"Let's go," she says as she turns on her heels and not-so-elegantly makes her way out if the apartment.
"You're so lucky you’re pregnant, bitch." Jackie lets out one last remark as Rachael flicks her hair over her shoulder and heads to the door.
"Don't. Just don't," Lincoln says calmly to Jackie. That hurts. Knowing that he'll defend her to his family is enough to send me to the floor as soon as the door closes. I sit in a heap, sobbing uncontrollably. My fiancé just left with his pregnant ex-girlfriend. I have no words for anyone at the moment. I just need to cry.
Ben lifts me up and carries me to the bed. Dianne, who has been very quiet throughout the whole ordeal, sits next to me, gently patting my head and offering reassuring words. They're nothing to me. As far as I'm concerned, I not only just lost the love of my life, but I also lost his family. The fact that they are still here is only confusing my already exhausted mind.
I drift into a restless sleep and when I wake, I'm alone in the room. I can hear voices outside the door, and muffled conversations.
"Harbour lives here! This is her apartment too," Jackie yells.
"They're not coming back here. They're staying at the old penthouse." Mitch sounds tired. I've been asleep for more than an hour. They must've been talking this whole time.
"This is crap. He can't just leave her! He loves her. I bet my trust fund that baby isn't his. Why can't he see it? I don't understand." Jackie is still seething. Her voice is laced with venom. I need to go out there.
"I'm going to check on Har. Although I'm sure she appreciates your support, a familiar face from home might be what she needs right now."
Pierce? I jump out of bed and run to the main room. There he is. My fairy godmother. My best friend. My Pierce.
I run, jump into his arms and cry. I just can't seem to stop the crying. I've never been so emotional, but then, I've never been so in love and had my heart ripped out, either.
"It's okay, baby girl, I'm here. Fucking great timing, too, if you ask me." He strokes my hair and then lifts me onto the couch.
"How? Did you know?" I wipe the tears from my face, and through my blurred vision, he almost looks offended by my question.
"No, Har, I didn't know. I told you I'd come in September. I've had a pretty rough few weeks myself and needed to get away, so I just packed and left. I didn't have any clue I was walking into this." He wipes a tear off my face with his thumb.
"Has everyone filled you in?" He looks down and nods.
"Baby, I don't want to make it sound like what Lincoln did was the best solution, but I assure you that man loves you. He wouldn't have left unless it was his only option."
I look around and finally acknowledge the Whitmore family. I can see pain and regret etched on their faces and I realize this is hurting them too. They never liked Rachael, and as happy as they may be for Lincoln to be having a child, the mother is not who they would've chosen for him. I turn in my seat to face them.
"I just need to say something before I break down again. I love Lincoln; I love him so much that I honestly don't think I'll ever love like this again. But that's not the only reason I'm hurting. I'm scared of losing all of you. You've treated me like a part of the family since the day you met me and I couldn't be any more grateful." I stop to take a deep breath trying hard not to cry. "Jackie, you've become one of my closest friends, and the thought of losing that really depresses me. I know this isn't what we wanted—hell, in a fairytale, Lincoln and I would've been celebrating the day we found out we were giving you all a grandchild, niece or nephew—but this isn't a storybook. This is real life. And right now, real life sucks. I know you won't anyway, but I don't want you guys to treat this child any differently than you would've if it were mine and Lincoln's. He doesn't love Rachael, he's alone now, and he'll need all the support he can get." I Hate thinking of Lincoln being alone and lonely. I wipe the lone tear that rolls down my cheek. "I love and appreciate you all for being here for me, but I think you should call him. Go to their home and speak with them. Try to form some kind of relationship with Rachael, otherwise you won't only loose Lincoln, but you'll lose the chance to be a part of that baby's life."
I stop and wipe the remaining tears from my face and wait for a response. Jackie rises from her seat and comes over to hug me. "You won't lose us, I promise," she says between sobs.
"You're right, Harbour, we need to be mature about this. Let's go home, and tomorrow we can speak to Lincoln. At least we know we're leaving you in safe hands."
