by CeeCee James
Glancing up, her face paled at his words. “Leaving? You’re just going to leave me?” She paused for a beat then said, “Again?”
“I’m doing what I think is best.”
“Best? We’ve been together since I was fifteen…fifteen, Jason! Why are you doing this to us? You’ve always been more than good enough for me.”
“Miranda, we were just kids. Back then, I thought I had it together, and faked it good enough so that you thought that way, too. But look at me now. I can’t take care of you. I’ve got nothing to give you.” He clenched his fist to control his emotions. “You’ve grown past me.”
“That’s not true.…” She rubbed her temple. “Jason, I don’t need anyone to take care of me. It’s supposed to be a partnership. Where we both take care of each other.”
“I don’t have anything to offer you, and I can’t handle that.” He refused to make eye contact with her. “I need to get out of here and take some time for myself. Figure stuff out. I can’t stay here when I feel like you would be better off without me. You need this time too. You know, date whoever you want.”
She covered her face as grief twisted through. “Please don’t do this. I need you with me.”
He called Archer over and sat back on his heels rubbing the dog’s neck, not knowing how he would ever find the strength to walk out the door.
Tears rolled down her face. She fell to her knees and grabbed his hand in one last desperate plea. “Please don’t leave me. We can make this work.”
He looked at her, this woman he loved more than life, and he knew exactly what he had to do.
Chapter Twelve
Summer
Jason slowly trudged through the woods. The weather was changing, not quite fall, but the trees were beginning to drop their leaves. The solitude of the forest was doing a number on his mind, as the memory of him leaving the day before replayed like a loop of misery.
Miranda had hidden her misery behind her hands. “Please don’t do this, Jason. I love you.” The quick glimpse he’d seen before she’d covered her face had broken his heart.
Every fiber in him had wanted to wrap her in his arms and comfort her. Instead, Jason had tucked his hands in his pockets and walked to the door. “I’m sorry, Miranda. It’s for the best. Don’t worry. You’re going to be okay.”
Jason had driven through the night. Just as the sun broke over the horizon, he steered his truck onto the side of a logging road. He’d left it parked there, hidden by bushes, figuring it would be safe for a few days. He needed to get out and hike for a bit. Hopefully it would clear his head.
From the logging road, Jason followed the same railroad tracks that had led the three of them out of the wilderness as teenagers all those years before. They’d been malnourished, dressed in scraps of clothes, and heading to the hope of civilization. This time he wanted to go back, submerge himself, even get lost. It felt safe in the woods. Welcoming. It was a place where he knew what he was doing.
Jason’s hand unconsciously reached down for the dog who would normally be by his side. His fingers twitched and he shook his head at the thought of another loss. But Archer was better off in his home with Cassie and Miranda.
It was four hours before Jason finally reached the clearing. The sun was brilliant in the clear blue sky, reminding him of a similar day eight years earlier. The wind rustled through the field in much the same way as it had the first time he’d seen Miranda. She’d popped out of the tall grass from where she’d been lying, her face streaked with tears. Boy, she’d sure had some gumption, though, coming after him like a wildcat when she thought her sister was in danger.
The two girls had been starving when he’d discovered them. He’d hardly been in better shape himself. Today, however, with a heavy backpack loaded with food and essentials, things would be different.
Sitting at the far end of the field was an abandoned shack, half of its shingles missing from the wind. The building’s rough exterior had aged to a grey-white since the last time Jason had seen it. The front stoop was collapsed on one side, and the cabin’s single door hung ajar. Nearby was an old chopping block marred with bite marks from an axe.
Jason cautiously tried his weight on the stoop. The wood creaked under his foot but held firm. He pushed the door, opening it further, dragging it hard against a loose floorboard.
He blinked a few times as his eyes adjusted to the dark room. Sunlight streamed through the unchinked cracks in the walls. Memories of the young family he’d met there flooded his mind. I wonder where Sky and Echo are now? And their baby?
In the corner stood an old bedstead and a crib. The crib had been handmade from the trees out back with a peace symbol carved into its headboard. He walked over to the mattress and touched it; a simple fabric sack filled with straw.
The room was empty with the exception of a small table and a couple of stools. The far wall was lined with shelves. He examined them. Nothing but spider webs and a few dusty cans lay there.
Clouds covered the sun, and the interior became shrouded in deep shadows. Jason suppressed a shudder and hurried back outside.
To the left of the shack the land was ruled by an overgrown garden. From where he stood, a handful of pumpkins could be seen rotting on their vines. He wandered behind the house. Saplings he’d remembered had grown to full size.
A stab of pain throbbed behind his eye. Jason crouched to rub his temple as weariness engulfed him. What? You thought the hippies would still be living here raising a couple more rugrats? Maybe a horse and some goats? A regular petting zoo? This place was nothing but dead dreams.
I’ve got to get out of here.
After a moment, his headache subsided. Without looking back, Jason headed in the direction of the river. He needed to be somewhere with the sounds and signs of life.
Jason strode into the trees, remembering the path like it was yesterday. He closed his eyes and pictured Miranda’s slender form weaving through the grass, encouraging her sister to track down the blackberries up ahead. Jason laughed at how she’d wrinkled her nose at a leaf she found in her hair. Even then, starving and dirty, she’d been beautiful. She’d been his angel.
