by E A Foley
“Screw it. I can figure this one out for myself,” Iris muttered. She sat up in bed, took a deep, calming breath, and opened herself to the power flowing all around her. Though she longed to pull as much power into her being as possible, she refrained. If she screwed up, she didn’t want an explosion.
Iris sat on her bed and took a few minutes to revel in the power now coursing throughout her entire being. She allowed the steady pulsation of everything surrounding her to permeate every inch of her body. It linked with her own heartbeat and she could feel the blood pumping through her veins flowing in time to the pulsation. After the desire to pull more power into her being lessened, Iris moved on to the task at hand and thought about different ways to produce light.
“Light bulbs, fireflies, lightning, fire . . . getting a bit on the dangerous side aren’t we, Iris?” She talked to herself in order to organize her thoughts. “What else, what else . . . The sun and stars. Yeah, that may be more on the right track, but how to contain it? A ball of air that can’t be penetrated? I wonder if that’s even possible. Well, I won’t know until I try, will I?”
Iris concentrated on the shape of a sphere that contained a hollow center with an impenetrable exterior shell. Like an unbreakable ball of glass or a bubble. She released her request to the air in front of her. Something shifted around her. She could feel atoms making adjustments to meet her needs. After a few moments, everything settled down. Her hands reached out. They found a solid, translucent ball hanging in the air in front of her face.
“Nicely done!” Iris commended herself. “Now on to step two; placing a light source within the ball of air.” As she thought about the sun and what gases created it, Iris’s Little Self arrived.
Why don’t you try a different idea for a light source?
“Nice of you to join me.”
I’ve been here the whole time. It’s time for you to figure things out on your own . . . as long as you do so safely. Creating a mini sun in your bedroom is not a safe idea.
“Fine. Something else . . . something else . . . "
Nice job on the containment field, by the way.
“Thank you. Is that what I made? A containment field?"
At the very least it’s a better descriptor than “ball of air with an impenetrable shell.”
“True. Now be quiet so I can think.”
Nothing came to Iris, so she grabbed her phone, opened her internet app, and typed light sources into the search box. After scrolling past a bunch of useless options, she changed the search criteria to natural light sources and scrolled down again. A few images of the aurora borealis popped up. They gave Iris pause. Got her brain churning.
That’ll work, her Little Self agreed.
“Perfect. Now to figure out how they form.” Iris opened a new search window and clicked on several pages that talked about the aurora borealis. “Ah, here we go. The electrons transfer energy to oxygen and nitrogen. They return to their normal state and emit photons, which equals light,” she surmised from the web page she was on. “All right then, all I need to do is get electrons to transfer their energy into the air, get them all riled up and, as they calm down, they’ll produce light. Except I bet I’ll have to do this continuously, so the light doesn’t fade. Hmm. Well, there’s no time like the present.”
Iris clicked her phone off and set it aside. She rubbed her eyes and yawned.
Perhaps you should wait until tomorrow. This is not something you want to try while exhausted.
Iris thought about arguing, but her brain did feel a little like mush. She decided her Little Self had a point. “All right. Night, then.”
Good night.
She was too preoccupied with trying to figure out how to create a ball of light to pay attention in her classes the next day, let alone follow the conversation at lunch. In fact, the only thing Iris added to the conversation about college applications was to note that everyone except Morrigan applied to the same schools. Stating the obvious only resulted in rolled eyes from most of her friends, so she decided it was better to keep her mouth shut and put her focus back on riling up electrons. She even ignored the glances Violet and Cirrus sent her way every so often.
Iris didn’t come out of her reverie until the bell rang. She started at the sound. Rozlynd and Aerianna laughed at her.
“Glad to see you’re actually alive in there,” Rozlynd called as she grabbed her bag and headed off to class.
“Yeah, I was beginning to think you’d fallen asleep with your eyes open. Or died. If you hadn’t been eating your lunch while staring off into nothing, I would have convinced myself of it,” Aerianna teased as she stood to leave.
“Sorry,” Iris said sheepishly to no one. She tossed the rest of her lunch in her backpack and got up to join Violet and Cirrus.
“What were you thinking about?” Cirrus asked.
“Nothing really. Just a problem I’m trying to sort out. I can’t seem to put my finger on the solution no matter how many different angles I approach it from.” She shrugged in what she hoped was a c’est la vie manner, but her mind almost immediately returned to the puzzle of creating light.
“Iris?” Violet said a few minutes later.
“Hmmm?” Iris said and looked around. “What happened to Cirrus?”
“He went to class. You were so preoccupied you didn’t even say bye when he left.”
“Really? He left?” Iris looked behind her at Cirrus’s retreating figure. His thin, six-foot frame with its shock of white hair sticking out from his baseball cap was easy to locate. “I’m sorry, Vi. I just can’t shake this problem and it’s bloody frustrating.” Iris turned to look at Violet. She furrowed her brow and racked her brain long enough to realize Violet didn’t seem herself for the second day in a row. “What’s up with you? You’ve been off for two days now and that’s not like you.”
“I, uh, well . . .” Violet trailed off.
“I don’t read minds, Vi. What’s up?”
