by Dani René
Most of my adult life I spent afraid. Too scared to let anyone in. So, when I knew I’d fallen for Ryan, I pushed him away. I told him we were friends, nothing more because I couldn’t see the day he walked out of my life. Now, as he sits here cradling me in his strong arms, promising me he’s not going anywhere, for the first time in a very long time, I allow myself to believe. To cry. To expel all the fear, pain, and worry.
“I’m here, Kiki, if you need to cry then do it. Break down if you must, but know I’ll always keep you safe. You’re mine. Always.” He promises again. I think he has it in his mind that if he tells me enough times I’ll one day believe it, but he doesn’t need to, because I do.
“I’m yours.” I murmur. “As soon as I know what the results are, I’d like to go home. I was also thinking of asking my dad if he’d like to come with us.” I tell him honestly. I’ve missed having Dad close by, spending time on long phone calls to him has been difficult because I never want to say goodbye, but if he’s willing, I’m sure we’d be able to get him across the ocean. My Dad hated the last two flights he took to visit me. He always says people weren’t meant to fly which makes me giggle.
“Then you should ask him. I’m sure he’d want to be close to you again. Do you think he would?” Ryan asks quietly, his lips on my cheek.
“He mentioned that he’d like to move, but with us needing to plan a wedding, and your new tour, I’d like to have him there. He’ll love being close to the ocean, since he grew up in a seaside town. There’s no doubt that he’ll make friends. You’ve seen him when he visited.” My response earns me a chuckle.
The memory of my dad and the way he’d just walk out onto the sidewalk and find someone to chat to makes me smile. He’s always been like that. Everywhere we went, it was always my dad who’d come home with a contact, or connection for someone he’d just met. Whether they’re travelers or just local contacts, he was the most outgoing of the two brothers. My uncle on the other hand, he was always a recluse. When he passed away, there were a handful of the people he’d known at his funeral, including family.
“Then we’ll take him with us. If he’s not ready to go yet, I’m sure Cal wouldn’t mind getting Demitri to fly out.” Nodding, I turn to face the man I love.
“Thank you for taking my fears and making them your own.”
“I’ll always do that, baby. I promise.” And as he tells me that, I know it’s true.
We’ve just arrived at Dr. Horton’s office, the tension rolling off Ki is nothing short of turbulent. She’s like a little thunder storm waiting to take out anything in her way. He called an hour ago asking her to come in to talk about the test results.
To say that I’m nervous would be an understatement. I want everything to work out, for Kierra to experience having her own child. And yes, I’m selfish because I want it to be our baby, biologically. “Hello to you both.” A rumble comes from behind us as the doctor enters the room. He offers us both a smile as he settles on the large leather chair behind the wooden desk.
“Is there something wrong, Doctor?” Kierra’s tone is filled with anxiety which spikes my worry. The graying man shakes his head, opens the file before him, then lifts his blue eyes.
“On the contrary, everything is just fine. With the results that came in, it looks like the gene is dormant in your body at the moment. This means if you want to go ahead with the in vitro procedure we can do it. I’ve also done a pre-implantation genetic diagnosis on the embryo’s and there are no concerns there.”
Silence falls around us, and when I turn to my girl, I notice the moisture on her cheeks. “Ki, babe.” She turns to me then, her eyes a mixture of a cloudless sky and a silver with the shimmer of tears.
“I’ll give you two a moment.” Dr. Horton rises, closing the file, he makes his way out of the room. Once the click of the door sounds the tears stream down Kierra’s face.
“I-I don’t… I-I mean…”
“Baby, look at me,” my order is soft, murmured in her ear. She lifts her head to regard me and I cup her face in my hands. “We’ll do this okay. If it’s what you want, then we will go through with the procedure.”
“But—”
“Listen to me, Kierra Thorne. I want you, I want this, there’s no buts, only yes or no. So, if you want to try this, if you feel like you’re strong enough, then I’m right here.” I tell her this without blinking, searching her gaze, imploring her with mine. Hoping she’ll understand that this is the only thing I want and need. Her.
