He focused on her, tending one ankle then the other, neither saying a word. Once more his gentleness surprised her. It was in the way he held her foot, how he stroked up the back of her calf, distracting her with the skin on skin touch right before he made her hiss and remember this was a for a purpose. Even when her skin stung, she was more aware of the ghost of his touch, how she wanted it to go higher, touch her more.
What would it be like to have sex because she wanted it?
Movies and TV always made it seem so passionate. Her experiences weren’t anything like that, not that they were entirely bad.
“Done,” Evan said and glanced up at her.
Their eyes met and it felt as though the air in the room crackled. His lips parted and the blue of his eyes shrank.
It wasn’t just her. Whatever this was, he felt it, too.
Something was happening.
Once more she strangled that voice, that sense of knowing things and shoved it in a mental closet.
She reached out and smoothed his hair. It wasn’t like her flash of a dream, this wasn’t intimate, and yet now she knew how soft his hair was.
Evan stood and stripped off the glove. He tossed it into the waste basket without looking away from her.
“You should get some rest,” he muttered.
“Evan?”
“Yeah?”
“May I ask something selfish?”
“Sure.”
“Will you kiss me?”
His gaze narrowed. The blue in his eyes was dark with what she hoped was lust.
“Why?” His eyes darted to her mouth then back.
“Because I want you to.”
He gripped the counter by her left knee with a hand. “That’s not a good idea.”
She studied his mouth. He had really great lips. Not too thin, not too full. The fine lines told her he knew how to laugh, smile and frown. When he was unguarded, he was expressive.
“I think it is.” She looked back at his eyes. “I don’t know if I’ve ever kissed a man because it was something I wanted to do. Nearly all of them have been because it got me something. I just want to kiss you.”
As she spoke Evan’s eyes widened then narrowed. His jaw clenched and the corners of his lips turned down.
“You mean...?” His voice was hard and a bit angry.
“Yes.” She knew what he was asking.
Felecia wasn’t ashamed of what she’d done. She’d convinced one of her father’s clients to help her escape in exchange for her virginity. A quick fuck had gotten her a bed for the night on many occasions. She’d learned early on to make the most of what she had.
Evan opened and closed his mouth.
To her, that was normal. But she knew not everyone else lived this way. Just her.
He blew out a deep breath and lifted his hand, cupping her cheek. Then it was her turn to hold her breath as he leaned in, pressing his forehead to hers. His eyes were shut and this close she could see his ridiculously long lashes.
“You deserve so much more,” he whispered.
“We rarely get what we deserve.” She’d read that in a fortune cookie and laughed at how true it was.
“Isn’t that the truth?” Evan opened his eyes. One corner of his mouth lifted. “You want me to kiss you?”
“Yes.”
He ran fingers through her hair. She fought the urge to let her eyes shut, but it felt so damn good when he touched her.
“Okay,” he whispered almost too quiet for her to hear.
Was he serious?
Her breathing hitched.
Evan leaned in just a bit more, closing the distance and pressed a quick, chaste kiss to her lips.
It wasn’t enough.
She reached for him as he slid his hand around to cup the back of her head. She fisted the front of his shirt. He tugged her closer.
Their mouths aligned and this time he lingered, his lips moving against hers. He teased her, suckling her bottom lip between his. His tongue caressed her and she found herself sinking into the kiss, opening her mouth and holding onto him.
A loud creak from the hall reminded her that they weren’t entirely alone.
Evan stepped back, his breathing ragged. His eyes were still focused on her and now she knew that hunger staring back at her because she felt it. He reached out and pushed the bathroom door shut.
Neither of them spoke while the footsteps passed.
“You should get some rest,” he said then opened the door and was gone.
Felecia sat there a moment longer. She lifted a hand and touched her mouth then smiled.
He’d kissed her and she liked it.
8.
Monday. Safe House. St. Petersburg, Russia.
Evan sipped his coffee as he padded around the flat. Thanks to the tablet he could watch the feeds without being chained to the desk like he would normally. There were benefits to having Kelsey set everything up for them, like added equipment they didn’t normally have room for.
Despite the quiet night he still couldn’t settle. Each time he got comfortable some strange itch sent him to his feet, pacing around.
Because of that kiss.
He was torn between chastising himself and wishing things could be different.
There was nothing in Felecia’s behavior so far that was calculated. He didn’t doubt that times had forced her into that role, but she wasn’t playing that game now. At least, he didn’t think so.
What did he really know?
Once again he wished they knew more about her.
He hated the idea that she’d ever had to treat her body like a commodity.
Men were pigs. Disgusting.
Evan paused in the hall, realizing that he’d found himself almost at Felecia’s door.
Again.
There was nothing wrong with doing a walkthrough, but haunting the hall while she slept wasn’t a good thing for anyone to do. Least of all him. He had to be more careful around her.
The light under the door flipped on.
Shit.
Had she heard him?
Quick steps rushed toward the door.
Was something wrong?
