Frantic as he was, Etchman was still a ladies man and as such had the presence of mind to consider his less than impeccable appearance. His hair was unwashed and unkempt; he wore several days stubble and carried with him the clamminess and odour that arises from two days without a shower. Confident and assured now that he knew where Tania was, Etchman sped back to his hotel to spruce himself up, aiming to return within the hour to claim his prize.
* * * *
Mrs Bhumbra had always enjoyed a strong bond with her son Kuldeep. She had recognised and embraced his needs unconditionally and unreservedly. On his behalf she had taken on Doctors who initially had dared to suggest her son might be retarded. She had dismissed experts who wrote off Kuldeep’s abilities as meaningless splinter skills. She had tackled head on the ignorant and occasionally abusive teachers and the Local Education Authority which employed them, all on her son’s behalf.
All this Mrs Bhumbra did because she loved Kuldeep, because he was her son. But also she did it because, just beneath the surface in a place where she need not admit it existed, Mrs Bhumbra felt guilty. Not that her son, her first child, was perceived as abnormal by the wider world. But guilty because sometimes, when Kuldeep had been very young, Mrs Bhumbra found herself wishing that he had been born without special needs, that he could go to a normal school and play like normal children. And whenever she had such thoughts Mrs Bhumbra felt a deep burning shame which only caused her to fight harder for her son.
Kuldeep, for his part, had quite clear memories of being a child. He could remember being unable to speak; he was able to recall specific instances when hyper-focussing had been a problem. Such as spending minutes at a time at the edge of the road focussing on his new shoes while the pedestrian lights went through numerous rotations until a passer-by asked him if he was quite alright.
But Kuldeep didn’t remember his childhood in a negative way. He never felt lonely or particularly frightened of anything. Overall Kuldeep’s experiences remained unanalysed because his mind wasn’t geared that way.
Recently, however, there had been a shift and the cause of this was Tania Streatham. Mrs Bhumbra was aware of Tania’s presence in her son’s life from the outset because Kuldeep had mentioned their friendship quite openly. It soon became clear, however, that Kuldeep had developed deeper feelings for Tania and quite soon, to the astonishment of the Bhumbra family, Kuldeep announced that he was in love.
Following the revelation that the relationship had ended, Mrs Bhumbra was rightly concerned about her son. This concern proved to be well-founded when Mrs Bhumbra received a call from the police to say they would need to question Kuldeep about an incident but not until he had been discharged from hospital.
Mr Bhumbra had always refused to accept the depth of Kuldeep’s condition and saw this latest setback with Tania as entirely the fault of the young temptress. But Mrs Bhumbra knew her son was deeply fond of Tania and knew also that this may lead to difficulties. After all, Kuldeep was autistic, intelligent but still a teenage boy in the midst of his first relationship with a member of the opposite sex.
It had been more than a week since the night Kuldeep had, while out delivering food for his father, spotted Tania entering Lee Etchman’s house. Since then Kuldeep had taken to stalking Etchman, watching his every move since identifying him as an obstacle to his being with Tania.
Mrs Bhumbra worried about her son, perhaps more than mothers of children without special needs worried about theirs. But even Mrs Bhumbra could not guess at the level of Kuldeep’s obsession with Tania or that this obsession had already manifested itself in several dangerous and threatening ways.
So far Kuldeep had resorted to deflating the tyres on Etchman’s car and even, while feeling particularly frustrated at the idea of Tania with someone else, thrown a half brick through the windscreen of Etchman’s car. Most worryingly, though, Kuldeep’s thoughts were turning increasingly towards actually harming Lee Etchman, either by simply running him over in a Modhubon van or catching him off guard and stabbing him.
Mrs Bhumbra was unaware of any of this as Kuldeep had wisely kept it from her. In the wake of the episode at the Streatham house - where Kuldeep had attempted to break into the family home to speak to Tania, resulting in an admission to hospital and a caution from the police - Mr and Mrs Bhumbra sat Kuldeep down and spelled out to him the seriousness of the situation.
