by Cathy Kelly
‘Isn’t that incredible!’ said Leila, looking happier.
‘I always tell people that this entire country is one big village,’ said Nora. ‘Isn’t it lovely the way we all know each other? Sure, you can’t walk up a street in Dublin without finding someone who was at school with your mother or danced with your father at a party sometime.’
She put a hand on Leila’s.
‘It will work out fine,’ she said, her eyes wise.
‘Thank you,’ said Leila, breathing deeply. ‘I think it will.’
Ten
Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. ARISTOTLE
From: [email protected]
To: Leila Martin
Hi Leila,
Don’t you love the new email address? I figured it was easier to keep track of the wedding stuff this way. You know how I love to organise … Am trying to keep it out of work time!
First, how’s your mum? I’m going to be home at the weekend, so will go in and see her in hospital.
My mum’s been in already and says Dolores is so much happier now that she’s talked to you, so stop worrying – the nursing home is the right thing after she gets out of hospital. She has a broken hip – you can’t take care of that. The Hummingbird is supposed to be brilliant. Just do what you can, right?
OK: wedding. I have been buying wedding magazines and going on wedding websites. Michael loves the magazines and keeps turning down the pages to mark ones with dresses he likes. He fancies those Scarlett O’Hara ones with tight bodices and laces down the back.
I did stop laughing eventually. Apparently Grace watches Gone with the Wind every Christmas and loves it. It’s got into Michael by osmosis. I would never have thought she’d like that type of thing. She’s a headmistress! But then I’m convinced that Fiona’s a secret romantic under all that androgynous chic.
Back to the wedding – apparently, I need to decide on a colour scheme. Yes, this was news to me too. Did Siobhan have a colour scheme at her wedding? I honestly didn’t notice.
Michael says I am not to ask Fiona’s opinion on this as she’ll say indigo or black. What do you think? I love violet and it suits me, but you? I don’t know. So we – well, you and Fiona – have to try on some bridesmaids’ dresses to figure out what works. The colour scheme affects everything from invitations to flowers to what colour Dad is going to have the outdoor pavilion painted.
He wants pale blue. You know Dad.
Finally, before we do the whole searching for bridesmaids’ dresses thing, I need to get you to think about Susie. Will she be upset if she’s not asked to be a bridesmaid? She seems so busy with Jack these days. I know she must have lots of friends who have children and they have more in common than we do now, but what do you think? She never has time to meet for lunch or anything any more. I did wonder if she’s struggling with money, but you know Susie, she’d never say. And the wedding will be fun – we could do a spa day for the hen night?
OK, enough about the wedding. I promise not to turn into one of those crazy Bridezilla people. Kill me if I do.
Work is mad. The new product line has to be ready in a month. Mum’s terribly nervous I haven’t sorted out a dress yet, but I have to sign off on the product line first!
Love Katy
From: [email protected]
To: Stephen Rhattigan
Hi Dad, just to keep you up to date with all the wedding stuff. Katy got this email for us – cool, isn’t it? Emails to this go to both of us, OK?
So far, we have decided nothing except for the date: second Thursday in June. Fridays and Saturdays are all booked out already. Wedding season, huh. As soon as we figure out what the invitations have to look like – colour is important in this, Katy says – we will send one to you and Julia.
Hope you’re well.
Love M
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Yes, Michael – I get it totally. Do not diss your future father-in-law on the group email. Got it. I adore Katy, by the way. She is a wonderful woman, and so is Birdie, I just do not know how they can be part of the same family as Howard, who is a horse’s ass, if you’ll forgive my French.
I am delighted about the date. Just give me the details and I’ll be there.
Dadxx
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Katy and Michael,
That’s fabulous news. I have saved the date. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.
Shall I wear my gownless evening strap, or is it formal?
Love Dad/Stephen
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Katy, thank you for saying that about Mum, and yes, I know Hummingbird is supposed to be the most amazing place, but I feel SO GUILTY. Mum dedicated her life to looking after Dad and I’m not looking after her now. I can’t take any more time off work, though – this is such a busy time for us. Don’t say that Susie should do more of it: living close to Mum, she’s always had to be the one who was there. Plus she works full-time as well as having Jack. It should be my turn.
Re: Susie and being a bridesmaid. I have no idea. I phoned her last night and she bit my head off. I feel guilty – I did abandon her when I married He Who Shall Not Be Named. Yes, she probably has tons of new mummy pals and we bore the hell out of her. I guess …? Or maybe she is just tired and this could be a lovely treat for her? I wish I knew.
Tell me when you want me to be there for bridesmaid dress shopping. Your mother is right – choose the dress soon. I think they like you to pick it out about two years in advance. Hyper-organisation and lots of bridey hissy fits are key, you know!
I will wear anything to make you happy, but tell Michael there will be no bodices or laces at my end either. The way things are going weight-wise, an eyelet might burst out of the dress, ping off dangerously and blind somebody. I read a bit about a blood sugar diet in the paper and clearly am killing myself with muffins. But post-break-up pain needs sugar, doesn’t it?