The door swung open and Felecia stood there, chest heaving and her hair a bit wild. Even in the low light he could see the sweat slicking her skin.
“Felecia?” He took a step toward her.
Her chin snapped up and she blinked at him a few times before she really saw him. Fear stared back at him.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” He edged closer to her, fighting his desire to rush to her side and beat back whatever had frightened her. He knew she was safe in there, nothing could get to her, he’d have seen something on the cameras.
Felecia opened and closed her mouth a few times then shook her head. “Nothing.”
He frowned at the tremor in her voice. She braced her hand on the doorframe while still clutching the knob in her other hand. He closed the distance between them, studying her face.
“What’s wrong?” he whispered.
She flinched away from him. “Bad dreams. Nothing new.”
“That sucks.”
“Yeah. It does.”
“What happened?”
She closed her eyes and breathed in a deep breath. Some of the panic finally left her and though she wasn’t at ease, she wasn’t on the verge of fleeing.
“It was just a bad dream,” she whispered.
He offered her his cup of coffee. “Tell me about it.”
She took the mug and drank deeply. She licked her lips and stared at the floor. “Everyone died.”
“Everyone?”
Her gaze rose to his face. “You. Kelsey. Logan. Everyone.”
“That’s not going to happen.” He turned the tablet toward her. “We’ll be prepared when they come.”
Not if.
When.
Because that was their goal now. The only way Felecia got to be safe.
Felecia took the tablet and studied each of the six frames intently. He sw
iped and showed her six more. Then swiped again for the remaining four. It was a quiet night. Not even Kelsey moved in the shadows on the first floor.
Felecia nodded and blew out a breath, finally seeming to unwind a bit.
“Why don’t you get back in bed?” he suggested both for her benefit and to keep a door between them. She’d aroused all of his protective instincts, now all he could do was manage them.
Felecia shook her head. “No, I don’t want to.”
She drained his mug as if in defiance.
His resolve to stay away crumbled. He wrapped his hand around her wrist and tugged her to him. She came with no hesitation, allowing him to wrap his arms around her and tuck her head under his chin. She let out a shuddering breath. The dream must have affected her more than she was letting on for her to be this tense.
“You don’t smell like you did in the dream,” she said.
“What did I smell like?”
“Different.”
“Good different or—”
“Bad.” She inhaled, her face buried against his chest.
How many times over the years had he woken from nightmares? Between the things he’d seen and done there was more than enough material. On more than one occasion he’d found himself plagued by dreams before an op. But this had to be worse for her. He’d always had a choice. She never did. Not even now.
“Everything’s okay.” He stroked his hand up and down her back and tried to not think too much about how her softness molded to him.
They stood there like that for several minutes.
When they’d first found her, he’d seen her as the victim. The more he got to know her, the more he realized just how strong of a person she was. She had a right to her anger, to outrage, and yet she was so reasonable about everything, even when Zora was threatening her. It spoke to a depth of character he didn’t think many people had.
Felecia was someone who would survive. Maybe she’d been born tough, or the world had made her this way, but it was her choices that had truly shaped her.
She eased her hold on him and stepped away. He very nearly didn’t let her go. Least, he didn’t want to.
Her color was better now, not as pale. Even the sweat had mostly dried. She set the mug on a dresser just inside the door then lifted her hand to push her hair back off her face.
“Sorry,” she mumbled again.
“No need to be sorry. These things happen. You should rest though.”
Her chin came up and she studied him. The look in her eyes took him back to the ill-advised kiss in the bathroom. He just hadn’t been able to deny her, not when she looked at him like he was her whole world. It was an intoxicating look.
He wanted to kiss her again.
It wasn’t news or even surprising. But it was there, pulling him toward her.
“I need to get back to my post,” he mumbled.
“Thanks for looking in on me.” She handed him the tablet.
He glanced down at the screen, a stark reminder that allowing himself to fall into her meant not looking out for her. It was something he needed to remember. To hold on to.
Everything still looked quiet on all fronts.
He glanced up at Felecia. She was still watching him. With the shadows stretching across her face it was harder to read her, but even an illiterate man would sense the chemistry there.
Felecia took a step toward him and laid her hand on his chest. Her touch sent electricity shooting up and down his body, rooting him to the spot and short circuiting his better sense.
She lifted up on tip-toe and he knew he was a goner. Whatever Felecia wanted from him, he’d give it to her. There wasn’t a logical explanation, he was simply under her spell. Her lips pressed to his and her hand curved over his shoulder.
Total fucking goner.
He wrapped his arm around her waist and walked her backward into the room. The hinges creaked as the heavy, old door swung shut behind them.
Evan couldn’t promise her the moon or a perfect ending to this mess, but he could give her pleasure. That much he knew.
FELECIA WANTED TO CHASE away the dreams and shadows from her mind. She was desperate to feel something good. Something other than death and despair. She barely knew these people, but already she feared for their safety.
Anyone near her was in danger so long as her father was out there. He’d killed to have her before, he’d kill again. But right now she didn’t want to think about that.