“I want to, Ryan. I want to try this. There’s nothing I want more than to have my own baby, to carry to full term without the fear of he or she being sick, or even myself. I just—”
“Then we’ll do it. Me and you, Kierra.” I vow. Our gazes are locked. Our hands are intertwined and our hearts… Those beat together, creating the song that only our souls know.
“Okay, I’d like to do it here. Before we go back.” There’s still that annoying tabloid about Ryan possibly having a child with someone else which for some reason irks me. She’s waited two years to suddenly appear with this little girl. I’ve emailed Tay a press release to confirm we’ll be asking for a paternity test before making any further comment. If this Tiffany for one moment thinks she’s getting my man, she’s got another thing coming.
“We can. I’ll need to make a statement about the paternity claim. I don’t know why she’s appeared suddenly wanting to stir shit up, but if this is where you want to do it then we’ll stay. I’m not leaving you when you’re having to do this.”
“What if the child is yours?” Her question hangs in the air between us. Emotion swirls like a lead weight. Taking her hand in mine, I look into those deep blue eyes and make my promise.
“I’m not leaving. If the child happens to be mine, I’ll take responsibility, but Kierra, I promise you, my heart, mind, body, is yours. Nobody will come between that.”
She nods then. “Then you’ll just have a little girl with another woman.”
“I’m sorry this is happening, adding to the stress you’re having to go through, but we’ll have our own child together. It will work out, Kiki. We will make it work.” She kisses me then, it’s a soft, soul stealing kiss, and I bask in it. In her love.
“That’s what we’ll do,” she murmurs against my lips.
Since we decided to take a chance and have her eggs fertilized almost a week ago, I’ve donated my sperm and they’ve fertilized the eggs. Dr. Horton said it takes two to six days for the growth to happen and Kierra will go in for the implantation.
I’m nervous, excited, and I’m anxious. Today we’re going into the hospital where the woman I love is going to have the eggs transferred to her. The timing couldn’t be more perfect apparently since Kierra’s cycle is at the right time to have the procedure done. I can tell she’s anxious to go home, back to LA, I’m not sure if it’s nerves about what she’s about to face, or if she’s just needing an escape.
Me on the other hand, all I can think about is marrying her, wanting her to have my child. If this is the only chance she gets, I pray with all I am that the procedure works. I want to see her glow from the pregnancy. To see her body change as she carries a baby would make me the happiest man. Not only because she’ll have my child, but because this will be her only chance for it.
Too much of her life has been governed to her by medical professionals. Just this once, I want her to be able to have what every woman should be able to have.
To experience it. To feel a baby, move inside her. The miracle. The beauty of it.
I wonder now if I’d told her sooner. Been honest with my feelings about how much I wanted her. So many times, over the years I almost did. Would it have made a difference? Would we still be here trying to have a baby the medical way? Yes. I know we would because I love her.
“Ryan, are you ready?” Her voice startles me out of my inner dialogue. She’s dressed in a short pale blue dress with those silver strappy sandals. Her hair is loose in wet waves since she’s jus
t come out of the shower.
“I am. Are you?” I’m not sure if she can hear the tension in my tone, but it’s there, heavy, unyielding. I want to be strong for her, to give her the support she needs, but deep down, I can’t stop the fear from overriding every thought in my mind.
“I guess so. There’s no turning back now. Not that I want to. I mean, I’ve wanted this for so long. And you… I mean… Are you nervous? Is it just me?” Her rambles are adorable, calming me instantly. She’s got this way about her where she’ll mumble about things that’s on her mind, it’s the reason I can’t help smiling when she’s around. That, and of course her beauty. This woman is like a blaze in the darkness. A lightning strike through the darkened sky.
