The next panel said FIRE and the rumbling became a roar.
* * *
The Master of Sinanju found the container because there was only one locked cabinet on the wall of the top tier, and after snapping the padlock, there was only one container that sloshed in that cabinet, and its heaviness suggested a very dense liquid, so the Master of Sinanju assumed that it contained the oil that would neutralize the warhead.
The next step was to gain access to the warhead, which Chiun did by leaping atop it with the oil container under one arm.
There was a spout attached to the container, but no open hole in the tip of the missile like those in cars, which Chiun had seen taking refined oil in gas stations. Chiun remembered gas stations because they smelled so bad, but Remo always insisted on stopping at them whenever they went on trips. Too bad Remo wasn't here, Chiun thought. He would know what to do. All whites know machines.
Chiun tapped the missile nose with his foot, and the hollowness that came back told him that the nose was a shell covering something within, and he could break the shell without damaging what it held.
Stooping, Chiun popped a hole in the warhead shroud with his fingernails. Then he casually peeled large patches of alloy metal back until he was standing inside the warhead, whose sides hung down like drooping sunflower petals.
Chiun was now standing on the warhead mechanism itself, which was a slim thing like an inverted ice cream cone fixed to a complicated base. As Chiun looked for a place where the container spout could go, the silo roof above him rolled back. He paid it no mind. Once he completed his work, he would lead the others away from this place with no loss of life that could anger the Emperor Smith, who was sometimes fussy about such things, and then he would be brought to the USO— or whatever the obnoxious blonde woman called it. Then, Chiun's destiny would be assured.
But before the Master of Sinanju could locate the proper place on the warhead, the missile began to rumble and shake, and then there was a roar of fire far beneath him, and then he felt the huge missile rise under his feet, and he felt himself rising with it.
?Chapter Nine
The first thing Remo Williams noticed when he woke up was the smell.
"Cheez, Chiun," he said thickly. "Whatever crap you're cooking is burning."
The room was silent. Remo sat up in bed, and the stiffness of his limbs and the slight peeling of the burned portions of his body both told him he had been asleep not for a few hours, but for at least a full day. Then he realized the awful smell was coming from his own body.
Remo wiped a film of some greasy substance off one leg. It looked like yellowed library paste but smelled like a cheese dip whose principal ingredients included year-old fishheads, sulphur, and a smell he could not identify, but which he imagined turtle eggs smelled like after being buried for a thousand years.
Most of his body was covered with the gunk. Remo recognized it as one of Chiun's Korean remedies. God alone knew what it was made from, and Remo preferred that He keep the information to Himself. Remo showered and dressed quickly.
It was only after he had dressed that Remo found Chiun's note, which was next to his bed, rolled up and tied with a green ribbon. Remo undid the ribbon and read the scroll:
Remo, my son:
First, I forgive you for not telling me about the USO, whose importance to the House of Sinanju you may or may not have realized. Do not concern yourself that your ignorance almost prevented the Master of Sinanju, who has trained you even though you are only a white and often ungrateful, from solving one of the greatest mysteries of Sinanju and thus taking his rightful place in the archives as Chiun, the Great Explainer. I am on my way to remedy your oversight, so do not be concerned about this. In Sinanju, there can be no mistakes, but only detours along the path to a final goal.
By the time you read these words, Remo, my healing balm will have done its work, and I will have taken the first steps toward fulfilling my destiny. This is an important thing, as you must realize by now, and a dangerous thing, which is why I must face this thing alone. For should anything happen to me, you will become the reigning Master, even though you are white and almost cost me this great opportunity. Do not look for me, Remo. My pilgrimage may be a long one, and I will return if it is willed by my ancestors that I return. And on that day I will explain to you what you, in your ignorance, did not realize, but for which I have, in my magnanimity, forgiven you.
Know that I do not hold against you your inability to keep your elbow straight when thrusting. Viewed against all your other inadequacies, that fault is trivial.
