Crazy in Love at the Lonely Hearts Bookshop

by Annie Darling

  At last!

  There was no point in being polite about it. No time for hesitant, closed-mouth pecks but greedy, grabby, hungry, hot-mouthed kisses, both of them clutching at each other. Nina found herself swooning, actually swooning, in Noah’s arms and God, he tasted divine. Like brandy and caramel and coffee.

  Eventually Nina had to push him away so she could drag some air into her lungs. They stood, only centimetres apart, fighting for breath, unable to tear their eyes away from each other.

  ‘We don’t have to do anything,’ Noah managed to say. ‘I don’t expect you to do anything because you feel you have to.’

  ‘I know that,’ Nina was quick to assure him. ‘I don’t feel like I have to.’

  ‘Oh.’ Noah’s shoulders fell, as did the corners of his mouth as he tried not to look too crestfallen but failed.

  ‘I don’t have to,’ Nina said in case Noah hadn’t heard her the first time, ‘but my God, I really want to.’

  ‘You do?’ Noah asked hopefully.

  ‘Yes! Of course, yes! Why are we even talking about it when we could be doing it instead?’ Nina had barely got to the end of her sentence before Noah’s mouth was on hers again and then it was an ungainly scramble over to the cabinet and Nina banged her elbow and Noah knocked his head as they tried to slide back the wooden panel that hid the bed from view.

  Noah threw himself down on the pile of cushions and pillows. ‘Come here,’ he said in a very commanding, very unNoah-like way, which played havoc with Nina’s nerve endings.

  ‘Hang on,’ she said because she was wearing a genuine nineteen-forties vintage dress which was hard to get into but even harder to get out of. This one had a hidden side zip and Nina sometimes wondered if they were called wiggle dresses because the only way in or out of them was with a lot of wiggling.

  She was wiggling now as she eased the dress up over her hips, Noah’s eyes wide as a kid looking at all the presents under the tree on Christmas morning. Then she was pulling the dress over her head, carefully disentangling her arms from the tight sleeves and no matter how much she loved her curves, she felt a moment of sheer terror that Noah’s awestruck look would be replaced by one of disgust, but when she was finally free of all the black satin and could see again, Noah was staring at her like he hadn’t just had a three-course dinner but was starving. Ravenous.

  ‘Wow!’ he breathed. ‘Nina. Wow. I must have done something very good in a previous life to be here with you and you … looking like … that.’

  Nina put her hands on her hips, all the better to display the black lace bra and panties and suspender belt and garters which held up her stockings, because if something was worth doing, it was worth doing properly. ‘Oh, these old things!’ she said mockingly.

  ‘I’m almost scared to touch you.’ Noah held up a hand hesitantly as if he couldn’t believe that soon they might be on Nina’s skin.

  ‘Well, we’re not going to get very far then.’ Nina was back to being nervous. Because it was one thing to pose prettily while Noah stared at her in awe but now she was waiting for the green light and he seemed to be stuck on red.

  ‘Almost, I said I was almost scared to touch you,’ Noah said with a wicked little smile and then he was moving quickly, reaching forward, to pull Nina up and onto the bed so she was in his arms again as he slammed the panel closed so the world outside ceased to exist and it was just the two of them.

  It was dark inside their little cubbyhole so Nina couldn’t see Noah, but then his hands, his mouth, were on her and she didn’t need to see him, because she could feel him. On her. In her. All around her.

  The first time was hot and hard and frantic, but oh so good.

  Nina didn’t even care that afterwards she was a sweaty, clammy mess. They lay on their backs in the dark, little fingers entwined, breathing the same rhythm.

  The second time was slow and sensual, as they took long moments to learn each other’s secrets, murmur promises against each other’s skin and finish the long climb together, and it was just as good, if not better.

  There was a chill to the air when they slipped under the covers at last and normally Nina wasn’t a snuggler, snuggling was not cool, but it was lovely to have Noah’s arms around her, big spoon to her little spoon.

  She thought he was asleep. His breathing was deep, even, but then he said quietly, ‘This isn’t just some fling is it, Nina? I don’t want just a fling.’

