by Naomi Niles
“The tissue they left was growing. I had some radiation, no big deal. They zapped it.” I tried to play it off like it was nothing. She looked worried about me, though, and I found a kind of sick satisfaction in that.
“Radiation is a huge big deal,” she said. “Are you finished with it?”
“Yep, two weeks ago. I got my clean bill of health today. The MRI shows that it’s dead now, so no chance of it growing any bigger. That’s what Callie and I are celebrating.”
“Oh, good! Congratulations.” She looked genuinely happy and relieved. Again, there was that sick satisfaction.
I’d mentioned celebrating and I’d seen the ring on her finger that was causing me to fight off the nausea, so I bit the bullet and said, “What are you and…Dylan, is it, celebrating?”
“Um, Dylan and I got engaged.” Is she not happy about the engagement…or just not happy telling me about it?
“Oh…congratulations.” That didn’t sound at all sincere.
“Thank you. I wish you all the best, Kyle…and if you need us at the clinic, I don’t want anything that happened between us to hold you back.”
“What happened between you?” Dylan was suddenly standing behind me and that question sounded threatening. She looked at him with shock, but when I turned around, his eyes weren’t on her, they were on me – and they had murder in them.
“Nothing, Dylan, please don’t do this. Let’s go back to our table…” I could hear the tremor in her voice. She was afraid of this guy and that pisses me off.
“Like you should have done after you went to the bathroom? I’ve been sitting there for twenty minutes now waiting for you to come back. Who is this, Amber? Is this the guy?” “The” guy? Did she tell him about me?
“I’m just a patient…” I tried for her sake. Dylan wasn’t buying it, though.
“Shut the fuck up! I asked Amber.” I felt my blood begin to boil and I clenched my fists at my sides to keep from socking him in the mouth.
“Dylan!”
“Is this the guy you fucked while I was trying to get sober?” Oh my God, she did tell him.
“Hey, this isn’t the time or the place…” I tried again. What I wanted to do was kick his ass. But that wouldn’t solve anything…would it? Dylan apparently thought it would. He shoved me with both hands and I flew back into the wall. Now, I really wished that I had thrown the first punch. Amber screamed and tried to get to me as he grabbed her by her arm. He was twisting it. I got to my feet and just as I threw a punch, he pushed her into me. My fist connected with the side of his face…but barely. Suddenly, Amber and I were both on the floor and there were people standing around looking at us. I wanted to kick my own ass now.
“What’s going on?” Jean Paul pushed his way to the front. “Kyle! Are you okay?” He turned on Dylan. His face was bright red as he screamed at him, “Get out of my restaurant!”
“Wait a fucking minute-”
“Get out or I’ll call the police.” Amber was struggling to her feet. She put her hand out to help me up, but there was no freaking way I was taking it. I got to my feet on my own, albeit slightly off-balance. There was chaos going on around us now and suddenly, Callie was at my elbow.
“Are you okay?”
Before I could answer her, Dylan looked at Jean Paul and said, “Fuck you,” then he looked at me and said, “And you too, freak!” Grabbing Amber roughly by the arm he said, “Come on.”
“Amber, you don’t have to go with him.” Dylan was instantly in my face and Jean Paul was on his phone calling 911.
“Where she goes in none of your fucking business, back off!”
“Amber…” She wouldn’t even look at me, but Dylan did. He let go of her and shoved me again. This time I stayed on my feet and shoved him back. She grabbed his arm.
“Stop it!” she looked at me then finally, accusingly. “Both of you stop! Come on, Dylan…” She didn’t look at me, but Dylan did. I got a smug, self-satisfied smirk. Everyone in the restaurant watched them go. Callie asked me again if I was okay and so did Jean Paul. I just wanted to get the hell out of there.
“I’m fine. I’m sorry, Jean Paul.”
“No! You have nothing to be sorry for. That man is never allowed in here again. I’m so sorry for your troubles, Kyle. Let me comp you two a nice dinner and champagne.”
