Between Want & Fear (Backstage Series Book 3)

by Dani René

  “Hi,” she says with a smile, one that I don’t return.

  “What are you doing here? Our lawyers will be in contact with you.”

  “I know, I just… I got the papers, Ryan. Are you sure you want to put her through that?” She asks, pointing at the little brown-haired girl standing just behind her.

  “Ryan, what’s going on?” Kierra stands in the doorway and I flit my glance over to Tiffany. Both women stare at me for an answer and I can’t give them one. The little girl with hair as dark as mine glances up from behind her mother.

  “Mommy, can we go swimming?” The soft voice is enough to turn the pain in my heart into an ache. I drag my eyes back to Ki, anger, frustration, and wariness settle over her beautiful features. I know this is difficult for her, it is for me too.

  “Yes, we can go in a moment. Go sit in the car and wait for me.” The girl nods and smiles at me, she offers me a wave that I can’t return because I’m in shock. As soon as she’s back in the car, the tension around us skyrockets.

  “There’s nothing to say Tiffany. Once the tests come back we can talk, before that, I have nothing to say to you.” I inform her, my voice firm and confident.

  “I was the one-night stand,” she says glancing at Kierra. “I’ve come to tell Ryan I’ll give him the paternity test he asked for.” The woman I spent one night with. Stupidity and drunkenness got to me that night and I let go of my inhibitions.

  Before I realized I loved Kierra and we had a chance, I did something I may now regret. Not because I could be a father, but because I’ve finally got the woman I love and this could tear us apart indefinitely.

  Kierra grabs my hand, lacing her fingers with mine as if she’s showing me that she’s with me no matter what. The same way I’m hers no matter what. “I’m the fiancée and I’ll be by his side no matter what.” Ki affirms with a confidence that makes my heart catapult in my chest. Meeting her stormy eyes, I take in the woman I love.

  What she’s just confirmed has made me love her even more. No matter what happens, I’ll never want another woman. My heart belongs to Kierra Thorne. Soon to be Kierra Callahan. And there’s nothing that’s going to come between that.

  When I drag my gaze back to the woman who is a stranger to me, she nods defeated. “I’m going to get going, thank you Ryan.” Tiffany stares at me for a moment, before turning to walk away.

  As I follow her out, I lean in when I pass Ki and whisper. “Please wait for me. I’ll be back in a sec.” She nods slowly, watching the woman walk toward the car.

  When I reach Tiffany, she turns to regard me once more. “I just want my daughter to know her father. If that’s you, I’d like to make sure she knows you. It’s never my intention to come between you and your fiancée.” I don’t respond, because I can feel her lies dripping from every word. She wants something, I don’t know what it is, but I’ll find out.

  Something tells me that she’s hiding a lot more than she’s letting on, but If the little girl is mine, I’ll make sure she doesn’t want for anything. There will never be a day in her life that she feels as if she’s not wanted or loved. Two years is a long time to miss out on your child’s life, but I hope I get to make it up to her.

  Once the tests come back, I’ll make my decision. As long as I don’t lose the woman I love, I know I’ll make it through. I turn and head back to the house to find Ki watching me intently.

  “I meant what I said, Ryan. I’m not going anywhere. She can claim as much as she wants, only until those tests come back will we know for sure. Even then, I’m still yours. I’ll always be yours.” She vows, and I can’t help pulling her into my arms and keeping her close. This woman is my everything.

  “I love you so much, Kiki. Nothing will take me away from you. I’ve wanted you and loved you too long to let anything get in the way. It doesn’t matter what the outcome is, I’ll always be yours. I don’t want another woman.”

  She steps back and regards me with a smile. One that lights up her face. “Then let’s go inside and you can show me how much you want me.” Mischief dances in those blue orbs and I quickly lift her in my arms and walk her back into the house where I intend on showing her how much I love her in so many different ways she’ll be begging for me to stop.

  Since the band leaves tomorrow for a gig in New York, I won’t see her for three days, I’ll need to get my fill, even though I know it’s impossible. I’ll never get enough of Kierra Thorne.

