by K. L. Jessop
“That’s exactly what I said. Apparently, Mum said that he’s wanting to return to sort and sell the house.”
“He could have come back to sort the house after the ceiling caved and nearly fucking killed you,” I growl.
“Killing me is a slight exaggeration, Lucas.”
“It was still bad enough. And he’s not our fucking Uncle!”
Megan used to rent his place and was left homeless after the boiler burst. The man is nothing more than a step-sibling with no blood relation, no respect for others and no fucking morals. He once told me that everyone had three sides: the good, the bad and the ugly. He clearly skipped his ‘good’ certificate at birth because the man hasn’t an ounce of fucking good in him.
“Do we know when he’s coming? I might book a flight out the country.”
“No, she just said to keep out of his way and that she was ringing you to tell you the same.” It’s no secret in our family that I hate that man and I’ve never once spoken of my reasons for stopping visiting the bay on our family holidays. Let’s just say, I saw more than a boy of that age should have seen, and it was made compulsory by his law to keep quiet of my findings. But to this day, my mother still believes that Richard is a kind soul that’s just had an unfortunate upbringing because his parents were killed in a bus crash. That’s why her own mother took him in as a boy. Growing up with him being in and around our family is the only reason the word uncle has stuck, but in my mind, he’s nothing more than a player, a crook and a conman, and it will come as no surprise if I find out that a warrant is out for his arrest. Keeping Megan on the phone, I get up off the grassy cliff top and head for home, abandoning my run.
“So how do you feel about him coming back,” I ask.
“As long as he stays out of my way I won't be charged with assault. But I can’t say the same for Andrew.”
“Well, I won’t be giving him a welcome home present that’s for sure.”
Unless it’s a broken nose.
She sighs heavily. “Look I need to go, I’ve got a client waiting.”
“Shit, sorry, sis. I shouldn’t have called.”
“Don’t be silly. I’m glad you did. Just as long as you’re okay?”
“I’ll be fine. It’s nothing I can’t handle.”
I pocket my phone and head for home when the sound of a sweet voice halts my step and instantly has my body relaxed.
“Come on now, Charlie. Playtime is over. We need to get going.” She appears from between the sand dunes and takes my breath away. She looks completely different to the woman I’ve come to know. The black clothes have gone and been replaced with a white, strapless summer dress that reveals her tanned skin. The contrast of her black hair is up in a messy bun and her face looks to be makeup free. She is absolutely breath-taking. I’m about to approach when another voice interrupts them from the other side of the road. “Hey, Charlie,” a brunette woman in dress trousers and a blouse singsongs. She looks formal, a thick file is under her arm, her car keys in one hand and a lanyard around her neck. An unusual feeling grips my stomach. The woman seems pleasant enough, but I don’t like the air of professionalism that comes from her.
“Look, Lucy is here to see us.” Tori beams towards the boy that’s yet to emerge. “Come see.” After a few seconds, the toddler dressed in blue jeans and a white t-shirt tots his way towards Tori and the brunette that’s just joined them, squealing with excitement and pointing up at them. Tori bends down to scoop up her son, spinning him around which causes him to giggle before nuzzling her face into his neck. My cheeks ache with a smile as I stand and watch them.
“How are you both?” the brunette asks.
“Great. We weren’t expecting a visit until the end of the week. Is everything alright?”
“We need to talk.”
I notice a depth of anxiety wash across Tori’s face, and it takes everything within me to not go to her. And my own discomfort ignites when I notice the way they are heading. They head through a rusty gate and down to a door, which I now know belongs to Tori. It’s a small home and a far cry from anything homely on the outside and is accompanied by several other homes. Every man and his wife in this town knows the meaning behind these blocks: they’re for the disadvantaged and the perfect place for the council to locate people because they don’t give two-shits about them—homes for people that live in poverty or suffer from mental health, young adults that have been removed from their families, ASBOs, drug addiction, alcoholism, single parents with nothing. Every possibility of unfortunate you can imagine is in this area of the bay, and I hate the fact she's in the fucking middle of it. Not because it changes things or how I feel—she clearly has her reasons for being there and I intend to find out—but because I want to charge right in there, take her in my arms and treat her right like I know she damn well deserves. I’m known to protect, and even with my past and the heartache it’s caused, the urge to protect raven girl is immense. I can’t hold myself back from that, and no matter how much she may hate it, it’s something that Tori is just going to have to live with.
