two. Robert and Gayle, thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.”
The audience erupted in applause and rose to their feet. Robert and Gayle stood briefly in acknowledgment and sat back down.
“There are triggers that can still send me spiraling downwards, and I don’t always know how to handle them,” Kathleen continued. “I had a severe flashback while I was working part-time in an ER. Sounds of emergency helicopters, screams from burn patients transported me back in time to Iraq.
“The most difficult part about PTSD is that I couldn’t let my girlfriend in, when she wanted to comfort me. I was afraid I would contaminate her, as if I had a contagious disease. The most amazing thing is that she still loves me and for that, I am so very grateful. Thank you, Claire… for being in my life.”
At noon the seminar broke for lunch. Kathleen ran down to the three people who meant so much to her. She hugged Robert and Gayle. “I’m glad you were here. I hope it was okay to call you Mom and Dad.”
Robert said, “I’ve been waiting for years to be called Dad.”
Gayle hugged her. “Baby, I’m so proud of you.”
Kathleen draped her arm over Claire’s shoulder.
Gayle smiled. “You know, you really do make a cute couple. Robert, we should leave these two alone. They need time to reconnect, and I saw this very romantic restaurant on the corner that I’ve got my heart set on for lunch.”
“Only if you’re buying,” Robert quipped. He winked at Kathleen and Claire as he and Gayle took their leave.
A table had been reserved in the hotel dining room for the presenters. A man sitting at the table leaned over toward Claire and said, “I don’t think we’ve met.”
Claire started to speak but Kathleen took her hand. “I’m sorry, I didn’t properly introduce you. This is Claire Hollander. Claire is my partner in life.”
That night, Kathleen opened the hotel room door and moved confidently toward Claire. “I missed you,” she said as she brought Claire closer until their lips gently touched. They lingered, not wanting to separate, pulled back for a moment to look at each other, and returned with the intensity and longings of lovers reunited after a separation.
“Hmm…” said Claire, “have you been practicing?”
“Every night, in my dreams, and you?”
“I was waiting for you.”
Kathleen spoke softly. “I wasn’t sure; I was afraid you wouldn’t wait.”
“I’ve only wanted you. That’s why I took Mr. Fluffy with me. He’s not much in the sack, but he’s good company otherwise.” Claire looked at the clock on the dresser. “You know—” she touched Kathleen’s face. “I really hate to stop, but I don’t want us to be late. Can we get back to our practicing later?”
Claire surprised Kathleen with tickets to a local production of Young Frankenstein: The Musical. They laughed hysterically throughout the show, mouthing immortal lines they already knew from the movie. Kathleen held Claire’s hand wherever they went; she was afraid to let go.
Afterward, when Claire asked Kathleen what she might like for dinner, Kathleen said, “Do you know what I would really like?”
Claire laughed. “Shall I guess? Hamburger, fries, and a chocolate shake. Hey, have you ever eaten at Pete’s Joint?”
Claire took Kathleen to the best-kept secret in LA: Pete’s Joint, a humble hamburger stand, owned by—who else?—Pete. Pete hand ground the meat, used real ice cream in the shakes, and left the skin on the fried potatoes. It was simple fare with flair, as C
laire called it.
They took their order back to the hotel. Pete’s food was too special to be shared in the company of others.
They made love in the hotel sitting room, found their way to the compact shower, and finally discovered the bed.
Claire rested in Kathleen’s arms. “I really missed you. I was worried we might not find our way back.”
“Me, too. The house seems so empty without you. You know I love you, don’t you?”
Claire nodded and smiled. Since Kathleen had learned how to say those three simple words, she couldn’t seem to stop saying them.
“I’m ready to leave the ER. Kevin thinks, and I agree, that I’m asking for trouble by working there. Besides, I want us to spend more time together.” Kathleen spoke shyly. “I have a special surprise for you at home. It’s your belated Christmas gift.”
Claire snuggled up to Kathleen. “A special surprise? Hmm. Now you have my snoopy side all stirred up. I’m glad you’re leaving the ER. Maybe you had to work there so you could unravel and finally exorcise your demons.”
Kathleen nodded. “That’s what Kevin thinks. Claire weren’t you going to see a therapist. How did that go?”
“I guess it went. I saw the therapist one time. I told her I was feeling bad about my behavior, that I couldn’t seem to settle down, and I had tantrums. We talked for a while and she said, ‘Claire, you are a spoiled brat, but you have a good heart. My advice to you is, don’t change!’”
“You’ve got to be kidding.” Kathleen laughed. “What kind of therapist would tell you that after one session?”
Claire looked down and blushed. Her eyes widened as she looked up at Kathleen.
Kathleen was howling. “You’re kidding, tell me you’re kidding.”
Claire shook her head. “I called Gayle to get a referral, and she invited me to lunch.”
“Oh, sweetie, you were suckered by Gayle. Did she tell you anything else?”
Claire looked down. “This is totally embarrassing.”
Kathleen was having the time of her life, but feigned a serious expression. “I can understand that you don’t want to say too much, so let me guess.” Kathleen did her best to imitate Gayle. ‘Claire, perhaps you need to have children. You know, having children helps one to mature.’”
Claire hid her face behind her hands. “How did you know?”
“Don’t you think I’ve heard it more than once? Gayle wants grandchildren. Did she call you Baby?”
“Oh, shit. Only once. I hope you’re not mad.”
Kathleen was laughing too hard to answer and could only manage to shake her head. Her expression changed and she became thoughtful. “The one luncheon date; that was the extent of your therapy?”
A strange look passed over Claire. “Not exactly.”
“What happened?”
“A friend at work gave me a referral to a lesbian support group.”
“So… what did you wear?”
“How did you know I would struggle with that? I thought about wearing my Levi’s, flannel shirt, and hiking boots, but I didn’t want to be too obvious.”
