by Cathy Kelly
As she gazed around her lovely cosy room with the lamps lit, the fire casting warmth over the beautiful cinnamon-coloured rug, Grace thought how lucky she’d been to have had a good man in her life. For a brief moment she wished she had him back, but quashed the thought immediately.
Katy and Michael were arguing. They’d started before they’d even got into the car and they were still at it fifteen minutes later. ‘I don’t know what your problem is with my father,’ Katy was saying, her face set, as they drove through the night. ‘Just because he has something on of a Saturday night doesn’t mean he’s deliberately not coming to your mum’s dinner party.’
Michael tried to breathe deeply.
‘All I said was that he could have changed his plans. This is a special weekend, what with the girls finally getting their dresses and everyone together for once. My mother has gone to a lot of trouble to make this dinner party for all of us, and he can’t—’
‘He works hard,’ Katy cut in.
‘Yeah,’ said Michael shortly.
‘What do you mean, yeah?’ Katy demanded.
‘Just that. Yeah,’ said Michael. ‘He works hard – lots of people work hard. It doesn’t mean he has to be away on a Saturday night.’
‘What are you implying?’ Katy bit back angrily.
‘I’m not implying anything,’ Michael sighed. ‘I just wish you’d take off your rose-tinted glasses when it comes to your father. He might be Mr Super Entrepreneur, sure, but in real life, he’s far from Superman. You can see his flaws when it comes to business – you seem to argue enough in the office – but you just can’t see them otherwise. Doting dad or not, he’s not so lovely to your poor mother – and he certainly isn’t being very nice to my mother or me or any of us by missing tonight.’
‘Well, it was all arranged so suddenly,’ said Katy.
‘Not that suddenly,’ Michael said doggedly.
He was annoyed about Howard not being there tonight. He didn’t know why, but things had changed between him and Howard the last few weeks. Actually, if he thought about it, he did know why. It was Katy being pregnant that had brought about this shift in his relationship with her father.
Because Michael had met Katy when they were so young, it had never occurred to him to question Howard’s role as the alpha male in her life. In truth, he’d been overawed by his wealth, his name-dropping, his fancy cars and gadgets. Howard took delivery of a new BMW every January, as if making do with the old one was somehow beneath him. He had the latest in technology long before anyone else, even if he still preferred to write in the notebook he carried everywhere.
He had always been cavalier in his treatment of his poor wife and hideously rude to anyone he considered beneath him in the pecking order while fawning on those above him. Michael, while secretly appalled, had put it down to Howard being Howard, and left it at that. It was, after all, none of his business how Katy’s father conducted himself.
But now that Katy was carrying Michael’s child and they were going to be a family in their own right, he had begun to see Howard’s behaviour in a new light. He didn’t want his son or daughter to witness their beloved grandmother being ridiculed and humiliated, or waiters and tradesmen treated as if they were a lesser species. Michael had been brought up to treat everyone with respect and courtesy, and he wanted the same for his child.
He wondered how Katy had managed to avoid picking up her father’s ways. It was almost as if she was blind to that side of his personality.
While he realised this might not be the best moment to persuade her to open her eyes to Howard’s flaws – tonight’s dinner party was supposed to be a happy occasion – he found he couldn’t let the subject go. Perhaps it was because they were both so tired. Every day when they came home from work there’d be some sort of wedding-related chore to tackle, and on top of that they’d both been waking up very early because of Katy’s morning sickness. This afternoon she’d arrived home exhausted because of the length of time it had taken to find the dresses. Apparently Fiona had been the fly in the ointment, fussing endlessly about the choice of colours and styles.
That had started the argument. The whole time they were getting dressed for dinner she’d moaned about his sister, wanting to know why Fiona was being so difficult when it wasn’t as if she cared about dresses in the first place.
Somehow, once they were in the car, the row had moved on to Howard’s absence.
‘Look, let’s call a truce on this,’ Michael said as he drove up his mother’s road.