  It’s been three days away. Since Ryan’s been on tour, I had the time to get a few checkups done. We’ve been back for just over a month and I had a feeling about something that’s been confirmed. He’s going to either be surprised and happy, or completely and utterly shocked. Either way, I can’t wait to tell him. “Tay,” I call out and when she turns I can’t help smiling. Her stomach is round and her face is glowing.

  “God, Ki! I thought you’d call. Ryan’s been beside himself. Beside the fact that I missed you, the boys were driving me insane asking questions. You do realize you’re never to do that to me again. Ever.”

  I nod. “I promise, but this is the surprise. I couldn’t let Ryan see before it’s ready,” I respond guiltily. As we make our way out of the hospital we head out to the large parking lot. I can see the SUV from where we exit through large sliding doors. I didn’t expect any of the guys to pick me up, but somehow, I don’t think Callum would have let Tay drive alone. “Who’s here?”

  “Cal. The other two are recording this afternoon,” she murmurs knowing I want to ask about Ryan.

  “How is he?”

  Nodding, she offers a wry smile. “He’s a jumble of emotions to be honest. Worried about you. When you made me promise not to tell him about everything, I kept my vow, but it was difficult to see him like that.” She answers honestly. I had to keep this a secret until I knew I’d be able to pull it off. Even though I shouldn’t have gone alone, but it was the only way to get everything ready. When I walked out of the meeting I knew it would be okay. All of it would work out. Now all I have to do is show Ryan. Hopefully he’ll forgive me for disappearing for two days. I had a feeling about it, but when I went in to see Dr. Scholie she confirmed my suspicions.

  We reach the car and Cal jumps out, pulling me into a fierce hug. His arms are warm, affectionate. “Ki,” he murmurs into my hair. Releasing me, he regards me with those big blue eyes. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine. I told Tay it will all be okay and I had to set up this surprise alone or you and Liam would have blabbed about it. I just couldn’t look at him if this doesn’t work.” He eyes me warily, then nods.

  “Just don’t go disappearing like that. Even though it’s only for two days. If Tay had done that to me, I’d have put her over my lap and spanked her ass.” A huff comes from the blonde beauty.

  “You’d like to think you would. Can we go? Before we get the paparazzi freaking out.” She questions with her narrowed gaze on her husband. Callum nods and smiles.

  “Yeah, let’s get Ki back to her man before he cuts my balls off.” Callum helps me with the small bag and ushers his wife into the passenger seat.

  “So? Are you going to tell me before you tell him?” Tay’s inquisitive gaze meets mine in the rear mirror. I know she’s dying to know.

  Shrugging, I regard her. “It is. I was right.”

  “Oh my God!” Her screech is so loud, Callum jumps into the driver’s seat.

  “What the fuck is going on?”

  “Nothing, Tayla was just saying the baby kicked,” I lie, and Callum knows it. We’ve known each other for far too long for him to buy my lies. And to be honest, it’s difficult to lie to the man. His sky-blue gaze penetrates me, and I find myself needing to turn away.

  Sighing, he starts the car and pulls out into the traffic. Thankfully the conversation shifts from my news to the upcoming tour that the boys are playing across the country. I’ll be going with them, but Tay has been told she’s staying home. With her so far along, I think it’s best, and she’ll have Emma to
be there if she needs anything.

  Since it’s not an international tour, Callum has agreed to do it, only if he can fly home if the baby comes. Which is understandable since he’s a first-time father. The thought of seeing Ryan again and telling him what I found out will be interesting. I don’t doubt he’ll be excited, but I’m still nervous. As the silence settles around us, I watch the city pass by as we head to Cal’s house.

  Once we pull up to the drive, before I have time to get out of the car, I’m met with the piercing glare of Ryan Callahan. My soon-to-be husband, the father of my future children, and the man who looks like he wants to spank me until I cry out his name in apology.

  “Where the fuck have you been, baby? I missed you so much. What was with your no calls rule?”

  “Can we talk inside?” I question, without thinking, he reaches for me. Shielding me from everyone, he tugs me along with him as we enter the house. Ignoring the crew, Liam and Emma, he tugs me into the piano room and shuts the door.

