Will softened a bit, his hands dropping to his sides. “I don’t hate you. I could never do that. But I also don’t get you.”
“What do you mean?”
He looked towards Bellfield proper. “I think we just want different things. I never wanted to be some rich kid. I know that I had so much more than everybody else. But it was just money. Money and stuff..”
“I know what you mean.” It was a feeling I couldn’t explain to anyone else. How could I complain about my childhood when my family had millions in the bank? I never went hungry. I never worried about where I was going to sleep at night. I was so lucky. Wanting more made me feel selfish beyond measure.
“I don’t think you do know,” Will said. “We’re not the same. I know that you and your father don’t get along, but you don’t have to be afraid of him like we do.”
“I didn’t mean to imply that we’re the same. I know that you have so much more going on with your family than I ever did.” I made a point to remember it more, that Will’s side of our equation had always been far more complex.
Will pointed to the pocket of his shirt. Mine had a Black Gold Creek logo printed on it. “Yet you still want it. You want to be a part of that life. The money. The ranch. The… whatever.”
“It was never about the money.”
“You can’t separate the ranch and the money. And money is all that matters around here. No one cares if you give your daughter a black eye as long as you pay for the new rec center.” He stared again at the town as though watching history repeat itself before his eyes. “When your boss’s kid shows up beaten half to death and begging for help, you know what you do in this town? You say, ‘Will, I got mouths to feed. I can’t get involved.’ And then you shut the door.”
I reached for him but he stepped back. “But that’s why I’m here. I’m telling you that I finally stood up to my father. I told him that I don’t want to have a life without you.”
Will beckoned me forward, and for a moment, I thought he might kiss me. But he only wanted me to be able to see into his trailer, where there were boxes stacked haphazardly on the floor and the small kitchen counter. “I called that ranch in Wyoming. I start next Monday.”
“I’ll go with you!” I blurted. “I can go with you. I’ll leave. I’ll… I don’t need the ranch. Dad will just have to find someone else.”
Will lifted his fingers and traced the curve of my cheek. “Sky, I couldn’t ask you to do that. You belong here. This is what you wanted. If you came with me to Wyoming, you’d regret it.”
I shook my head, feeling his fingertips on my skin. “I wouldn’t. I’d have you. We’d be together. That would be enough.”
“No, it wouldn’t. And I’m sorry for putting that pressure on you. You didn’t do that to me when we were planning on moving to Boston. You let me offer.”
“You were willing to move to Boston for me. I can move to Wyoming for you. That’s fair.” I hadn’t come here expecting to plead for him to accept him, but I would. I meant what I’d said to Dad at breakfast—I’d crawl down the aisle if I had to.
I wasn’t naïve enough to believe that it would be easy. I didn’t know a thing about Wyoming. I’d gone straight from ranch life to the big city without any adjustment in between. But I’d managed to navigate that culture shock. How much harder could it be in Wyoming?
I refused to give in to those lingering doubts that I wanted to pretend didn’t exist. Sure, Dad would likely cut me off if I ran out with Will. Our options would be limited from then on. We’d be in a small town with few prospects for a financial attorney. But every time I even considered that I might be unhappy, I remembered that any other alternative meant giving up on Will.
“I shouldn’t have acted like you’re a coward just because you want to honor that promise to your mom,” Will said. “You’re one of the bravest people I know. A lot of folks would have given up a long time ago. Now that you have it, I can’t watch you throw it away.”
I kicked the dirt in frustration. “But I’m not throwing it away. I’m choosing. I want to be with you. I don’t care if it costs me the ranch.” That wasn’t entirely true, but I was hoping that the sting of the loss would lessen over time.
Will didn’t budge. His eyes dropped to his watch. “I thought of you every day that you were gone. I kept thinking about whether we’d made a mistake. But I realize now that there’s still too much in the way, Sky. It’s too messy. And I can’t wait here and waste another ten, fifteen years of my life unraveling this knot with your father, the ranch, our families. It’s too much.”
“But we can be happy together!” I insisted, attempting to remain calm as I internally screamed that this was all wrong. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. I’d finally stood up to my father. How could I still lose after doing what had felt like the impossible? “Let’s just try, okay? If it doesn’t work out, I can come back to Texas. Just, please, Will.”
He closed his eyes and sighed, one hand combing through his hair. “I want to say yes. I really do. I want to just blow out of town and never have to worry about this place again. But I’ve got about eight thousand reasons to cut ties with my father forever. You don’t. He isn’t perfect, but it sounds like he’s trying. And he’s not well. I can’t take that time from you.”
“Stop being noble. I’m a grown woman. I can make my own decisions, and I’ve decided that there’s nothing in my life that I want as much as you.”
Will opened his eyes and stared into mine. I hoped to see love; instead, I saw pity. “It’s too jumbled up in my head right now. If I’m ever going to be happy with you—or with anyone—I need to be happy with myself first. And I’m not. I’m miserable here, and it wasn’t until we talked the other day that it really set in.”
I wrapped my fingers in the fabric of his shirt and held him. “But do I make you miserable? Really?”