“I just want to go home, but thank you.” I looked at Callie then. “I’m sorry.”
She had tears in her eyes, and I felt bad for embarrassing her. I wondered if she was ashamed of me for not really fighting back. Besides being a little off-kilter still, I’m not really a fight in public kind of guy. I guess I’m a little slow because after all of that analyzing, it didn’t even dawn on me until we got into the car that embarrassment wasn’t the emotion she was struggling with. She started the car and then turned it off and turned in her seat to look at me. “Are you in love with her?”
Shit! Am I in love with her? “I’m not sure” would probably not be the answer my current girlfriend was looking for, so I played dumb instead. “What? Who? Amber?”
“Yes, Amber, of course Amber. Was there another woman you snuck off in the middle of our date to talk to and then fought with her fiancé over?” Her words were dripping with sarcasm. Wow…completely clueless, that’s what I am. She had tears flowing down her cheeks now. Shit. I’m an ass. I honestly never meant to hurt her.
“Jesus, Callie, I’m sorry, really…” she started the car again. “Callie, please look at me. I shouldn’t have gone to talk to her, that was so wrong and the worst part of it is that I didn’t even realize it until just now. Please believe that it didn’t have anything to do with you-”
“Of course, it didn’t have anything to do with me. It was all about Amber. While I was left wondering what the hell happened to my date, two men were fighting over the green eyed princess…”
I was back on the defensive again. I didn’t like her talking about Amber that way. “Callie, if you want to be mad at someone over this, you should be mad at me, not Amber.”
“I should be, huh?” she turned the car off. Man, I’m an idiot. In the most sarcastic voice she could possibly muster she said, “Thank you so much for telling me who I should be mad at.” She sat there stewing for a few minutes and then she said, “The truth is Kyle I didn’t ‘want’ to be mad at anyone. I was really excited about having a nice dinner in a nice restaurant with a nice guy that I was under the impression I was in a new relationship with. But apparently, you’re not quite finished with your old relationship yet. It was nice to know that this Dylan guy seemed as surprised about all of this as I was.”
“I wouldn’t compare myself to Dylan if I were you…” She shot me a really dirty look for that one. Damn, I really need to think things over sometimes before I open my mouth.
She wiped away the tears on her cheeks, angrily. “You want to be an asshole about Dylan? Well guess what, I think you’re the one who started out being an asshole to begin with. They were there celebrating their engagement. You wouldn’t have gotten just as pissed off if it had been the other way around and he was stalking your new fiancée?”
I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly in hopes that it would help me not say something stupid the next time I opened my mouth. “You’re right, I would have. I was wrong to try and talk to her in the first place, but I don’t like the way that he’s so rough with her…” Callie snorted. “Not because I’m in love with her,” I went on, “but I just don’t like any man putting their hands on a woman like that.”
“That’s good, Kyle, but you know what?”
I didn’t want to, but I said, “What?”
“She didn’t seem to be bothered by it. She’s engaged to him. She left with him…as a matter of fact, she hauled ass out of there with him in order to make sure he was gone by the time the law showed up. In other words, she was protecting him.”
She had a point. I’d already figured out that’s what Amber does. She was definitely keener on protecting him to
night than she was me. Her sister said Amber was protecting him when she had the car accident. She admitted to me she was protecting him when she drove him home. Maybe his problems and illnesses are as much a part of her lifestyle as they are his… Maybe I’m an idiot for not just washing my hands of the whole mess when I have a great girl right here who wants to be with me. “Shit!” I put my head in my hands. “Callie, I’m so sorry. I was wrong all the way around. I’m an idiot. I was out to a nice dinner with a gorgeous woman,” I reached for her hand and she pulled it away. “Callie, I’m not in love with Amber. It’s…it was…all chemistry and it’s over, I promise. I’m so sorry I ruined your night.”
She started the car without saying a word. I put on my seatbelt as she drove out of the parking lot and sat quietly on the ride back to my loft. When we got there, she parked out in front of the building, but she left the car running. I wasn’t sure what to do or say, so that I didn’t make things worse. I really did like Callie. I didn’t want to push her away because I’m an idiot.