‘I don’t want to call a truce,’ said Katy, a hint of petulance in her voice.
Michael tried to think of what his father or his mother might say if he were to ask for their advice. He was pretty sure the answer would be: Howard’s going to be your father-in-law come what may. Say nothing.
He hadn’t asked their advice, though. Partly because he was afraid he would blurt out his suspicion that the reason Howard took so many ‘business’ trips was because he had a girlfriend. Michael had absolutely no proof of this, just a feeling in his gut that a man like Howard would want every executive toy, including a mistress. The feeling in his gut also told him that Howard was missing Grace’s dinner party not because he had a business engagement but because he was off with his fancy woman. And that made Michael Rhattigan mad.
He glanced at Katy in the seat beside him. She was staring straight ahead, her face rigid with tension. Michael sighed. He shouldn’t have said anything. Arguing was bad for Katy and the baby.
He took a hand off the gearstick, reached over and entwined his fingers with Katy’s.
‘I’m sorry, darling, I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sure your dad has a good reason for not being here tonight. I’m just stressed, that’s all.’
He hated lying to Katy but sometimes lies were more palatable than the truth.
‘It upsets me to hear you say those things. I look up to my dad. He’s an amazing businessman and I want you to like him; I want you to love him,’ said Katy.
‘Of course. I understand,’ said Michael, neatly side-stepping the issue. There was absolutely no way he was going to say he loved Howard – no way, ever.
Stephen stared at the huge bouquet of flowers that Grace had arranged beautifully in a vase. When had he bought Julia flowers like that? He couldn’t remember.
No matter what he did, he still felt like a heel.
Because he was an idiot, he’d messed up two relationships. But watching Grace rush around, tending to poor Birdie and checking on dinner, he could only feel longing. Was it so very bad to want her and their life again?
Probably was. Grace didn’t feel the same way, it was obvious. She had her busy life, the life he’d walked out of. There really was no fool like an old fool.
When Grace opened the door to Michael and Katy, she could see instantly that they’d had a row. Katy was tight-lipped and white-faced, and Michael’s jaw was set in the particular way it always was when he got angry.
‘How lovely to see you both,’ she said, hugging them, her voice extra cheery. To her relief, the cavalry arrived behind them in the guise of Leila, with Pixie dancing happily on her lead, and Susie, who had been persuaded to come because Birdie’s beloved cleaner Morag was going to babysit Jack for the evening. When they’d arrived at Morag’s, Jack had taken one look at her son playing with his Thomas the Tank Engine, smelled the pizza, and run into the house with barely a backward glance at his mother.
‘You are so good to let me bring Pixie, Grace,’ Leila said, coming up the drive with an orchid in a pot, a bottle of wine and what looked like several large blankets and towels under her arm. ‘I just feel bad because I was out all day picking the dresses and going to see Mum, and poor Pixie’s been on her own the whole time. Thank you, thank you for letting her come.’
‘Nonsense,’ said Grace, ‘I’m delighted to have her here. She’s your dear mum’s little pet, so of course she’s welcome.’ Grace thought privately that the dog was a welcome diversion from B
irdie’s anxiety and whatever simmering row had been going on in Michael and Katy’s car.
‘Susie, how lovely to see you! It’s been too long, darling. I hope you’ve got photos of that beautiful son of yours.’
Susie, who’d been nervous about coming, relaxed.
‘He wanted to come here until he got to Morag’s. I doubt I’ll ever get him out: they have all sorts of computer stuff, and Morag rented a new movie for them.’
‘They always want their mum at the end of the day,’ Grace said, smiling. ‘Now, come on in.’
She ushered Katy and Michael on through to the living room as Pixie had her feet wiped on one of Leila’s many towels. ‘You don’t need to do that,’ Grace said.
‘No, really,’ said Leila, looking up through her tangle of hair. ‘Her paws get so dirty, and you’re not a doggy household, so I thought it would be better if I was careful.’