“I can’t separate you from the pain anymore,” Will whispered. “Every time I think of how much I love you, I also remember what it felt like to let you go. And with so much still at stake between the ranch and Bella and your father, I can’t take that leap when I don’t even understand what I want.”
Will leaned in for a kiss, his nose tickling my cheeks as he nuzzled me. He kissed my forehead, my lips, my eyelids. It was like he was memorizing my face. “Goodbye, Skyler.”
“Goodbye, Will.”
We stood there for a moment, suspended, like two figures trapped in a photograph for just a single instant. My nose filled with the earthy scent of him, mixing with the sweetness of the wildflowers along the road and the trees in the distance. A breeze kicked up the dust around us, as though the land itself were bidding Will farewell. “I love you,” I choked against his chest, listening to the steady thumping of his heart.
“I love you, too, Sky. Don’t you ever doubt that.”
But I did. As I walked away and wondered if I’d ever see him again, I couldn’t understand why he needed to go. I knew better now than to fight, though. I might as well have tried to stop the wind.
I slowed my steps as I neared the car, praying to hear the sound of his voice. I prayed for that deliverance, for the grace of forgiveness. Please, Will. Please. Please.
I heard footsteps in the dirt behind me and turned to embrace him as he swept me off my feet. But it was only Bella returning to the trailer. I stumbled over my aborted step, my ankle screaming in pain as I limped the final few feet to the car.
When I pressed the accelerator to reverse onto the street, I could feel the bones clicking and snapping with every bit of force. It didn’t matter, though. The pain in my body was nothing compared to the pain in my soul.
When I got home to Black Gold Creek, I couldn’t stomach the thought of returning to the house after the spectacle I’d caused at breakfast. Had I returned victorious, with promises of a relationship with Will, it would have been different. Justified.
But I was slinking back with my tail between my legs, rejected by the only man I’d ever truly l
oved. I’d be lucky if my father didn’t laugh in my face when he heard the story. It would be another data point for him to claim that I couldn’t follow through. I was too silly, too emotional.
Instead, I drove out into the middle of nowhere. I skirted the reservation, making a mental note to revisit the land dispute later, and thought about how jealous I’d once been of Jessie. And all this time, Will had stayed for me. He’d wanted me.
I despised myself for my stubbornness, watching the clouds of dust rise up around the SUV. There was no tracker in this vehicle, and again it occurred to me that I could be long gone before anyone knew it. But in order for that to work, I needed a destination.
I toyed with the idea of driving to Wyoming, of begging Will to let me stay. I decided against it. Will had made his decision, and I needed to respect that. I loved him too much to keep pushing and demanding. He knew that I’d be here if he ever changed his mind.
I followed the curve of the cliffs in the distance, a reminder that I’d at least done right by Crystal. If there was ever any doubt of my competence or my goodness, I had one thing to cling to when that inner voice piped up to insist that I was worthless.
My phone chimed from the seat beside me. I pulled over, too heartbroken to even hope that it might be Will. I was surprised to see that it was Maggie. Hey, just giving you a heads up. If you’re still thinking about coming back here, you better hurry up. HR just posted your job. The sharks are circling.
I replied without thinking. The answer seemed natural at this point. I’m staying in Texas, but thanks for letting me know. Will was right that Dad was facing a lot of challenges with his health. And despite the endless arguments, I loved him and wanted to be here for him.
Maggie’s response was typical Maggie: Ugh. Fine. I suppose I could stand to visit your little cow farm sometime.
I parked on one of the rarely used access roads and wandered in a crooked line. I took it all in, feeling the sun shining on my skin, the hint of thirst in my throat. I ignored my ankle, limping slightly as I sat in the scraggly grass.
I laid back, shielding my eyes with my forearm. Above me, the sky was a mesmerizing blue, the clouds drifting across my field of view. “Mom, are you there?” I called out heavenward. “Is this what you wanted? Are you proud?”
She didn’t answer, and I went on not knowing, surrounded by the sprawling beauty that had come at such a terrible price.
Chapter 25
Much to my surprise, Dad didn’t immediately rescind my authority at the ranch. For the next week, I kept expecting the other shoe to drop. But we continued much the same as before, with me learning more about the business and Dad focusing on his health as much as possible.
I tried to keep my guard up, but he caught me crying a few times as I toured the ranch or reviewed some of the standing expense accounts to see where we could save. And once I wore through the sadness, the numbness set in.
I found myself drifting along with the same lack of purpose that I’d seen manifest in Mom whenever she was turned away from a meeting or told to stay in her lane. Yet in some regards, the shock I felt at the loss of Will made managing the business easier.
I didn’t care that some faceless corporation was angry with me or indignant that I wanted to change a long-standing contract. I simply hung up on one national vendor, which lasted three days before they called to grovel for our continued business.
Dad had always prioritized locals and mom-and-pop organizations, but he hadn’t reviewed our specialty contracts in years. There were new local businesses that could fill the demand when before the corporations were the only option.
I ran out of ruthlessness by dinner most nights and retreated to my room to eat whatever kinds of comfort food Brian could conjure up. Even with Hailey, Stan, Sam, and Crystal trying to console me, he was the only one to get me to laugh after sending up spaghetti and meatballs designed to look like a frowny face. The note pinned under the plate was what did me in: Rotate plate 180 degrees before eating.
