by Crowe, Stan
“Hey, Mom. Surprise!”
“Well, I’ll say,” she said in just that tone she always used for pleasant surprises. “You weren’t supposed to be here until tomorrow. What happened? Is everything okay? Where’s Ella?”
I grinned. “I had a chance to get away early and figured I’d take it. I knew you and Dad would be here and I thought it might be nice to get some time with you guys before the craziness began. Oh and Ella ran into some last minute problems; she couldn’t make it.”
Mom beamed. “Oh, that’s too bad. I was really looking forward to getting to know her better. But I’m so glad you could come a little early. Well come in, come in!” She went for my bag, but I got to it first.
“Can’t let you do all the work, Mom.”
Mom gave me a look. “I’m a mother, Nick. I’ve been doing all the work since at least nine months before you were born. Longer, if you want to talk about me taking care of your father. Hand over the bag.”
“I’ve been hauling bags of trash for you since I was five. I’ve got this.” I winked at Mom and started for the stairs, hearing an exasperated sigh behind me.
“So, Nick?” Mom asked as she hurried to join me. “How is that darling fiancée of yours?”
The initial joy of meeting Mom evaporated. I put on my “happy but nonchalant” face. Best to get settled in before worrying her. “Eh, she’s been a bit stressed with planning the wedding and stuff. On top of that, her landlady threw her out at the end of her contract, for some stupid reason,” a reason Ella never had gotten around to mentioning, “and she’s settling into her new place.”
“Oh. Well, that’s too bad. You did help her move, didn’t you?”
I gave Mom a look.
“Of course you did.” She squeezed me in a one-armed embrace and we climbed the stairs. “You always were the kind, responsible child. Heaven knows you didn’t get that from your father.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Hey, Mom. Dad’s a pretty responsible guy.”
She sighed. “Okay, I guess I have to give you that. But let’s not worry about it. I’m sure he’ll be thrilled to see you. He’s been talking non-stop about getting you and Doug out on that lake for some fishing. I’m sure he’ll want to go as soon as you can get your waders on, but I’m claiming your time tonight. He can have you once all your siblings arrive and I’ll be busy with the grandkids.”
I flinched mentally. My three sisters all had kids—really, really cute kids. Like, chinchilla cute. Of course Mom would want time with them. A pang of loneliness chased a feeling of being left behind through my heart. Even Doug, the youngest of all of us, had married and started on the kid thing without delay; his wife was four months along. I turned a sigh into a yawn and Mom looked at me with that appraising gaze all moms seem to have.
“Nick, you look absolutely exhausted. Have you been getting enough sleep?”
I frowned. “I haven’t gotten enough sleep since I started the doctoral degree.”
“Oh, Nick,” she crooned, hugging me again.
We reached the front porch and she paused before opening the door. She examined my face closely. “Look at those bags under your eyes. And you’re as bloodshot as I’ve ever seen you. You need a good night’s sleep. I’m appalled that you even tried driving! You could have fallen asleep at the wheel and gotten yourself killed!”
“I know, Mom. I’m sorry. I felt great this morning, but I only managed three hours of rest last night. I guess it’s just catching up to me now that I’m off the road.”
“Well, it’s a good thing you’re safe. Now let’s get you inside and unpacked.”
I gave Mom a tired smile and entered the cabin. I spent an extended minute taking in the ambience of the place. It was tradition.
The living room sprawled away to my left. Dad’s trophies, a real grizzly skin rug, hardwood everywhere, overstuffed leather couches—all these combined to create an interior decorator’s rustic male dream. Dad’s crown jewel—the sixty-five-inch plasma screen—had been carefully fitted into the wall opposite the couch. Mom had balked at the extravagance, but Dad reminded her that the law didn’t exactly mandate the granite countertop she’d chosen, either.
I knew the place by heart. Seven bedrooms, three-and-a-half baths. Plenty of space even for a gaggle of grandkids. None of the amenities held a candle to the lifetime of good memories, though. I took a deep breath through the nose and let a smile conquer my face.
