“Nothing new? … nichts neues?”
“Nein! nein! niemand weg! nobody gone! everything okay!”
They know me well … just what I wanted to hear … I’m reassured, but not a hundred percent … Inge’s capable of anything … I’ll be back, my next round, in two hours … ah, another question! I’d forgotten! … “niemand krank? nobody sick? “Nein! nein! … Perfect… about-face … back to the manor … the peristyle … the drawing room … not bad! … the ladies have made themselves at home … not the barracks effect, regular rooms … pretty smart! … I hadn’t known about those screens! beautiful things, they’d unearthed them! fine pieces, tall and tapestried … this von Leiden place had had style … the manor house was as good as the park … a miniature Versailles …
“And now for the messkits!”
“No, no!” Lili won’t have it … the village is all ready to settle our hash … the two of us with our messkits, just what they’re waiting for! she’s got something there … besides, the sky’s getting worse and worse … Fortresses on Fortresses! … the truth! … I listen … you don’t have to touch the walls … they’re vibrating, you can see them … and the floor … boo-oom! … it’s not just the explosions, after every bomb a throbbing … b-r-r-r … the bomb fizzling out … and spreading in all directions … far … far in the distance … and nearer … Lili’s right … but what about our messkits? … not that we’re very hungry, but later? … and there’s six or seven of us with Bébert … of course we have our reserve stocks, the cupboard … that cupboard again! … but in front of these broads? … of course they know all about it, but even so, their presence cramps my style … comparing our situation to the isba, it seems to me they’ve got it good, I’m sure somebody brings them stuff … if anybody sends us anything, it’ll be Inge fully equipped with gasoline and matches … and this time it’ll be for keeps! the whole place’ll go up! sure as shit! … it’s all so funny! … they’re still laughing! … the Revizor’s got his private room too! … they’ve set up screens around him … three! … he’s complaining … I can hear him … I go in … his leg hurts … and what’s more, he’s hungry! … he asks me … he wants some black bread … he’s desperate! … damn! I tell Lili … I tell the broads … of course they know I’ve been digging into the cupboard … supplying all Zornhof … and Léonard and Joseph’… and the Gypsies … and the bibelforschers’ kitchen … so here now for the Revizor, all smashed up and likely to pass on any minute … I’d be inhuman to hesitate …
“Natürlich! naturally!”
They’re all for it … Harras will understand if he ever comes back …
“Of course! … of course!”
Okay … damn! … if there’s anything left! … I’ve taken plenty! … the ladies have to eat too … and maybe even the three of us … and our Bébert … the Revizor isn’t the only, pebble on the beach! “Enlightened charity …” of course we! could manage at the bibels … they wouldn’t refuse us, but the round trip? a very perilous expedition in view of the general effervescence … no! … we’d eat beans … at least ten or twelve cans, I’d felt them under the cigarettes, way in back … but the ladies weren’t interested! no beans! … sardines, yes! perfect! …
I’ll look!”
I’m sure they had sardines at the isba … they had everything … somebody brought them stuff … why? … how? … maybe some kind of exchange … maybe we could … bread now, for instance … sure we could manage without it… but we’d be happier with … the Revizor wanted his black bread bad …
“The chicks, Ferdie!”
I’d forgotten! … the typists must have some! … those furies up on the third floor that pretty near… if Kracht hadn’t fired Inge would have taken a nosedive! … and not alone! la Kretzer with her! …
Maybe they’d throw us overboard … possible! … but we weren’t setting fire to anything … all we wanted was a piece of bread … and for a sick man … sure it was risky … maybe they were still kind of edgy …
“Let’s go!”
I’ve told you, the doors of their rooms all opened out on the same balcony over the big stairway … I’ll offer to return their bread … up we go! … at every door knock! knock] was? what? … not friendly! … I shout… I shout louder! “a bit of bread for the Revizor!” … the doors open a crack … ah, half a loaf! … a whole loaf! and another! … we’ve got enough … “danke! danke! thanks!” … down again … back to the drawing room … the Revizor asks me …
“Didn’t they say anything about the ledgers? my accounts?
“Yes! … yes indeed! they’re ready!”
“Ah! ah!”
I see he’s got to piss first … the ladies could give us a hand … they don’t mind … we all help … a very delicate maneuver, he’s in pain … there now! … he’s doing it! … no fever, but his fracture … his fractures … they’re not pretty … and we’ll have to do it again … later … later … the main thing, now is for him to eat … he was hungry a minute ago … dry bread? there ought to be something on it! … maybe he’d like some pâté … but where are we going to get it? … I don’t dare to say, but I know!
“Left go, Le Vig!”
