by Tia Louise
My dark hair is all around us, my skirt is up around my waist. My panties are far away on my bedroom floor. A soft hiss comes from his lips, and he slides a finger down my center. My eyes flutter shut.
“Jackson…” I whisper. I love you I love you I love you…
He leans down to taste me, his tongue lightly tracing the line between my thighs, and my back arches off the soft sand. My body takes flight on the motion of his mouth, kissing me so deeply, tracing a pattern over my most sensitive parts.
The first time he did this to me, I didn’t understand. I’d been embarrassed by how fast my body responded, the way I shook, how wet it was between my legs when the shudders subsided.
Then I was afraid of how I tasted. I was afraid it was dirty and wrong like my momma would say. Sin…
Then he kissed me, and my mouth filled with a delicate, clean ocean flavor, like the air after a storm. It was our first time, and when he pushed inside me, my mind came apart. My soul shifted, and I was forever changed.
I was forever his.
The flutters begin in the arches of my feet, and he kisses his way up my stomach.
“Jackson… Jackson…” I can’t stop chanting his name as I thread my fingers in his soft hair.
At last his mouth covers mine. At last we’re one.
“Ember…” His mouth breaks away with a groan, and I lean up to run my tongue along the ridges of his neck. Salt water…
I lick his Adam’s apple up to his square jaw.
Rough stubble scratches my tongue.
My legs are around his waist and we’re working together, chasing that glorious release. He stretches me and fills me, massages me so deeply, I feel it the moment I start to break apart.
“Oh!” My fingers tighten on his back as every muscle in my body clenches…
Tighter…
Tighter…
Then Yes!
Glitter gun showers of pleasure flooding my insides.
“Yes,” he groans, and I feel him finish deep inside of me.
Our bodies unite, but at the same time we’re flying apart as waves of ecstasy fill our veins. It’s magical like the ocean, silvery water tipped in moonlight.
We kiss softly now, rich and gentle, over and over. His tongue touches my upper lip, and he pulls the bottom one between his teeth. Red-hot cinnamon…
We’re breathing hard, and he slides a hand under my ass, turning us without ever losing contact, so I’m sitting in a straddle across his lap.
My dress is around my waist, and moonlight touches the tips of my breasts. We hold each other, skin against skin.
A hot tear spills down my cheek.
I’m not full-on crying. I’ll save the ugly tears for tomorrow when he’s gone. Instead, I find his blue eyes.
Dark brows quirk together, and he kisses my nose. “You’re crying?”
My voice cracks with a whisper. “Aren’t you sad?”
“I’m only going to college, Em. I’m not going to war.”
“But we won’t see each other for months.”
I don’t say what’s truly scaring me. I don’t voice the fear that I, a mere high schooler, couldn’t possibly hold onto him.
He’s traveling far away to where the girls are more mature, more experienced, more sophisticated.
“You’re right,” he nods. “It’s going to suck. Especially when I want to kiss you.”
He pulls me flush against his chest and groans deeply. Strong arms circle my shoulders, and I cling to him.
“But it’s not something to cry about,” he argues. “You’re my girl, Em. That’s never going to change.”
My eyes squeeze shut, and I inhale his scent, doing my best to hold it in my memory, trying to absorb every part of him.
There’s no way in hell I could even begin to argue. I am his, and he’s… my everything. Jackson Cane is every first I’ve ever had. My first real kiss, my first real boyfriend, the first time I had sex… made love…
“Hey.” He pulls back, blue eyes full of concern. “I’m right, aren’t I?”
Blinking quickly, I try to find my bearings. “What?” I don’t know why he looks so worried.
“You are my girl, right?”
My chin jerks forward, and I have to cover my mouth. “You have to ask?”
Warm hands cup my cheeks, and he trails his thumbs lightly along my cheekbones. “So beautiful,” he murmurs. “My Ember Rose.”
His eyes move around my face, along my hair, down the side of my jaw like a caress.
“I’ll never forget this.” I’m ashamed at how desperate my voice sounds. “I mean… I just…” I’m such a baby.
He blinks a few times, and a smile curls his lips. With a nod, he pulls me against his chest, strong arms surrounding me. We stay that way a long time, listening to the crashing of the surf, the beat of our hearts. The seagulls cry, and the moon climbs higher. It’s all so perfect, but it’s all at an end.
Finally, with a sigh, he lifts me, helping me stand. We hold hands as he takes me into the gentle waves to clean up. I slowly restore my dress.
I feel so stupid. College girls don’t need to be cared for like babies. They don’t whine and cry about being left behind. They blow kisses and wink over their sunglasses. They sway their hips and turn the tables on saying goodbye.
My best friend Tabby is already one of those girls, and she’s my age.
I’ll never be one of those girls.
“Don’t cry, Ember Rose,” he says in a low whisper. “I never want to see you cry.”
I hold him a while longer, listening to the steady rhythm of his heart. His hands slide up and down my back in a soothing motion.
After a while, they slide down my forearms to lace with my fingers. He steps back and leads me the way we came, stopping at the edge of the woods where I left my bike.
“Get on home before your momma wakes up.”