Walking Pixie should be helping but it isn’t. I drop her off in doggy daycare during the week and walk her at night. I like having her around, but it’s costing me a fortune.
I have to go to Rome for a conference sometime next month. It’ll mean putting Pixie into kennels because Susie refuses to look after her.
Lxx
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Dad,
Sorry missed you at the office earlier – but please don’t order blue paint for the pavilion. Michael and I haven’t decided on colours yet, OK? You will be the first to know. I need a colour that Mum likes too. I was thinking of one colour but I suddenly remembered how she loves the colour of the old roses near the back door. Wouldn’t that be nice?
I will tell you when we have decided. And no, we don’t want a wedding planner. Michael says thank you for offering so generously to pay for one, but we’d like to do this bit ourselves.
Thank you, Dad.
Hugs, Katy
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Susie,
I wanted to ask you personally but your phone is off – will you be one of my bridesmaids when Michael and I marry in June? I know you’re so busy with Jack and everything, but I’d love it. It will be you, Leila and Fiona. I know Fiona’s not one of the Three Musketeers but she’s lovely. Addicted to jeans and biker boots, though, so when we go shopping – which we need to do soon – you’ll have to help me get her into something girlie.
Do tell me what you think,
Love Katy
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Hello,
We’re getting married in June and we wanted to make an appointment to talk to someone about getting our wedd
ing cake made.
Our friends Sinead and Kevin had the most wonderful cake from you with one layer made up of chocolate biscuit cake and it was delicious. Could we come in for an appointment on a Friday evening or Saturday morning, any time over the next month or so? The wedding will be in Bridgeport.
Thank you,
Katy and Michael
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Fi, we have a problem. Where can I seat Julia at the wedding? Katy and I have been making a list of guests and then it hit me. Normally if your parents are divorced and remarried you seat all the new husbands and wives together at a table. (I know: totally asking for trouble if they hate each other.) But Mum hasn’t a husband so we can’t simply stick Julia at some random table or we’ll upset her. What are we going to do? I told Katy I’d deal with it, but I don’t know how to. Help! Unless you happen to be thinking of asking someone fabulous she could sit with …? You’re good at sorting out that type of thing.
Mx
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Michael, for the last time, I have not decided who I am bringing to the wedding. I wish everyone would stop trying to pair me off. It’s a pain! Put Julia beside Howard. If she’s upset, nobody will notice because he’ll be loudly cheering her up telling her how beautiful she is. Plus, I am not dancing with him even if I am supposed to according to all the etiquette books.
Fi
From: JuliaMcCann@DdW&Xadvertising.com
To: [email protected]
Subject: Personal
Rosa, I have turned into the stepmother from hell: it’s official. Last night, Michael phoned and said he wanted to discuss wedding seating and that above all else he wanted me to be happy.
You know what that means – you are not going to be happy.
This whole wedding thing is a nightmare. Stephen’s been so caught up in it there’s no talking to him. I didn’t want to put a damper on all the excitement by raising the thorny issue of the seating plan, but it turns out that since Grace doesn’t have a hot stud muffin to invite, they don’t know what to do with me. You’d think the Internet would have a segment on this – ex-wives with no new man – but apparently not. Michael rang because he has a list of places where I could sit and he’s emailing it for me to look at.
Thing is, I snapped at him that I didn’t care where I bloody sat.
I don’t know why he and Katy don’t just carry on living together. It’s worked perfectly well for his father and me.
So you see: bitch stepmother from hell – that’s me.
Aaagh.
Juliax
From: [email protected]
To: JuliaMcCann@DdW&Xadvertising.com
Subject: Personal
You are not a bitch stepmother. You have always been amazing – I don’t know how you do it, to be honest. I couldn’t.
Weddings are a cause of major stress not to mention a ridiculous waste of money – you wouldn’t believe the number of intelligent people who come to us with a huge dent in their finances and blithely say Well, that was my daughter’s wedding, as if it’s money well spent. At least Howard’s paying for all the madness. Count yourself lucky. When Fiona gets hitched, you and Stephen will be shelling out for that. Sorry! If I were you, I’d start telling her that barefoot on a beach somewhere is the way to go. Fly a few people out, pay for cocktails, and the thing is done. Result.
Michael and Katy’s wedding is just a day, Julia. In six months, it will all be over and things will get back to normal. You should plan a nice getaway for you and Stephen for when they’re on honeymoon. Give yourself something to focus on. You never did that St Petersburg cruise, did you?
Organise that, and trust me, Stephen will be thrilled. A little of that family/wedding thing goes a long way.
Rosaxx
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Grace,
How are you, honey? I always know that when you don’t get back to me, something’s up. Wedding, work, life, the universe and everything? I know it’s not a coven weekend, but himself is busy with his barbershop guys on Friday evening. They got a paying gig. I love those guys. I told him they’re his coven and he got all insulted until he thought about it.