Being a high-functioning autistic Kuldeep was able to understand that his parents did not want him anywhere near Tania again and that they could not afford any trouble with the police. As such, Kuldeep reasoned he had better not tell anyone about the Lee Etchman situation.
* * * *
Alfie had enjoyed several weeks of happiness thanks entirely to Loriana but now fate, fickle and so often cruel, decided to step in. Being regular visitors to the Narracott hotel Alfie and Loriana could have reasonably expected to encounter Tania, the hotels newest employee, at any time throughout January and early February. By pure chance, such a potentially awkward and uncomfortable meeting had been avoided, until tonight.
Alfie and Loriana were shown to their seats in the bay window of the Overlook Lounge and, at that precise moment, Alfie was left floundering beneath a wave of panic when he saw none other than Tania Streatham. Backed into a corner and anxious to avoid Tania recognising him, which would lead to greetings and an introduction to Loriana, Alfie lunged to his right and kissed Loriana on the lips just as she opened her mouth to discuss drinks. All Tania saw as she passed by, much to her displeasure, was two oldies having a snog in the privacy of a high-backed booth.
A split second later Loriana pushed Alfie forcibly away and instinctively slapped his face. Mortified, she simply stared at Alfie who, if he were honest, was hoping the ground might, just this once, open up and permit him to jump in.
‘I’m, I’m sorry…’ Alfie began, his face burning with shame. This moment was as bad as any he endured at school after he’d been labelled the ‘weird kid’ following his erratic behaviour in the wake of his brother’s death.
‘What on earth? Alfredo, what possessed you to behave in such a way? We are friends, companions yet now, after I have only recently thrown out my husband, you do this.’
‘Loriana, it’s not what you think. Really, you see…’
She held up her hand to silence him.
‘Alfie, ‘Fredo, if we are to remain friends we must be clear on the situation. We can have no kind of…arrangement if you are having these thoughts, these urges. Perhaps I should leave.’
She reached for her three-quarter length black wool coat, neatly folded on one of the free seats in the booth.
‘No, Loriana, please don’t leave. I can only apologise and assure you nothing of this kind will happen again. I don’t know what came over me. Perdonilo?’
Loriana scrutinised Alfie’s face, his sincere bottle-green eyes, for several moments before speaking.
‘You are forgiven,’ she said. ‘Now, I will have a glass of red wine, a large one.’
Still enormously embarrassed by his actions, but grateful to have avoided Tania, Alfie slunk to the bar.
* * * *
‘Hiya, babe. How’s about a kiss? No, no. Tania, babe. How’ve you been? No, no good. Tania, love. I’ve been dying to see you.’
Lee Etchman studied himself in the hotel room mirror. He was freshly showered and shaved, clad in close-fitting blue jeans and a white shirt with the top two buttons undone and a generous squirt of Cerrutti 1881. He turned from side to side, experimenting with facial expressions; smiling, serious, apologetic, seductive, practising his opening line for when he saw Tania.
‘What time do you finish? Can I buy you a drink?’
Tania would, of course, say that he could and they would talk about their feelings. She would admit that she’d missed him, and they would depart to his hotel where they would be together.
Clicking his tongue at his reflection but managing to stop short of actually winking and pointing his finger like a pistol, Et
chman left for his rendezvous. He didn’t need his wife or her money and he certainly didn’t need Chrissie and a baby. All he needed was Tania, his sweetheart; they had a connection, something that transcended the age gap or the employer-employee barrier, they had chemistry.
Minutes later, Morecambe being an inconsiderable town, Etchman had parked the Renault and was striding assertively into the Narracott. Inside, Tania was no longer on reception because she was delivering room service but would, Etchman was informed, return shortly. Hardly able to contain himself, he selected a chair facing the reception desk and waited, fidgeting like an excited child.
* * * *
Tania closed the room door behind her, a wide smile on her face. She had just received a tip of ten pounds for delivering room service. This new job at the Narracott was proving to be both challenging and rewarding. She walked to the lift and rode it back to reception. The gate was opened, Tania stepped out and was struck by the most powerful feeling of sickness and loss of balance, similar to being drunk but lacking the pleasurable build up.