Jason studied his hands, calloused, grease permanently inked in the creases. Laborer’s hands. Hands that made little money and needed to be thoroughly washed before they would be clean enough to touch another person.
Miranda had always been way out of his league.
I was an idiot to go after her. This would have never happened if I’d stayed in my lane.
The path began to descend, leading him down to the bank of the river. The water burbled as it flowed over the rocks. He dropped his backpack. He’d pitch the tent there for the night.
His phone buzzed.
Miranda.
He glanced at it before powering it off. Didn’t she know he was trying to give her a clean break? She was young; she didn’t even know what she wanted or deserved yet. She didn’t know her worth. She had settled for him. Her whole life had been about taking care of her sister or trying to survive.
Or taking care of him.
The memory of her laughing face as she lay back in his arms made his heart shatter. He shook it off.
Sometimes he thought he’d never be free of his demons. He’d been dealing with the same stuff his entire life, and it wasn’t getting any easier. He was sick of feeling broken.
It’s weird though. I never felt broken with Miranda, only accepted by her. Like I could be myself.
Running his fingers through his hair, Jason sighed. Probably just a way to convince himself that everything was going to be okay.
He needed to find someone broken like him. Someone on his level, that he couldn’t wreck any more then they already were.
Jason pulled a silver flask from his backpack. He’d planned to wait for a drink until after the tent was set up. But to the hell with it. He needed a shot now.
A bird darted overhead, startled by his presence as he settled on the grassy bank under a maple.
He remembered swimming in this very bend of the river as a teenager with Miranda and Cassie. It had felt like a hundred degrees that day, and the girls had been horrified when he’d stripped off his clothes and dove into the water. His whiskered cheek flexed into a small grin, and he uncorked the flask. Tipping it up, he took a long gulp. Grimacing a bit at the burn, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.
Then he wiped his eyes.
Chapter Thirteen
Autumn
A hush fell over the dental office as the last patient walked out the door. Miranda reached into her drawer for Tylenol and swallowed one with a swig of cold coffee.
“How you doing, lady?” Claudia asked, her voice laced with concern.
“Mmmm,” Miranda answered in a monotone. It had been nearly six weeks since Jason left. She couldn’t decide if it was harder this time, or the first time he’d gone. “Life pretty much sucks,” she mumbled.
“I hear you. My Lawrence left too.”
Miranda wondered how the end of Claudia’s two-week fling could possibly compare with what she was going through. But then again, a couple of weeks for Claudia was practically engaged. “What happened?”
“He had commitment issues,” Claudia continued. She ruffled the pile of the papers in front of her.
“Yeah?”
“He was more committed to the bar than to me.” Claudia gave a long blink of her thickly-mascaraed eyes.
“Yikes. I can understand why you cut him loose then.”
“That’s right. Plenty more men where he came from.” Claudia pulled her keys from her purse and patted Miranda’s arm. “More for you too, hun. You going to be okay locking up?”
Miranda nodded and frowned at the computer. She still had a patient’s insurance information to process before she could leave.
“Okay, then. Have a good night.” Claudia tottered out the door on her six-inch heels and locked it behind her.
Miranda blearily stared at the screen. Taped to the side of the monitor was a picture of the Olympic Peninsula. She touched it with her finger. Someday, I’m going there. She sighed. Maybe when she found a new hiking partner. Rubbing her eyes, she squinted at the site again. Why does this freaking form keep bouncing back saying it was incomplete. What am I missing?
Her cell phone rang. Absent-mindedly, she retrieved it from the black hole of her purse, buried among the gum wrappers, cough drops, snacks, and who knew what else. “Hello?”
“Hey, Miranda.” Cassie’s voice sounded cheerful.
“What’s up?”
“Just letting you know I’ve decided to stay at Jenny’s tonight. We might whoop it up a bit.”
Miranda frowned and twisted a piece of hair around her finger. “Don’t be whooping it too much.”
“Seriously? I’m just teasing. I can always depend on you being a stick in the mud. We’ll probably just watch Bridget Jones’s Diary and eat tubs of Ben and Jerry’s. Anyway, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Okay, have fun.” Miranda clicked off the phone with a hint of a smile. It was good to hear her sister happy and hanging out with friends again.
She turned back to the computer screen and reread the form, line by line.
Ahh, there it is. A mistyped social security number. Rolling her eyes, she corrected the digit and pressed send. The little wheel whirled to show the website was thinking about it, then it changed to the next screen.
Success!
With a relieved exhale, Miranda shut down the computer. She shoved her phone into her pocket and took one last glance around the office, before relocking the front door.
Her feet hurt like the dickens as she limped towards her car. On top of a long day of running around, she’d stupidly worn brand new boots that hadn’t been broken in yet. Wow, what a day. Feeling like an old lady, she collapsed into the driver’s seat. She popped off her boots, one after the other, and flexed her toes.
“I’m outta here,” she said, then stared vacantly at the ceiling at the sound of her voice. “You really have to quit talking to yourself.”
