by Naomi Niles
“People knew how important that uniform was to him,” Dylan said. “They understood how proud he was to have been in the navy and that formed his identity. But he was made up of more than that; he was more than a soldier. He was a husband and a father. He loved his wife and he loved his children. And if you had asked him which one he identified with more, he would never have mentioned the Navy. He would have talked about my mother, who was the love of his life. He would have talked about my brother, whom he was so proud of. And he would have talked about me.”
“That is the kind of man my father was. He had commitments, he had obligations, and he had a duty to his country. But he never forgot about the things that were important to him. He was away a lot when I was a child, but I never resented him for that absence. I knew he was out there doing something important and I knew he was thinking of me every second of every day. Even when he wasn’t around, he always made sure that we knew that he loved us. My father … he was a good soldier and a good man. But in my opinion, he was an even better husband and father.”
“He’s a good speaker isn’t he?” Tyler said from behind me.
I hadn’t even noticed he was behind me. I wiped away the tear that had slipped down my cheek and glanced at him. “I would have thought you’d give the speech?”
Tyler shook his head. “This is Dylan’s forte; he did a good job.”
“He did,” I nodded.
“Thank you, Elizabeth,” Tyler said. “For playing.”
“Of course,” I nodded and leaned in to give Tyler a hug and a kiss. I turned around and realized that people were queuing up to pay their condolences to Dylan and Mrs. Thomas who were standing on the opposite side of the church. “Shouldn’t you go and join them?” I asked.
“I will,” Tyler replied. “I just … need a moment.”
I nodded in understanding and made my way to join the line of people. It took five minutes to finally reach them, and when I did, I noticed that Dylan’s eyes were already on me.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered as I hugged him.
He held on a little longer than I expected and then he let go of me. “Thank you for playing,” he said. “It was amazing to hear you play after so long.”
“Yes dear,” Mrs. Thomas cut in. “Thank you for playing those songs.”
“I hope I did Mr. Thomas justice.”
“He would have been so pleased,” Mrs. Thomas said. She looked better than she had the first day I had see her, but the ache of sadness was still etched across her face. “Will you come to the house afterwards? The family will be there after the burial.”
“Oh, I don’t want to impose—”
“It’s not an imposition,” Dylan cut in. “Everyone will be there.”
I nodded. “Then I will too,” I said before I moved away.
I went over to the house straight after the burial with mom. The house was packed just like last time, so I left mom with the other mourners and headed for the patio. Tyler and Dylan were there, leaning against the patio railing and staring out at the lake in silence. They had both changed into pants and casual t-shirts.
“The service was beautiful,” I said to them.
Dylan turned around and I saw his eyes light up when he saw me. “I’m glad you’re here,” he said.
I felt a blush creep up my cheeks and I tried desperately to stop it in its tracks. “How are you both doing?” I asked trying to skate over my own embarrassment.
“Fine,” Tyler replied without turning his gaze from the lake.
“I … I think I really need a distraction,” Dylan replied.
I raised my eyebrows. “What kind of distraction?”
“Beer by the old campsite?” Dylan suggested, and I couldn’t help but smile.
We used to sneak out at night and meet just outside the woods. Then we’d walk about a mile north until we had reached this little creek that ran passed a tall thicket of trees. We’d bring beer and marshmallows, then we’d sit around the fire and toast them up and swap stories. Sometimes Dylan and I used to go there alone and when it was just the two of us, we’d take a blanket so that we could share.
I’d sit between his legs and he’d hold me close and whisper ghost stories in my ear. They never scared me though. There was no possible way I could feel scared with Dylan wrapped around me like a human shield. I felt safe and warm and protected and like my youth, I had taken those moments for granted. I had simply assumed I would have them forever.
“Lizzie?” Dylan said.
“Sorry,” I said quickly. “I suppose we could do that.”
“Great,” Dylan said. “We can leave soon.”
“I’ll ask Maddie to join us,” I said quickly and then I turned to Tyler. “You’re joining us too right Tyler?”
Tyler glanced at Dylan. “I don’t know if it’s … appropriate?”
“We’re not going to a rave Ty,” Dylan said and I knew he was trying hard not to roll his eyes. “But if you don’t want to come, we’ll understand.”
I frowned at Dylan. “Come,” I said.
“All right,” Tyler said at last. “Maybe a distraction is a good idea. Mom will be surrounded by people tonight anyway.”
“Great,” Dylan said, although his tone suggested otherwise. “Is Maddie here?”
“She should be here by now,” I nodded. “She left the cemetery when mom and I did.”
“Ok, then Tyler can bring Maddie in the car and you and I can take my bike.”
My eyebrows rose. “Your bike?”
“You remember her,” Dylan said with a secretive smile.
“Of course I remember her,” I said. “I just can’t believe you still have that bike.”
“Dad kept her for me,” Dylan said with a sad smile. “Will you ride with me?”
I sighed internally. There was no way I could say no to that smile. “Sure,” I nodded.