That sexy smile curls his lips. He shoves his hair behind his ears, and I step forward again, clutching the front of his shirt before I press my lips one last time to his.
Red-hot cinnamon.
Sparkling blue sin.
Salt rocks breaking my heart.
* * *
Chapter 1: Jack
Ten years and eleven months later…
“Last one in has to ride home naked!” Tiffany hurls her silky red dress over her head and runs through the trees headed for the lake.
The wheels on my black Audi R8 have barely stopped moving. I haven’t even killed the engine. An empty wine bottle clatters against an empty tequila bottle rolling around on the floorboards, and I briefly think I should toss them in a nearby trashcan.
Propping my elbow on the steering wheel, I scrub the back of my neck with my fingers. My hair is so short now, it’s the best I can do.
I haven’t had a drink in almost an hour. I’d finished a bottle of scotch in my office, standing in front of my floor to ceiling glass windows looking down on the city, disbelief vibrating in my chest.
My career…
My reputation…
It’s over.
All of it.
File after file, telling me my win, my multi-million dollar defense… all of it is based on lies.
“Fuck!” I shout, slamming my palm against the wheel.
The buzzing in my head is gone along with the numbness in my chest, and all the shock and pain and pure, unadulterated outrage rush back like a wall of water before a hurricane.
A hurricane that will send everything I’ve worked for these last ten years crashing down around me.
Pulling the handle on the door, I push it open and step out into the darkness. The ground is covered in moldering leaves, and it smells like faintly mildewed canvas, damp lichens, and dirt.
“Jackson! What are you doing?” Tiffany shrieks between splashes out in the black water of the lake.
Exactly. “What the fuck am I doing here?”
My chest is tight, and each inhale is like claws ripping my lungs from the ins
ide.
It took an hour to drive from my Eighth Avenue high-rise corner office building to this lonely, two-lane highway leading to the lake. Somewhere along the way, I realized I didn’t know what the fuck Tiffany was talking about or why she was even in my car. She followed me down the elevator, into the parking garage, laughing and pouring another shot of tequila on the way.
I’ve got the fucking receptionist with me.
I need to get her back to the city.
Digging in the pocket of my blazer, I pull out my phone and stare at the face. My lock screen is a photo of crystal blue waters, and for a moment, my thoughts blur. I left my home near the ocean with big dreams.
Half of them came true.
I finished undergrad at the top of my class, went to law school on a free-ride, headed straight into a Top Five firm when I graduated, and now I’m one of the highest-paid litigators handling mostly corporate corruption with the occasional car crash thrown in for variety.
My face is in every “Top Thirty under Thirty” feature in the city and online. My phone never stops ringing.
My fucking dad is so fucking proud.
I’ve done it all.
And I’m all alone.
“I’ve got to get out of here.” Dropping my chin, I rub my eyes.
The shush of feet running through the leaves is punctuated with high giggles breaking the silence. My eyes have adjusted to the semi-darkness, and I see Tiffany coming back, completely naked, blonde hair glistening with water, tits bouncing with every step.
“What are you doing back here?” Her voice is thick, and she curves into my chest, holding my neck and trying to kiss me.
She’s slippery and loose. Her kiss is easy to dodge, but not her wet body pressing against my dress shirt.
“I was just thinking the same thing,” My jaw tightens, and I lift my chin away from her face.
“God, you’re so hard,” she giggles. My brow furrows. I’m not the least bit aroused. “Like a wall of granite.”
“Look, Tiff, I’m calling you a Lyft.” I’m back to tapping my phone. “What’s your address?”
“What?” she whisper-shrieks. “Wait a second—”
“Never mind.” I bring up the firm directory, and she’s gone from my chest. It takes me a second to realize she’s dropped to her knees in front of me and her hands are on my belt.
“Stop…” I tap the buttons on the app faster, using my free hand to sweep her away from my fly.
“Stop, stop…” She laughs, her voice high and teasing. “What guy doesn’t want a blow job?”
“Stop!” I’ve managed to book her a ride, but she’s got my pants open and is handling my dick.
“Fuck me,” she moans. I look down, and she looks up. The whites of her eyes are visible, and her mouth is a delighted O. “The rumors are true!”
“Get up.” Shoving my phone in my pocket, I grasp under her arms, pulling her to her feet.
“Oh, Jackson!” She pokes her lips out, face pouty. “Let me ride your big… huge… cock!”
“Where’s your dress?”
Moving fast, I refasten my pants with one hand. I’m still holding her by the upper arm, keeping her with me as I circle, looking for where I saw red silk fly over her head.
“There it is.” I take her to where the dress is laying discarded on the path.
“You’re always alone,” she sulks, stomping beside me as I lead her to the car and hold her against it. I brace her with one leg so she can’t wiggle away, while I fumble with the fabric, searching for the neck hole.
“Are you gay?” Her voice sounds like every drunk college girl I ever turned away.
“No,” I answer flatly.
“When’s the last time you got laid?”
Her blonde hair catches in the fabric, and I untwist it, pulling the material down her sticky body as best as I can.
