by Naomi Niles
“What’s wrong, man?” Tyler asked suddenly half way through the meal.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“You keep staring over here,” he pointed out.
I hadn’t realized I was being so obvious but I instantly toned it down. “Sorry,” I said. “I’m just … distracted today.”
“Why?”
“Umm … just thinking about the rehab center,” I lied smoothly.
“I think it’s a great idea,” Maddie said. She gave me a small smile but I noticed that she still refused to meet my eyes. I wondered how badly my leaving had affected Lizzie this time. I wondered if that was the reason for it or if perhaps Lizzie’s new relationship was more serious than I had anticipated and Maddie just didn’t want to be the one to tell me.
“How’s Lizzie?” I asked out loud without bothering to hide my curiosity.
Instantly Maddie tensed and I knew that her awkwardness was inherently linked to Lizzie. “She’s fine,” Maddie replied chewing her food longer than necessary.
I did notice my mother’s expression change somewhat and that puzzled me. I let it sit and we spent the rest of the meal in silence. Once we were done and the plates had been cleared away, I moved out into the back garden consumed in thought. After a while I couldn’t stop myself any longer. I picked up my phone and dialed in Lizzie’s number.
It rang for a while but she didn’t pick up and I couldn’t blame her. If she really was serious with this doctor guy then it was entirely possible she didn’t want to have anything more to do with me. I tried to contain the jealousy in my gut but it seemed to have a life of its own. I was trying to figure out a subtle way of ‘running into’ Lizzie in town when I felt mom walking towards me.
“Did you try calling that friend of yours?” she asked pointedly.
“I tried,” I nodded.
“Does this friend happen to be Elizabeth?” mom asked.
“I would say that was perceptive of you,” I said. “If I wasn’t so incredibly transparent.”
Mom smiled but there was an underlying emotion there that I couldn’t understand. She seemed to be sparring with herself; trying to decide on something she wasn’t sure of.
“Is something the matter?” I asked bluntly.
“Well …”
“Yes?”
“I have something to tell you,” mom replied slowly. “And I don’t know if you’ll like it.”
I felt my stomach drop and I knew instinctively that it had something to do with Lizzie. “Ok,” I said trying to prepare myself. “What is it?”
“Last week I was doing my rounds in the hospital and I was assigned to Doctor Towry,” mom started slowly.
“Ok…?”
“I was organizing her patient files when I came across a name I recognized,” mom went on. “Lizzie’s name.”
“Lizzie …?” I said as my curiosity ramped up a notch. “Is everything all right with her?” I was suddenly seized with the fear that she was seriously sick. Was that the real reason she was avoiding me now? Was that the reason that Maddie was being so standoffish? Maybe the doctor she was supposedly dating was just her doctor and nothing more. “Just tell me mom,” I said quickly.
Mom took a deep breath. “I don’t know if I should be telling you this …”
“Mom!” I said impatiently.
“I have an obligation to be confidential with the information I receive at work.”
“I’m your son!” I said childishly. “Please … I’ll go crazy if I don’t know.”
Mom sighed. “Lizzie is … pregnant.”
I just stared at her for a moment. “I’m sorry … could you say that again?”
“She’s pregnant,” mom repeated again and I knew there was no way I could have misheard her a second time.
“You’re sure?” I asked slowly.
“Completely sure,” mom replied.
“How far along is she?” I asked.
“Around four months,” she replied. “But I can’t be sure; I didn’t have time to read through her entire file.”
“Four months,” I breathed as I ran my hand through my hair trying to process it all. “Four months!”
“What does this mean Dylan?” mom asked slowly.
“What do you mean?”
“Is … the baby yours?”
I swallowed hard trying to determine that for myself. “I… I don’t know,” I said finally. “I honestly don’t know. There’s a possibility it could be mine but…”
“But?”
“I’ve heard that Lizzie’s started dating another guy since I left,” I said. “It could just as easily be him.”
“Well, you need to find out then,” mom said as she reached out and squeezed my arm in support.
I stared off in the direction of the lake but I wasn’t really seeing anything. My head was spinning and I was starting to feel as a though I was in the middle of some surreal drama. I turned without a word and walked back into the kitchen where Maddie and Tyler were.
“Maddie,” I said bluntly. “Is Lizzie pregnant?”
Maddie froze in place. She glanced between Tyler and me and then she turned back to me. “How did you find out?”
“Does it matter?” I countered. “I was wondering why you’ve been so … weird this whole time.” Tyler was looking stumped and I knew he hadn’t known about Lizzie’s pregnancy. “Is the baby mine?”
“Elizabeth is pregnant?” Tyler said incredulously as he turned to Maddie. “You didn’t tell me that.”
Maddie sighed. “I didn’t tell anyone. The pregnancy obviously wasn’t planned and Lizzie wanted to keep it under wraps for a while.”
“Who is the father Maddie?” I demanded again.
Maddie looked at me and sighed deeply. “You should ask Lizzie that.”
“I’m asking you.”
