Feeling my face flush, I turn to face him, hoping to clarify what I mean, but when I do our lips almost touch. We're so close, if either of us leans in an inch, we'll be kissing. I realize his hand is still on top of mine; I like it there, it feels right. A tight swirling takes over my stomach as I focus on his pouty lips and imagine what kissing him would be like. I turn away. How did that happen? How did those thoughts of Brayden fill my head? I look away, there's no way I can allow myself to think like that. Not about him.
"I didn't mean that . . . I just meant . . ." I don't know what to say to get myself out of the uncomfortable mess I threw myself into.
He squeezes my hand again. "It's okay, I'm just playing with you."
Relieved, but a bit disappointed, I exhale.
"The truth is, I'd like to be your friend. I'd like to get to know you better."
"Why?" I don't know what game he's playing.
"Because Scott's a jerk. And if we're friends it’s an added reason to kick his ass if he gets out of line with you."
The nurse calls my name. "Mackenzie Green."
I make my way past the moaning and volatile group of sick and injured people waiting for care. I stop at the information desk, looking to the receptionist for instructions.
"You can go back there now."
I turn to Brayden standing by my side. "Thank you." I hug him. He hesitates a moment before reciprocating.
"Do you want me to wait out here? I mean in case you need a ride home or if you want to talk?"
I shake my head. "Thanks, but I'm okay now. I wouldn't want to keep you from your chaperoning duties."
"Give me your phone a minute."
I hand it to him and wait as he punches his name and number into my contacts.
"Promise you'll call if you need me."
"Promise."
Brayden bends down and kisses me on the cheek. With his hands stuffed in his pockets, he motions his head toward the door leading to the treatment area in the back.
"Go."
He doesn't move until the door closes and I am on my way.
Chapter 4
Falling For Brayden
Physically I'm at the hospital with my parents, but mentally I'm still at Brayden's side. I know falling for anyone, but him especially, is a hazard to my heart. All eyes are on Brayden. Standing beside him there's no way I can be invisible. It would be impossible to blend into the crowd. Instead I'd be front and center for all to see.
All night my mind strays, from my sister, from my parents, right back to Brayden. Even when I sleep he's there in my subconscious. Him and his damn perfect smile. How did he invade my thoughts? We never even spoke before tonight.
I push him from my mind, but thoughts of him refuse to leave. They keep sneaking up on me when I least expect them to. I convince myself it's best to keep my distance. There's no possibility we could be anything more than friends. We aren't even friends, just acquaintances passing in the night. I know that's the way it needs to stay, no matter how the butterflies in my stomach flutter when he smiles. He's the football king, I'm from a different circle, a different planet. Still knowing his phone number is programmed into my phone . . . the electronic device sits on my desk teasing me, daring me to make contact. I fight the urge all night and through the morning, until early the next afternoon when I can no longer control myself and finally think of an excuse to call.
*
Standing outside the kitchen listening to my parents discuss Jessica's future, I hear the words rehabilitation center and twelve step program. I don't want to hear anymore. I have to get out of the house. I hate what she's doing to herself and to our family. She was supposed to go to law school. She's too smart for this.
I grab my sneakers and put Brayden's sweatshirt on. It still smells fresh and clean, just like he did when I hugged him. And it has a warm, cuddly feel, the way I imagine his arms would feel wrapping me up inside them. I want to go return it, and thank him for last night.
I have an idea where Brayden lives. Scott pointed out his house one night last week as we drove by. I head in that direction and call him when I'm stopped at a red light. Brayden sounds pleasantly surprised to hear from me. I find him out on the front lawn tossing the football with his brother. I sit there a moment watching, before he notices me. I pay attention to how he pulls the football up to the right side of his chest, getting ready to throw it. His movements are smooth and easy. The sun reflects blonde highlights in his brown hair. He turns and catches me staring at him from the car.