Violet remained silent. She stared at the ground and dragged her feet as they walked.
“C’mon, you can tell me anything, you know. I won’t judge. Well, I might tease you a little if it’s about Cirrus, but that’s different,” she grinned.
Violet gave a half laugh and flashed Iris a weak smile but appeared unable to find the words to state her problem by the time they walked up the ramp to Mr. McLain’s classroom.
“Well, think about it, okay? If you want to talk, you have my ear anytime,” Iris said as she held the door open for Violet, who nodded in thanks.
“That lesson on iambic pentameter was actually enjoyable, don’t you think?” Iris said as they left class almost an hour later.
“I guess.” Violet shrugged.
“Now I know you aren’t all right. You like words and puzzles more than I do and if I thought that lesson was fun, you definitely should’ve.”
“I did enjoy it. But it’s hard to enjoy a lesson when you feel like you have another person in your mind who just won’t shut up!” Violet hissed the last two words.
“Was that directed at me or the annoying voice in your head?” Iris asked casually.
Violet turned bright red. “Sorry. It was directed at the annoying voice in my head. Have you ever had an annoying voice in your head that won’t be quiet? I swear, it gets more distracted than I do, and you know how distracted I can get. I mean, all right, I like things that are shiny and ponies and such, but do I really get distracted by stupid things like a leaf blowing across my path?” Violet asked Iris a little dejectedly.
“Uh, do you really want me to answer that?” Iris teased. Violet’s face fell and Iris hurried to make it better. “Oh, c’mon. You know you get distracted, but no, you don’t seem to care about the random leaves blowing across your path.”
“Thanks,” Violet said ruefully before letting out a large sigh. “Iris, I think I’m going crazy.”
“I highly doubt that, Vi. But why do you think so?” Iris tried to get Violet to elaborate on what the voic
e in her head was telling her. Especially if it involved doing magic. If she did, it meant Iris could reveal her own secret. Violet would realize she wasn’t alone, and Iris would have a friend she could talk to. But she knew from experience that fishing for information Violet didn’t want to share was almost as hard as getting her back on topic after a major distraction.
“I don’t know. I guess it’s something I’ll have to figure out for myself. Kind of like your problem, right?”
“Perhaps. I’ll tell you my problem if you tell me yours,” Iris tried again.
“Maybe tomorrow,” Violet said at their usual parting place.
“All right. But Vi?”
“Yeah?”
“You are not going crazy. I promise.” Iris smiled a knowing smile at her best friend, waved, and jogged off for Mr. Cenac’s physics class.
Chapter 10
Iris let the conversation she’d had with Violet replay in her mind on her way across campus after sixth period. She couldn’t determine how much—if any—Violet already knew about being a magic user, so she’d have to be very careful with what she said over the next several days.
With her brain focused on magic, Iris’s thoughts turned once more toward making a light source. She unconsciously connected to and began drawing power into her being as she approached her 4Runner in the backfield parking lot.
What the hell do you think you’re doing?
“What?” Iris asked distractedly. Belatedly, she realized that she’d formed a request to create a containment field and was about to release it.
You are in the middle of a crowded parking lot! In plain sight of dozens of students. If you can’t—
“It’s fine. I didn’t do anything, so no harm, right?” she muttered under her breath as she unlocked her car door and directed the power she held back into the Earth.
I’m not always going to be here to stop you.
Iris tossed her backpack in and hauled herself into the car. “Why not? You going somewhere?” She stuck the key in the ignition.
Not now, but—never mind. Just be more careful.
“I will. Sorry,” she told her Little Self and looked up.
Brett and his buddy Jack stood a few feet away. They made little circles next to their temples with their first finger to indicate she was crazy and mouthed freak. Iris flipped them off before shifting into reverse and backing out of her spot. Her Little Self broke through her thoughts of elementary school a few moments later.
I’ve got something to show you when you get home, so come find me.
“Come find you? Aren’t you in my mind? How can I come find you?” Iris asked as she maneuvered her box of a car onto the main road. There was no response. “Hello?” Silence filled her mind. Apparently she wasn’t going to get any answers until she got home.
“All right, where are you?” Iris asked once she was home.
I’m in your mind.
“And how am I supposed to get there? Aren’t I already there?”
No. Not the place I need you to be. You need to join me inside your mind. There’s a small room, hidden in the deepest recess. That’s where I’ve been living. Come find me there.
“I thought there was something growing in the back of my mind. So, how do I get there?”
You’ve created a mental image of me, right? Try imagining your mind traveling inward to meet me.
Iris shut her bedroom door, closed her eyes, and let her thoughts drift inward where she imagined her Little Self resided. She thought of herself as an orb of consciousness. Somehow it worked. She was within her own mind. Iris’s Little Self moved away from her. Iris pursued the fleeting figure. They traveled deeper. It was like trying to follow a breeze through a maze. Her mind was a labyrinth she had to travel through to make it to her final destination.
