‘I know that,’ he said heavily. He traced his finger along her collarbone and her skin tingled where he touched it.
‘I don’t think I let myself see the dangers. I was just so happy, really for the very first time in my entire life. I felt as though I had chanced upon the secret of the universe and I forgot everything for a while. I forgot about the death-sentence hanging over my head, or at any rate I shoved it to the back of my mind until I couldn’t keep it there any longer, but I couldn’t tell you, Dominic. I suppose partly that was for selfish reasons, but mostly it was because I wanted to spare you. Afterwards, when I returned here and read that letter and had to readjust all my perspectives, I realised that ours was a relationship that was not meant to be. I thought that you had fallen in love with someone who didn’t really exist and that if you saw me, saw me for what I really was, which was a very ordinary person with very ordinary hang-ups, then you would run a mile. And I couldn’t bear the thought of that, of your disillusionment.’
‘Oh, Katherine.’ Two words that made her heart soar.
He undid the buttons of her cardigan, then unclasped her bra at the front and drew it aside, and his finger trailed over her breast in ever-decreasing circles until he was touching the hard nub of her nipple, although his eyes were still focused on hers.
‘When you told me the reasons why you had left,’ he murmured in a voice that was barely audible, ‘I was angry. I had somehow convinced myself that, after you said that there had been no man involved, the reasons left, by some weird process of elimination, must be simple. I thought that you left me because you had felt at the time that you couldn’t cope. Do you know, when I saw you again at that school, I managed to tell myself that I was still deeply angry with you, but the need to see you became compulsive? Just knowing that you were around, in the area, drove me mad. I couldn’t get you out of my head, and then, slowly, when you began disclosing bits of your past, I thought I had it all worked out. I thought you had walked out on me all that time ago because of insecurities which went back into your childhood, and that made me feel stupidly better.’
He stopped what he was doing and looked her directly in the eyes, and then he said, ‘You may know that I love you, but I can never tell you just how much.’
Katherine didn’t say anything. She had fallen off the precipice but, instead of hurtling down, she was high up in the clouds, floating in a land she had only ever dreamt of.
‘You love me?’ she asked hesitantly, and he threw her a dry grimace.
‘Always and forever. I just never stopped.’ His eyes roamed over her body. ‘I was stupid and blind.’ He threw her a sheepish look. ‘I even made the mistake of thinking that I could replace you with someone else. A most unappealing woman called Gail, who did everything she could to try and convince me that she could become indispensable if only I’d let her.’
She had been waiting for him to mention her, debating in her mind whether she should spoil the magic of the moment with questions, or whether she shouldn’t simply let the matter rest and wait for it to crop up in the natural course of things.
‘Gail… How did you meet her? Did you…?’ She felt her heart constrict at the thought of any intimacy between him and another woman.
‘I met her,’ he said ‘at one of those hideous parties which people feel obliged to give over Christmas. I was getting quietly drunk and thinking of you when she made her presence known in no uncertain terms. She had just returned from a two-week vacation in New York and she seemed to think that that gave her an immediate point of contact with me. And I looked at her and saw your face, and I was so angry with you, myself, the whole damn world, that I chatted to her. I heard myself asking her to dinner and I was aghast at the prospect of it, which perversely stopped me from backing down, and then, before I knew what had hit me, she was round at the house, cooking meals, trying to persuade me that being a bachelor was an unnatural state of affairs. Every time I looked at her I saw you. For a while I wanted to prove to myself that this time you had blown it, that I had learnt my lesson, that I wasn’t a complete raving idiot, and the harder I tried to convince myself of that, the more I realised that I really was a complete raving idiot after all.’
‘You mean…’ Katherine’s eyes widened in horror and she tried not to laugh.
‘Oh, my darling.’ His eyes were distraught. ‘I was a fool, and you must believe me when I tell you that I never touched her. Not once. I wasn’t even tempted. As soon as she stepped foot into the house, all I could think of was how I could get her out. She was leggy, blonde, a model—and if she had stood on the kitchen table and performed a strip-tease, I would have still found her utterly unattractive. Please believe me.’
‘I do believe you,’ she said, smiling, ‘and besides, Claire didn’t care much for her either, did she? And children are the devil when it comes to accepting strangers into their house.’
‘You knew?’
‘The information was volunteered by your daughter,’ she said seriously, and he burst out laughing.
‘I can’t believe I shall have to contend with the two of you joining forces against me in the future,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘Because there is going to be a future, isn’t there, Katherine?’
‘There is,’ she agreed lazily, covering his hand with hers. ‘I love you, Dominic Duvall.’
‘Yes.’ He looked eminently satisfied with the response. ‘I suppose all we shall have to sort out now is the where and the when.’ He turned her hand over so that he was looking down at her palm, and he idly rubbed his thumb against the soft flesh, a sweet, intimate gesture that made her heart want to burst.
Had it been like this for David as well? When he realised that he had fallen in love with Jack and that his love was reciprocated? Had he had this same, overwhelming feeling of wanting to reach out and become one with her, the way she felt for Dominic? If that was the case, then it was no wonder that they had decided to sneak away and get married rather than face even the slimmest chance of having their plans dashed.
I’ve never known true happiness before, she thought with some wonder. Oh, I’ve seen a glimpse of what it could be, but when something is out of reach, it forever remains a blurry dream.
‘Whenever,’ she said. ‘Wherever.’
‘Oh, no, my girl.’ He looked at her wryly. ‘Now that I’ve finally got you, there’s no way that I’m going to let you have any leeway to change your mind.’ And he smiled, as if he knew very well that she would never do that, and the knowledge was inspiring. ‘Besides, there’s the question of Claire. A little girl with some very definite views.’ He looked thoughtful. ‘No, I don’t think she would approve at all of my living with her beloved teacher in a state of unmarried bliss.’ He grinned. ‘So, whenever becomes as soon as possible, and wherever might just as well be this house. After all,’ he said, ‘it’s going to be your home now.’
‘Yes, my love.’ She sighed a long sigh of contentment. ‘My home.’
How long her heart had searched for that.
ISBN: 978-1-4592-0448-5
THE PRICE OF DECEIT
First North American Publication 2000.
Copyright © 1995 by Cathy Williams.
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