  It was half question, half confession, as if he were worried that Nina had had her night of passion and was now going to bail. Which was ridiculous. She’d known Noah for just over a month but it wasn’t enough. She knew with a rare certainty that Noah was the kind of man that she could be with for a year, ten years, a lifetime and he’d still find new ways to surprise her, to make her laugh, to make her feel safe.

  Suddenly Nina got it. What a fool she’d been! Passion was one thing, there had been plenty of passion tonight, but when it was accompanied by something softer, sweeter, deeper, then maybe passion could have real staying power.

  A man who could make you come undone then hold you while you slept, might just be a keeper.

  Or at least Nina hoped so.

  ‘I have not broken your heart – you have broken it; and in breaking it, you have broken mine.’

  When Nina woke up the next morning, she was groggy and disorientated. Couldn’t think where she was or why it was so dark and why she seemed to be snuggled up to a hot water bottle.

  She lay there willing her brain to work until slowly the events of yesterday came back into focus. No wonder she was so achy and sore, slightly hungover too, and that was no hot water bottle; that was a hot naked Noah.

  ‘Nina? Are you awake?’ hot naked Noah whispered in her ear and she tried to say yes, but it came out as more of a grunt.

  ‘I think I am,’ she croaked out and it took all the effort in the world but she managed to find the energy to roll over so they were facing each other. ‘Hi!’

  ‘Hello. I missed you. Let’s never go to sleep again,’ Noah said and he kissed the tip of her nose and Nina had experienced enough awkward morning-afters to know that this wasn’t one of them. Noah wasn’t the type of man to get his goodies then exit stage left; he’d meant what he said last night about this not being a fling.

  And Nina? Despite the aches and pains and the suspicion that some small woodland creature had crawled into her mouth during the night and died, she’d rarely felt more content. ‘Or we could have another sleep right now?’ she suggested, because she was still tired.

  ‘When you say sleep, do you mean sleep or do you mean something else?’ Noah asked, nudging Nina in a way that should have ignited all sorts of fires, but as it was all she could manage was a feeble smoulder and when he leaned in to kiss her, she had to shift her face away.

  ‘I did actually mean sleep,’ she said huskily. ‘You’ve worn me out and also, I have the worst morning mouth ever so stop trying to kiss me.’

  ‘Poor Nina.’ Noah didn’t seem to care that there was a small animal corpse in Nina’s mouth because he did steal one swift but tender kiss, then laughed and let her go. ‘Because you’re my current favourite person in the world, I’ll let you have a lie-in while I grab the first shower, but it’s gone nine already. I think we’ve probably missed breakfast.’

  Usually Nina loved a hotel breakfast. No continental option for her, but full fry-up every time, but even the thought of bacon, eggs and a couple of rounds of toast couldn’t stir her from her recumbent position. She felt Noah shift off the bed and took the opportunity to burrow deeper under the covers. She could sleep for a week.

  Her phone started ringing from across the room where it had been charging since before they went to dinner last night. ‘Shall I grab that for you?’ Noah asked.

  ‘No, leave it.’

  ‘Too late, lazybones,’ Noah said and Nina opened one eye to see him staring down at her ringing phone.

  ‘Please … it can’t be that important,’ she grumbled, keen to
get back to dozing.

  ‘What?’ Noah asked sharply, sharp enough that Nina managed to prop herself up on one elbow, but then the phone stopped ringing and he shook his head and walked to the bathroom with such an unsteady gait that he cannoned off the wall.

  It seemed like she wasn’t the only one who was tired, Nina thought as her phone beeped to let her know she had a voicemail. Then it started ringing again. Stop. Snuggle. Beep.

  Lather, rinse, repeat.

  The fourth time it rang, Nina flung back the covers with a growl of pure frustration. There was obviously some kind of emergency and someone needed to contact her urgently, or there had better be, otherwise Nina was going to hunt down her caller and hurt him or her terribly.

  Her legs were very wobbly as she wrapped herself mummy-style in a sheet and teetered over to the sideboard and her phone.

  It started to ring again, with Paul’s name and a picture of Ellie and Rosie flashing on the screen. Nina reached for it with fumbling fingers.

  ‘What’s up? Is it an emergency? Is it Gran? Oh God, it is Gran! Has she had another funny turn?’