Maddie shook her head in defeat and threw her hands up in the air. “I don’t want to get in the middle of this,” she said. “Lizzie has been really specific about what she wants and I don’t want to get in the way of that.”
“For God’s sake!” I said in frustration.
“Hey,” Tyler said taking a step forward. “Watch it ok? Maddie’s not the bad guy here, she’s just trying to protect her friend.”
“I know,” I said quickly. “I’m just … this is a lot to take in.”
“I get it, but standing there freaking out is not going to help anyone,” Tyler said calmly and I thought it was ironic that he was the one giving me that advice.
“What would you suggest I do?” I asked in irritation.
“Talk to Lizzie,” Tyler said. “And find out for yourself.”
I looked at Maddie and I softened my tone. “I get that you can’t tell me too much … but can you at least tell me if Lizzie’s seeing some … doctor?”
Maddie looked unbelievably uncomfortable and I knew it was unfair of me to push her but I couldn’t help it. “She was seeing someone,” she said with some hesitation. “I don’t know that she’s seeing him anymore though.”
“But he could be the father?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” Maddie said helplessly.
“You don’t know?” I repeated.
“No I don’t,” Maddie said firmly. “He very well could be but I just don’t know. The only one who knows for sure is Lizzie and she hasn’t been very talkative these past few months.”
“Fuck!” I all but yelled. “I’ve got to talk to Lizzie.”
“Fine, talk to Lizzie,” Maddie said quickly. “But Dylan, be calm, be sensitive, and be kind ok? She’s going through a lot right now and she’s going to need some understanding.”
I took a deep breath. “Of course,” I nodded.
Immediately after I left the house, I jumped on my motorcycle and turned in the direction of Lizzie’s apartment. I had to find out, one way or the other, whose baby she was carrying.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Elizabeth
I had just managed to find a comfortab
le position on the couch and I sunk down into it, enjoying the silence of my apartment, pierced only by Elvis’s occasional meows. I had switched off my cell phone and taken the phone of the receiver so that I could have a few minutes to myself.
My pregnancy had somehow released a bout of creative energy and I found myself not only eager to play music but also to write some arrangements as well. I had a sheath of papers lying on the table beside me and I glanced over at my notes. I had just finished practicing some of the music I had written last week and it didn’t sound half-bad. I could hear the melody in my head and I realized that the silence was pushing me forward and releasing all these ideas in my head.
A sharp rap on my door broke the beautiful silence and I wrinkled my eyebrows together knowing that Maddie was with Tyler today and mom was working. I got up and walked to the door. Again there was another knock and I opened the door without checking who it was. I found myself staring into Dylan’s intoxicating, blue eyes.
“Dylan,” I stammered.
“Hi, Lizzie,” he said and for a moment I wondered if he knew. But then his face relaxed. “How are you?”
“I’m fine,” I said taking a deep breath. “Really good actually.”
“That’s good to hear,” he said.
“I heard you’re in town for a few weeks,” I said trying to figure out a million different things at the same time.
“Yes,” he nodded. “I came in a few days ago. I’ve been wanting to call you up for ages now, but …”
“But?”
“I don’t know,” he said with a shrug. “I guess I didn’t want to disrupt your life.”
I just looked at him, trying not to lose myself to those eyes. I felt that if I did, my mouth would break open and all my secrets would start spilling out.
Dylan took a deep breath and he looked like he was going to ask me a big question. I tensed slightly and waited. “Would you like to go get some ice cream?” he asked unexpectedly and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Ice cream?” I repeated.
“Yeah, what say you?”
I smiled and nodded. “Sure,” I said knowing that turning him down would mean a longer conversation and a painful explanation. “I can spare some time now.”
“Great,” he said and he waited till I got my jacket and met him outside. I paused slightly when I saw his motorbike but I didn’t hesitate. “Where’s the spare helmet?” I asked, extending my hand out.
“Umm … if you’re uncomfortable with riding the bike I can always borrow Tyler’s Jeep,” Dylan said unexpectedly and I grew instantly suspicious. He had never asked me that question before and it made me wonder if he knew and he was simply trying to suss out the truth for himself.
“Why would I be uncomfortable?” I asked with raised eyebrows.
“No reason,” he mumbled as he handed me the helmet.
We got to the Pink Scooper in twenty minutes and I got off the bike and shook down my hair. “Why were you driving so slow?” I asked.
He shrugged. “I just wanted to enjoy the drive,” he said. “And prolong the feeling of having your arms around me.”
It was such a typical thing for Dylan to say that I didn’t second-guess it. He ran ahead of me and held the door open and I wondered whether this was pure chivalry or if he was treating me with kid gloves for a reason.
“Whoa,” I said. “That’s a long line.”
“Why don’t you go and sit down,” Dylan said. “I’ll get us some cones; mint chocolate chip for you, am I right?”
“It’s fine, I’ll wait with you,” I said.
“No, don’t worry,” Dylan said insistently. “It’s better you sit down.”
I frowned at him as I started to get annoyed. “I’d rather stand,” I said defiantly.
