by Naomi Niles
“Hi, Kyle, I’m Joyce. Amber’s not in today, so I’m going to be helping you.” I felt like someone kicked me in the gut.
“Oh…okay…where is she? Amber?”
She gave me a look that pretty much told me she knows about mine and Amber’s feelings for each other. “She’s not feeling well. She’ll probably be out all week.”
“All week? Is she sick?”
She stopped walking and looked around. There were other therapists and patients in the gym, but no one was paying attention to us. “She’s took some personal time, Kyle. That’s really all I know.”
“Oh…okay.” My therapy was a joke after that. I had no energy to put into it. All my thoughts were on Amber and why she wasn’t here. Of course, I had to wonder if this was about the boyfriend. I actually did such a bad job that I felt the need to apologize to Joyce as she walked me out. “I’m sorry I was kind of out of it today.” I decided to make the lie as close to the truth as possible and I said, “I fell over the weekend and cracked my big head again. I think it just really wore me down.”
“Oh, no! I thought the stitches were still from your other surgery. How did you fall?” I told the abbreviated version of the story and she said, “You know, Kyle, I saw you the first day you came in here. You’re doing really well, but don’t push yourself too hard. Sometimes we have to ask for help, whether we want to or not.”
“Yeah, I’m finding that out the hard way. Thank you, Joyce. I’ll do better on Wednesday.”
She winked at me. “I’m sure you will, and don’t worry about Amber. She’ll be back next week.”
That fact only made me worry more. If she had planned a week off, wouldn’t she have told me? The fact that she just took it out of the blue like this was what made me worry. I rolled out front and texted Greg first that I was done. He texted me back that he was about ten minutes away and would head right over. Then I bit the bullet and text Amber,
“Hey, just leaving therapy. I did a really shitty job. Are you okay?”
I got one back that said, “Kyle?”
“Yes.”
“This is Marlene, I’m Amber’s sister. Amber is in the hospital.”
“Oh my God, what happened? Is she okay?”
“She’s at Presbyterian Hospital in room 321.”
“Will they let me see her?”
“Yes, but she’s going to be pissed that I told you.”
“I won’t tell. Thank you.”
When Greg got there, I had him take me straight to the hospital. My heart was slamming against the wall in my chest and I felt like I was having an anxiety attack not knowing what was going on. I went straight to her room and Greg waited in the lobby. When I got there, there was a woman about Sarah’s age coming out of the room. She looked at the wheelchair and said, “Kyle?”
“Yes, Marlene?”
“Yeah,” she smiled. “That was fast.”
“I was at the clinic. What’s wrong with her?”
Marlene sighed and rolled her eyes. “She’s insane,” she said.
I was confused. “She’s mentally ill?”
She chuckled, but she looked sad. “No, not technically. Can we sit for a minute?”
“Yes, of course.” I rolled over where there was a small lobby and she sat down. She looked exhausted and I wondered how long Amber had been here. She looked like she had a lot on her mind, though, so I waited for her to talk. Finally she said,
“Amber started dating this guy named Dylan when she was about fifteen. None of us liked him from the very beginning and I regret now that we told her that. She was rebellious back then and trying to stand out amongst three sisters. She probably kept dating him more for that reason than any other. Dylan is a mean drunk. He puts her down and treats her like his personal slave. She’s put up with it for nine years. Every so often she’d leave for a day or two, but he’d come around and be sweet and remorseful and she would forgive him. He had her so worn down that she didn’t believe she was worthy of being treated any better.”
“Does he hurt her?” My stomach felt like it was on fire and a hot rage began to burn in my chest.
“In the past, it’s always been verbal and emotional abuse. But recently…I don’t know… My personal opinion is that he’s using something stronger than alcohol. His behavior has been so erratic. Friday night when she was with you, he was at my house looking for her. He threatened to burn it down with me and my daughter inside.”
“Shit, I’m sorry…”
She smiled. “Don’t be. There are no words other than profanity to describe this animal that passes himself off as a man. They took him to jail that night, but Dylan has a lot of friends in Dallas. His father was a professional cowboy and he won the NFR in Vegas his last three years on the circuit. He’s retired now and sits on the city council. Dylan is a fuck-up and always has been, but every time he gets in trouble, Daddy bails him out. He had him out of jail in six hours. Amber and I hadn’t even had time to file a restraining order before he showed back up yesterday evening, drunk or high on whatever he’s taking.” I could feel my blood pressure rising as she talked.
“Did he hurt her?”
“He was banging on the door and hollering for Amber. I told her to call the cops and not go out, but she thought she could talk him down. She went outside and I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but it seemed like he was calmer after a little bit. She came and told me she was going to drive him home. She was afraid he would hurt someone out driving around like that. I begged her not to. I even offered to call a cab and pay for it… She insisted that it needed to be her because if he went by cab, he’d just have the cab drop him off at a bar or something. When they left, she was driving his pick-up. I got a call about two hours later that there had been an accident. The cop told me that Amber claimed she was driving, but he thought Dylan was. The truck went off the road into a ravine.”
“How badly is she hurt?”