He knows too … the cupboard again … he dives in and roots around … Reichsoherarzt Harras didn’t travel for nothing … no epidemics! … but cigarsl boxes and boxes! … and hams! … and pâté! … three jars! … and liquor! cognac! … anisette! … chianti! … Marie-Thérèse is curious, she wants to help us … so does Countess Thor von Thorfels … the ladies know where the glasses are … in one of the sideboards … and the corkscrews … cripes! champagne! … Le Vig pulls out six bottles! … from the back, from under the cigarettes … the ladies don’t have to be asked twice … the corks pop, the genuine article! … they hold out their glasses for seconds … we’d forgotten the Revizor, he wants some too … myum! myum! … great stuff! he asks for more! … Lili pours … our two countesses, Marie-Thérèse and whoozit, come over to watch the Revizor drink … how amusing! but man, are they goofy! the extra dry effect! … they bump into the screen! both together! whoopsie-daisy, they pick each other up … in each other’s arms …
“Doctor! Doctor! it’s so good! Doctor, you must promise me! … the minute you get back to Paris!”
The other one interrupts … she clamors … she demands …
“Ping-Pong! … Ping-Pong!”
Marie-Thérèse wants to play Ping-Pong … this minute … there’s a table… but the rackets?… I think they’ll find them over there, I point, between the divan and the wood box … the terrible junkpile at the other end of the room …
“You’ll look for them later! … first eat!”
No! they want to play now! “Ping-Pong! Ping-Pong!” … the hussies! … they can’t wait! … they go over … they stamp their feet! they get tangled up in the junk! yards and yards of material! … rivers of velvet! … and bodices! … and curtain rods! … both countesses get down on their knees … they’ve got to find those rackets! … they stir up dust! clouds and billows! … they start sneezing … I suggest a glass of champagne … and another … they he down … la Thor von Thorfels attacks me again …
“Doctor! Doctor! you won’t forget? … Doctor, you promise me?”
Of course! … of course! … I promise everything … Marie-Thérèse is working hard … rooting like mad … on her knees … I foresee a pretty spell of lumbago … from under the rags she extracts an iron, a cook pot, three steamer chairs … and so much dust that we’re all coughing … the Revizor too … he’s choking … I can’t lift him up! …
“Doctor! … Doctor!”
Dense clouds, we can’t see a thing! … there’s no more champagne … I say to Le Vig …
“Go on … get some … there’s more!”
He dives in, he rummages, he comes up … with some kind of liniment … we taste it … the ladies take a big swig … it burns … waah! … they blow … they want more black bread! … Le Vig has a way of cutting it very
fine … he serves himself, then the ladies, and then the beat-up Revizor … we’d almost forgotten him … I’ve got to admit, the morale was lifting! … We’re practically enjoying ourselves … the floor’s jiggling … the walls … who cares! … if we’re not used to it… and the Fortresses … who would be? … shaking a little more than yesterday, it seems to me … Berlin is worse! … but one thing I want to make clear: I don’t touch the stuff! … I don’t get drunk! … let the ladies quench their thirst, not me! not me! … straight whiskey! no water for the ladies! … but they’ve swilled too much too quick … if they had any sense, they’d take it easy, and stop looking for those rackets … burrowing in all that crap and not finding anything … just making us cough! … lie down!”
They’re not in the mood!
“Lie down, I say!”
They’re so fuddled … I order them around … they collapse! … I think they’re going to vomit … no! … they fall asleep … instantly … the Revizor too! … liquor has its good side! … I take advantage and shoot the lot of them … an ampul each! … they’ll sleep at least three hours … 4 ccs… .
“And now, son, the isba!”
All right with him … he hasn’t had anything but liniment to drink …
“Lili, wait for us!”
Soon as we get outside I see a fire … between the manor and the bushes … a wood fire with a spitted goose on it … they don’t give a damn any more! absolutely verboten to touch the geese! … “Reich Ordinance”… first-degree sabotage! … but Kracht’s the police, not me! … let them have their fun! … Hjalmar could take an interest, but he’s far away! … my job is strictly the health angle … better not go too near, it seems to me … from a distance …
“Nichts neues? … nothing new?”
“Nein! nein!
We won’t investigate … about-face! … not that I’m convinced by their “neini nein!” but Kracht’ll go see … ah, here he is!
“Everything is all right!”
I tell him … suits him fine … he doesn’t want to know any more, he goes back with us … the snow’s melting now, slush … he’s got boots … the peristyle … the drawing room … the two countesses flat on the carpet… dead to the world … arms every which way, legs ditto, skirts in tatters … what’s been going on? … Kracht asks me …
“Violence?’
“No, they’ve been drinking! … they were thirsty … very thirsty …”
“Have they vomited?”
“No, not yet!”
“They didn’t take poison “
“No … I don’t think so …”
Actually they’re just sleeping it off … but why did they slurp it down so fast? … and eat hardly anything? … ‘the ladies’ nerves were frazzled … the shock of the alcohol, especially champagne! … had knocked them for a loop … Kracht points put that they might be more comfortable on the divans, one each …
“Right you are, Kracht… girls, you’re wanted up front!”
Not very clever, but I’m tired, I’m entitled, hell, I’ve toiled a bit more than these two lushes with their skirts around their necks … we hoist them by the feet and shoulders … and put them down, each on a divan … Thor von Thorfels opens one eye …
“Doctor! … Doctor! … you won’t forget! … the Orangerie! … the Orangerie!”
“No, Madame, I promise!”