  “Talk.” With his arms folded, he watches me with a severe expression.

  “I stayed overnight at the hospital. They did a checkup, but…” my words taper off. My heart races, slamming against my chest.

  “Kierra, if you don’t tell me what the fuck is going on, I’m going to lose—”

  “It’s twins.” I blurt out before he can say anything more. His words are halted, his eyes grow wide with shock as he watches me.

  “What?”

  “We’re having twins.” Lifting my shirt, I show him the lipstick drawing I made on my belly. It’s stupid, but I thought it would be perfect for revealing the surprise. “I was worried, so I stayed overnight, but it was merely just to make sure we’re all healthy. I didn’t take you with because I wanted to surprise you.”

  “Fuck,” he growls, pulling me into his arms. The heat of him cocoons me. “Don’t ever fucking do that again. Next time you go for a checkup, you take me with. I don’t care how far I have to travel back.” He’s right, but they were away filming a video and of course came back early and he found out I wasn’t home. Poor Tayla had to deal with this grumpy ass.

  “You were busy. I couldn’t interrupt—” his mouth crashes to mine silencing my words. Twining my arms around his neck, I tug him closer, needing him to consume me. Whenever we’re apart I feel alone, empty, even when he’s only a couple of towns away, I miss him like he’s a part of me.

  “Twins.” The word still feels foreign on my tongue. Two babies.

  “You don’t do things by half measure do you, man?” Liam chuckles, regarding me with happiness. “Actually, you do them by double measure!” He guffaws, slapping me on the back in camaraderie, which only earns him a glare from his wife.

  He’s known me for far too long not to realize how much this means to me. Since he first noticed the way I looked at Kierra at one of our first meetings, he never stopped his bullshit. For more than too long he’s told me to go for it. To be honest. Now that I finally have done it, I couldn’t be happier. She’s finally accepted that I’m not going anywhere.

  “Seriously, Liam. You’re not that funny, at least not all the time.” Emma quips, lifting her brow in a high arch as she regards my best friend.

  “Baby, you didn’t say that last night when I—”

  “Okay! I do NOT need to be scarred right now,” I grunt, pushing up from the sofa. We’ve just finished our meeting with Kierra and Callum about the world tour coming up next year. It takes a lot to organize, but we’ve all agreed we’re outsourcing everything. I don’t want my woman working long hours when she’s pregnant.

  I am as bad as Callum.

  “Ryan.” Turning to regard Liam, he waits for me to respond to a question I didn’t hear. “I asked if you wanted to order in? Emm and I are thinking of calling delivery.”

  “Yeah, sure. I’m going to head into the music room. I’ve got something to finish.” With that, I walk out, leaving them to decide on dinner. Me, on the other hand, I’ve got something special to work on. Making my way up toward the music room which houses the piano, I stalk past the kitchen where Callum and Kierra are talking about the venue options for next year.

  Since we’re doing four acoustic shows, set up will be different and we’ll also need permission if we’re playing in the church in Paris. It’s a beautiful old building which allows for brilliant acoustics.

  My plan is to sit down and finish the song I’d been writing for Ki. She doesn’t know about it yet, but when I play it, I know she’ll never forget about our journey. Pushing open the door, I step inside and lock myself inside.

  Stepping into the offices of Howard and Associates, I’ve got Kierra’s hand firmly grasped in mine. This is it, the moment of truth. “It’s going to be okay, you know?” Turning my gaze on Ki, I can’t help but feel my heart fill with love for her. I’m meant to be giving her support, yet here she is showing me more than I could ever possibly want or need.

  The emotion in her eyes is clear. She’s here no matter what the outcome of this meeting is. It won’t change a thing between us. I’ll marry her, she’ll be my partner for life, and if it means we have another little girl to care for, then so be it.

  Honestly, I’m nervous. Not because I might be a father already, but because I don’t know how I’d handle having a child I may only see on weekends, or perhaps won’t have a chance to watch grow up. Something tells me Tiffany isn’t going to be forthcoming with allowing me into her daily life.