  ‘It’s not Gran, she’s fine,’ Paul said cheerfully so there obviously wasn’t any urgent reason for him to bombard her with phone calls this early on a Saturday morning. ‘But you, you don’t sound fine. You sound rougher than a badger’s arse. Big night last night, was it?’

  Nina blushed. Why she was blushing, she didn’t exactly know. And she also didn’t know how she was going to break it to Noah that she was the sister of his adolescent tormentor. That she, in fact, had gone to Orange Hill too and had witnessed her brother’s crimes first-hand.

  It was a very complicated situation, which would need to be handled with a lot of finesse. But she was getting way ahead of herself. The most pressing thing was to come clean: it was not going to be pleasant but what they had was so special, so rare, that surely it could overcome a few obstacles? She’d tell him when they got back to London.

  ‘Just a medium-sized night,’ she rasped, her voice scratchy. ‘I’m actually out of town for the weekend …’

  ‘Yeah, that’s nice, can we talk about me now?’ Paul obviously wasn’t calling to exchange social pleasantries. ‘You have to help me! It’s our ninth wedding anniversary and it will be my last if I don’t get Chloe an amazing present.’

  Nina’s legs really didn’t want to keep her upright any longer so she collapsed onto one of the armchairs on either side of the fire. ‘Why have you left it to the last minute?’

  ‘Because we said that we weren’t going to make a fuss about our anniversary. We agreed! And now she’s got a right cob on because I haven’t got her anything,’ Paul said in an aggrieved voice. ‘Says that she still hasn’t forgiven me for her birthday present.’

  ‘You got her a vacuum cleaner,’ Nina reminded him. ‘You’re a monster.’

  ‘It was a top-of-the-range model …’ Paul tailed off because there was no way he was winning this argument. ‘You’re a woman. What do I get her?’

  Nina tipped her head back. She couldn’t decide if she was hot or cold. She felt like she was burning up under the sheet but her legs, exposed to the air, were freezing. And her brain really didn’t want to work. ‘Do you want my help?’ Nina barked, which made her throat feel even scratchier. ‘Because if you do, you can lose the tone, mate.’

  ‘Yeah, sorry about that,’ Paul struggled to find a more genial manner. ‘It’s just she’s already pretty mad. I’ve already been shouted at for not putting my cereal bowl in the dishwasher. So, have you got any bright ideas about what to get Chloe?’

  This conversation was giving Nina the mother of all headaches. ‘Isn’t there a gift assigned to each year you’ve been married. Like, silver for twenty-five years, gold for fifty … Hang on, I’ll Google what nine years stands for.’

  She was busy Googling when there was a polite cough. Nina looked up from her phone screen to see Noah standing there, a towel tucked round his waist. ‘Sorry,’ she mouthed. ‘Family crisis.’ And then she had to look away because last night she couldn’t see a thing and this morning, she could see everything. Or she could see that Noah was lean but muscly like all that kayaking and ziplining was quite the workout and yes, he was covered in freckles and next time, she was going to kiss every single one of them.

  Which was probably why Noah was frowning because Nina was staring at him the way Strumpet stared at the fridge when it was still hours before his dinnertime.

  ‘So … you Googled it then? What’s nine years?’ demanded Paul who she’d put on speaker while she was searching and Noah seemed to flinch, then gathered up clean clothes and whisked himself back into the bathroom.

  ‘It’s pottery and willow,’ Nina told Paul distractedly.

  ‘Ah, that’s why Clo got me a cricket bat. Clever girl. What other stuff is made out of willow?’

  ‘Nothing that I can think of.’

  By the time Noah came back into the room, fully dressed in jeans and ubiquitous navy jumper, the same frowny look on his face, Paul was under strict instructions to go to the nearest John Lewis (‘but that’s Kingston!’) to get a limited edition Diptyque candle in a beautiful, hand-made porcelain jar.

  ‘Fifty-five quid for a bloody candle!’ Paul shouted down the phone.

  ‘And get her some perfume while you’re there,’ Nina snapped back. ‘She’s the mother of your children. She spent two whole days in labour with Rosie so you can pony up on the anniversary present.’

  ‘I suppose,’ Paul grumbled but Nina knew that he’d do as he was told. He adored Chloe; she was the best thing that had ever happened to him and he didn’t really deserve her.