“You might want to get us a table before they’re all gone,” he said sensibly and I was forced to stomp off to find us a table while Dylan stayed in line. When he came back with cones, my mood hadn’t improved much.
“Here you go,” he said passing me my cone.
“Thanks,” I replied as he sat down opposite me.
“So …” Dylan started a little awkwardly. “How have you been doing?”
“Great,” I nodded. “Nothing much has been happening with me.”
“Oh … because Maddie did mention that you were seeing someone,” he said.
I raised my eyebrows. Perhaps that was the reason he seemed a little off today, but I had made the decision months ago. I knew I couldn’t hide my pregnancy forever. I knew that Bastrop would know soon and the news would eventually travel to Dylan. I had to make sure the story I would put out was believable.
“I am,” I nodded.
“Who is he?”
“I met him at the bar months ago,” I replied. “Shortly after you left, actually.”
“It happened that fast?”
I wondered if that was judgement I sensed in his tone but I decided to let it go. “I guess so,” I nodded. “We hit it off right away and I didn’t think there was any point in taking things slow … my whole life has been pretty slow as of late.”
“How serious are you guys?”
“Serious enough,” I said with a shrug.
“What’s his name?” Dylan asked.
I hesitated a little. “Am I under suspicion for something here?”
Dylan gave me an awkward smile. “Sorry, does it sound like I’m interrogating you?”
“Just a bit,” I said lightly.
“I’m sorry. I guess I’m just curious,” Dylan said. “And I’ll admit, just a little jealous.”
“You were the one that left, Dylan,” I pointed out to him gently.
“I know,” Dylan nodded. “I’m not suggesting you should have … waited for me or anything. I’m just telling you how I feel, unreasonable as it may be.”
I nodded, feeling that gut wrenching pull in my gut and I wished desperately that things were different between us. For the first time since I’d found out that I was pregnant, I wanted so badly to tell Dylan the truth. And it was for purely selfish reasons. In the moment it felt like it was enough that he stayed, no matter what the reason, but I knew that once the feeling passed I would always live in fear of his resentment. I would always know that I had not been enough. The only reason he had stayed with me was out of a sense of obligation.
I finished my cone and looked around for some napkins. Dylan noticed my searching gaze and he rose immediately. “You sit down,” he said. “I’ll get the napkins.”
“They’re right over there,” I pointed out. “I can reach for them.”
“No, don’t strain yourself, I can do it.”
It was his tone more than anything that got to me. I hated feeling as though I was handicapped in some way and I was starting to get the feeling that he knew I was pregnant and he was just waiting to back me into a corner.
“What on earth is wrong with you?” I demanded. “Why are you treating me like I’m going to break?”
Dylan took a deep breath and I knew what he was going to say before he said it. “I know Maddie,” he said and his aura of calm fell away.
My heart was beating fast but I kept my face clear of emotion. “You know what?”
“I know you’re pregnant,” Dylan said. “And I know you’re far enough along that …”
“That what?” I demanded.
“That the baby could be mine,” he said at last. “Is it?”
I just stared at him, trying to remember all the reasons I was doing this in the first place.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Dylan
“Lizzie?” I said again when she didn’t say anything.
Her face was impassive at first and then slowly I saw the worry flit through her eyes before she composed herself. She looked me straight in the eyes. “The baby is not yours,” she said.
I blinked at her a couple of times and tried to understand the words she was saying, but it just didn’t make sense. I had been so sure; I had been so confiden
t that she would tell me the exact opposite. I was feeling so many things in that moment that I could barely hold on.
“You’re sure?”
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” Lizzie said abruptly as she got up and walked out of the parlor. I ran out after her but she kept walking without waiting for me to catch up.
“Lizzie!” I called out after her. “Come back here … please. I need to talk to you.”
She whirled around to face me and her expression was fierce and flushed. “I don’t want to talk,” she said passionately. “I really, really don’t want to talk.”
I was about to insist a little harder but she looked so tired and so … alone somehow. It was as though she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders and she just needed a moment of rest. Curiosity burned fiercely inside me but I knew I couldn’t push her if she didn’t want to open up to me. I also knew that I couldn’t leave her here, not now.
“Ok,” I sighed. “Ok, we don’t need to talk; let’s go somewhere.”
She seemed taken back by that. “Where?”
“How about … the football field where I used to play in high school?” I suggested. “I haven’t been there in over a decade.”
I thought for a moment that she was going to turn me down but then she nodded once. “All right,” she said. “Let’s go.”
We walked back to my bike and rode there. I helped her off, put away the helmets, and then we walked onto the outskirts of the field where the track was. I wanted to reach out and take her hand but I knew from the set of her spine that she wasn’t ready for that kind of contact yet.
I tried to start up a conversation, but every question on my lips was directed at her pregnancy and her plans for the future. I knew if I pushed it she would just leave and I would worse off than when I started the conversation. So I mustered every ounce of patience I possessed and I tried to think of a safe topic to broach.
“I’m officially out of the Navy,” I told her casually.