Although the letter was in English, the signature was in Korean, and instead of putting his formal title, name, and symbolic chop at the bottom as he usually did, the Master of Sinanju had signed the note simply, "Chiun."
"Dammit, Chiun," Remo said when he was done reading. "Why couldn't you wait around one lousy day?" Remo read the letter again, and after his fourth reading he realized it was not going to tell him what he wanted to know most— namely what in blazes Chiun was talking about. Where had he gone? And what had the USO to do with anything? Remo tried to think, but his head was fuzzy. His mouth and lips were dry. He drank three glasses of water.
Then Remo called the local time number and discovered he'd been unconscious for one day. Before he could hang up, the computer voice warbled, and then it was Smith asking, "Remo. What is going on? I've been trying to reach you since yesterday."
"Smitty? How'd you do that?"
"Never mind. Are you all right?"
"Yeah. Yeah, a little stiff, I guess. But Chiun's taken off. He left some kind of dipshit note and it doesn't make any sense. He's pissed off at me and the USO for some reason."
"He probably meant UFO," Smith said dryly.
"Huh? Oh, yeah. That's right. I forgot about them."
"Remo," Smith said. "There was a serious nuclear accident a few hours ago near Oklahoma City. A Titan II missile was activated. Fortunately, it misfired and fell back into its silo. But there were casualties, and the press has found out some of it. We couldn't keep it a secret this time."
"Great. As if I don't have enough problems with Chiun off chasing flying saucers."
"Remo. This is a grave matter. The president just called me. He's concerned. But I told him you were already on the matter."
"It all ties in with those nutty FOES people, Smitty. They dragged me out into the woods to meet a flying saucer, and I got zapped."
"I know. Chiun told me. They used ultrasonics. It's not fatal, obviously. But it could be."
"That's comforting. Look, I gotta get moving. No telling what they're up to and where Chiun is."
"Are you sure you can handle this without Chiun?"
"He's my trainer, not my babysitter," Remo said and hung up before Smith could ask questions. Remo had to find Chiun.
Remo called the FOES number, but got no answer. Now what? That had been his only lead. He could investigate the missile site that had been wasted, except that Smith hadn't told him which site it was, and Remo didn't feel like calling old lemon puss back right now. Never mind hassling with military idiots at the site who would probably shoot at him and inconvenience him in other minor ways.
That left the spot where Remo had been zapped by the whatever-it-was with the lights. Might as well try that, he thought and left, not bothering to close or to lock the door behind him. He wondered if he still smelled of Chiun's ointment...
* * *
The Master of Sinanju was keeping his temper under control. It was not easy. Had he not gotten the blonde woman and her friends into the missile place? Had he not told the blonde woman that he was going to neutralize the missile, which was what she had wanted? Had he not then left her sight only a few minutes? Had he not also done all of her work for her despite her ineptitude— and nearly completed the task, when he found the missile on which he stood rising from its hole when it was not necessary?
Yes, he had. He had put up with her stupidity, her ignorance, and her l
ack of proper respect toward the Master of Sinanju.
And what had his reward been?
His reward was to find himself atop a missile that was going to land in the barbarian land of the Russias.
It was fortunate, the Master of Sinanju told himself, that an object of that size and weight did not rise rapidly in the beginning, that its initial movement was vibration, which the Master could detect, and that when the fire began streaming from its tail, the missile lifted slowly against gravity at first. Very slowly.
Chiun had waited until the warhead came level with the open roof before he stepped off it onto the ground outside, where two great horns of fire were shooting up at opposite angles. These were exhaust flames carried up by deflector vents, although Chiun did not know this. He only knew they were dangerous and so avoided them. He also knew that once the missile escaped its hole, it would spill even more flame behind it, and because he did not know how much flame, he jumped from its path. And the missile rose in thunder, like a tree growing out of the earth faster than trees could grow, but still slowly compared to the speed of Sinanju.