“All right, all right,” Mom chuckled, with a light swat to my rear. “Quit daydreaming, Nick. Go unpack your stuff and then let’s get dinner going. I wasn’t planning on three.”
I gave Mom another quick squeeze, thanked her and jogged downstairs to my room. I’d barely changed the décor since I left for college. A few, badly outdated football posters flanked blank spots that used to display celebrity babes I’d once had crushes on. A copse of trophies stood tall on the shelves above my computer desk. The bed still had the same, blue sheets and comforter that Mom had gotten me for my 16th birthday. I set my bag on the computer chair and sat on my bed. Once my feet were bare I indulged a “little kid” moment, squishing my toes into the thick carpet before standing and flopping backwards on to my bed.
“I heard that Nick,” Mom called from upstairs. “Are you ever going to stop jumping on beds?”
I laughed and headed up to help Mom. She was chopping vegetables while a beautiful, steamy fragrance rose from a pot on the stove.
“Lemme give you a hand with that.” I crossed to her and got a knife.
I commenced dicing green peppers and she turned to other tasks. “Where’s Dad?”
“He went into town about an hour ago. He should be home soon. He needed ice for the coolers and some fancy kind of fish bait he kept talking about. We really weren’t expecting you this soon.”
“I hope I haven’t caused you any trouble.”
“No!” Mom reached over to squeeze my shoulder. “We love having you home, Nick. I’m so glad you’re here. So anyway, tell me about you. How’s school?”
I shrugged. “Hoping the Department comes through with that money. They said I was on the short list, but… they haven’t exactly been good about keeping ‘promises.’ I should have enough for rent and such through the end of October, but I’ll need to get a job A.S.A.P after my dissertation’s done.”
Mom’s lips turned down. “Nick, I really wish you’d just let us help with college. I know the economy isn’t great, but,” and she gestured around, “we’ve got enough to help.”
I shook my head, but cracked a smile. “Thanks, Mom. I really do appreciate that. But you know how it goes.”
She heaved a great sigh. “Yes, yes. Must prove your independence. Be a man and all that. You know you don’t have to prove anything to me, Nick.”
I smiled more. “I know. I’m proving it to myself.”
Mom’s frown turned into a wan grin. “That is another of your best traits Nick. No one will ever be able to call you a freeloader. But anyway, more importantly, how are the wedding plans going?” Her voice had that same, little girl giddiness that most women seemed to have when they talked weddings and romance.
I exhaled as quietly as possible. How was I supposed to break this? “Well, Mom, it’s… it’s going a bit faster than I expected.”
“Faster?”
I focused on cutting carefully as I chose my words. “Ella… doesn’t want to wait until December.”
Mom moved the pot to a back burner and put a frying pan in its place. She poured in some olive oil and gently laid a trio of herb-rubbed chicken breasts in the pan. “When does she want to get married, then? We can re-arrange our calendar if we need to. You know I wouldn’t miss your wedding for the world.”
Chop. Chop. Chop.
“Nick?”
Chop. Sigh. “Um… I’m not totally sure, Mom. She’s talked about October. She’s even talked about September.
“September?” Her cooking noises ceased. “Nick, September isn’t even two weeks away. She m
eans late September, at least, doesn’t she?” Mom stepped up next to me and I could see confusion and concern in her eyes.
I continued staring at the peppers. “She said something about the thirteenth, just earlier today.” I hastened to add, “But I’m not sure if she meant that.”
“The thirteenth,” Mom gasped. “Why, Nick! That’s no time at all to make all the arrangements we need.” I could feel her energy levels spiking as she kicked into “frantic Mom” mode. I’d seen this every time my sister Carissa put off yet another report to the last minute, or the time Sonja had accidentally torn Grace’s formal dress on Homecoming night, or the incident where Doug forgot to send in his college application until 15 minutes before the drop-dead time. So much for a relaxing vacation.