She continued into the darkest corners of her own subconscious, where there was no longer any rhyme or reason to the surroundings. The labyrinth changed from a series of hedges to a warren of caves and caverns. Deeper still they went until there was an odd pulsating. Iris imagined that her conscious self sped up toward the pulsations, which matched the rhythmic beats of the Earth. There, behind a massive door that looked as though it could have belonged to a castle in Ireland, Iris found her Little Self. She looked like Iris but more mature. There was a sense of self-worth and knowledge emanating from her that Iris hoped she would possess one day.
“Where are we?” Iris asked. Her voice reverberated throughout the surrounding darkness.
We’re in the place I’ve been living. You must protect this room. Keep it safe as long as you live.
Iris’s Little Self gestured in a circle and the blackness surrounding them receded as a light shimmered into existence above their heads. It hung in the center of what appeared to be a round room with a few door frames. From what she could see, each frame was made from a different type of wood. A few had doors within their frames and lights shining on the doors. Most were covered in an odd darkness, even though the light floating in the center of the room was strong enough to reach every inch of the space. She couldn’t tell whether the frames enshrouded in darkness held doors.
Iris floated toward one of the lit door frames and felt a familiar essence emanating from the closed door. The door itself was beautifully carved with images of flying horses, clouds, and rainbows.
“Violet,” Iris whispered. “This is Violet’s door,” she said louder. “And this one . . . this one belongs to Cirrus,” she indicated a half-lit, uncarved door next to Violet’s. “What is this place? And what are all these doors?”
You already know, was the only response she received.
Iris focused on the doors and empty frames. “These are the doors to my friends’ minds. A link between all of us. But there are only a few doors right now. This room is massive. Several dozen doors could fit in here easily. Why is there so much space?”
Because you haven’t found all the owners of the doors. They’ll join you in due time. You’ll be able to feel them in person as they become magic users before a door materializes here.
Iris, you must protect this place. A breach here would allow someone complete access not only to your mind but also to the minds of all of those you cherish, her Little Self explained.
“That’s a lot of responsibility. I’m in charge of the mental safety of anyone who has a door in this room?”
Yes. Now, it’s time for you to learn how to become one with me. While I’m a projection of your subconscious, your conscious mind will be able to merge with me. It will allow you to walk the recesses of your mind and this room more easily.
“How do I accomplish that?”
Only you can figure this one out.
Although she was still picturing herself as a floating ball of thoughts, Iris imagined she cocked her head to the side as she contemplated the joining of her conscious thoughts with the physical projection of her subconscious. Her Little Self cocked her head. Iris grinned and watched as a smile spread across the face of her Little Self. It seemed so obvious; she simply had to imagine herself as her Little Self. With that thought, Iris’s conscious self joined her Little Self and she physically walked the room of doors within her own mind.
It was an odd sensation and an even odder thought; she was physically walking in her own mind, and at the same time, she could feel her head as she leaned it against her headboard. It was as though she wasn’t fully within her mind. Or maybe it was that she was still controlling her physical body from here. Iris, as her Little Self, closed her eyes and saw what Iris the person’s eyes were seeing: a blank wall.
Opening her eyes in the room of doors, Iris walked to Violet’s door. She raised a tentative hand to the wood. It was warm to the touch. As though it had basked in sunlight all day. With a few fingers, Iris traced the head and face of the largest, centermost figure—a magnificent pegasus with outstretched wings. The pegasus was so lifelike it almost looked as though it would take flight right then and there.
“What kind
of wood is this? It’s so pale,” Iris asked.
Birch. Cirrus’s is Aspen, her Little Self responded without Iris needing to voice her next question.
“That’s appropriate,” Iris mused as she walked toward Cirrus’s door. It wasn’t quite as well lit as Violet’s, but she knew it was his. The door, unlike Violet’s, was completely smooth. “Why isn’t there anything carved on Cirrus’s door?”
Because he hasn’t accepted his fate yet. Violet and you have both accepted your fates and therefore your true forms have been carved onto the surface of your doors.
“My true form? My door?” Iris asked.
She turned around and her eyes fell upon the large castle-like door she’d passed through. A wondrous sight met her eyes. The unfamiliar wood of the door was carved into a marvelous scene of faeries and butterflies in a field of flowers. In the background, a large, ancient looking tree that reminded her of the massive Moreton Bay Fig tree in Balboa Park sat majestically over a stream at its large, finger-like roots. It made her wonder if the door was carved from fig wood.
Iris walked to the double door and came face to face with a life-size and very regal looking faerie. Her hair hung long and unbound. It danced in the soft breeze that seemed as though it were truly riffling through the field of flowers. Gently held in her hand was a single white rose.
She focused on the face of the faerie. Her hand reached out toward the figure’s face. She had such an expression of longing that Iris’s chest clenched and tears came unbidden to her eyes. “Why is she so sad?”
She’s not sad. She’s waiting.
Iris continued to stare into the eyes of the faerie carved on her door. There was something so familiar about her and the scenery behind her. Iris felt like she’d been there before. Had stood at the base of the massive tree. She looked back at the faerie and focused on the woman as a whole. It was almost like looking into a mirror. The longer she stared, the sadder Iris became. “What is she waiting for?” she whispered to her Little Self. There was no answer. She backed away from the door. Forced herself to tear her eyes away from the faerie as tears streamed down her cheeks.