“Babe,” I murmur, rising from the sofa where I was perched. Stalking toward her, I grip her slim hips, tugging her against me. “If you don’t stop rambling, I’m going to show you exactly what I want to do to that pretty mouth.” Her breathing hitches at the elicit threat that turns the air around us into a sexually charged storm. “Everything is going to be okay.”
“Okay. Okay. I believe you. Now stop making sexual innuendo’s and let’s go. We can’t be late.” Chuckling, I step back, releasing her from my hold. With my phone in hand, we head out of the suite. This is it. I’m about to become a father. The thought has me smiling from ear to ear.
One week. Seven long days since they did the IVF procedure and it took. I’m sitting at the airport with a positive pregnancy test in my bag, a diamond ring on my finger, and Ryan beside me with the biggest smile on his face. We’re finally heading home. Since Dad wanted to stay to finalize all his affairs, he said he’d follow us out later. I knew he’d want to spend time in the home he and Mom lived in for most of their married lives.
The long flight home will give me time to figure out what we’re going to do once we land.
I haven’t told Tay or Emm about the baby, neither have I told them about getting engaged. We’ve both decided it would be much better as a surprise. One hell of a fucking surprise, but one none the less. I can’t wait to see the look on their faces when we walk into the house with all this news.
Excitement has my stomach fluttering. “You okay, Kiki?”
“Yeah, I’m just thinking about telling everyone about the pregnancy.”
“It will definitely be a bomb drop, but I think it’s been a long time coming. But I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember and the Hayes brothers know that.”
“Yes, that they do. Even the girls know.”
He reaches for me as the plane makes its way down the tarmac. “I want the world to know,” he affirms with a smile. When those full lips land on mine, the plane takes off and I’m sure the flurry in my stomach is more from the kiss than from being airborne.
The flight was an easy one, thankfully and when we touch down, the buzz of excitement flits through me. I’m going to see my girls. Even though I grew up as an only child, I always wanted a brother or a sister and life has now afforded me with Tay and Emma, as well as Cal and Liam. Technically, I work with all of them, but we’re more like a family than anything else.
“Ready to do this?” Ryan asks from beside me. His eyes a shining with the excitement I feel.
Nodding, I inhale a relaxing breath. “It’s now or never.” Disembarking the private plane, we head out toward the small hangar away from the paparazzi and journalists that I’m sure have heard about Ryan being out of the country.
Once we step inside the building, Emma comes bounding toward us. She pulls me into a warm sisterly hug, “I’ve missed you.” She murmurs into my hair.
“And I’ve missed you, every one of you.”
“Hey man.” Comes Liam’s tone from beside me. Before I have a moment to say anything, the cocky drummer grabs my left hand and starts chuckling. “What did I say?” He settles his gaze on Ryan who gifts him an eye roll. “Come here, little sis,” he smirks, lifting me up and spinning me around.
“What are you two on about?” I question while being twirled by Liam.
“I’m not saying it.” Comes the response from Ryan, yet Liam sets me down, not saying a word. The look on his face tells me the two of them either had a bet going, or something.
“I told him you’d be back here with a shiny diamond on that ring finger.” The man I consider a brother tells me confidently and I can’t help shaking my head.
“I’m so happy for you, love.” Emma smiles, offering me a quick hug before grabbing my hand inspecting the ring. “It’s beautiful.”
“Thank you, he surprised me. It came out of the blue.”
“Oh yeah right, like you didn’t know the man had blue balls for you.” The comment earns Liam a punch on the shoulder from Ryan.
“Shut it. Let’s go.” My man grunts in frustration. As we make our way toward the parking lot, I can’t help smiling at where I am right now. Life has taken a turn and it’s given me more than I could ever have asked for or imagined.
Once my dad arrives, my family will be complete. My heart aches for my mom, if only she were here to see me, I know she’d be happy for me. She’d be proud.
“Tay is going to go nuts, she’s been busy, but Callum has been driving her crazy with his overprotectiveness. I think having you both back will hopefully ease that.” Emma informs us as we get into Liam’s BMW X5.