We all stand and say our goodbyes. As Pierce and I walk them out, Mitch shakes his hand and speaks in a hushed tone. "I think what you suggested is for the best. Let me know if you need my assistance."
I close the door and my mind goes into overdrive. This isn't my apartment anymore. Above all of this craziness, I'll be homeless, too. I knew I should have listened to my gut.
Pierce hugs me and leads me to a stool in the kitchen. "I'm so proud of you, baby girl. You're hurting bad, I can bloody see it, but what you just said to them was what they all needed to hear. That took a lot of strength."
He opens the oven and produces a plate wrapped in foil. "Dianne cleaned up and made you something to eat. You need to eat, Har." He pushes the plate in front of me and grabs two forks from the drawer. "Wine?"
Ugh, no. I shake my head. "Just water, please."
We sit in silence for a bit, I’m still a bit dazed that he’s here. "What happened at home that sent you here to be my knight in shining armor?"
"You have enough on your plate, Har. You don't need my issues to deal with too."
"Tell me. It'll take my mind of this for a little bit."
He shakes his head, and I instantly feel like a terrible friend.
"You broke up with your mystery man?"
"Yeah, about three weeks ago." Worst. Friend. Ever.
"Jesus, Pierce! When I got engaged? That's why you were upset on the Skype call? I've spoken to you over ten times since then. How have you not mentioned it to me?" I’m a bad friend.
"He fucked his personal assistant." Whoa. Hang on.
"He cheated on you? Motherfucker!" Now I'm mad. Really mad.
"I can't believe that, Pierce. I'm so sorry. I hate that you went through this alone."
"Well, to be fair, he was my 'mystery man,' so I couldn't exactly be too forthcoming with information. Look, don't worry about it. I'm on the mend. Luckily I didn't fall as hard as you did. I just need to get me some Yankee dick and I'll be fine." He's lying; it's obvious, he’s smile doesn’t reach his eyes.
"Americans don't like being called that." I giggle.
"No, I mean Yankee. Like a New York Yankee baseball player. Have you seen those fucking pants they wear? There must be at least one gay man on the team. I'll find him." We both laugh and for just a moment, I forget how fucked up our love-lives are.
"Harbour, I need to make a call but before I do, I need to ask you something."
"Go ahead. Nothing you say can top what I've heard today."
"I want you to come back to Melbourne. I don't think you can be here right now."
Go home? Is that what this has come to? I've lost my fiancé, and now I have to leave New York?
"Why? I mean, it makes sense, but Derek . . ."
"Fuck Derek. He won't come near you. You can't stay here, Har. In this apartment, in your job, in this city . . . he's everywhere. Next time don't fuck your boss. Please. I beg you." What a weird thing to ask.
"You're right. I can't just leave, though." He stands and fishes his phone out of his pant pocket.
"Give me a few minutes to make a call. Go have a bath. Leave it to me." He gives me one of his trademark kisses on the forehead and heads to the study.
So that's what Mitchell meant when he said “the best option for her.” I’m grateful that they're all willing to help, but I've come to love this city. I guess the best way for me to get over Lincoln is to leave. Pierce is right. I can't live in this apartment, feeling him, remembering him and
smelling him everywhere. And work would just be impossible. God, Vivian is going to hate me.
I have no energy to make decisions anyway. Pierce can direct me; I'll just follow. Less than nine months since I took a risk and changed my life, it's backfired, and I'll be heading home with my tail between my legs.
****
I run the bath and undress. I look down and see my engagement ring mocking me. Tears well up in my eyes as I remove it for the first time since it's been placed there. I never took it off, not even to shower. As it slips off my finger, my shaky hand places it next to the sink. I stand there, naked and exposed—not because my clothing has been stripped off, but because that ring has been removed. The stone that sits there so perfectly is a reminder of what I had. It no longer represents my future; it merely represents a small chapter in my life story.
I slip my iPod into the built-in dock and scroll through the music. Nothing speaks to me so I switch it off. Usually music can lift my mood, remind me that there's always a silver lining, a new day tomorrow, but right now, the thought of being happy or even just smiling seems like a task my body and soul can't handle. Fuck happy. I want to be sad, I want to cry and I want to remember, I’m not ready to forget. I never knew it was possible to miss someone like this. My heart hurts. I feel like I can’t take a full, deep breath. I don't want to eat or sleep—hell, I didn't even want to listen to music. I'm scared of what the next few months have in store for me.