‘Nonsense! I may not be a doggy household, but it’s hardly a precious sort of house,’ said Grace briskly. ‘You know carpets can be vacuumed,’ she added with a twinkle in her eye as she took Leila’s coat and turned to take Susie’s. ‘Now tell me, girls, how’s Dolores?’
‘She’s settling into the Hummingbird home really well,’ said Susie.
‘Nora really is the most amazing person. I didn’t know you two were friends,’ Leila added.
‘For many years,’ said Grace, ‘and I would trust her with my life, so your mum’s in very safe hands.’
‘You can tell the minute you meet her, can’t you?’ Susie said.
‘Yes.’ Grace nodded enthusiastically. ‘You feel this instant sense of calm. She knows everything about everyone, but she’d never tell; she’s very discreet.’
Grace, Leila and Susie followed Katy and Michael into the living room, where Pixie was already running around sniffing everywhere. She made a beeline for Birdie, who clearly smelled of dog and was delighted to have another pet to hug and love.
‘Aren’t you beautiful?’ said Birdie, who’d relaxed an awful lot after being cheered up by Stephen and drinking nearly three-quarters of a glass of wine. Now there was this lovely dog who seemed to want to get on the couch beside her. This was turning out to be her ideal dinner party. ‘Katy darling, and Michael!’ she said, getting to her feet.
Katy and Michael glanced at each other quickly.
‘Mum,’ said Katy, hugging her mother.
‘You look wonderful,’ Birdie told her. ‘I’m so sorry your dad’s not here, but you can tell him all about it when you see him in work on Monday. You know how he is about the business.’ She smiled. ‘He really is married to it.’
Behind his fiancée, Michael stood with one eyebrow raised, but kept his mouth firmly closed.
The doorbell rang, announcing Fiona’s arrival, and Grace excused herself, saying she needed to start serving dinner as she’d promised they wouldn’t have a late evening.
‘You never know when you want to go to bed when you’re pregnant,’ she said fondly, smiling at Katy.
‘You used to come in from school and go straight upstairs to bed when you were having Michael,’ Stephen reminded her.
‘I had to eat chocolate from about half one onwards to keep me awake,’ Grace recalled, laughing. ‘No wonder I put on so much weight.’
They smiled at each other, then Grace hurried off. This was ridiculous, she thought. Could you go through the menopause a second time? It was the only answer, because her mind was so addled. All this smiling at her ex-husband had to stop.
By dessert, everyone was laughing and chatting, all arguments were forgotten and Katy’s feet were on Michael’s lap as he rubbed her toes.
‘I couldn’t eat another thing, Grace,’ said Leila, who was sitting on Katy’s other side discussing all things weddingy with her friend and Susie, who was opposite.
‘Pixie could,’ said Birdie, and they all laughed.
Pixie had set herself up between Birdie and Leila and was doing her ravenous dog impersonation.
‘Don’t mind her,’ said Susie. ‘She always looks like that. I’m nominating her for an Oscar. When she stayed with Jack and me, she looked half starved the minute I’d fed her. Jack kept giving her doggy biscuits because he said she looked hungry.’
‘Thumper’s like that,’ Birdie said. ‘There’s not enough food in the world for him.’
Grace looked at the clock. It was nearly half ten, early by most standards, but she was concerned it shouldn’t be a late night for her future daughter-in-law. Plus, Susie had to leave to pick up Jack. The evening was coming to an end. She wondered where Stephen would be spending the night. He must have organised to stay with Michael and Katy.
‘Thank you for the flowers,’ she said to him now, across the table. She was incredibly touched that he’d gone out of his way to bring such a beautiful bouquet – and remembered that white flowers were her favourite.
‘You’re so good to have us all to dinner,’ he replied.
‘It’s nothing,’ she said.
‘It feels like old times, doesn’t it?’
Grace sighed. ‘Yes, it does,’ she said softly. ‘I was just thinking that myself. There’s something very comforting about dinner at home. Much better than being in a fancy restaurant …’ she lowered her voice even more till it was almost a whisper, ‘with Howard pushing his weight around.’ She grinned at Stephen.