It’s not far from the airport to the house and I’m anxious to finally tell them all the news. Especially about the baby.
“He’s never going to ease up, you do realize this? My brother is a pain in the ass when it comes to his woman.”
“And you’re not?” Emma quips him playfully, to which Liam can only grunt. He is as bad as his brother, but Ryan’s no better. He’s been overly attentive since the procedure and even though I haven’t experienced anything abnormal, and I’ve told him so, he’s still concerned. Until we have the test results in a month or two when we can finally see the baby, hear the heartbeat, get the all clear, I know he’s going to treat me like a fragile doll.
Once we reach Cal and Tay’s house, Liam kills the engine and we all exit the car. Ryan grabs our bags from the trunk and we head toward the house. Before we make it to the door, Callum and Tayla meet us outside, and we’re once again pulled into warm, loving hugs.
I wanted to wait a little while before telling them. Perhaps first settling in, but since all the crew are off today and it’s only the six of us, I think now would be the best time to come right out and tell them everything.
“Guys, we have something we need to tell you,” I say as we walk into the large modern living room. Tay glances at me with questions dancing in her beautiful eyes. She’s a gorgeous woman, her face that of glowing happiness when I offer her a wink.
I thought we were going to do this later, but Kierra grabs my hand and we all settle in the living room. “Something I haven’t been completely honest about since I met everyone. I’ve kept it quiet because I didn’t want to be treated differently, but…” My girl inhales a calming breath and I offer her hand a squeeze. “My mother died when I was a teenager. She had cancer, the BRCA gene, which is a mutation and it’s hereditary. I went home because…”
Her words taper off and she glances at me. Giving her a nod, I bring her hand to my lips, placing a kiss on the smooth skin of her wrist.
“I had my eggs frozen so that when I was ready one day, if the gene was dormant I wanted to know the option would be there for me to have a child. Also, I had to finally come clean to Mr. Callahan,” Kierra grins at me. “I mean I needed to let love in and trust him. I needed to know all was good with my health before committing to Ryan, and also he needed to know what our options are.”
“Artificial insemination?” Tayla murmurs the question and Kiki nods.
“And well… I had it done while we were there. The timing had worked out and they were able to complete the insemination. My BRCA gene is dormant, so my doctor recommended we do it and once I got back here, I’ll be going for regular checkups.”
&nb
sp; “Does this mean you’re pregnant right now?” This comes from Emma, her eyes alight with excitement.
“Yes.” The girls squeal excitedly as they pull Kierra up into warm hugs.
Both Liam and Callum glance at me. And it’s then that Cal, the older brother questions. “Are you telling me you’re…” He points to Ki, waving his finger up and down. “You’re the donor?”
“Yup, Kierra is pregnant with my baby.” I tell him proudly. Both brothers rise, shaking my hand. The room is filled with happiness and excitement.
Liam pulls me into a one arm hug and pats me on the back. “You don’t do things by half do you? I said put a ring on her finger and you go one step further.” He chuckles. “I’m happy for you man. You deserve this. You finally got your girl.”
Nodding, I can’t help the happiness that grips my heart. “Thank you for pushing me to finally do it. To go get her.”
“You would have done it anyway. But I’d like to think I’m responsible for the ring and the baby,” he smirks confidently which earns him a swat from Kierra.
“Liam, stop being an ass,” she retorts playfully.
Since we got back it’s been nothing but work. With the preparations for the upcoming local tour we’re about to head off on, we’ve also been handling the PR nightmare with Tiffany and her claim that the little girl is mine. I’m in the studio when the doorbell goes. Everyone is out and I’m ready to call it a day because Ki and I have plans to go to the beach. Rising from the chair, I head toward the security cameras and find the woman who’s claiming me as the father standing at the door.
I make my way to the door and once it opens I’m met with the familiar green eyes of a woman I knew a long time ago. I haven’t seen her in years and I still don’t remember the night I spent with her. That’s the only reason I’m doubting her claims.