My stomach tumbles as our eyes meet and the corners of his lips curl up into a smile. Brayden walks in my direction, looking just as cool and confident as ever in a retro Superman shirt and a pair of faded jeans. He looks good, really good. With a disapproving shake of his head, Brayden's brother tosses the ball on the ground and runs in the house.
Once I'm out of the car, I pull Brayden's sweatshirt up over my head. I don't miss how his eyes move over my body.
"Hey."
"Hi." I answer, handing him the sweatshirt like a peace offering.
He smiles that dazzling smile again, and I wonder why I never really noticed him until now. I noticed him, just not in this way, in the way that I realize he notices me too.
"Thank you. For last night. I know I wasn't very gracious."
"It's fine. Is everything alright?"
I nod. "It will be."
"Glad to hear it."
"It was my sister." I feel I owe him an explanation. "She OD'd." It feels good to say it, to get it out in the open. I know the rumors will run rampant through our little town. But I want Braden to hear it from me. I feel he deserves it.
"Oh. I'm sorry."
I shrug it off, "No big deal."
"Yes, it is."
"I'm just sorry I involved you."
He takes a step toward me and places a supportive hand on my shoulder, just as a speeding car comes to a halt in the middle of the street. We both turn toward the commotion.
Scott jumps out of his double-parked car, practically tripping over his own two feet. "Is this where you've been, you slut? You left me to go spend the night with him?"
Brayden takes a step away from me and moves closer to Scott. "Don't speak that way to her."
"You think you're just entitled to whatever the hell you want because you're the team captain?"
"Dude, you need to shut the hell up. You don't know what you're talking about."
"I know half the team saw you leave together. And neither of you came back. I'm not stupid. I know what two plus two equals."
Normally I don't bother defending myself to someone like Scott, people will believe what they want no matter what, but I feel I owe it to Brayden. "He gave me a lift home. See, I have my car here. I wouldn't have had it if we spent the night together."
Scott looks at my car and then at Brayden. It looks like he's in pain trying to figure out what it all means.
"You don't owe him anything," Brayden says.
"If nothing happened, why are you here?"
"I was cold, Brayden lent me his sweatshirt when he drove me home, I'm just bringing it back."
"Whatever. I'm done with both of you." Scott goes back to his car, and slams the door behind him.
"Wait!" I call as he speeds off.
Brayden shakes his head. "You're really going to forgive him after he called you a slut?"
"Of course not. I want to smooth things over between you and him. I don't have to see him ever again, but you depend on him."
"There are other guys on team, he's not the only one."
"I know. But . . . I never meant to cause any trouble for you."
"It's not your fault Scott's a dick."
My eyes drop to the ground. I don't have to look up to notice Brayden is closer, just inches away. I can feel him in the way my heart just picked up speed and my hands are trembling.
"I better get going."
He takes my hand in his, I only hope he doesn't pick up how nervous I am. "Do yo
u have to? Maybe we can hang out for a while."
"I better not. I didn't even tell my parents I was leaving. Thanks again for last night."
"My offer still stands. If you need me, just call."
I nod, stand on my tiptoes and kiss his cheek.
*
Monday at lunch I feel a presence behind me. Olivia and my other friends go into stunned silence. I know it means one of two things, either Scott is standing there ready to start a scene, or Brayden is. I take a deep breath trying to prepare myself for what's coming next. The fresh clean scent that clings to Brayden assaults my nose, causing my heart to race. I close my eyes hoping I can gather my emotions so no one realizes how his presence affects me, especially him.
"Kenzie," my name rolls off his lips.
I turn to face him. He's standing and I'm sitting, so my eyes fall right onto the batman logo of his t-shirt. I can't help but wonder what he looks like under it. I don't want to look up into his eyes, I'm afraid I'll get lost in them, but if I look down and he notices . . . that would be mortifying. I choose up.
He smiles, taking my breath away, I'm tempted to ask if he always wears superhero t-shirts, but I don't dare, it would giveaway what close attention I'm paying to him. Instead I smile and say the only word my mind and mouth are able to form, "Hi."