“Let’s just say I saw the pick-up and it could have been a lot worse. She has a lot of cuts and scrapes, so it looks worse than it is. She’s got a broken arm and they removed her spleen because she had some internal bleeding. She’s stable now, but she’s still defending him. I don’t understand it…this would be her chance. If he was driving drunk, they would arrest him.”
“Nothing happened to him?”
“He’s cut up from the broken glass, but you know how it is with drunks. He walked away from it without a single broken bone.”
“Did the cops do a blood alcohol test on him?”
“Yes, and it was three times the legal limit and he was positive for drugs the cop said…he didn’t tell me which ones. He told me all of this because he wants me to get Amber to admit he was driving…, but she won’t. She insists it was her and she just lost control on a curve.”
“Can I go in and see her?”
“Yes. Kyle, she cares about you. She’s going to try and push you away because she thinks she’s protecting you.”
I just nodded. My feelings about all of this were conflicted. First of all, I wanted Amber to be okay, but I didn’t like knowing she was going out of her way to protect her ex. If what Marlene said was true and she did care about me, why would she be so dead set on protecting him?
I rolled myself through the open door of her hospital room. She was lying in the bed with her dark hair splayed out across the white pillow. Her beautiful face was marked with cuts and bruises and they had some kind of brace on her left arm. He lip was split along the side. It looked like someone had hit her right in the mouth. I shuddered as I rolled over closer to the bed. As soon as I stopped, she opened her pretty green eyes and looked at me. She seemed to take a minute to process who I was and then she said,
“Kyle? What are you doing here?”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
AMBER
When I opened my eyes and saw Kyle my first thought was, I’m going to kill Marlene. What the hell was she thinking calling him?
I said his name and he smiled at
me, but in a not too thrilled voice then I said, “What are you doing here?”
The smile fell from his face and he said, “Marlene told me what happened…”
“She shouldn’t have.”
“Why? I thought we were friends.”
I felt like I wanted to cry, but not in front of him. I sucked it up and said, “We are friends Kyle…”
“But?”
“No buts. I bet I look like a mess.”
“You’re beautiful,” he said with a sincere look on his face. It made me think about how he said it the other night when we made love and I shivered. He went on to say, “But you look busted up. How are you feeling?”
“I’m okay… It’s not like it was brain surgery.” I was trying to make light of this. He obviously didn’t feel like letting me get away with it.
“What happened, Amber?”
“I was giving my ex-boyfriend a ride home because he was drunk. I lost control of the car and ran it down an embankment. The creek bed was dry, but it was rocky and the car rolled…and here I am.”
“Marlene says Dylan was driving.” I flinched at the sound of his name on Kyle’s lips.
“Marlene thinks she knows everything. She wasn’t there, I was. I was driving.”
“I guess you have your reasons for wanting to protect him, but I’m with your sister on this one… I don’t understand why.”
“What did Marlene tell you, exactly?”
“She just gave me a brief history of your and Dylan’s relationship and she said she wanted to call the cops last night and you said no. She told me she wanted to call a cab and you said no, and she said the cop is convinced that Dylan was driving the car. So, if that’s true, you are protecting him. Why?”
“It’s not true that he was driving, I was. The rest of it… Well, to be blunt, Kyle, it’s not really your business is it?” I felt like shit being so mean to him, but he really didn’t need to be involved with me and my mess. I never should have gone out with him and I definitely should not have slept with him. He looked hurt and like he was carefully wording what he wanted to say in his head. When he finally spoke I felt like there was a knife twisting inside my chest.
“Amber, I have been attracted to you from the moment I laid eyes on you. I could feel that you were attracted to me, too, but the night at my sister’s house and the other night at dinner, felt like so much more than simple attraction to me. If I’m wrong here and you really don’t want to be anything more than patient and therapist, will you do me a big favor and just tell me now?”
I knew I had to tell him that, but I wanted to either prolong the agony or make excuses I’m not sure which. “Did Marlene tell you that Dylan and I have been together since we were fifteen years old?”
“Yeah, she told me.”
“I don’t know if you’ve ever had a relationship that lasted that long. Other than you the other night, Kyle, he’s the only man I’ve ever been with. I know that doesn’t mean I owe him the rest of my life if he doesn’t deserve it, but he’s sick and he’s agreed to get help. So don’t I at least owe it to him to stand by and be supportive of him while he’s doing that?”
He looked at me long and hard with those soulful brown eyes of his and he said, “By get help you mean rehab or something?”
“Yes.”
“So you’re going to stand by while he’s in rehab…and then what?”
“I don’t know. I guess that will depend on Dylan and what he’s willing to do in order to make this relationship work.”
“So, you’re going to not only stick by him, but by the relationship, as well.”
“I’m sorry, Kyle. I made a mistake going out with you. I shouldn’t have led you on-”
“Don’t…don’t talk to me like I’m the pathetic nerd in high school who can’t get a girl and you gave me a courtesy fuck.”
“That’s not what I meant at all.”