“I get laid,” I growl, considering it has been a while.
I’ve been so focused on my work, this case… Now the last thing on my mind is fucking some drunk girl. First, her consent is dubious. Second, she’s our receptionist and could yell sexual harassment or worse.
“I’m not dipping my pen in the company ink.”
“I’ll quit my job!” she cries, still holding onto me. “Just kiss me once.”
“Where is that fucking Lyft?” I reach into my jacket again. “He’s here!”
Sure enough, high beams cut through the woods, curving around the black trees. I start up the lane in the direction of the road.
“My shoes!” she shrieks, trying to run back the way she came. “They’re Louboutins!”
My grip tightens on her arm, until I’m practically carrying her to the waiting car. “I’ll ship them to you at the office.”
“You’re not coming back to work? What are you going to do?”
Hesitating a moment, I realize it’s a good question. I know what I want to do—what’s nudging at my brain. What I’ve wanted to do for so long…
I’m tired and my thoughts are twisted and cloudy, but I know what I want more than anything. “I have a meeting to attend.”
“Now?”
“Right now.”
The Lyft pulls away, taking Tiffany back home. I head straight to my car, pulling out my phone as I walk. My disbelief is gone, my head is clear, and I have to face this.
* * *
“Jackson.” Brice Wagner’s low voice is laced with condescension as he ushers me into his enormous wood-paneled study. “What brings you all the way out here at this hour?”
It took me two hours to drive to my elder partner’s ocean front estate north of the city. From the smell of his breath, he’s been working on his own scotch, luxuriating in the close of our case, no doubt.
Thinking how much we could have lost…
How much I saved.
How much he covered up.
“I was doing some housekeeping before I shut down tonight.”
“You young bucks.” He slaps my back, barking out a laugh as he rounds his desk. “After today’s win, at your age, I’d be out on the town, a bottle in each hand and a blonde on each arm.”
“No doubt,” I say, placing a hand on the stiff leather wingback across the massive mahogany desk from my partner. “I had something like that in mind.”
It’s true. I’d been finishing up, pulling all the files together ahead of what I hoped would be a long weekend.
Until I opened the office intranet we shared on the case.
Until I discovered the hidden folder labeled “Disposed documents.”
The folder password protected with a dead child’s name.
“Well?” He pours a crystal tumbler of amber liquid and holds it out to me. “What stopped you?”
I take the crystal and tilt it side to side, studying the trail of the liquid as it moves. The room smells of antique furniture and oiled leather. It’s moneyed and ancient, and knowing what I know now, it’s all the rotten stench of corruption.
A strange calm filters through my chest as I say my next words. “I had in mind a long weekend, possibly a week off. We put in a lot of hours on this one.”
“You’re right.” He rocks back in his desk chair and props a foot on the corner. I watch as he pulls out a fat cigar and clips the end. He doesn’t offer me one, not that I’d take it.
Eventually, the pungent scent of cigar smoke drifts across to me as I continue. “But the settlement agreement and release need to go out. I had to be sure Lori could find what she needed to get it done…”
“Okay.”
I’ve reached the end of my patience, so I say what I came here to say. I speak the heart of the prosecution’s case. “Johnny Mauck had been driving for thirty hours straight when he lost control of his rig and skidded across that median.”
Brice lowers his foot and turns slowly to face me. Anger fires red in his watery eyes, but it’s nothing compared to the fucking inferno in my chest.
“Stop right there.” His voice is a calm warning.
“Big Traxx paid for the amphetamines that kept him driving. You were at the scene. You knew it all along.” Every breath is hot. “I found the documents, the logs, the prescription… everything that should have been provided during litigation.”
“You found nothing.” He speaks the words slowly, ominously, dark eyes like stone.
My eyes are flint. “I found it all.”
We’re silent, sizing each other up. The brass clock on the mantle above the fireplace is the only noise, ticking louder than the beating of a drum. If I had any lingering doubts, any question of what I had to do on the long drive out here, his response put the final nail in that coffin.
Finally, he leans forward. His leather chair creaks under his weight. “So you’ve made your decision?”
The fist in my chest still hasn’t unclenched. Perhaps it never will. Either way, the answer is yes. “I’m not doing this anymore.”
He has the nerve to look smug. “Where will you go?”
“Back to the beginning.”
If I’ve lost everything, I might as well. I’ll walk away. All the way to the only place I’ve ever known happiness.
I’ll pick up the pieces and start over.
* * *
Chapter 2: Ember
It’s a penis.
I stand in front of the table looking down, and there is no mistaking what it is.
Hours of online courses, too many YouTube videos to count (so many YouTube videos), correspondence courses at the community college, and this is what it comes down to…
Penis cakes for money.
Tabby rocks forward on her stool, leaning on her elbows watching me carve the corners off the beige sheet cake. Her jet-black hair is smoothed into thick curls, and a red handkerchief is wrapped around her head. Severe bangs, arched brows, and velvet-red lips. My best friend is punk rock Bettie Page.
“How can you make these and be so unaffected?”
I continue carving two round balls at the bottom of the long, almond-colored shaft. “It’s cake.”