  “Mr. Callahan, nice to see you again,” Peter, our lawyer rises from his seat when we walk into the boardroom.

  “Good to see you, Mr. Howard.” We shake hands, then he offers Kierra a warm smile. They’ve been our legal assistance since the band formed ten years ago. I trust them with everything I have.

  “Take a seat, I received the results this morning from the hospital and I’m sure opposing counsel has as well. Look Ryan, I can’t really tell you what the right thing to do is, but we’ll make sure you’re safe from any slander.” His serious tone makes my chest tighten with anxiety. Just then, Kierra pushes up and rushes out the door. It only takes me a second to race after her and right into the ladies’ room which is thankfully empty.

  “Baby, Kiki, are you okay?” She’s in the stall and I can’t do anything about it, unless I break the damn door down.

  “Just give me a minute, Ryan.”

  I can tell she’s crying. I know this woman so well I can pick up on the slightest change in her demeanor. This can’t be easy for her, I just wish I could lessen the tension. When the stall door opens and Kierra steps out, her eyes are bloodshot. “Baby,” she allows me to pull her into my arms. Her body shakes and I know she’s crying.

  “I’m sorry, just… I’m overly emotional.” I step away from her, lifting her chin so I can look into those stormy eyes.

  “Never be sorry. It’s difficult, I know I’ve put you in this position, but I’m yours. You’re mine. This is a formality, Ki. It doesn’t matter what happens in there, I’m not letting you walk out of my life.” She nods, and I can’t help planting a soft kiss on her lips. “Now let’s go find out the results.”

  Walking down the hall toward the meeting room has the tension hanging thick in the air. Once we step inside, Mr. Howard offers a nod. “I doubt Ms. Edwards and her lawyer will be much longer and we can then go ahead with the findings.” He’s right, it’s not long when Tiffany walks in followed by an older gentleman who looks like he’s ready to go into battle. Her daughter isn’t with her, which makes me wonder where the little girl is.

  Once all the pleasantries are out of the way, Mr. Howard offers me the envelope. “You’re welcome to open that and we’ll go into more detail with what’s going to happen with the result.” My hand trembles when I lift the white package from the dark wood table. My heart catapults into my throat with anxiousness. I don’t know what I want it to be. A negative or positive.

  “I… I just hope it’s what you want. If she is yours, I don’t want you to feel as if you
need to do anything or be there. If you don’t want to of course.” Tiffany murmurs from across the table. I bristle at her words. Ripping the envelope open, I pull the pages out and inhale a deep breath. When my gaze scans over the words I have to read and re read them. Lifting my gaze, I meet hers. The stranger before me.

  Without a word, I slide the envelope along with the pages over to her and the lawyer seated beside her. My emotions are all over the place. Skittering down my spine is a shiver of confusion.

  I knew it. I felt it in my gut.

  It was something I’d wanted, but not. The one emotion I find at the forefront is relief.

  I’m not the father. She’s not mine.

  “I’m sorry Ryan. This has been… I’m just sorry.” The woman says to me, but I can’t look at her. I’m not sure why. I’ve never been one for anger, but right now, I feel it.

  “Why did you do this?” I question, spinning to face her. Guilt flashes over her features. Her gaze drops, it’s dark and guarded. “Just tell me something before you go. What made you wait two years to come to me? You could have told me when you found out you were pregnant. This is something that could ruin my career. Is it personal gain?”

  “I needed help and I thought if I could find her father he could help me financially. I wasn’t sure who the father was. There were two men I knew it could be, you being one of them. I didn’t do it to hurt you.” She sighs then, lifting her gaze to mine. “I just wanted my daughter to know her father.”

  “And I’m not him.” My words are terse, filled with anger. Pushing up, I shake my lawyers hand, “I need air.” Stalking out of the boardroom, I find a quiet spot near the terrace that’s situated near the exit. The view of the Hollywood hills greets me and I can’t help wondering what would have happened if it was my child. I can’t let that thought in right now. There’s only one woman who needs me and she’s got me, all of me.

  “Ryan, are you okay?” Kierra’s soft tone comes from behind me.