by Mia Mitns
They nodded. I don’t think this was their type of party either.
I led the way to find Levi. We were pushing through the crowd when I felt someone grab my waist from the side. I looked to my left. It was Jes.
He pulled himself closer and whispered into my ear, “Now is a good time to change your mind. We could leave them and get out of here.” He stood back up and waited for my response. He made sure to leave his hand on my hip.
“No,” I said, in a raised voice and laughed. “And y’all were great! I actually was surprised.”
“See, Talli was right. You should listen to her more often,” he yelled. He smiled at Talli.
He leaned in again. He seemed to like to whisper. “Levi is over there.” He pointed to the back right corner. He moved his hand from my hip to mirror his other hand, which he placed on my shoulder. “Just keep in mind this is a business Amali. Just a business.”
His words worried me. What was Levi doing in the corner? He gave me and the rest of the girls a hug before he went back to his little world in the corner.
The girls followed me as I slid past more people. The room had become extremely full since we arrived. I finally made it close enough to see Levi in the corner with women propped up all around him. Some of the women were very hands on. Others were trying to get his attention. Levi’s and my eyes locked, but only for a second. He looked away. Back to the women.
I felt hurt. He didn’t smile or wave. He just looked away.
I made my way up to Levi by squeezing past the girls. I placed my hand on his shoulder, leaned into his ear, and asked if I could talk to him. He said no. I was confused. I asked him what he meant. He said I needed to leave.
I stepped back. I was shocked by what he said. Why did I need to leave? Was he going to do something that he didn’t want me to see? I glared at him for a few seconds then turned around and took off. Talli kept asking what was wrong, but I wouldn’t slow down or turn around. I was practically pushing people out of my way when Jes grabbed my arm.
“It’s not what you think!” he shouted.
I forcefully took my arm back and kept making my way through of the crowd. I didn’t even stop to make sure Talli and her friends were with me until I reached the elevator.
I crossed my arms and hissed out of frustration. I was mad, no furious! How could Levi be so loving the night before then sweep me out of the way when others were around? I didn’t care if it was due to some deep rooted childhood issue. Or if it was due to having some sort of celebrity image, I wasn’t going to take it.
I pushed the elevator button a few more times as Talli and her friends got caught up to me. Poor elevator button. It became the target for my anger.
“What happened in there?” Talli asked.
“I wasn’t welcome,” I said.
Chapter 5
I had to start work early at 6 a.m. the next morning. It was tough, but with a few cups of coffee I was making it. Around 7 a.m., Jes, Levi, the rest of the band, and their friends arrived in the same clothes they had on the night before.
I wished I could go to our back room to get something, anything, but I couldn’t leave. I was the only one working the front desk. The group looked tired. Some were wasted and loud. A few of the other people in the group tried to quiet them as they walked to the elevator.
Jes looked at me and smiled a sad smile. He didn’t stop though. He kept walking with the group to the elevators to go up to their rooms. Levi didn’t even look my way.
A little while later, I was looking outdoors when I heard someone say, “Excuse me.” My muscles tightened at the sound of the voice. It was Levi.
I sighed then looked at him. “What do you want?” I asked in a calm manner.
“That’s not how you are supposed to talk to guests,” he replied.
I just looked at him.
“How may I help you would be nice,” he said.
“And how could I do that?” I asked.
“I need to fill out one of those guest service forms. Tell them about their front desk.”
“How may I help you sir?” I said this with no emotion at all.
“Forgive me for kicking you out. We just have to do these stupid image things. You know image is everything.”
I shook my head gently and raised my eyebrows. “That’s a weak excuse. And what do you do exactly for image? All of those women?”
“No, of course not!” He sighed. “The women come in. A photographer is hired to take pictures, and then our public relations team circulates them. ‘Oh, look here is Kantana partying backstage,’ they say. Look at all the women he has blah, blah, blah. I didn’t know Jes invited you. I would have told you and your friends not to come. I don’t want you all to be a part of that. It’s all fake. And I was also . . . a little mad at you, but I understand now.”
“Look, I don’t want to talk about this here. I’m working.”
“I understand,” he said and reached for his back pocket. “Please come to the show tonight. It’s a secret one. We can talk after.” He tried to give me a black envelope.
“I don’t think so. Take your tickets with you.”
He put the envelope on the counter. “Take Talli with you,” he said and left.
I grabbed the envelope and slid it into my pocket. I couldn’t leave a black envelope lying on the counter. I gazed into at the lobby. I didn’t give his proposal one thought. I didn’t want to know what they did until 7 a.m. that morning. I didn’t care anymore what they were doing in that backstage room. I didn’t want anything to do with his life.
I would have ripped the tickets in two if it wasn’t for Talli. I didn’t think she would go, due to what happened, but she had other friends who would kill for the tickets.
---
Just after check out ended, Talli arrived and I gave her the tickets. She said she wasn’t going to go. She wouldn’t be able to listen to the songs or sing them and feel as happy as she did before. I tried to tell her to go giving Levi’s excuse to encourage her. She still said no. That was until Jes came down to visit us and begged Talli. He asked her to come to see and support him.