  ‘I mean, no one else but Chloe would put up with you,’ she reminded him sweetly. ‘Have I mentioned that lately?’

  ‘Maybe. Only about fifty times or so because you’re the most annoying sister ever,’ Paul said and Noah was packing his bag, still with the same grim expression on his face and Nina didn’t know why he looked so angry …

  Oh!

  Oh God!

  No!

  Surely there was no way he could know. Not yet!

  Because Nina needed time to explain this properly, oh so carefully, and once she had done so and reintroduced them, then Noah would see how Paul had changed, was a completely different person from the hateful boy he’d been at school. It would be all right. It had to be all right.

  But that was in the future. Not too long in the future but he couldn’t know yet. Could he? Nina said a quick goodbye to Paul and turned her attention back to Noah. ‘Sorry,’ she said, blood rushing in her ears. ‘Boring family drama.’

  ‘It’s fine,’ Noah said, putting his phone charger into one of the pockets of his holdall. ‘Look, I hate to rush you but you should probably have a shower and I’ll go and see if breakfast is still an option.’

  Nina wasn’t that hungry but she flashed Noah what she hoped was a brilliant smile. ‘Lifesaver,’ she said, but he didn’t smile back, just nodded his head and maybe she was reading too much into the taut lines of his face. Maybe he was just one of those people who were really grumpy in the morning until they’d had at least one caffeinated beverage.

  There was still so much to discover about each other, Nina mused, as she stepped into the shower. Noah hadn’t even seen her without make-up as she hadn’t had a chance to take yesterday’s slap off. She was tempted to angle her face away from the stream of water and just retouch what she already had on but when she eventually left the en suite she was showered, dressed and fresh-faced.

  ‘I’m not a natural beauty, all right?’ she thought she’d better clarify to Noah who was sitting stiff-backed in one of the armchairs. She’d obviously taken much longer than she intended. ‘Sorry, was I ages? Were you about to scrounge up some breakfast? Even a couple of pieces of toast would do. I’m not even that hungry, which is weird because normally …’

  ‘This isn’t going to work,’ Noah said abruptly, one hand held up to cut through Nina’s ponderings on h
er lack of appetite.

  ‘Oh, it’s all right,’ Nina assured him. ‘We can easily go out for breakfast. Though I suppose it would really be brunch by now. Have I got time to do a light daytime make-up?’

  Noah sighed. ‘I’m talking about us. We’re not going to work,’ he said heavily and with such an air of finality that it was like a door slamming shut in Nina’s make-up-free face.

  ‘What are you talking about?’ She’d felt heavy and achy ever since she’d woken up, but now there was a leaden weight inside her so it seemed as if all of Nina’s organs were hurtling towards the ground. ‘We’re fine! Last night was great. Better than great and this morning you said …’ It was hard to remember what Noah had said … Then she remembered the nudge of his hips and … ‘You said that you’d missed me while I slept. You wanted to go again!’

  He shut his eyes as if the memory of those delicious moments caught between sleep and waking was painful. Nina could hardly look at him. She had this crazy notion that if she did, she might turn to stone like in the Greek legends, but when she did steel herself to look at Noah, her eyes blazing, it was he who looked as if he’d been turned to stone. ‘There’s too much baggage for this to work.’

  Nina’s lips twisted. It wasn’t the first time she’d had this conversation with a man the morning after. ‘It’s not like I’m a virgin. I’m nearly thirty,’ she said bitterly. ‘But I haven’t slept with as many men as people think I have. And anyway, even if I’d had sex with a thousand men, that shouldn’t matter. It should only matter that I’m having sex with you.’

  ‘I’m not talking about that kind of baggage.’ It would have been easier, better, if Noah were red in the face and raising his voice. That was familiar territory for Nina; stand-up rows. But Noah’s face was as dull as the flat tone in which he spoke. ‘I saw his picture flash up when I went to get your phone. It’s been a while, but I’d recognise him anywhere. Paul O’Kelly. He’s your brother.’

  It wasn’t a question. Just an absolutely unequivocal statement that Nina couldn’t deny. Couldn’t fudge. Couldn’t come back to at a later date. ‘Yes,’ she answered in a broken whisper. ‘He is and I wanted to …’