“Do you want to come inside?”
“No.”
“Are you going to forgive me?”
“I don’t know. This relationship is still new enough that if I get out of it now, it won’t hurt as much as if I invest another few months into it and then you break my heart.”
“Callie…”
“Don’t, Kyle, please. Don’t make me any promises that you’re not ready to keep. I’m not some needy, pathetic girl who is going to disregard my own self-respect for a hot guy. You completely disrespected me tonight and I don’t think you even realize it now.” I opened my mouth and she put up her palm. “I’ll call you…I’m not sure when. I need some time to figure out if I’m willing to put my heart on the line or not. That is, unless you’d just like me to bow out and let you have another go at Amber.”
“No, Callie, I like being with you. I screwed up tonight, but don’t judge me based on one big fuck-up, please.”
“Like I said, Kyle, I need some time. I will call you.”
I leaned over and tried to kiss her. She turned her head. I swiped my lips across her cheek and got out of the car. The truth be told, once I was inside and I had time to review the night’s events in my head, she was right. I had completely disrespected her, and I wouldn’t have respected her at all now if she hadn’t been pissed off about it.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
AMBER
“Are you just never going to talk to me again?” I was trying to get ready for bed and Dylan was following my every footstep. We’d driven home from the restaurant with me completely silent and him cussing about Kyle, and then the manager of the restaurant, and the guy changing lanes in front of us, and then Kyle again.
My head felt like it would explode by the time we got home, and I just wanted him to leave me alone. I didn’t say anything. I just left the bedroom and went out to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. I leaned up against the counter and twisted it open. Dylan followed me. He wasn’t going to let this go no matter how badly I didn’t want to talk about it tonight… I just don’t have the energy to fight anymore. I cringed every time I thought about him knocking Kyle to the floor in that restaurant. If he’d been completely well, he would have given Dylan more of a run for his money. I guess it didn’t make me a very good fiancée to wish for that. I looked down at my arm where Dylan grabbed me earlier, though, and thought about how badly he did need his ass kicked. He thought he could do and say whatever he wanted. He was better sober, but he could still be the world’s biggest ass. I looked back up at his face. He was staring at my arm now and he at least looked like he regretted that.
“I just need some quiet time tonight, Dylan. Is that too much to ask?”
“I can’t let it go until we talk about it.” His fingers reached out and brushed the bruising area on my upper arm lightly. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I’m sorry.”
I pulled back slightly. “I know… You never mean it and you’re always sorry.”
“That’s not fair, Amber. You act like I beat you up or something.”
One of these days, he and I really needed to have a serious talk about abuse. I didn’t have the energy for that tonight, either. “I didn’t mean it that way. Can we just let it go for tonight, at least, Dylan? We could talk until we were blue in the face and things would never change, anyways.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? I’m not capable of change?” I could see him getting angry all over again. It was so easy for him. “Or maybe that’s what this guy Kyle is about? You’re bored with me? You need a change?” I didn’t answer him. I really didn’t know the answers to that. All I knew was that in the nine years I’ve known Dylan, no man had ever come along that made me even for a second consider leaving him until Kyle. I can’t even describe what he did to me, but I did know that I couldn’t be in the same room with Kyle and not want him…
“Let me ask you something, Amber: why are you still with me?”
“Dylan, don’t do this, please. My head hurts.”
“Seriously, I’m not trying to be an ass, Amber. Damn it, I have feelings, too. I shouldn’t have hit that guy, especially in a public place the way I did. I’m sorry I embarrassed you, and I’m sorry I hurt you, but you have to look at it from my point of view, Amber. I found you all cozy with him in that alcove… I saw red. You slept with this guy.”