Chiun had made it to the shelter of the control bunker when the missile fell back into its hole and exploded. It was not so much an explosion as it was a falling and bursting apart. But there had been no mushroom cloud, so Chiun knew he was in no danger. He also knew that if there had been a mushroom cloud, he would not have seen it anyway, and there would now be a new Master of Sinanju, and the old Master— himself— would have been cheated of his rightful destiny.
"I'm sorry," Amanda Bull was saying as the FOES van tore off into the night, leaving behind a ruined Titan II missile, one of the most destructive devices known to man.
"You have caused destruction and death where none was necessary," Chiun told her as he arranged his robes so the seat would not wrinkle them.
"It was an accident," Group Leader Amanda Bull lied. "I pressed the button by accident."
"And did you kill that man by accident, too?"
"How did you know about him?"
"There is blood on your clothes and a smell on your weapon that tells me it has been fired. Who else would you kill?"
"It was necessary. Besides, we should all count ourselves lucky that I found the abort button in time. It could've been a lot worse."
Chiun sniffed audibly. "Emperor Smith will be displeased. My village depends upon his gold."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Amanda said. "I already said I was sorry."
"I'm sorry, too, Mr. Chiun," Ethel Sump said.
"I accept your apology, but not hers," Chiun told Ethel. Then he asked, "Where are we going?"
"We have to report our glorious victory," Amanda said.
"We are going to meet the USO?" Chiun asked hopefully, leaning forward.
"That's right. And you're coming, too."
Chiun sat back in his seat, and his face assumed a benevolent smile. "You shall be rewarded for your efforts," he told Amanda.
"Just why do you want to meet our leader?" she asked.
Chiun's smile evaporated. He looked out the window at the black trees flashing past.
"Because his ancestors knew my ancestors," Chiun said finally.
* * *
The ship was not waiting at the rendezvous when they arrived. Amanda cut the engine and beeped the horn three times. Everyone got out of the van and turned his eyes skyward, but there was nothing but stars and ragged clouds up there.
When the white fire burst into life over their heads a few minutes later, the Oklahoma City chapter of the Flying Object Evaluation Center sent up a collective "OOOOooooohhhh!"
Chiun alone was silent, his hazel eyes fixed sharply on the descending spaceship.
The UFO sprouted red and green secondary lights and passed over their heads after proving it could remain stationary in the air. It floated over the trees and sank. A misty, milky glow showed through the forest wall.
"Okay, everybody," Amanda Bull said proudly. "Let's report. "
They marched toward the light, Amanda Bull leading the way, Chiun behind her and carrying himself like a bride walking down the aisle, with the other FOES members strung out behind them.
"This is a great day," Chiun said in a solemn voice.
"It sure is," Ethel Sump giggled.
When they were gathered before the shining object, Chiun whispered to Amanda, "You must properly introduce me, woman."
"Yeah, yeah. Let me report first, will you?" Amanda strode forward and disappeared through the ship's door, which opened for her, then closed. The lights dimmed so they didn't hurt the eyes so much.
Not long after, Amanda returned and told Chiun, "The World Master will see you now."
Chiun took a step backward, disgust on his wrinkled face. "I have not been properly introduced. You must present me as Chiun, the reigning Master of Sinanju."
"Come on, come on. We haven't got all night."
"Ingrate."
And so Chiun, lifting the hem of his kimono to keep it out of the tall grass, stepped up to the shining object and with measured tread, passed within. He found himself in a semicircular room like the inside of a steel ball that had been partitioned off. On the face of the partition was a pebbled-glass screen and beyond that, a wavering shadow.
Chiun stepped up to the glass and bowed once. "I am Chiun, reigning Master of Sinanju, latest in the line of Masters of Sinanju, who traces his ancestry back to the Master Wang the Greater, and even before him."
"Yes, I know, Chiun, Master of Sinanju. For I am a Master too. I am the World Master, who is known as Hopak Kay."