‘What the fucking hell are you doing here? Piss off, bastard!’ Tania hissed angrily, marching behind the safety of the reception desk.
Momentarily thrown off his script, Etchman stood for a second with a blank expression on his face then recovered and smiled; the taut, pleading, almost treacherous smile of a man on the brink of hysteria.
‘Hello Tania, babe, you’re looking well. Do you fancy a…’
‘I said fuck off, did I stutter?’
‘You’ve changed your hair, suits you.’ Etchman continued, undeterred.
‘I’ve changed a lot more than just my hair.’
‘I thought we could talk…’
A couple of passing guests paused to witness the developing scene, along with the lift operator.
‘I swear to God if you don’t get out I’ll throw something at you then tear my uniform and tell the manager you attacked me.’
‘Now, come on Tania, there’s no need for that. I just came to chat, see if we can’t sort this out.’
Etchman’s ruddy face was frozen in a smile, his eyes feral, beads of sweat forming on his forehead and temples.
‘Sort what out? You’re married and you’ve got a kid on the way with another woman!’
‘Better than Corrie this is,’ whispered of the watching guests.
‘No, it’s okay.’ Etchman insisted. ‘My wife’s kicked me out so now me and you can be together.’
‘Why would I want to be anything with you, you make me ill.’ Tania spat.
‘What? You don’t mean that. We have a bond, a connection…’
‘Lee, the only connection we had was your wife’s cash. You surely didn’t think I actually liked you, gave a damn about you? It was a bit of fun and a good way to get what I wanted.’
‘Give over, what about all the sex, you enjoyed that.’
Tania rolled her eyes.
‘Oh Please, you enjoyed the sex. I enjoyed being treated well, the hotels, the gifts, the pay rises, that’s what I enjoyed. Come on, you’re old enough to be my dad.’
The lift operator sniggered but was silenced by a glare from an increasingly confused and exasperated Etchman, now perspiring freely, his cheeks glowing as much from embarrassment as the years of alcohol abuse.
‘Stop it! Don’t talk like that. I love you Tania, you know I do.’
Now Tania laughed, loudly and callously.
‘Love? You sad old git. Look Lee, I think you should just go home and talk to your wife.’
‘No!’ Etchman shouted, lurching forward and reaching out for Tania. ‘I want you, you’re my love. Come with me, come now.’
‘Look, you sad little man,’ Tania snarled inches from his face. ‘I’m not the same girl I was before, I’ve changed and I have no intention of behaving like some prostitute to make you feel good. Now piss off.’
* * * *
A mere thirty feet from the commotion, in the Overlook lounge, Loriana, still somewhat disconcerted with Alfie’s earlier advances, was rapidly becoming irked by the noise filtering through from reception.
‘Probably just a drunk guest.’ Alfie reassured her.
‘Even so, I’m in no mood for such things, not now.’
‘Tell you what, I’m off to the toilet so I’ll have a peek and see what’s occurring.’
Alfie sprang to his feet, eager to make amends for his uncharacteristic lunge, and for the second time that evening, he received an almighty and most unwelcome shock. There in front of him stood Lee Etchman, freshly disgraced, homeless and running short of cash, his estranged wife sitting yards away.
Alfie watched in horror as Tania threw the service bell at Etchman, which let out a loud ding when it caught him on the temple and another when it landed on the floor. Meanwhile, both Tania and Etchman were yelling at each other, he declaring his love while she worked her way through an impressive list of expletives. Alfie ran back into the bar, his only concern that Loriana not witness any of this.
‘Yep, just a drunk guest, it’s all under control I think.’
But Loriana’s patience had evaporated and she was already putting on her coat.
‘I’m sorry Alfredo, but I’ve had enough for tonight. I think I should like to leave now.’
‘Leave.’ Alfie almost screamed. ‘Now? It’s still early.’ He remained in his seat, not allowing Loriana to move past him. ‘Come on, let’s have one more drink. Please.’
‘Alfie, no.’