I could tell Talli was torn. She looked to me for confirmation, and I told her to go ahead. After all, she had been looking forward to those concerts for months. I wanted her to have fun. Talli’s body language changed. She got back her excitement. When Jes left, she told me she was happy to support Jes. She wasn’t dismissing how Levi treated me. I told her I already knew that. Within a few minutes, she had some other friends ready to join her.
---
4:00 p.m.
I told Talli to enjoy the concert before I went home. And I smiled as I left. Even though I wasn’t going to the concert, the next day was my day off. Too bad things didn’t go anywhere with Levi. I would have had a day off after the concert. Dang!
As I turned my steering wheel to exit the parking garage, I turned the radio up to take away the thoughts in my mind. Why!? I quickly and violently shut the radio off. I couldn’t even get away from him. Ugh! Levi’s voice again! That time it was on my radio. I tried to savor the silence as I rode home.
When I made it home, I walked in and threw my things on the couch. Continuing my daily routine, I went to get my mail. I opened my front door, stepped outside, and almost trampled the yellow rose arrangement on my doorstep. It was a good thing I saw it then leaped over the arrangement before it was too late. I turned around, snatched the flowers from the ground, and read the note. It said, “Since you’re not coming tonight . . .”
That’s right, I thought. I’m not coming tonight, or any other. I looked at the flowers, tilting them to see the intricate curvature. It was a beautiful arrangement. I guess I could keep it, I thought. I went inside and put the flowers in a vase. Then I went back outside to get the mail.
I opened the mailbox door and a small package was revealed. My mind shot to thinking about people putting little bombs in the mail. I inspected it without touching. It had no sender. I sighed and I picked the
box up carefully. Under the box there was an envelope from Levi. It wore a drawing of a heart where the box previously sat. I pulled my hand out of the mailbox and held the box up to look under it. There was also a heart.
I smirked and was relieved at the same time. It was sweet but please. I gathered the rest of the mail and went inside. I plopped down on my couch and opened the envelope from Levi first. It contained pictures that appeared as though they were taken from the backstage “party” the night before. I took out the pictures and stacked them on my coffee table.
I glanced back inside the envelope. There was a note that said, “Flip them over.”
I picked up the stack of pictures, and turned them over. Then I went through them. On the back of some of the pictures, there were detailed explanations about what was going on in the scene. Web site addresses were written on others.
I leaned over, and I picked up my computer to look up the addresses. Each address was to an online magazine or blog about music or Kantana. Levi wasn’t lying. That part about posing for an image was true.
But I still didn’t know what happened after their “photo shoot.” They were out until 7 a.m. I doubted they were taking pictures all night. Most likely he was leaving that part out. How would I ever know what happened? I could ask Jes, but he seemed like he would cover for Levi. That made me think some more . . . How could I even trust Levi?
I returned my attention to the envelope and looked inside. Under the note there were some lyrics. I pulled out both of the sheets. I put the lyrics sheet on top. It was titled “Love, Music, Amali.” I glanced over the lyrics. At least the song didn’t contain my name. I looked at the title again. Before the lyrics began, there was a note that said, “I wish you would have been here. I wanted to sing this to you.”
Agh! How could he even make me feel guilty about missing that concert? I didn’t want to see him. I didn’t want to hear him either, but I really wanted to hear the song.
It was probably for the best. I didn’t think I could take hearing his soothing low tone— the one that brought pleasure to my heart. My ear loved hearing him. Collecting his sound waves . . . loved those vibrations.
I sighed and reflected. Nope, I didn’t want anything to do with his celebrity life. The kiss was amazing though . . . And the way he held me . . . I knew I would have dreams about that. He was also so innocent for some reason, not really mysterious. He just wanted to love. No wonder he looked so sad when I backed away from him.
That was probably what was missing in his songs too, love. Not the topic, they had plenty of that, but the feeling.
I looked back into the envelope. There was something else— another envelope. Black, just like all of the others were, but bigger and thicker. I pulled out the envelope and opened it.
There were tickets to each of the shows Kantana had left—the secret and known. I gasped knowing Talli and her friends would kill for this. There were a lot of tickets—six for each main and secret show.
There was also a note. It read, “Please, I would love to sing to you again.”
“Again,” what did he mean, “again?” He was singing for me the first night? I laughed because some of my arrogance jumped on my mental podium. It said, well of course, that’s why he could actually sing with some emotion when I was there.
I looked at the box, which I had sitting on my coffee table. I decided to not to open it until the morning. I pushed myself off of the couch and went to my kitchen. I made some hot chocolate, picked up a book, went upstairs, and read until I fell asleep.
Chapter 6
I heard someone pounding on my door and I jumped up out of my sleep. I rolled over and looked at my clock. 1:30 a.m. I groaned. I was annoyed. I didn’t want to get out of bed. Whoever it was, kept on knocking, so I had no choice.
I slid out of bed, put on a robe, and leaned against the railing as I stomped down the stairs. I felt like I was sleepwalking as I went to the door and looked out of the blinds.
Jes, what was he doing there? I looked behind him. It was only him. I opened the door.
“What are you doing here?” I asked. “And how did you find me?”