“Of course not.”
“So, I went incognito.”
“Incognito?”
“Yeah, the way I dress for the museum. I walked in and everyone was welcoming. That was week one. Week two, I talked about your being in the war and having PTSD, and my being pissed because you weren’t out. A couple of the women, vets with PTSD, took my head off. Ouch!”
“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry,” said Kathleen.
“I almost left crying. Then the leader asked me about my background and the next thing I knew, I was telling them about my dad coming back from Vietnam, a drug addict, and the way my mother walked out when I was eighteen. Did I ever tell you she left a birthday card with eighteen crisp one-dollar bills? She wrote inside it, ‘Paid In Fool.’ Everyone got quiet, because they realized how their PTSD might affect their families, their kids.”
“You’re the bravest.”
“Really? They’re my new best friends, and I thought it’d be fun for us to do a women’s weekend with them.”
Kathleen held Claire. “God, I love you, and of course, we’ll do a weekend. Devon and I have been talking about a family reunion. Claire, I have a family. I hope they’ll be your family, too.”
The hotel phone rang. Kathleen picked up the receiver. “Hello? Yes.” She was silent for a moment, then her hand rose to her mouth to stifle her giggling. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize it was so late. Yes. Goodbye.” She hung up and turned to Claire. “We’ve had complaints against our laughing and talking. What time is it?”
“Almost three.”
Kathleen whispered, “Do you think we should take Gayle’s advice under consideration? Not right away, but down the road?”
Claire snuggled closer. “You would consider it?”
“Yes. I discovered that my heart does handsprings when I hold a baby. I do think I—we—have a way to go, though.”
“That’s all I ever wanted to hear, just a maybe.”
Kathleen looked at the clock. “I don’t think I’ll be able to leave in the morning.” She called the desk and changed her check out time. Kathleen reached over to Claire. “Let’s practice.”
They slept until noon. They woke up, bodies touching, arms and legs wrapped around each other.
Kathleen said, “I hate that we’ll be separated again, but I have a full schedule tomorrow.”
“I have to work in LA for another week. I can write the book anywhere. Can I come home?”
“Can you? It’s your home, too.”
CHAPTER 42
Helen and Kathleen sat at the kitchen table having their morning coffee. Helen had never seen Kathleen so happy and relaxed. “How was the seminar?”
Kathleen smiled broadly. “It was very successful.”
Helen shot her a knowing look. “Did you have time for anything else?”
“Helen, are you asking if I saw Claire?”
“Only if you want to tell me, um… anything.”
“We owe you. You are a fabulous Cupid. I owe you big time. If it wasn’t for your magic, I still wouldn’t be able to use my hand.”
“You were one of my greater challenges.”
“Let’s face it; I was a major pain in the ass.”
“That, too.”
“I’m sorry, I hit a brick wall.”
“I know. You needed some magic to get through it.”
“Have you ever used that massage technique with anyone else?”
“Do you want to know if you’re special?”
“Am I?”
“Of course you are. So, how was your weekend?”
“I saw Claire—as if you hadn’t figured that out. She’s coming home on Friday. We’re in love, but I guess you knew that all along, too.”
“Probably way before the two of you.”
“Do you think Sam will be upset?”
“Sam adores you. He’ll be all right. He’ll mope for a while, but I’ll comfort him.”
“Ain’t love grand?”
“Yes, it is.” Helen looked at her watch. “Dr. Moore, it’s almost nine o’clock and time for your first patient.”
The look of pain on Sam’s face told Kathleen he felt betrayed. It was one of the most difficult things she had ever done. He listened, stood up, and walked out without saying a word. She would never know what Helen said to him or what transpired, but Sam came looking for her later that evening. He found Kathleen sitting at her desk.
He knocked on the door. “Is this a good time?”
Kathleen motioned to the couch, and they sat next to each other.
Sam spoke slowly. “I guess you didn’t know it, but I had a crush on you when we first met. I knew nothing would come of it, because I thought Gary was your boyfriend. After a while my feelings changed, and I came to see you as the sister I never had.
“You need to know, I was raised in a fundamentalist home. We went to church every Sunday, an
d preachers warned us about all the deadly sins. I didn’t always agree with everything, but I believed they were right about homosexuality, that it’s an abomination.
“What you told me about you and Claire… it was hard for me to hear. I don’t know if I can change my belief in a few hours, but I love you like a sister and I really like Claire. She certainly has added spice to this recipe. I want you both to be happy. That’s my truth.”
Sam stood up and Kathleen took his hand.
“Sam, don’t go,” said Kathleen. “If I could become romantically involved with a man, I would have wanted him to be someone like you. You saved my life, and you stayed with me. I love you for that and for being here, right now. This isn’t something I chose. God knows my life would have been easier if it was a matter of choice.”
Sam nodded. “Helen thinks we should go to Los Angeles for the weekend so you and Claire can have the place to yourselves. I suspect Helen used her matchmaking skills to bring the two of you together. She tried to tell me when Claire first came, but I couldn’t or didn’t want to see it. You and Gary… it all makes sense now.
“I know Claire’s good for you, she’s the other piece of the puzzle that fits.”
CHAPTER 43
Kathleen heard the VW chugging up the driveway and stood on the steps waiting for Claire. A familiar feeling of shyness came over her, until Claire hugged her and said, “I’m home.” They stood for a moment, arms embracing, eyes gazing, lips touching.
Claire stepped back and looked at the front lawn now covered in a random pattern, as intended by nature, of bulbs in full bloom. Purple and white crocus peeked their heads between the yellow and white daffodils. Tulips in an array of red, yellow, and orange colors stood guard over the purple hyacinth.
Flowers from Iraq (The Storyteller and the Healer Book 1) Page 28