You can only call women’s nights out a coven, he says.
I could do with a night out, a glass of wine and a mindless movie starring a nice man who takes his shirt off a few times. They’re all out of Bruce Willis movies in the cinema right now – why? I love him. The newer movie stars are so young – but we could find something in the listings. What do you think? I’ll book the taxi?
Tell me if you’re too tired.
Love
Nora
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Nora,
I’d love to go to the movies on Friday night. Thank you. I’ve been working late all week – there’s a head teachers’ conference next weekend and I’m trying to read all the advance notes, plus we’re practically over budget again – so I’m tired and fed up with my own company. Shall we have dinner before or afterwards? I’ve a ton of things to tell you, and yes, the wedding is on the list. Howard has had to be almost physically restrained from booking a wedding planner because he wants it done ‘properly’. I may yet have to bail Michael out of jail for punching him. I don’t know how poor Birdie puts up with it. The woman’s a saint.
Fiona says Michael’s driving her mad worrying about where to put Julia at the wedding. I told him she can sit beside his father if it makes him feel better. I don’t care, honestly.
I am thinking of going online and renting an escort for the next six months and then everyone will be happy. What do you reckon? I’m thinking someone younger, called Dirk or Brad, with fabulous muscles. Then everyone can stop worrying about seating placements – they’ll be too busy worrying if he’s after me for my money. Ha! (Nobody will think he’s after me for my body, because apparently I am too old for that kind of thing. Fiona said the other day that it was ridiculous for anyone to expect me to have a date at the wedding!)
How can you simultaneously be too old for a boyfriend and too young to go to your son’s wedding without one?
You pick the movie and tell me the time, honey.
Gracexxxxx
From: [email protected]
To: Leila Martin
L – can you pick up the phone? Please???? Not sure if you got my text, and not sure of your whereabouts – whether you’ve gone to Italy yet – but Michael’s away for some work conference and I was looking through my diary and – I think I might be pregnant! Not that I don’t want to be at some point, but now? Googled the symptoms and I need someone to talk to! Please phone.
Katyxxxxxxxx
Eleven
Life’s greatest happiness is to be convinced that we are loved. VICTOR HUGO
Leila was sitting on her couch, Pixie curled up beside her, and she was Facebooking. Or rather breaking and entering, which was what it felt like when she crept on to Tynan’s Facebook page and looked at his wall.
His status was still tantalisingly single, but for how long?
Recent pictures included many of him at after-event parties with women all over the place, plus one thirtieth birthday party of a ‘close mate’ she’d never heard of before.
Clearly a close London mate, a six-month-old mate.
How close could you get in that short a time?
But then Tynan was good with people: he could swoop to the head of the basket-only queue of the supermarket and beg to go next because he only had milk/a six-pack of beer/whatever.
‘Of course, love, you go on – I’ll be here for ages,’ would come the response from little old ladies with bent backs and dodgy knees who were bone tired
of waiting, while Tynan, whose back could bend entirely in the opposite direction when he was doing tequila shots, raced past, entirely unappreciative of these gestures of kindness.
He did a nice line in pretending to care, Leila thought. So why did she miss him still?
Diane was hooked up again. Living in a house in Clapham with a gang, including her current ‘main man’; it was party central according to both the description and the photos. Bet the neighbours love that, Leila thought grimly.
She fled from Diane’s page and swooped through some of her old schoolmates, all of whom appeared to be living the dream with fabulous holidays, fabulous friends and fabulous parties.
Why wasn’t there a Facebook for people who sat at home and knew the TV schedule intimately? People who could make a bath last two hours because that way the evening seemed shorter; who had begun making complicated dishes for dinner simply so they’d have some semblance of a life instead of eating microwave meals in front of the box.
When Leila’s work BlackBerry pinged with an incoming email, she was tempted not to look at it – for at least a quarter of a second.
Pixie opened one sleepy eye, already tired after daycare and her evening walk, and looked at Leila with eyes shining with love.
Leila stroked her gently. Having her mother’s dog in the apartment wasn’t perfect, because it was hardly a dog-friendly spot, but taking Pixie out to do her business at least gave Leila something to do in the evenings aside from Facebook-stalking Tynan. And having a creature to love – that was precious, she’d discovered.
She reached over for her BlackBerry, grumbling about late work emails, then saw it was from Katy. Some news about the wedding, no doubt … Oh wow! Not the wedding at all. She looked at her phone and saw the battery was dead. Not even bothering to plug it in, she dialled Katy on the landline.
Katy answered on the first ring.
‘Sorry, Katy, sorry, my iPhone battery’s dead – I didn’t get your text. But – oh my God! It’s good news, you know. You’re with the man you love, so what’s wrong with getting pregnant?’ Leila said, launching straight in.