“I couldn’t stay at the hotel,” he said. “And I need to talk to you.”
“Alright, come in.”
I opened the door wider, and he walked in like it was his home. He took a seat on the couch and made himself comfortable. I closed the door and sat on the couch further down from him.
“How did you find me?” I asked.
“I have my ways,” Jes said, chuckling.
“Usually I would be more welcoming, but it is one in the morning,” I said.
“I know, don’t worry about it. I’ll make myself at home.” Jes took off his shoes and put his feet on the couch. He smiled. He started bathing me again with those eyes. “I’m here for you.”
Did he mean sexually? I looked at him full of curiosity. What was he trying to do, stay at my house for the rest of the time they were here? That wasn’t going to be OK. I yawned. “What do you mean Jes?”
“I’m looking out for you and Levi.”
Oh, so Levi sent him. “About Levi, don’t waste your –”
“Shhh,” Jes said. He had leaned over me. He had with one finger on my lips. The other hand was on my thigh.
I grabbed his hand and moved his finger off of my lips. He closed his eyes for a few seconds and took a couple of slow breaths.
When he opened his eyes he looked directly at me. He started talking in a low voice above a whisper. It was as if he was trying not to disturb someone who was sleeping. “It’s taking everything in me not to react to this. Inside there’s a battle. One side wants to help Levi. One side wants to help myself. I really, really want to help myself. I’d love to slide my hands up your thighs. I want to taste your lips. The grip you have on my hand right now is killing me. There are so many places . . .”
I let go of his hand.
“Thank you. Now like I was saying, I’d like to feel you all over. But I won’t.”
Jes sat back in his place and removed his hand from my thigh. He spoke louder. “I won’t because he loves you. And you love him . . . He didn’t send me here. I came myself. I know him better than anyone else. We have been best friends since we were kids . . . I just need to say this, and then if you still don’t think it’s worth it, giving him a chance, then it is your decision.”
I nodded and turned towards him. I folded my legs to the side as I put them on the couch. I put my elbow on the back of my couch and rested my head up against my hand. I felt Jes watching me, with those aqua eyes, as I moved. I looked at him. He was watching.
Jes smiled. His smile was beautiful. He slid his hand over the back of my couch. Then he folded his arm so he could grasp my couch. I think he wanted me to watch his hands even though he said he was there for Levi.
Jes raised his eyebrows and smiled. He looked at his hand then back to me. “Anyway, Levi, he has a little too much pride sometimes. I think being the lead rubs off on him. He gets his way a lot. Then he starts to control. I really think that it is his stage personality leaving the stage with him. It’s not really who he is. That’s why he told you to leave. He was trying to control instead of letting you see for yourself. He didn’t want you to see all of the women because that’s not really him.
“Well, that and the fact that he felt a little rejected. He didn’t say anything to me, but I know you did something. I know you didn’t mean it.”
“How do you know?” I asked.
“You just admitted it, and I have my ways. My little talents,” he said. He chuckled.
His talents? I thought. I shifted the thought to the side so I could think about it later. “Well, Levi did say that the whole thing was fake. Part of the image,” I said. “He wanted me to leave because he didn’t want me to be a part of it. And he was upset with me.”
“See, I knew it. And it’s true. It was an image thing. I invited you all to let you see what our life is like behind the scenes. He freake
d out. He is so used to hiding his feelings and emotions that he wanted to hide you too. Because you make him feel something.
“I think that was apparent in the first performance. He was a much better singer; he wasn’t hiding emotions. Last night he was vacant again. And the song that he wrote for you, a song meant to be happy, was depressing. That’s how I know. He is totally different when he thinks of you. He is happy. I’ve never truly seen him be this happy.”
I bit down on my tongue to hide a smile.
Jes smiled. “I hope you don’t hold his career against him. A lot of his image, other than the mysterious part, was fabricated. They thought if they could keep him mysterious, but allow you to see little parts of his life, the fans would eat it up. And they did. It’s all to sell records and concert tickets. Sell the fantasy, you know.”
I sighed. “I know, but I don’t know . . . I don’t really like it. And I don’t like that he kicked me out like that. He can’t be threatening to replace me every time he gets mad.”
“I agree and understand, but I have to beg you.” Jes put his hands together. “Please, give him a chance. I’ll talk to him. He will change.”
“If you were him right now, I would give it more consideration.”
“But you told him to leave you alone. He is the type of person to respect that. This is another reason why I came. The letter and pictures will only do so much . . .” Jes glanced at my hand then looked up to me. “Did you open the box?”
“No,” I said.
“Open the box,” Jes said. “Well, it is late, and I don’t want to keep you up any longer.” Jess laughed to himself and shook his head. “If you don’t mind, could I stay here? It was getting crazy at the hotel. We might have to switch hotels. A lot of our fans know we’re there.”
“Yeah, that’s fine.”
I got up from the couch not knowing what to feel. It seemed as though I wasn’t allowed to be mad anymore. Levi had some issues opening up. He was trying to protect me from their world. He really did care for me. But this could have just been Jes covering for him. And Levi could have told me this himself, instead of sending Jes. It was just like the first day I saw him. Jes was the messenger.