‘Please. Look, we’ll move to the far end of the bar away from the noise, give them time to get sorted in reception before we go traipsing past.’
Alfie looked at Loriana, eyes imploring and, although she seemed far from convinced something in his expression persuaded her and she agreed.
‘You have behaved very oddly tonight I must say. In fact tonight as a whole has not been the most enjoyable time I have ever had.’
Alfie smiled superficially and nodded, ogling reception over Loriana’s shoulder as two policemen dragged a clamorous Lee Etchman from the hotel. Tonight had been a disaster; Alfie felt Loriana was going right off him and who could blame her? He’d behaved like a nutcase, kissing her and keeping her out against her will when all Loriana needed from him was support, a friendly ear in her time of need. On the other hand, Alfie thought, he had successfully avoided two potentially horrendous scenes with Loriana’s estranged husband and one of his girlfriends and, if he had to lose Loriana’s friendship to protect her then so be it.
At last, the disturbance in reception was quelled and Tania returned to her duties elsewhere. Alfie finished his drink and agreed to walk Loriana home. It was far from comfortable and all his attempts at conversation were rebuffed. At the driveway to her house Loriana turned and addressed him far more formally than he’d have wished.
‘Thank you for escorting me home Alfie. Good night.’
‘Shall I call in a couple of days; you could join me for a stroll perhaps?’
‘I’m not at all sure that would be wise, given tonight’s events. Perhaps it is best we don’t see each other for a while. Good evening.’
Then Loriana turned, let herself in and closed the door without looking back.
Cursing himself, Alfie turned away and walked home, thoroughly disappointed that events seemed, yet again, to have transpired against him; he didn’t whistle as he walked tonight.
Back in his flat, Alfie crouched down to look under the bed and, for the first time since meeting Loriana, took out his photo album. While Kenny looked on with utter disinterest from the foot of the bed, Alfie leafed through the pages, smiling at the memories.
‘Well Kenny,’ he said forlornly, lying on the bed and tickling the cat with his toes. ‘I reckon that’s enough, time to move on. Morecambe’s got nothing more to offer us. We’ll go somewhere else; get fixed up ready for the start of the summer season.’
The cat yawned, stretched, jumped off the bed and disappeared underneath it.
Meanwhile, as Alfie w
as slipping into a thoroughly unwarranted bout of depression, Loriana Cipriani sat in darkness at her home, tears of genuine regret, sadness and loss flowing down her face. Only these tears weren’t for her husband or her broken marriage. These were for Alfie Peter Gorman, her Alfredo. Loriana honestly couldn’t ever recall meeting such a compassionate, sympathetic and genuine man. Such a simple sole with nothing to offer but himself and now, because of her rotten mood induced by her clown of a husband, she’d pushed Alfie away and made him feel a fool.
* * * *
Lee Etchman looked around him, his mind filled with bad intentions towards himself but more particularly those around him.
Reality had not come knocking at Lee Etchman’s door. Instead it had kicked the door down and dragged him out into the real world, a world full of difficulties and obstacles, heartache and disappointment. A world where money doesn’t grow on trees and there certainly isn’t a wealthy wife to sponge from. A world without a pool or Jacuzzi to soak in after a hard day driving around in an Aston Martin casting an eye over various businesses; a world Etchman hoped to have left behind.
Finally forced to face up to his financial shortcomings, Etchman left the hotel where he’d been staying since his wife threw him out and fetched up on the doorstep of a dirty, off-white two bedroom terraced house; the home of Chrissie Jackson nèe Wilder nèe O’Donnell. He fed her a fable about taking responsibility for their baby, contributing to the household and luckily for Etchman, Chrissie agreed to let him stay. Had Chrissie refused Etchman would have been sleeping in his car.
Unfortunately for Etchman, boarding with Chrissie meant sharing space with her two children. As he sat in the red, stained, unstable arm chair, worn thin on the arms, television blaring, kids fighting, Etchman considered this to be the single lowest ebb of his life and he wished ill on the world and everything in it.
All the Fun of the Fair Page 16