"How are things going?" I'm grateful he doesn't elaborate. I have a feeling he keeps things vague on purpose.
I nod. "Good."
He seems to get the hint that I don't want to talk about my sister, or my weekend in front of my friends, and lets the subject drop.
"I'll be right back," he turns and heads towards one of the vending machines in the back of the cafeteria. I can't help but stare as he moves from one end of the room to the other. Olivia leans over and whispers in my ear.
"Did you really hook up with him? He's adorable."
"Is that what he's saying?" I feel the color drain from my face.
She shakes her head. "No. Scott," she mouths.
I kick her under the table hoping she gets the hint to end the conversation as Brayden comes back and squeezes into the spot next to me. I look around and see evil glares coming from the cheerleaders. Especially Alana.
Alana spends the entire lunch period with her brown eyes narrowed and glued on me. As captain of the football team there's an unwritten rule that Brayden can only date cheerleaders. Judging how Alana tried to keep his body covered with hers the other night, she wants to do a lot more than "date" Brayden. The intensity of their stares becomes so strong, I think the squad might join together and form a pyramid in the middle of the cafeteria so they can look down their noses at us in group formation.
The whole school is talking about us; the football players, the cheerleaders, even my friends don't believe nothing happened between us. I hate having people create rumors about me. It makes me think about how fast my sister's reputation had been shot to shit. Of course in her case the rumors happened to be true. I hope Brayden won't feed the frenzy of speculation, by making stuff up, but the truth is I don't know what he'll do. Aside from his stellar football skills, Brayden Turner is a complete unknown to me.
He stops at my lunch table or locker throughout the week to say hi. Other than those few quick interactions, we don't talk. But any time he sees me in the hall Brayden makes sure to wave. He doesn't seem to care that Scott's dividing the team against each other. Already they're breaking into sides, his and Brayden's. At least that's what Olivia's boyfriend Josh says. He's a linebacker on the team, and keeps her up to date on all the mindless chatter of the players and cheerleaders. She gladly passes the gossip along to me.
Walking out of the school doors Friday afternoon the bright sun blinds me momentarily. I don't see him coming until Brayden appears at my side.
"Are you coming to the game tonight?"
I shake my head, "I don't think so. I wouldn't want Scott to get the wrong idea." I'd never gone to a game or practice before Scott and I were dating. I don't want him to think I'm hung up on him, when in truth I'm relieved I don't have to deal with him anymore.
"I don't care if he thinks we're together."
I open my mouth ready to explain that he misunderstands me, but decide against it.
"If you can get a lift to the game, I'll drive us to the party and I'll take you home when you're ready."
My stomach flutters with excitement. "You sure you want to be stuck with me? Won't that put a crimp in your role as chaperone?"
He smiles, and looks off to the side. "Maybe I should've kept that secret to myself."
"Secret? You mean the guys don't know?"
He shakes his head. "Not really. They just think I'm a goody-two-shoes."
Thank goodness I don't have anything in my mouth. If I did I would've choked or spit it out all over him.
"What? I don't look the type?" he teases.
Of all the things he looks: hot . . . strong . . . sexy, a goody-two-shoes certainly isn't on the list. I don't know what to say.
"C'mon, just say you'll be at the game." Before I can answer, he starts walking backwards in the direction opposite me. "I'll see you tonight," he calls.
*
Olivia's mother drops us off at school. Olivia is the only person that knows what happened with Jessica, the whole dark and twisted truth. I know I could trust her. She's my go to person, and has been since she found me crying in the girls bathroom in third grade when Brian York said while my eyes sparkled like diamonds, my hair was the color of poop. Olivia convinced me he only said that because he had a crush on me. I never knew for sure what his reasoning was. But for the next two years Brian had a special nickname for me: shit head. That was until sick of his teasing, I gave him a black eye at recess.
"Josh said there's been a lot of tension in the locker room between Scott and Brayden. Are you sure there's nothing going on?"