“Why so sudden, Nick? Do you even have a tuxedo? What about flight tickets to your honeymoon? Do you even have a honeymoon arranged? What about invitations? I haven’t even seen them yet. How is anyone supposed to get ready for a wedding on the thirteenth?” She bustled the way she always did. I didn’t see the point of moving around like that, but I guess it helped her think or something.
I set the knife down and turned to face her. “Mom. Mom. Hey, calm down for a second.”
She stopped and stared at me as though I had asked her to cut off her own hand. “Calm down?” she said. “Calm down? Nick, I have to make travel and hotel arrangements for the whole family in under three weeks. How am I supposed to calm down?”
She had a point. I’d have to try another tactic. “Mom, I… I just need a few minutes of your time. We really need to talk.”
Mom stopped flitting and her eyes shifted from organized panic to concerned understanding. “Something’s wrong, isn’t it Nick?”
I pursed my lips. “You might say that.”
Mom nodded and turned off the stove. She put lids on the pot and frying pan. “Dinner can wait. If you need me, that’s much more important.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
We sat at the little breakfast table next to the picture window and Mom took my hand while I gazed out at the lake for several minutes. It was so beautiful, so calm—not a care in the world. Why couldn’t my life be like that? Mom seemed to sense my thoughts and gently pressed my hand in hers.
“It would be nice if we could spend all our time like this, Nick. I’m sorry I got all worked up. Mom’s do that—especially when their sons come home and say, ‘Hey Mom, I’m getting married in three weeks.’” She laughed in a way that told me she was trying to make me feel better. I obliged her with a half grin.
“That’s just it. I’m… not really sure if I’m getting married in three weeks.”
Mom tensed. “Tell me what’s wrong. Did you and Ella have a fight?”
I clenched my teeth in thought. “Well, yeah. But that’s not the problem. Okay, well, it’s not the whole problem.”
“Tell me.”
I looked at her, grateful to know she would understand. “Ella changed the date without consulting me. I didn’t even know about it until she told a friend of mine. I asked her why she didn’t tell me and why she was trying to pull it off so soon and… well… she just blew up at me, Mom. I’m sure she didn’t mean any of what she said, but… anyway, that’s why she’s not here. I mean, yeah, she did just move after her landlady refused to renew her contract, but I think both of us need a little break from the tension.”
Mom nodded and stroked my hand. “Oh, Nick. No one likes to fight with the person they’re supposed to be in love with.” She hesitated before adding, “Well, actually, your dad seems to enjoy it. But you know what I mean.”
I had to chuckle. “Yeah.”
Mom’s smile was soft and warm. “Engagement is such a wonderful time, Nick. I know you probably couldn’t guess, but I was madly in love with your father when we first met.” Mom left off speaking for a while and let her eyes stray to the far side of the lake. To me, it seemed as if she were trying to look back through time. The sigh that closed her reverie had a heavy note of longing in it.
“Jim really was my Prince Charming, all those years ago. I can’t believe it has been thirty years. And now I’ve got five kids and wrinkles and stretch marks and something resembling a gray hair.” She glanced at me. “Jim and I met in college, same as you and Ella. Nothing wrong with that, I guess. It wasn’t quite love at first sight, but it was pretty close. It only took him two weeks to propose. Mom hated him. Dad was ambivalent, but wasn’t about to challenge Mom, which was as good as siding with her. Mom did everything she could to get rid of Jim, but that only seemed to make him more determined. In the end, we eloped.” She laughed to herself. “He’s still that way. Stubborn as a mule. Once he sets his mind on something, he gets it no matter what.”
Mom looked into my eyes. “That’s something else you got from him, you know. But you were smart enough to temper your tenacity with the kind of good sense your father still doesn’t have. I take credit for that,” she said, eyes sly.
I laughed again. “So… that’s what I need to know, Mom. What… happened?”
Mom exhaled heavily and looked back at the water. “I don’t know, Nick. Life happened, I guess. Jobs, kids, social expectations, money issues—we weren’t always wealthy, you know. All the little problems added up one day at a time and we didn’t really take the time to maintain our marriage. It was so much easier to just throw blame around when something went wrong than it was to sit down and talk about it like mature adults. Granted, that takes two mature adults.”
