by Naomi Niles
“My turn!” Patty said before Will sat down. She grabbed him and pulled him back out to the dance floor. Rachel and I watched them go.
“Do you ever think we’ll find a love that will last like that?” she said, dreamily. Poor Rachel has been married and divorced twice. She has never had kids and she has worse taste in men than me. Sometimes I look at Rachel and worry that the same destiny awaits me. Rachel realized what she’d just said and suddenly turned to me and with the sympathy on her face that I’d had to bear for almost a year now she said, “I’m sorry, honey.”
I smiled and reached for her hand. Squeezing it, I said, “Don’t apologize. You know that as much as I loved Dylan, our relationship was nothing like that. It was always volatile and as much as I hate to admit it, I kind of doubt that we would have ever made it that long.”
She squeezed my hand back. Rachel had disliked Dylan as much as the rest of my family, but they’d all been so supportive anyways. Dylan and I got married at the pond on the ranch before we’d gone off to travel the rodeo circuit just like I’d dreamt we would since I was a kid. My family had all been there for the wedding and again for the sendoff.
I had wished they were with me that day more than once. I had to sit alone and watch as my husband was trampled and gored to death – but Dylan had made that decision on his own against my wishes and they had rushed to me right afterwards. The only thing I could do now about any of it is to either hold that against him and be miserable about something I can’t change, or try and make his life count for something. I pictured him that day again and I shuddered as the horrible memories flooded my consciousness.
“I’m sorry, honey. I shouldn’t have brought it up,” Rachel said.
I smiled again. It was the only way I could keep from crying when I thought about it. “I don’t mind people bringing him up. He had a lot of issues, but he had a lot of good in him, too, and he doesn’t deserve to be forgotten. That’s what this whole night has been about…remembering him.”
“Excuse me?” The sound of a deep male voice interrupted us. We both looked up and there was a really nice looking cowboy about Rachel’s age standing next to the table. “I was just wondering if you might like to dance?” He was looking at Rachel with a pair of sexy blue eyes and I watched my forty-year-old sister blush like a schoolgirl.
“I’d love to,” she said. She looked at me as if to say, “Score!” I tried not to laugh as I watched them go, smiling after her. Another song was starting and Patty and Will stayed on the dance floor. I picked up my drink and realized I needed a new one. I started to turn around and flag the waitress when I realized she was right there already with a fresh drink in her hand.
“I was just going to ask you for one of those. You must be psychic.”
She laughed. She actually looked dead on her feet. “I wish,” she said. “I’d be winning the lottery, instead of working here and having every dirty old cowboy’s hands in the county on my ass all day.” She sat the drink down and said, “But I can’t take credit for this. It’s from the gentleman over in the corner.”
“Oh, I really don’t want someone to buy me a drink…” I really wasn’t in the mood to get hit on tonight and have to shoot some poor guy down.
“He’s really cute and polite. He said to tell you it’s an apology drink.”
I laughed nervously. I wanted to turn around and see who this guy was that thought he owed me an apology. He must have me mixed up with someone else. “I think he might have the wrong woman…”
She smiled. “He seemed really sure. He said he’d like me to come back and tell him if you accept his apology. He says his name is Kyle, and he is very sorry for the spectacle he made of himself the last time he saw you.”
Suddenly, my senses were all on high alert and I felt like my heart actually stopped beating for a few seconds. I turned around slowly and when my eyes landed on his hazel ones, he smiled and lifted his glass. I was like hot, liquid adrenaline had been infused into my bloodstream. My whole being began to tingle. For an entire year after that day in the restaurant, I put everything I had into being Dylan’s wife – and I had been happy, for the most part, until the end. I spent the second year mourning Dylan’s death and wishing that he’d had an easier life. Throughout it all, I had never stopped dreaming about Kyle and that feeling of something huge pressing down on me each time I pictured his face never went away. I have no idea what this was, but even after all this time, it consumed me.
With a shaky hand I picked up my own glass and raised it in his direction. He smiled and anything left solid inside of me melted. I’d just come from dedicating my new clinic in my dead husband’s name and I couldn’t help but question the appropriateness of my feelings. I’d been in therapy since Dylan died and my therapist kept telling me that I spend too much time questioning my feelings. You can change how you react to things, but not how you feel about them.
My heart loves Kyle. No amount of pretending otherwise would change that, apparently.
*******
“Oh, look, she got a fresh drink and didn’t order one for us,” Patty told Will when they got back. Rachel was back, too, with her new cowboy friend, and it was obvious that she was smitten with him. Before I could say anything, I heard Marlene’s voice.
“Amber, isn’t that Kyle over there?”
“Who’s Kyle?” Belinda asked.
“That’s him?” Rachel said, looking in the direction that my not so subtle sister Marlene had pointed in. “He’s hot, Amber.”
“Who is Kyle?” Belinda asked again.
“Does he walk now?” Patty asked.
“Yes, he’s been walking for a long time,” Marlene answered her.
“Who is Kyle?” Belinda said, a little louder. Both of my brothers-in-law and the cowboy looked amused. I wanted to crawl underneath the table and hide.