We left Tyler in the house to look for Maddie and Dylan led me out to the garage where the bike was kept. The moment I saw the bike, I felt a wave of nostalgia hit me. It was like I had stepped twelve years into the past. I approached the bike gingerly.
“She hasn’t changed,” I said.
Dylan helped me onto the seat behind him and I was forced to wrap my arms around his waist as we set off down the winding driveway. We were so close that I could smell him. I closed my eyes and reminded myself that I was not seventeen anymore and Dylan was not my boyfriend. I told myself that no matter how good this felt, at the end of the day, I would have to let go.
Chapter Eleven
Dylan
I felt like I was sixteen again. I had the same tingling in my stomach that I used to feel any time Lizzie was near me. I wanted to kiss her, touch her, hold her all at the same time, and I never wanted to let her go. The more time I spent with her, the more I simply could not understand what had ever made me leave her side.
Her arms were tight around me but I could sense her need to let go, almost as though she were scared to get too close. I knew that shouldn’t have upset me but I was. We rode into the woods and stopped by the old creek nestled next to a wealth of trees. I used to think of it as our special place but in truth, there was nothing exceptional about it. We were the ones that made it special.
I got off the bike and helped Lizzie down from it. She didn’t actually need my help, but it was an excuse for me to touch her. The campsite was pretty much the same, but it was clear that no one had been near it for a long time. Leaves, roots, and dirt were everywhere and I wondered whether bringing Lizzie here had been the right move.
I turned and she had pushed aside some of the leaves and sat down on one of the larger logs that fallen to the ground. I smiled, remembering that she had never been one to shy away from nature. She didn’t mind dirt or bugs. She had always been an adventurer, even though she had never believed it herself.
“It takes me back being here,” I said softly.
She didn’t answer immediately. She was looking around at the campsite as though sh
e were seeing ghosts. I sat down beside her and resisted the urge to put my arm around her. It was strange how certain impulses were sitting there, just underneath the surface as though it hadn’t understood that eleven years had passed and things were not the same anymore.
“What are you thinking?” I asked, hating the fact that I wasn’t sure. I had always been good at knowing what was on her mind. Now, I could only guess and wait to see if I was right or not.
“Nothing,” she replied, guarding her thoughts.
She looked so beautiful, with that fiery-red hair and those burning, blue eyes. The soft prettiness that she had possessed as a girl had turned into bright beauty. She looked like she belonged some place magical. You could have painted wings on her and it wouldn’t have looked out of place.
I was thinking about reaching out and taking her hand when we saw headlights some distance away and I realized that Tyler and Maddie had arrived. I tried not to look too disappointed as we waited for them to join us.
“Hi, guys,” Lizzie said brightly when they appeared. She got to her feet unnecessarily and went to sit beside Maddie.
“This was a great idea,” Maddie said as she passed around some cold beer.
“Dylan has always been full of ideas,” Tyler said as he sat down. I wondered if the girls could notice the bitterness in his voice.
“So,” I said, pointedly ignoring Tyler. “Have you guys been in touch with the old gang?” While we were in school, it had been Maddie, Lizzie, Tony, and I. The four of us made up intimate circle, but we had also been a part of a bigger group. “Does Miles still live in town?”
“Miles ended up marrying Bridget,” Maddie replied. “They got married right after college and they moved soon after. Bridget sends me a Christmas card every year. They have a son now.”
“He’s almost two,” Lizzie filled in and I detected a soft note in her voice that I couldn’t place. She sounded happy for them, but there was another emotion there.
“We lost contact with Brett and Davis after graduation,” Maddie went on. “Lara is a lawyer and she lives in the city but we see her now and again when she comes home to visit her parents.”
“And Tony?” I asked without any real interest.
“Not sure really,” Maddie replied. “After we broke up we lost contact.”
I nodded. “We had some good times, didn’t we?”
“We had great times,” Maddie nodded, but I was waiting for Lizzie to speak. She was so quiet that it was driving me crazy. I hated not knowing what she was thinking.
“Let’s get a fire started,” Tyler suggested as he bent down and pushed some fallen twigs together in the center of our little circle. I bent down to help him and within minutes we had a roaring fire sitting between us.
The bright flames illuminated Lizzie and it seemed only to enhance her beauty. The others started talking about the town, about people they knew, about the good old days, but I could barely participate. I kept staring at Lizzie, as my desire to be alone with her just kept magnifying.
When Tyler and Maddie became engrossed in a conversation, I seized my opportunity, unable to contain myself any longer, and I went up to Lizzie. “Let’s take a walk by the creek,” I said holding my hand out to her.
I noticed the three of them exchange glances but I didn’t care. Lizzie was looking at me with those wide eyes of hers and I wondered what I would do if she invited Tyler and Maddie to come along with us. It was a long moment of hesitation, but at the end of it she took my hand and I helped her up.
We left Maddie and Tyler sitting by the campfire and we started walking along the creek. I tried to keep a grip on her hand but she slipped her fingers out of mine and we walked in silence until we were a fair distance away from the fire. I turned around and realized that we couldn’t see or hear Tyler and Maddie anymore.
“You’ve been quiet.” I observed lightly.