"There's not."
"Do you want there to be?"
That's a good question. Do I? Do I ever!
Every time he's near, my heart races. Looking in his big brown eyes, I feel myself melt into a gooey, sticky mess. I already admitted more to him about my home life than I have to any guy I ever dated. But the truth is, Brayden frightens me. In ways I don't want to admit, not even to Olivia. I'm downright terrified of him. Terrified I'll lose myself to him. That's the last thing I need. Unlike my sister, I don't want to sacrifice my dreams. Not that they are as big and grand as hers, but still they're mine. And I don't want to take the chance of allowing someone so deep into my heart that he could shatter it on a whim.
"Brayden and I are just friends."
"That's the party line, but I know you, Kenzie. You don't even like football. You wouldn't be here if you wanted to keep it that way."
"First of all, everyone and their mother watches football; I'm trying to understand it. Second, what's your point? I know you have one so you might as well tell me."
"Just be careful. I know you won't let him hurt you." Funny, she knows that when I don't. "But rumors are the plan is for him to go pro in the next few years. If he loses focus or anything happens to change that and you're to blame, you'll be the most hated girl in the state."
Great. Because I don't have enough shit to worry about, now I have to worry about Brayden's focus. Is she for real?
Once the game starts we end the conversation and pay attention to what's happening on the field. The other team has possession of the ball first. They don't get far before its fourth down and they punt. Our offense trots on the field and the crowd explodes with noise. People are cheering and clapping, stomping their feet, doing anything they can to contribute to the sudden ruckus. I look around me and notice the stands are packed, just like last week. I wonder if that's the way high school games always are, or if Brayden and the hope of an undefeated season stirs up a craziness in town?
Brayden throws the ball to Scott. He's wide open. It hits Scott dead center. All he has to do is close his hands around it and take off toward the end zone. Instead Scott d
rops the ball and it's ruled an incomplete pass. The crowd moans in disappointment. Later in the drive Brayden hands the ball off to Scott. He fumbles it, allowing the other team to take possession and score the first touchdown of the game. At half-time we're down fourteen to six. The only scoring from our team is a pair of field goals.
The second half isn't much better. The visitors defense seems to stop us at every turn. At the start of the half Brayden hands the ball off to Scott. In practice and at last week's game he'd spin and weave his way through the initial onslaught of guys trying to tackle him for first down. Not this time. He doesn't try to avoid the tackle at all.
"What the hell is he doing?" slips out of my mouth.
"I didn't know what he'd do, but Josh said Scott's got it in for Brayden." Brayden doesn't give Scott the ball at all for the rest of the game. In the end we lose by a field goal.
I wait in the front of the school with Olivia for the boys to meet us.
"You don't think Scott did that on purpose do you?"
She nods. "I'm sure he did. He doesn't have as much to lose as Brayden."
"What a jerk."
"I know right?"
Before I could respond, Olivia is three feet off the ground. Josh sneaks up behind her and lifts her into the air before letting her body slide down against his. She giggles and pulls his arms around her tight as her feet once again touch the ground. Next to him stands Brayden. My heart thumps hard and loud against my chest. My hands tremble as I pick at my cuticles, feeling guilty. I don't know what to say to him. It's as if I'd been the ass on the field.
"Hey," I don't know if it's my imagination or if the sparkle in his eyes has dimmed.
"Hey." I force a smile.
"Ready?" Brayden asks. I nod, suddenly too nervous to speak to him.
"If you want, I can drive," Josh offers.
"Nah, it's cool. Besides, I'd like a little alone time."
Alone time. Not knowing Brayden yet, that comment almost puts me over the edge. I'm so far beyond nervous my teeth start to chatter. I watch Olivia and Josh walk away, wondering if Brayden is going to blame me for what happened on the field. That's the kind of shit I witnessed with Jess and Mike. He'd find a reason to blame her for things she had no control over.
Regret Me Not Page 3