“He was one of Amber’s patients a couple of years ago… Do you remember when she was staying with me for a while and she and Dylan got in that car accident?”
“Yeah.”
“She was seeing Kyle then-”
“Okay! That’s enough about my personal life. Let’s find a bigger table and get everyone a fresh drink,” I tried.
“So what happened? He is really cute!” Belinda said. Her husband cleared his throat. “Oh hush Lyle. I’ve been married to you for thirteen years. If I haven’t run off with a hot cowboy by now it’s not going to happen.”
“She went back to Dylan.” Marlene said.
“She is sitting right here!” I interjected. “Please stop talking about me like I’m not in the room. Everyone listen up because I’m only saying this once, okay? Kyle was a patient; we dated for a minute while Dylan and I were having problems. I haven’t seen him in two years and the last time I did see him, he was in a relationship. I’m not ready to start over anyways, so all of you big sisters can forget whatever it is you’re thinking. Now, let’s find a table and get another drink.” I downed the one that Kyle bought me. My sisters were looking at each other and my brothers-in-law were staring at the floor. Everyone picked up their things and followed me to an empty table closer to the dance floor.
Once we all sat down Rachel said, “This is Mark, guys.” We all said hello to Mark and then she said, “Why don’t you just go talk to him. He looks like he’s alone.”
I narrowed my eyes at her. “I thought we were dropping the whole Kyle subject.”
“Oh, that’s not what I heard,” she said. She looked at our other sisters. “Is that what you heard?” They all shook their heads. I decided talking to Kyle would have to be less painful than this.
“I’ll be right back,” I said. “And, none of you better think I’m doing this because you told me to.”
Marlene laughed. “Why would we think that? Since when have you ever done anything that anyone told you to?” I rolled my eyes at her and walked towards Kyle. I had to turn sideways in some places to get through all the people. His warm hazel eyes never left my face. He stood up when I
was about two feet away.
“Hi, Amber.”
“Hey, Kyle. Fancy meeting you here…” That might go down in history as the stupidest thing I’ve ever said. Kyle looked amused.
“How are you?”
I nodded. I was not exactly good, but I was getting better. Kyle didn’t need to hear my depressing story tonight, however, so I said, “I’m good. How are you?”
“Good. Still healthy. Do you want to sit down for a minute?”
“Sure, thanks. Are you here alone?”
“With Greg, but you know how that goes… I haven’t seen him since we walked in. He’s spreading the love.”
“Of course, he is.”
“What about you? Who are you here with?”
“My sisters and their husbands.”
His eyes went to the wedding ring on my left hand that I still wear and he said, “And your husband? Where is he?”
“Dylan passed away a year ago.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
KYLE
As soon as what she just said penetrated my head, regret washed over me in long, slow waves. Each wave sent a shiver down my spine and I longed to be able to go back in time and change things that I had said and done and even things that I’d thought…right up until the very second she said that he was dead.
Dylan was a young man. He was even younger than me. So many times I had wished horrible things… I wished that he would spiral out of control with his addictions again. I wished that he would cheat on Amber and she would catch him. I wished that he would just up and abandon her the way my mother had us and then I could swoop in and pick up the pieces. Now that I knew he was really gone, all I felt was this nagging regret that he’d had to spend some of his last days here on earth knowing another man was in love with his wife.
“Jesus, Amber…I’m so sorry.”
She smiled, but it looked sad. “Thank you. They say it gets easier with time, but sometimes I think time only allows you the ability to remember how many opportunities you had to make someone’s life better…and you didn’t do it.”
“Amber, I probably have no right at all to speak to this, but I can’t imagine that being married to you in the last days of his life didn’t make it better.”
She smiled again. “That’s sweet, thank you. So what have you been up to?” I could tell she wanted to change the subject and I was okay with that. I had a lot of questions about Dylan and how he died, but none of it was my business. I would be the last person he would want her talking to…much less, about him.
“I’ve been working on a hotel project with an architect and contractor from Italy. They’re bringing their luxury hotels to the U.S. and actually building the first one here in Dallas. We break ground on it next week. It’s kept me really busy for the past six months or so, but it’s been such a great learning experience, not to mention that having international connections never hurt anyone, either.”
“Wow, that’s fantastic. I’d love to see some of your designs sometime.”
“Really? Or are you just being nice?”
She laughed. “Really. I actually bought a building downtown this past year. I don’t have the money yet, but when I get enough, there are a lot of changes I’d like to make to it. It would be fun to see what you’ve done with other buildings and get some ideas.”
“Well then, I’d love to show them to you. What did you buy a building for?”
“I opened a clinic-”
“Wow, that’s great! You opened your own physical therapy clinic?”
“No, I actually still work a couple of days a week at Dr. Bowen’s clinic. Joyce took over the full-time spot. I used the money Dylan’s life insurance paid out to open a clinic in his name for alcohol and drug dependence. I’m obviously not running it. I hired people who are trained to do that, but I plan on going back to school and getting an education on it myself.”
“That’s really amazing, Amber. Since I didn’t know Dylan I won’t speak for him, but I know if it was me, I’d be so proud of you.”