Fuck falling in love. It was the worst thing my heart ever convinced my brain to do. Way to go, brain, let's see how smart and strong you are now when your friend, Heart, is so broken she can't even beat properly.
I sit in that tub for what feels like an hour. The bubbles have all disintegrated and my hands and
feet are all pruney.
I get up and drain it then head to the shower to rinse off. I make the mistake of opening Lincoln's body-wash and smelling it. Then I cry for what I lost, for the man I love, and for the unsure future I'm walking into. It's not until the bathroom door opens that I realize I'm on the floor of the shower, weeping like a child.
Pierce takes a towel from the cupboard and helps me out of the shower. He wraps me up and just holds me. It's exactly what I need right now.
"Come on, I laid out some clothes for you. We need to talk."
He leaves me in the bedroom to dress and heads to the kitchen to make hot chocolate. I meet him on the sofa, and after a few seconds of silence, he begins.
"I spoke to your boss in Melbourne. He'll happily take you back. You can start in three weeks. He's also spoken to the HR people in the New York office and arranged the transfer." Wow. Pierce doesn't mess around.
"On a weekend? How did you organize that?"
"It doesn't matter. You just need to go in tomorrow and sign the paperwork. Unfortunately, you'll need to stay in New York for two weeks. They'll need your help training your replacement. I tried to get you out of it, but it was impossible. You signed the contract."
That means I'll have to work with Lincoln for two more weeks. How am I going to handle seeing him and knowing I can’t touch him, kiss him or even talk to him? How will I not break down?
"You're stronger than you think, Harbour. Yes, I can read minds, too. Relax. It's two weeks. Just keep your head down. Here." He hands me my cell phone. "A Vivian has been calling for the last hour. You should probably call her back."
Shit. Here we go. The "I told you so" conversation. I take the phone and make the call.
"Harbour? Darling, I'm so sorry about what's happened. How are you going?"
Not what I was expecting.
"I'm fine, Vivian, really. Just making arrangements."
"I heard you're leaving us. Don't worry; I'll make sure to handle all the dealings with Lincoln for the next two weeks. It's a real shame. When Dianne called me I didn't know what to say. I know how much he loves you. It's just one of those situations that are painful for both parties." I sigh because I really don't know how to respond.
"I'll be fine; it's just ten days. He probably won't be in much, planning for the baby's arrival and all that. They're probably going to be . . . decorating the nursery and stuff." I will myself not to break down. No. No more.
"You're a strong and smart lady, Harbour. I've known that since the day I met you. What you're doing is selfless and admirable. Anyone else would've thrown a fit, but you just proved what an amazing young woman you are. I'll see you at nine. Good night."
With that, the call ends. I needed to hear those words.
Vivian saying them was a shock, but it feels good. She's right. What I'm doing is selfless because I'm dying inside, but I know it's what's best for Lincoln.
Being selfless is overrated. I wouldn't mind being the bitch that takes what she wants—but in this situation, I know I'd lose. Deep down, I know Lincoln will choose his unborn child over me, and I don't want him to have to make that choice. I’ll make it for him.
I return to the sofa and watch as Pierce puts our final plans into motion.
"Okay, Mitchell has insisted we take the jet home."
"He does that." I give Pierce a half smile.
"And I've booked us into a hotel from tonight, so go pack whatever you want to bring home to Australia. We're not coming back here. It's for the best, Har. Also, I've spoken to your parents. They're obviously upset and want to speak to you, but they understand you need some time. You'll have a week off between leaving here and starting back in the Melbourne offices, so I think you should spend it with them. After that, you're moving back in with me. I'm not taking no for an answer. Now, go pack."
I go over to him and hug him tightly. "Thank you for being here; for doing all of this. You really are my fairy godmother." I kiss his cheek and head to the bedroom, but he calls out before I disappear.