“Before I got sick, I went out with a different woman every week. I have no intentions of ever settling down and the idea of being with one woman longer than that doesn’t even appeal to me. Everyone treats me like I’m a different person just because I was sick for a little while. I’m still me and if you think I’m going to have some kind of breakdown because you’d rather be with your drunk, abusive ex, you’re sorely mistaken.” He grabbed the wheels of his chair and turned himself towards the door.
“Kyle, I didn’t mean it that way.”
He didn’t stop. He left me lying there in that bed feeling like the most pathetic fool on earth. I didn’t let Marlene call the cops because they weren’t going to keep him. All that was going to do was piss Dylan off more. I offered to drive him home to make sure he didn’t hurt anyone else, it wasn’t about him. And, he wasn’t driving…
I wrecked because when I told him that was the last thing I’d ever do for him, he backhanded me in the face. He did promise to go to rehab afterwards when we were trying to get out from underneath the air bags on the condition that I didn’t leave him at least until he got through it. He admitted to me that he’s been using meth for a couple of months. That explained a lot about his escalating behavior. My thoughts about him going to rehab were that once he finished and he was sober and the Dylan I used to know, he’d understand that he had to let me go. I couldn’t explain that to my sister, or my mother who has called three times, or Kyle, but as much as it looks like I’m playing the victim and the fool here, I’m trying to do what it takes to protect myself and my family – even Kyle.
“Hey,” Dylan stuck his head in the door. He pushed it back and I saw that he had a bouquet of fire and ice roses in his hand – my favorites. I’d told him that before we went to our Junior Prom together in high school. I was honestly surprised that he remembered.
“Hey.”
“How are you feeling?”
“I’m okay. How are you?”
“I’m sore and I want a drink…but otherwise like shit,” he said with a grin. “These are for you.” He brought the flowers over to the bed and let me smell them before taking the carnations Marlene brought me out of the vase on the bedside table and putting bouquet in it. “That cop wanted to see my chest and my side. Do you have a mark from the steering wheel?”
“I think it’s from the seatbelt,” I told him. “I keep telling him that you weren’t driving. Worst case scenario if he pushes it, we should be able to get blood or DNA samples off of the airbags. Did you call the rehab place?”
“Yeah. They want me to come for an interview this afternoon. That’s why I’m sober.”
“That’s the only reason?”
“It’s a start, isn’t it?” I guess he had a point.
“Yeah…it’s a start. You should probably go before Marlene gets back.”
“You’re shooing me out so I don’t upset your bitch sister?”
“Dylan, I agreed to stay with you while you do this. I’ll be at every visiting day and I’ll bring you whatever you need, but not if you’re going to continue to be an asshole.”
“I’m sure she’s called me a lot worse.”
“And, I’m sure you deserved it. She’s just being protective of me – and look at me, was she right to be?”
I saw a couple of different emotions cross his face, first anger and then remorse. At least when he was sober he could feel things. “Amber, shit… I’m sorry I hit you. I can’t even believe I did that. It’s the meth. It makes me crazy.”
“Then why, Dylan? Why do you do things that make you act that way?”
He shrugged. “The guys on the circuit use it to stay awake on the road and to enhance their rides. I just planned on trying it once… I liked it way too much, I guess.”
“The second you leave rehab without a doctor’s order, I’m out of this – no do-overs.”
He nodded. “Fair enough.”
“Look who I brought…” Marlene came through the door with Nona. They both stopped in their tracks when they saw Dylan. Nona’s brown eyes went wide as she stepped behind her mother�
��s leg.
“Hey, Nona,” Dylan said. He and Nona had hung out a lot when he broke his collarbone last year and couldn’t ride. She followed him around and sort of hero-worshipped him. I could see the hurt in his eyes when he realized she was afraid of him. I knew it’s his own damned fault, but I still want to feel bad for him. Marlene on the other hand was shooting daggers out of her eyes. Dylan was probably damned lucky Nona was with her. “Hey, Nona, I’m sorry about the other night. Uncle Dylan didn’t mean to scare you or your mommy. I was…”
“Sick?” the little girl said. Dylan’s eyes actually filled with tears.
“Yeah, baby, I’m sick. But I’m going to a place where the doctors and nurses are going to make me better the way they’re making your Aunt Amber better here, okay?”
She nodded, but continued to clutch tightly to Marlene’s leg. “Okay,” she said.
He smiled at her and then he looked at me and said, “I’m going to get to that interview. I’ll be back later.” I just nodded. As soon as he was gone, Nona came over by the bed and took my hand. I tried to ignore the flames her mother was shooting out of her eyes. I could bet that I would hear about it later.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
KYLE
I went back to the clinic on Tuesday and asked Joyce if I could come in five days a week and just pay for the extra sessions out of pocket. I wanted this over with. I wanted to be me again. I wanted people to stop looking at the wheelchair and not seeing the man beyond that – and I needed to be far away from Amber.
Joyce put me on the schedule and I started that day. By the following Monday when Amber came back, I was walking with a walker. I was still dragging my bad foot a little bit, but getting better by the day.
When I walked into the clinic, Amber’s green eyes were the first things I saw. She looked surprised to see me out of the chair and smiled. I kept my straight face. I promised myself this was going to be all business.