For the most part, my friends were reserved in their reactions, mostly leaving the conversation open in case I wanted to talk without forcing it to happen. It was a sensation not unlike death. I remembered the quiet after Mom’s death, how she slipped into my thoughts any time I wasn’t focused on something else.
I did notice a slight change in Dad’s demeanor, a barely discernible softness that hadn’t been there before. He criticized less often and asked more about my opinions. When I caught him flipping through family photo albums, I realized that maybe talking about my childhood and Mom’s feelings had stung him more than I’d believed.
He didn’t break the silence on the subject until we were alone together, a rare occurrence with Beth taking charge of Dad’s care. She’d gone to meet up with a friend, leaving me to accompany him to a routine checkup. Since Beth maintained his calendar, I suspected that the error had been by design.
On the way home, Dad cleared his throat, which was apparently some kind of unspoken signal to Eli that he wanted something. “Yes, Mr. Wentworth?”
“I’d like to stop for breakfast.”
Eli, likely accustomed to Dad’s hatred of what he deemed “unnecessary questions,” simply chose a spot and drove there. We ended up at a small diner in the neighboring town, one that I’d passed probably hundreds of times without ever having visited.
The interior was cozy without being cramped, the décor a careful neutral that was neither modern nor dated. The hostess brought us to a table by the front, no recognition whatsoever in her face. Maybe that was an advantage of eating out of town.
“I’m a little surprised,” I admitted. “Since when do you like to go out to eat?”
“I don’t,” Dad sighed. “I mean that… I thought that we should talk about what happened. And since you never finished your pancakes, I owe you some.”
Tears blurred my vision as I looked down at the table between us. It was such a sweet gesture, but Dad’s expression was still strained. He kept adjusting things on the table that didn’t need adjusting.
“That’s really nice of you.” I grabbed the menu just to have something to do. I couldn’t recall ever eating alone outside of our own dining room, not even on the rare occasions when Mom would send us kids off to an outing with just Dad. “I’m sure their pancakes are much better than mine.”
We both plastered smiles on as the waiter took our order. It reminded me of my disastrous breakfast with Sam at the diner in Bellfield. Was I cursed to have all of my awkward personal conversations in public over orange juice and subpar coffee?
“I didn’t want to believe that your mother was unhappy,” Dad said, holding his hands out almost helplessly. “That wasn’t my intention. But I spoke to your brothers, and I can see why she felt that way.”
“You talked to Zane and Daniel?” They usually called me to warn me if there was something going on. At least Hailey would. She was Zane’s loophole whenever Dad told him not to tell me something.
Dad nodded. “I wanted a more objective opinion. You were always closer to your mother. I’d expect you to take her side on things.”
I could smell the misogyny without being able to put my finger on it.
“Your brothers did say that she felt overlooked at times. And I do recall her asking for more responsibility in managing the ranch. It just didn’t seem proper.”
“But why are you the one who gets to decide what’s proper? That’s my problem, Dad.” I subtly gestured towards the other guests. “If you talked to anyone in this room for thirty seconds, you could come up with at least five reasons about why they’re better than me. You give everyone else a break.”
“Am I wrong for expecting the best of my children?”
“It’s not your children. It’s just me.” Underneath the table, I rolled my aching ankle. “Like when you blamed me for falling off of Domino and hurting my leg. He got stung by a bee. A bee. You called me an embarrassment.”
Dad squinted slightly, the corners of his mou
th angling downward. “Yes, but you also have to see things from my side. I started teaching you to ride when you were two and a half. You should have been able to handle it without hurting yourself.”
“Did you say the same thing to Remy when he got butted in the face and had to get fake teeth? Where do we draw the line?” That was always my issue with the way Dad viewed my behavior. The double standard was endless. Instead of having a set criteria of what he considered right and wrong, he called it on the spot every time.
“I understand what you’re saying. I just always saw it as different. You had time to react. You had to think about what to do. Remy didn’t.”
“If Zane or Daniel had broken an ankle from a fall, you wouldn’t have made one peep. I don’t care if you believe that or not. It’s the truth. You’ve never been able to love me because I’m not a third son.”
Dad had the audacity to look insulted. “That’s completely ridiculous. I love you just as much as Zane and Daniel. Maybe more. If I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t worry so much about protecting you.”
“I don’t want to be protected. I want to be respected. You seem to be the only one who can’t manage that. It’s why whenever there’s something important going on in my life, I don’t even bother telling you. If I wanted to be ridiculed, I’d post my life on the internet.”
Not being a fan of social media, the joke was a bit lost on him. “Are you saying that I’m sexist?”
I almost laughed. “I’m saying that you treat women like we’re pretty and stupid and should shut up and make you a sandwich. I don’t know if that’s how you intend to come across, but I just know better than to show emotion around you. Even when Mom died, I was waiting for you to tell me to stop crying in public because no one wanted to see a hysterical woman when there were business matters.”
The Cowboy's Promise: Love Triangle Billionaire Romance (The Wentworth Cowboy Billionaire Series) Page 21