A strange expression crossed Chiun's face, and then he said, "We have much to discuss, you and 1. May I enter your chambers?"
"No. It is forbidden. Nor may I leave my chambers, for I must breathe, which I cannot do in your atmosphere."
"Ah," said Chiun. "I understand. Breathing is important to us, too."
"Preparation Group Leader Bull has informed me you wish to join with our movement to bring peace to the world."
"A worthy goal, World Master," Chiun replied. "And it demonstrates your wisdom, and the wisdom of your house, that you have chosen to bring your civilizing influence to this land above all others, for it sorely needs it. America is a land of ugliness, although one time in its past it produced many beautiful dramas, although even these have slipped into decadence."
"Yes," World Master Hopak Kay said reedily, "when I am ready to announce myself to the world, we will usher in a new era in which drama will be raised to new heights of artistry. All will be allowed to express themselves in the manner of their choosing."
"Except those who are inferior. There are many who are inferior in this world. There are the whites and then the blacks, and after them the Chinese and Japanese..."
"Yes," the World Master agreed, "all inferior peoples must be dealt with accordingly."
"Of course," added Chiun, who had been told by Remo that racial discrimination was a bad thing, "all inferior races must be tolerated and treated as if they are equal, even when we know they are not."
"Yes, all inferior races must be dealt with as if they were not inferior. You are very wise."
Chiun nodded his head happily. Here was an obviously superior being, he thought. Here was someone who thought logically and saw truth clearly. "The House of Sinanju acknowledges your wisdom as well. May I ask the name of your house?"
The shadow moved briefly behind the glass, and for a strange second, the Master of Sinanju thought he perceived that the World Master had two arms on the left side of his body, but of course that was impossible...
"House?" the voice asked, puzzled.
"Yes, what is the name of the place from whence you come, the place of your ancestors?"
"I am from the House of Betelgeuse."
Chiun bowed again. "It is good that the House of Sinanju again meets the House of Beetle Goose. Long has the House of..."
"Alert! Alert!" Amanda Bull screeched from outside. "That Remo is back
! He's back!"
Chiun's head whipped around. "Remo, my son."
Then from outside there came the flat cracks of shots and noises of confusion and panic.
Remo Williams was in the middle of the local FOES chapter, where he had moved after dodging the first few bullets aimed at him. Despite some lingering stiffness resulting from his earlier brush with the UFO, he still moved easily. He had been surprised to find everyone back in the same location, but that hadn't slowed his reflexes any.
In the middle of the milling group, where they didn't dare shoot for fear of hitting one another, Remo began taking them out one at a time. There was a fat guy in overalls to his right, and Remo dropped him with a straight-fingered jab to the base of the neck, interrupting the signals from brain to limbs with a slight dislocation of the upper vertebrae.
Next, Remo side-kicked a kneecap, and someone else dropped, yelling with pain.
The third person went down with two bullets in her lungs, which Amanda Bull put there because she obviously didn't care about hurting her own people to get at Remo.
So Remo floated to the left and started to come up on her blind side, where the raised rifle butt cut off her peripheral vision.
"Remo, stop that. Stop that this instant. What are you doing?" It was Chiun's voice, high and squeaky. He had come from somewhere and was standing in front of the dingbat UFO, Remo saw, his hands upraised and the sleeves of his kimono hanging off to expose his frail arms. He was all but jumping up and down.
"Chiun," Remo yelled back. "Get clear. That big thing's what burned me!"
"Remo. Stop this instant."
"Preparation Group Leader," the amplified voice of the World Master announced, "we must evacuate. Bring your people."
Amanda Bull instantly dropped back, shouting, "Everybody into the ship!" She evaded Remo only because Remo had been brought up short by Chiun's yelling, and he wasn't sure what was going on.
He was even more confused when the group piled into the UFO, including the wounded, who had to be helped. Chiun was one of the helpers.
"Chiun, what the ding-dong hell are you up to?" Remo called out to him, not wanting to venture too close to the UFO.
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