She stuck the key in the ignition and turned it.
Nothing.
What the? She turned it again. Still nothing.
“No! Not today!” She glanced at the steering wheel and studied the gauges, then reached over to try out her headlights.
They’d been left on.
“Oh. my. freaking—” she gaped. “No way I did that.” She flipped the lights off, as if that would help, and tried the ignition again.
Nope.
She yanked out her phone to call Jason.
… Then she remembered. Her lips trembled. The grief of losing him fell like a leaden blanket, and she covered her face with her hands as hot tears spilled down her cheeks. Why does this always happen? How did everything fall apart like this She took a couple deep shuddering breaths to try and calm down. “Be a good time to still have Triple A,” she muttered. She’d let that expire when she came back home from Seattle last year.
Don’t panic. I’ll figure this out.
She could call Cassie. But it was already dark and, even if she didn’t want to admit it, Miranda was scared to death at the thought of her sister driving at night. Besides, Jenny’s house was over an hour away.
Desperately, she scrolled through the phone’s contacts. Maybe Claudia? Yes! She could call her co-worker.
A sharp tap on the window caused her to jump nearly out of her skin. She spun around, her face stiff with fear.
It was Dylan.
Miranda wiped at her running mascara and rolled down the window.
“Everything okay?” He crouched down, his hazel eyes crinkled with concern.
“You scared the crap out of me! What are you doing here?” She half-laughed, her face warming with embarrassment at being caught so upset. “I’m a dork. Left my lights on this morning.”
“I was hoping to catch you before you left.” He frowned. “What’s going on? Dead battery?”
“Yeah, I think so. Can you give my car a jump?” Her voice rose with hope.
Dylan wiped his hands on his pants as though they were dirty. “Believe it or not, I don’t have any cables. I usually just call for service.”
She nodded, disappointed. “It’s okay. The battery’s probably too far gone anyway. My lights won’t even turn on.”
“Well, I’m not going to leave you stranded here. Let me give you a ride?”
Miranda bit her lip then glanced at him. “Are you sure? I don’t want to be any trouble.”
“No trouble at all. Your house isn’t that far out of the way.”
Miranda pulled the keys out of the ignition and opened the door. As she stood next to him, the scent of his aftershave wafted over her. She swallowed hard, and instantly thought of Jason and his clean smell. Everything makes me miss him. She rubbed her chest as if to rub the heartache away.
“I can even pick you up in the morning if you like.”
“Huh? Oh, no thank you.” She shook her head. “My sister can bring me to work.” Her face fell as she remembered Cassie was staying at Julie’s and groaned. “On second thought, I might have to take you up on that.”
“No worries. I have to come by the office early anyway.” Dylan’s smile filled with reassurance. “And I’ll have one of my guys bring a new battery.”
“Your guys?”
“Yeah, I might not do those things but I do have people who do them for me.” His gaze fell to her bare feet.
Glancing down, she whispered, “Oh.” Miranda bent down, reappearing from the Jeep with boots in hand. Her cheeks reddened as she wedged them onto her swollen feet. “I uh…”
He held his hand up. “Stop. No need to explain.”
“Thank you so much.”
“You bet.” Dylan’s hand rested on her elbow as he guided her to his Audi. “Can’t leave my best Seattleite girl stranded.”
“Oh, brother.”
He grinned. “Besides, I kind of like this knight in shining armor shtick.”
> Miranda quietly laughed as he opened the car door for her then jogged around to the other side. She smoothed her hair back and took a deep breath to relax as he climbed in the driver’s seat.
“So,” Dylan winked at her and threw the car into gear. “You like to drive fast?”
Thirty seconds later they sped down the highway. “I’m starving. You want to stop for something to eat?” He glanced over at her. “I was on my way to dinner.”
Weariness settled over her like dust in an old house. She almost said no, the temptation of climbing into bed and pulling the covers over her head was so strong but her stomach rumbled. “Yeah, okay. I could use a hot meal. I’ve been living on cereal lately.”
“Cereal? Why’s that?”
Miranda shrugged. “Just not that interested in eating lately.”
He steered down the exit heading for the city. She assumed he’d go to a drive-thru, so it took her by surprise when he turned into the Revinol Steakhouse.
“Here? Really?”
“Of course. My treat.”
“No, you’ve done enough. I pay my own way.”
“Listen,” he laid his hand on her arm. “This was my idea. I forgot how stubborn you are.” He winked at her. “Now c’mon. I’m hungry.”
Dylan didn’t remove his hand from her arm as they walked toward the steak house. The heat of it filled her with strange butterflies. The feeling instantly set her on alert.
The hostess greeted them and soon had them seated in a back booth bathed in warm ambient lighting. Dylan ordered wine and turned his gaze back to Miranda. “Long day?”
“It was a super long day. I’m afraid I’m not going to be the greatest company.”
His dimple flashed as he studied her face. “You look beautiful tonight.”
“Aw, Ja—I mean, Dylan.” Her face heated and she groaned. “I’m sorry, I’m such an idiot. I told you I was tired.”
He looked down at his glass. “It’s fine. I understand.” Taking a drink, he continued. “Break-ups are always hard.”