“Have I?” she asked. “Sorry. I’m just a little preoccupied.”
I wanted to ask what she was preoccupied with but I knew she wouldn’t answer. “Is it strange for you,” I asked cautiously. “Seeing me again after all this time?”
“Is it strange for you?” she asked in response.
“A little,” I nodded. “But it also feels … familiar, comfortable … I don’t know how to describe it.”
“You don’t have to,” Lizzie replied. “I guess I feel the same way too.”
“What made you marry Paul?” I asked abruptly, surprising even myself by the question.
She looked at me unblinkingly for a moment. “He was different when I married him. He was kinder, sweeter, and I believed he loved me.”
“How long were you married?”
“Two years,” I replied. “Things were rocky almost from the beginning of our marriage. We even had a fight on our honeymoon but I believed that we were just adjusting to one another. I had hope that things would get better. But in the end, I realized that Paul was just being Paul and there was no way to change that.
“I hated the idea of getting divorced,” Lizzie went on, dropping my gaze. “To me, it was just another failure, so I held on as long as I could, I made excuses for him, I tried to talk to him, I suggested we go to therapy together …”
“Nothing worked?”
“He had so much … pent up anger inside him,” Lizzie said. “And I was his outlet. He was controlling and jealous and I just couldn’t take it any longer.”
“You got out,” I said. “That’s the most important thing.”
She sighed. “Getting out is one thing,” she said. “Living in the same town with your ex-husband is a completely different problem.”
“Do you have much contact with him?” I asked.
“I don’t really have much of a choice there.”
I lifted my eyebrows. “What do you mean?” I demanded. “Does he still bother you?”
“It’s not important,” she said quickly, and I knew she wasn’t telling me the whole truth.
“Lizzie—?”
“You haven’t told me anything about your life,” she interrupted.
“My life?” I said.
“Yes,” she nodded. “Your life as a Navy SEAL; what’s it been like for you?”
I looked away from her for a moment. I usually didn’t like talking about it with people, but it felt different with Lizzie. It felt natural to want to share with her. This girl had been my childhood and my adolescence. I had believed once that she would be the rest of my life too.
“It’s been … hard,” I said finally. “I travel a lot, but it’s not what most people think it is.”
“I don’t imagine it would be,” Lizzie replied. “It’s not like you’re lounging out by the pool in five-star hotels.”
I laughed. “Some people tend to take that view though.”
“Do you mean Tyler?” she asked knowingly.
I sighed. “I thought the distance might have helped our relationship a little.”
“Distance very rarely does,” Lizzie said and I detected a hint of something lying just underneath her unaffected tone.
“We used to be so close once,” I said. “Tyler and I.”
“Your priorities changed,” Lizzie said with understanding. “And that pushed you both in different directions, but that doesn’t mean you have to be at odds with one another. You don’t have to be the same person to get along.”
“That’s what I think too,” I nodded. “But then Tyler and I are together and … we just piss each other off.”
Lizzie smiled. “You’re here for a few weeks,” she said. “Work on it.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
“He’s your brother,” Lizzie said. “If a relationship is important enough to you, you have to make it work, no excuses.”
“Will you help me?” I asked cautiously.
“If you need it,” she said softly.
“You played beautifully today,” I said.
“I played ok,” she said looking out towards the thin str
eam of water that flowed past us. “I haven’t really practiced in a while.”
“Why not?” I asked. “You were so passionate about music in school; you wanted to play for crowds.”
“Those were big dreams,” Lizzie replied. “I’ve become a little more realistic since then.”
“Realistic?” I said in surprise. “Lizzie, your music was amazing … you could have played on stages for crowds of people. That was the reality I believed in.”
She smiled sadly. “No one’s going to pay to watch me play.”
“I would,” I replied.
She smiled. “You always believed in my music.”
“I believed in you.”
I could feel myself leaning into her. I could feel my resolve weaken as I stared at her. There was no way I could stand there and not kiss her. I reached out and put a hand on her waist. I felt her tense but she didn’t push me away. I pulled her forward until she was pressed up against me. Again, she didn’t resist. I bent my head to hers and kissed her lips.
It was a soft kiss, gentle and insistent. Her lips quivered against mine and I knew she was remembering all those thousands of moments when we had stolen kisses in school or at home before our parents knew we were dating. I could taste a hundred different memories in her lips; I could taste that vibrant exuberance of youth. I could see myself more clearly, the boy I had been and the man I had become. They were so different that it surprised me and all I wanted was to lose myself in her arms.
I pulled her closer and instinctively, the kiss deepened. I could feel her arms around my neck; I could feel her lips part slightly as she gave into me. I could feel her own resolve weaken as she gave into the moment. And just like that, I was eighteen again and my future was stretched out before me. This was it, this felt right.
And suddenly, it was over and she was pushing me away from her. “No,” she said breathlessly. “I can’t do this.”
“Why not?”
She looked up at me. “Dylan,” she said softly. “I never told you this but when you left … it broke me. I wasn’t myself for a long time. You’re leaving again in a few weeks and … I can’t get involved.”