She kind of laughed and said, “Thanks. I like to think he’d be happy with how I spent the money.” Laughing again, she said, “But, the truth is if he were here he’d say, ‘Are you crazy? Take that money and go lay on a beach somewhere with a beer in your hand.’” Her pretty green eyes got watery when she talked about him and my heart hurt for her – and him, too.
I smiled and said, “You have a good heart and a lot of people are going to be better off because of it. Me, on the other hand… I spent the bonus I got on this big job on a car and a motorcycle.”
She laughed. “A motorcycle? Are you even supposed to be driving?”
“Jeez! Now you sound like Greg. It’s been two years since I was sick. Look at me, I’m all healthy now.” She ran her eyes over me and I swear to God I felt the heat. I also felt my unruly cock twitch in my jeans. I mentally willed it to go down.
“What kind of car did you get?”
“A Dodge Charger. She’s gun-barrel gray with a V-8 and leather interior…”
Laughing she said, “I was just about to ask if you were seeing anyone these days, but you sound so orgasmic talking about your car I doubt you have room left for anyone else.”
At the sound of the word “orgasmic” coming off her lips, my cock twitched again. I made a face at her and said, “You have to see it and then you’ll know what I’m talking about,” then I quickly added, “No, I’m not seeing anyone. But I also have the Harley. She makes me multi-orgasmic.”
“Who are we talking about? I have to meet this girl.” I looked up into Greg’s blue eyes. He was grinning, of course. I wanted to tell him to go away. Amber smiled up at him and said,
“Hello, Greg. He’s talking about his Harley and as interesting as she sounds, I think I should get back over to my sisters. It was so good to see you, Kyle.” Jesus, I don’t want her to walk away. My heart was slamming against my chest and my hands were shaking. If she walked away now, who knew when I might see her again. She looked at Greg and said, “It was good to see you, too, Greg.”
“Yeah…you, too.” Greg was looking at her butt. I kicked him under the table.
“Bye, Kyle.” Greg glared at me when I kicked him, but he was staring at me as she walked away, prompting me to do something. I couldn’t do anything right now, though. She’d just told me her husband is dead. She’s still wearing his wedding ring… How slimy would it be for me to swoop in now?
“Bye, Amber. It was really good talking to you.” She smiled again and my temperature rose ten degrees. She turned then and walked towards her family. I watched her as Greg was saying something. I had no idea what it was. Nobody else existed for me at that moment other than Amber. I’d made the mistake before of convincing myself that it was only some freak chemical reaction that happened between us, but in my heart, I knew it was more than that.
I was in love with her and I had been all along.
*******
I let a week go by, telling myself that I’d stop thinking about her every second the way I had in the past, but it wasn’t working. I was consumed by thoughts of her just like I had been before. I took out my phone and called her old number. It was disconnected. Next, I called the physical therapy clinic.
“Bowen PT Clinic, how can I help you?”
“Hi, I was wondering if Amber Reed was in today?”
“No, I’m sorry, she’s not here today. Can I take a message?”
“No…thanks.” I hung up and asked Siri for listings for new rehab facilities in the area. She gave me about five of them in a twenty mile radius, but only one was called The Dylan Scott Memorial Foundation. That had to be the one. It was downtown like she’d said, too. I had no idea if I’d find her there or how she’ll feel about me showing up, but I had to try.
I had ridden the Harley to work this morning, so I was on it when I went to see her. On a whim, I stopped by the Harley dealership and bought another helmet, a smaller one.
When I found her building, I was im
pressed. It was one of the older buildings downtown. It was five stories high and had its own parking garage in the back. It was so old that it would probably need a lot of work in the coming up years, but it was one of those buildings built to last for decades, so she’d picked a good one. I locked the helmets onto the bike and went inside. It was quiet in the lobby, but a young woman sat at a desk behind a computer. There was a picture behind her of a man riding a bull. Dylan, I presumed. I felt another sharp pang of guilt.
“Hi, can I help you?”
“I was hoping I could find Amber Reed in.”
“You mean Mrs. Scott?”
Shit, she was married. I had forgotten. I looked up at the man on the bull and the guilt shot through me again. I had to do this though or I was going to lose my mind. “Yes, I’m sorry. Amber Scott.”
She smiled. “That’s fine. Have a, seat and I’ll see if she’s available.”
I sat down and looked around the rest of the large lobby. There were large framed photographs along the top of one entire wall. They were all of Dylan, I thought, doing what he did in the rodeo. There was a mission statement plaque that said, “To serve those in the community who are struggling with substance addictions and to ensure support for those who love them, as well.”
“Kyle?”
“Hi!” I jumped to my feet. God she’s beautiful. “I’m sorry to stop by like this.”
“It’s okay… What are you doing here?” she didn’t look too disappointed to see me, so that was promising.
“I just…I let you get away the other night and I didn’t ask you if you had the same number or anything. You don’t… I don’t want that to be the last time I see you…” I was talking way too fast. I took a deep breath and continued, “Look, I don’t know what you want or what you’re looking for at this point of your life – if anything – but if all you can offer me is just a simple friendship, I’ll take it. I’ve lived completely without you for two years and I know now that I don’t want to do that again.”