“Mom, that’s not helping.”
She shrugged, but grinned again. “I know I tease your father mercilessly.”
“Tease? Not the word I would choose. You should lighten up on the guy.”
Mom turned stern eyes on me. “Nick, I may not look like I love your father to you, but, I’ll be honest, you don’t really know what’s going on in this old woman’s heart and mind. Or in his, for that matter. We may bite each other’s heads off all the time, but I promise you that Prince Charming is still buried somewhere deep inside that thick belly of his; and underneath my ‘tough mom’ exterior there’s still a damsel in distress waiting to be rescued.
“I’ve stayed with your father for more than just convenience. Maybe we haven’t been shining examples of a good marriage. Yes, I’ve thought about walking out more times than I care to remember. And yes, I’m sorry we didn’t show you kids a better example of what a marriage should be. But just because we’ve made many mistakes, don’t for a minute think that we’re finished, or that there’s no love waiting in the wings.”
She stared at me for a few more moments and then went back to looking across the lake. I sat in speechless surprise. I had no idea Mom felt anything but bitterness toward the man. I wasn’t lying when I’d told Moiré about how they fought. But Mom was right; I really didn’t know. I had no room to pass judgment on my parents. I leaned back in my chair and followed Mom’s gaze. The far shore was dazzling and the pines were just starting to get the slightest blush of red as the August sun started downward in the sky. A light breeze carried the smell of the sand and the water below and I felt like a kid again, even if I was a kid who had just been reprimanded by his mom.
I’m not sure how much time passed before my stomach rumbled, but the realization I was hungry brought me back to earth. I took Mom’s hand again and she responded with that welcoming smile.
“Thank you, Mom. Really. I’m sorry I got out of line. I shouldn’t have tried calling you or Dad out on anything. But thanks again for the help. I’m sure this thing with Ella will pass. I just need to figure out how to make things right.” I glanced at the stove. “We should finish dinner.”
“That’s okay, Nick. And I’m sorry I snapped at you like that. I guess emotions just get a little close to the surface when I bring up those old memories. Can I give you some advice before we cook?”
“Sure, Mom. Anything.”
Mom weighed her words, then said, “Even with proper maintenance, you’d be a fool to expect marri
age to just glide along blissfully without any bumps in the road.” She looked at me seriously. “Bumps aside, I think a couple can work through almost any problem as long as both of them are on board. Marriage only really works when the whole team plays, Nick. Believe me, I tried for a long time to hold on to the fairytale I thought I married into. Jim, I guess, didn’t feel the same way. Heaven knows I probably didn’t help with that. But for all his faults and despite his… occasionally wandering eyes, I have to admit he’s been a very loyal companion. He never has broken his vows in all these years even if he bent them from time to time. Make sure Ella is as committed to this as you are and I think you’ll be just fine.”
I leaned over to hug her. “Thanks, Mom. I really needed that.”
“It’ll work out the way it’s supposed to. You’re a great kid and you’ve grown to be a fine man. Any girl would be lucky to have you. You’re so much like your father was when we met.”
“So what are you saying, Mom? I’m going to be fat and bald in a few years?”
Mom laughed. “Your dad used to make me laugh like that too. I love you Nick. Thanks for talking with me.”
We hugged again and got up from the table. As I was washing my hands to resume chopping, Mom startled me. “You know,” she said with a half laugh, “Ella’s a really cute girl, but for some reason, I always pictured you getting together with a redhead.” With that, she went back to finishing the chicken.
I fixated on my peppers and knife. I really didn’t want to lose a finger to distraction.
Dad walked through the front door just as Mom and I were putting the plates on the table. His bushy, gray beard split in a smirk as soon as he saw me.
“Nick! Hey, kiddo, great to have you! Heck of a surprise!” We swapped back-slapping hugs. “How the heck are you, kid?”