She wanted to feel. To be in control of her body and her desires.
Evan’s tongue stroked into her mouth causing her insides to hum with arousal.
God, she wanted more of this with him. Just more.
Kelsey had said to be selfish. This, what Felecia felt for Evan, it was completely about her. He made her feel safe, cared for, cherished. And they barely knew each other.
The door clicked shut behind Evan, sealing them in here. Alone. Away from the world for a few moments.
He took a step, forcing her back, all while his mouth made love to her. She could hardly breathe, her head buzzed and she didn’t know where to touch him first.
The dresser pressed against the back of her thighs. Evan gripped her hips and lifted her up to sit on the sturdy wooden surface. She was vaguely aware that both of his hands were on her. The tablet had disappeared somewhere. She spread her legs and tugged on his shirt, pulling him to her. He stepped between her knees and she wrapped her calves around him, as if she could hold him prisoner for as long as she wanted.
His lips kept caressing hers with little quick kisses, a bit of a nip then the soothing feel of his tongue. It was a heady feeling having this man so focused on her.
He left her mouth, kissing down her neck to the hem of her shirt. She let her eyes shut and tipped her head back, focusing on the feel of him.
This was what she’d chosen. It was about what she wanted, and she had no regrets.
Evan’s hands slid up under her shirt. She sucked in a breath and held it while he drew lines on her stomach and ribs, up to her breasts. He gently cupped her, his thumbs drawing circles around her nipples, all while he kept dropping kisses on every bit of exposed skin. It was like he wanted to touch all of her. He wasn’t just stripping her out of her clothes and groping her. No, there was a reverence in how he handled her that made all the difference.
Felecia finally pried her hands off his shirt. She couldn’t really feel him through the bullet-proof vest he wore under his clothing. Instead she dug her fingers through the short strands of his hair. She tugged, forcing him to lift his head and kiss her mouth. He leaned into her and for the first time she felt his erection through his jeans, proof that it wasn’t just her. He felt some of this at least.
“I want you,” she whispered against his lips.
Evan pulled back just a little and studied her. Was he thinking about before?
Her cheeks heated. She wasn’t sure if it as from embarrassment or desire. “I want you because this feels good, and it’s been so long since I felt anything pleasurable.”
“I shouldn’t...” Those two words seemed dragged from him, as if he didn’t really want to say them.
She covered his hands at her breasts with her own. “Please, Evan? This is my choice. It’s what I want. I don’t think you understand how important that is.”
For a long moment they stared at each other. She wanted him, but she wouldn’t beg. She’d done enough of that before, when her life revolved around how much chain she was allowed. No part of her intended to beg ever again.
Evan leaned in and kissed her. She sighed and sank into him, holding him tightly. He released her breasts, wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted. She clung to him as he pivoted and took the first steps toward the bed.
This was happening.
Her body radiated arousal. All of this was so new to her. Like out of a movie. It was indulgent and perfect.
Evan set her on the bed, legs dangling off the side, and braced himself over her. This close to th
e lamp it was easier to see how sharp his features had become. There was almost no blue whatsoever in his eyes.
“I have to tell Kelsey I’m taking a break. Do not move.”
Felecia shivered at the order. “Yes, sir.”
Evan smirked slightly before straightening and pulling his phone from his pocket. His hair caught the lamplight, glinting golden. His skin was tanned, speaking of time spent in the sun. His black T-shirt stretched over muscles she wanted to acquaint herself with intimately. Jeans hung low on his hips, the front bulging a bit.
He set his phone on the nightstand, but his eyes were on her.
She smiled at him. “I didn’t move.”
Evan bent and kissed the narrow strip of skin between her shirt and pants, never breaking eye contact. “Good.”
Only then did he look at the rest of her. His gaze roved over his body as if deciding where to start. She couldn’t help but grin up at him as a thrill of excitement shot through her.
This was what she wanted. To be desired and to feel desire.
What would he say when he saw her breasts?
Men had always commented on her chest. She knew she was at least reasonably pretty, but she wasn’t a fool. It was her boobs that drew men to her.
Evan’s hands slid up under her shirt, but it was her eyes he watched. She wanted to see his eyes darken in arousal. He wedged her thighs apart with a knee and leaned over her. She bit her lip as his fingers skimmed the underside of her breasts. He continued stroking her while pushing her shirt up to her shoulders. He didn’t even glance at them, just kept watching her.
Felecia felt her confidence slipping.
Why was he just looking at her?
“You’re beautiful,” he whispered.
She felt her heart throbbing in her throat. Her nipples tightened and he’d barely touched her.
He grasped the material of her shirt and pulled it up over her head. She was grateful for that brief moment without his eyes locked on hers. Intense wasn’t the right word. It was too tame for how he looked at her.
Evan took the shirt from her and dropped it on the floor. He was so close to her now. If she inhaled deeply her nipples drew lines on his chest.
He braced himself on his forearms, caging her under him with his body. His nose bumped hers and her stomach quivered. Once more he kissed her.
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