She goes back to sleep… even that stinko she doesn’t forget the Toileries … I’d promised to go as soon as we got back … and to rue Saint-Placide … why that particular street? … well, I’d promised … the two of them were sawing wood … fine! but drunk so fast? … drugged for sure … Kracht had reason to wonder … slightly abnormal …
“What do you think, Le Vig?”
He’s sitting there beside me … looking up in the air …
“Say, it’s not just the walls! … the ceiling! get a load of that crack!”
Not so surprising, but all the same … the ceiling only started to go yesterday …
“Le Vig, you remind me of the Gauls!” … afraid the sky was falling …
Boo-oom! … not without reason! … a chunk of plaster … another … it’s crumbling! … the explosions are getting closer … from Berlin-and the north … it seems … anyway, no more isba duty for us … Kracht’s turn! … it’s coming on night… we’ve had a bite to eat, we’re all right … maybe another ampul for the Revizor? … oh, he’ll wake me … he’ll complain … our two noble ladies are sighing … each on a divan … I listen … they’re asleep … what about us? the floor isn’t very comfortable … we can’t kid ourselves … all we can do is lie down … and keep half an eye open … there’s a blanket for each of us … plenty … I ask Le Vig …
“Do you think the Gauls slept?”
He’s just getting ready to answer … rat-tat-tat … the sound of a motorcycle … and another … rat-tat-tat! … in the park, right here! … and nearer! … in the peristyle … we won’t get up and look! …
“What is it?”
There are no motorcycles in Zornhof … at least we’ve never seen one… what can it be? … two more … rat-tat-tat! … coming for us? … better not show our faces … Germans? … Russians? … English? … they don’t come in … they’re talking outside … easy … they’re Krauts! … Kracht comes down … let him talk to them! … I prick up my ears … I understand a bit … they’ve come from Berlin … what do they want? … their talk is so chopped and guttural I almost feel like going but to ask them … ah, another rat-tat-tat … much louder! … with a load of tin attached … chains … it’s an armored car, I know that sound … and a second later Harras, his voice … no mistake, it’s him! taken his time all right … the fly-by-night! … where’s he come from? and laughing! the limit! … he dares! his style: oh-ho-ho! I don’t see what’s so funny! … he’s talking to the others, he’s not in a hurry … we can show ourselves!
“Heil! Harras! … heil bon Dieu!”
This is the end all right! … and an armored car! well anyway, the stinker’s here! … I light right into him …
“Harras! you crook! I decorate you! palms and the cross! they damn near croaked us! those Hottentots of yours have killed everybody! … you won’t catch us taking any more vacations around here! … some vacation! a nerve cure!”
I make him laugh … oh-ho-ho! we’ve always made him laugh … I look at him, he’s lost weight … yes, but there’s plenty left … anyway two of me … he’s not downcast … oh no! there’s a man that can’t be sad … maybe he’s traveled too much … I tell him … I ask him …
“No! … no, my dear fellow! … we’ve had our little troubles … lots … thousands! … worse than here, old man! … worse! you don’t believe me?”
No surprise to me that Grünwald’s not there any more … the telegraph … and the big bunker … and the Finnish colleagues … and the typists … all blasted, squashed and flambé! … wiped out! … in two nights! … only two nights! pfff! … he acts it out … pfff! we must have seen it from here? … oh yes! every night! … even in the afternoon! … pfff! pfff!
“And Lisbon?”
I ask.
“No more Lisbon! … the medical authorities on the other side … same thing … they don’t know where they’re at! … oh-ho! they’re ridiculous! … so am I! … cholera? it never gets off the ground! … one dubious smallpox case in Beirut! … seven cases of leprosy in Dakar! … that’s all! … in the armies? zero! … the Russians, the Turks, nothing! … civilians, soldiers, all inoculated … it’s the end, Destouches! … not even any alcoholics left in France! … one solitary case of delirium tremens in Toulouse! … my poor colleague, war is driving out the plague! … and curing the insane! … Dürer’s got to be done over! oh-ho-ho! … done over! … his Four Horsemen, you know … all antiseptic! antiseptic! this war will never end! the aseptic Apocalypse! back to the slingshot, colleague! … the crossbow! … the secret weapon? … blaaah! oh-ho-ho! …
No change in that big lau
gh of his! but I see he’s still armed! I’ll say! two enormous Mausers! and three potato mashers! my turn to laugh! …
“You going to repulse them too?”
“Who?”
“The Russians … who else?”
“They’re not very far, you know …”
He at least doesn’t gild the pill …
“Where, do you think?”
“Ach, their partisans? … pretty near … I dunk … maybe … I don’t say no …”
Harras is scientific … he sees things as they are … no propaganda sauce …
“Where are, they now?”
“They must be at Frankfurt on the Oder!”
“The Russians?”
“Yes!”
Now I know … here we’ve got ringside seats … it’s good to be informed … not only about typhus and cholera that don’t get off the ground … about the Tartars too … Frankfurt’s not far! …
“Harras, our book … you know …”
He doesn’t remember … “
“The one we were going to write …”
“Oh yes! … oh yes!”
“Franco-German medicine!”
He remembers …
I didn’t touch it! … not laziness, but never a minute! day or night!”
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