"I might be your fairy godmother, but I'm not letting you leave any shoes behind. I saw that closet, Har; pack those babies too. It would be a shame to leave them here."
Chapter Twenty-Three
It’s been ten days since I’ve seen or heard from Lincoln. Ten horribly long days.
Every night I cry myself into a restless sleep. I’ve tried to be strong, but it’s just not possible right now. I’m so lucky to have Pierce with me. I try not to let him see how miserable I am but I’m aware that he knows. Thankfully, he doesn’t mention it. I’m hoping as soon as I get home I’ll start to heal because right now, I’m not liking the little cry-baby bitch I’ve become. I feel like I just want to eat bad food, wear pajamas and sob all day. Pathetic.
Lincoln called several times on Monday but Pierce assured me it was best not to speak to him. After fourteen missed calls and voice messages, Pierce answered. He took the call into the study, but I had to hear at least what Pierce said. In true Pierce fashion, it was polite and to the point.
"Listen, mate, I know this is shit and I know you love her, but Harbour sacrificed her happiness for you and your new family. She’s broken. You need to stay away. My girl needs to heal." He ended the call, and without turning to face me, he said, "Just so you know, he still loves you."
That was nine days ago, and there has been no contact since. I know it’s for the best, but I can’t help but be upset knowing that if Lincoln wanted to, there were other ways he could have contacted me. For fuck’s sake, he’s my boss. He knows where I work, he knows my damn email address—hell, he could have sent me a fucking letter by now. Nothing.
He hasn’t been at work at all since Baby Gate. Vivian assured me that she’d give me a heads up if he came in, but at this point, I don’t think there’s a very high chance of that happening. I’m not sure if he even knows I’m leaving New York yet. The thought that he might know and doesn’t care stings. Actually, it burns, like a fiery poker through my chest. I have to tell myself that he has no idea. I need to, for the sake of the tiny shards of my heart that have miraculously begun to mend. It may be only two pieces out of a million, but recovery has to start somewhere.
Its lunchtime and I ne
ed air. My brain is being overly dramatic right now.
Dianne and Jackie are waiting for me when I arrive at the restaurant.
"We ordered for you, darling. I’m just going to run to the ladies room." Dianne leaves as a glass of fresh juice orange is placed in front of me.
"Sooo . . . I think I’ve waited long enough to ask. How did you leave Melbourne when you left behind a gorgeous man like Pierce? I mean, wow. He’s perfect, Harbour! And that sexy accent." Jackie starts fanning herself dramatically.
"Oh bugger. I never told you? He’s gay. Sorry." How have I never mentioned that Pierce is gay? Shit. Does Lincoln know? That could be why he hasn’t tried to contact me. Does he think I’ve moved on already?
"What a shame. I’ll be honest, though, the thought of him riding another man makes me really hot." My attempt at taking a mouthful of my drink ends disastrously with me coughing and sputtering.
"Jesus Christ, Jackie! We’re in a restaurant where the entrées are thirty dollars, I’m pretty sure the clientele don’t appreciate hearing about your fantasies. Thank god your mum’s in the loo!" I keep my voice low in an attempt to not attract any more unwanted attention.
"In the loo? You mean the toilet, don’t you? Damn, I’m going to miss your cute accent and crazy
Aussie slang." She takes my hand and gives it a quick squeeze.
The meals and Dianne arrive simultaneously. Dianne looks a little flushed.
"Dianne, are you okay?" She fingers her napkin in her lap and gives me a half-smile. She’s not okay. Something is up.
"Let’s eat, and we’ll talk tomorrow night at your farewell dinner. I hope you don’t mind, but I invited Vivian." Not a smooth subject change, but I’ll go with it. If she doesn’t want to say it, I probably don’t want to hear it.
"Of course, that’s fine. She’s been amazing these last two weeks. I feel bad for her, though. My replacement is a dumbass . . . I mean, she’s a nice girl, I just think she’s there to meet Lincoln. Someone needs to tell her he’s not interested in his assistants." I laugh half-heartedly and my lame attempt at a joke falls flat. Both women take one of my hands and look at me with sympathetic eyes.
Harbour (Runaway Home #1) Page 20