‘You never liked that restaurant anyway,’ Stephen teased her.
‘I liked it,’ Grace protested, ‘but it was so blasted expensive. I suppose it comes of seeing so many of the kids at school living in difficult circumstances – every time a plate was put down in front of me, I couldn’t help thinking you could feed an entire family for the price of that one portion.’
She paused. It was difficult to work in education and see families struggling to cope with money issues. It had always affected her greatly – and she and the board had done their best to make sure that whenever there were cases of genuine hardship, funds were made available for the family in question. No child was ever made to feel uncomfortable in Bridgeport National School.
‘It’s one of the things I like about you,’ Stephen said suddenly.
‘Only one?’ teased Grace. But a voice inside her was warning that this conversation was becoming too personal. No good could come of it. Stephen was only being nostalgic, nothing more. It was up to her to ward him off at the pass.
‘So,’ she said brightly, ‘tell me about Julia. I haven’t seen her for ages. We should probably talk on the phone and discuss our wedding outfits – not that I have a clue what I’m going to be wearing. All I know is that I don’t think I can do the hat thing. I’m not tall enough,’ she added lightly.
A fleeting look of sadness crossed her ex-husband’s face.
‘Well,’ he said slowly, ‘I’ve been meaning to talk to you about it, but there just hasn’t been a good time.’
Before she could respond, he got up and began to clear away the dessert dishes.
‘No, don’t move, anybody,’ he ordered. ‘Let me do this, since Grace did all the hard work.’
Grace got up too and collected the dishes on her side of the table, then followed Stephen into the kitchen. The rest of the party continued chattering happily.
She set her dishes down on top of the dishwasher and stared at him, shocked to see the pain etched on his face. ‘Stephen, what is it?’
‘We’ve … we’ve split up.’
‘Oh,’ said Grace, stunned. She hadn’t been expecting this. ‘I’m sorry,’ she added. ‘I don’t really know what to say, Stephen. You don’t have to tell me anything – it’s your business, yours and Julia’s.’
She could see it all now: he and Julia were finished, and he’d come looking for the comfort of his ex-wife, which would be a huge mistake for both of them.
‘No. I want to tell you …’ And he looked at her, the sort of look he used to give her all those years ago when they were married. Long, intense looks that had some hidden meaning.
&n
bsp; Let’s go to bed.
Aren’t we lucky?
And then, the ominous We have to talk.
Grace could feel everything slowing down around them. It was as if the noise from the dining room had suddenly faded and it was just the two of them in the house.
Somehow she had to remain calm and removed.
‘I’m really sorry for you both,’ she said, willing him not to say anything else. They had a good relationship and the last thing she wanted was to have it clouded by some mistaken comforting, which would bring them back to square one, when they’d first split up.
She would not go back there again. He might be able to walk away unhurt, but she wouldn’t, she knew it.
‘I’ve wanted to talk to you about this, Grace,’ Stephen said gravely.
‘I don’t think that’s wise, not now, not after a few drinks and with emotions running high,’ she said.
‘It’s incredibly stupid,’ Stephen began, one hand fiddling with a glass, speaking as if he hadn’t heard a word she’d said. ‘You know me – dumb about emotional things, but I have to tell you—’
Grace threw him a look. Stephen had never been dumb about anything.
‘No, honestly, Grace. I didn’t see what was happening, but Julia did. That’s why we split. It’s the past and—’
‘Mum, Dad!’ shouted Michael from the dining room. ‘You’ve got to sort this argument out. Fiona is telling everyone I sucked my thumb until I was nine. Please come in and defend me!’
The moment was broken and Grace said a silent prayer of thanks. She was not up to this, not now.
‘Yes,’ she said in her brightest voice, walking past Stephen to pop her head round the dining room door. ‘Thumb-sucking – I could tell you all about it, but I’d have to kill you first!’