I started to open my mouth and he continued, “I know, we weren’t technically together at the time, but that’s not the point I’m trying to make. I’m not accusing you of anything, but I know you, Amber. I’ve known you since you were fourteen years old. I’ve loved you since we were fifteen. You never cheated on me, you never slept with anyone else. I’d stake my very life on that. So, the fact that you slept with this guy tells me that he meant a lot to you and that thought makes me sick to my stomach. Amber, I never wanted to spend my life with anyone but you.”
“Don’t stand there and try to tell me that I’m the only woman you’ve ever been with Dylan because I’ll call you a liar to your face.” I know that two wrongs don’t make a right, but he hadn’t put me in a position to want to let him get away with anything tonight.
“I’m not.” Not only was he readily admitting to it, he didn’t look the least bit sorry about it. It’s my fault as much as it is his. I knew he was screwing around and for the longest time I just wished he’d fall in love with one of them and go away. “When I was using and drinking… Shit, Amber, you knew I was screwing around. But you are the only woman I ever wanted to end up with, even then. I’m not pointing a finger at you here. Like I said, you had the decency not to cheat on me while we were together, but you told me yourself that you were in love with him – and that kills me. It makes me physically hurt inside. And, I have to ask you this: why are you still with me? Why didn’t you just leave me while I was in rehab and be with him?”
It was a valid question. I didn’t quite know how to answer it without telling him it was because I felt guilty and obligated, so I said, “I don’t know how not to be with you.”
He laughed, but not happily. Maybe that was as bad as saying, obligated. “Wow…kick me in the stomach, why don’t you?” The hurt look on his face made me feel like shit. Once again, I was reminded that this man loves me and he has for a very long time.
“I’m not trying to hurt you, Dylan. You asked me to be honest. I do love you. I’m just not as in love with you as I used to be. It feels like we just keep growing further apart. I don’t want that any more than you do, but if we go on like we are, it won’t get any better. I haven’t stopped loving you, Dylan. I still love you like…” I was going to say “a best friend,” before he interrupted me and said,
“Like what Amber? Like a brother? A friend?” Obviously, not what he wanted to hear.
“I don’t know how to explain it.” I was tired and frustrated and pretty sure I’d forgive him like I always do and we’d move on. So, I said, “I love you enough to make this work. I love you enough to be your wife and
have your children and do my damnedest to make a good life with you. I love you enough that I still have hope I will fall back in love with you…”
He kind of laughed again. I hated how sad his eyes looked. I honestly didn’t want to hurt him. Dylan has had his problems and those problems have led to some terrible behavior, but at the end of the day, I still believed that he was a good man. “So, where do we go from here?”
“We pick back up where we were before the whole restaurant fiasco?”
“Are you still in love with him?”
“No.”
“Honestly?”
“Honestly, Dylan. Until tonight, I had put him out of my mind completely.” That was mostly true. I’d forced myself not to think about him. I have no control over who I dream about.
“I love you, Amber. I don’t know what to do without you.” The tremor in his voice when he said it pierced my heart.
He opened his arms and like I always did at the end of the day, I folded into them. “I know. I’m not going anywhere, Dylan, okay?”
He nodded. I could feel his heart slamming into his chest and his arms trembling slightly. After a few minutes, he pulled back and said, “Take a year off, Amber.”
“What?” I was confused. “A year off of what?”
“Take a year off from the clinic. I’ll accept the job with the PRCA judging and we can just spend the next year on the road, just you and me, babe. We can get back to where we used to be. By the time we come home, Dad will have our house built and we can have our wedding and start thinking about starting our family. We need this, baby… Please, Amber, do this for me.”
“I’m not going to see Kyle, Dylan…”
“I know, baby. I know you won’t cheat on me. It’s not that, it’s not him. This is about you and me. We need this.”
“I don’t know if I can get a year off…”
“Then quit. You’re so smart, baby, you can get another job. Hell, you could work with the trainers if you want to work while we’re on the road. Please, do this for me.” I surprised myself, I was actually thinking about it. Maybe Dylan was right and this was exactly what we needed. Maybe being far away from Kyle where I wouldn’t bump into him at restaurants was exactly what I needed.