Chapter Fourteen
Victoria.
“Here you go baby,” I say, placing Charlie into his cot-bed with a bottle of milk after he’s left tiny sand prints all over the living space. I stroke his head a little and smile at him before heading to the kitchen. The tension Lucy has left in my house and in my body has inflicted my mood and I need to find some form of composure. I was having a good day but her unexpected visit and the reason behind it has only turned it into a fucking shit one. What’s worse is that it was Charlie and his development that caused us to argue. I can’t do right for doing wrong with these professionals sometimes and it makes me feel like I’m doing a crap job at raising my son when I’m giving mixed messages in how he’s progressing. As if visiting the centre on a regular basis isn’t enough, now I have to take Charlie for a more in-depth appointment so they can figure out why his speech is delayed. Lucy has assured me there is nothing to worry about and to try and relax, but how can I when his developmental delay is more than likely to be down to me. It’s not unknown that I had a substantial amount of Cocaine in my system when falling pregnant, and I often used after since I never realised I was carrying until I was around ten weeks. With the pregnancy being scare-free, the labour being straightforward and the fact Charlie was an early walker at eleven months, I thought a gift had graced him and that I’d not caused him any harm. But I guess that’s not the case with his vocabulary and that must be down to me. My addiction that cleared my mind and took away all the darkness has only gone and stolen his ability to communicate. I was always told by my step-father I was a failure and everything that has happened in my life since then has proved that he was right.
Trying not to let the negativity and the anguish take over, I get ready to crash out for a couple hours before work when there’s a knock at my door. The last thing I want is another argument with her and to upset Charlie again because I’m at the point where I might break, but when I unbolt the door a new wave of anger washes through me when I see who is on the other side.
Lucas.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I snap, not giving him chance to speak. His jaw flexes but if he’s by any means surprised or pissed by my outburst, he doesn’t show it. Instead, he nods towards my door.
“Is there a reason you bolt yourself in during the day?”
I can give him twenty. “What do you want?”
“I saw you come in here with your son and presumed this is where you lived. And before you say it, no I wasn’t following you. I was out running.”
The dark v down the front of his shirt confirms it’s true, but the fury of him knowing where I live is what bothers me the most. It’s bound to create questions, and rightly so, but I’m unsure I want to reveal my history to the man that constantly has my stomach in knots with the way he looks at me. Because when he knows, that look of awe will be replaced with disappointment, disgust, and it’s quickly becoming my g
reatest fear.
“Well now that you’ve cleared up your observing mind, you can go.” I go to shut the door, but he blocks it. Ocean eyes hold mine with determination, fire and concern.
“What’s troubling you, Tori?”
“What makes you think there is anything?”
“Because with an attitude like that, there’s got to be something,” he says calmly.
That’s something else that has the butterflies soaring. Any anger or frustration I used to take out on people, they’d always fight back, but with Lucas, he’s calm and controlled, and sometimes I have to prevent myself from slapping him just to see what reaction I would truly get.
“Just go, Lucas. I don’t need this right now.”
Before I have a chance to do anything, his strength pushes me back and he’s entering my home.
“I’m sorry did you not hear me? I asked you to go.”
“I heard you, but I chose to do what I want for a change and me being here means you can’t escape me like you always seem to be fucking doing.” His stare drills into me and I can’t tell if he’s referring to me leaving his place before he woke the other morning or running from him in general.
“I have a child, Lucas. They come with responsibilities.”
“I never said they didn’t. And I wasn’t talking about the other morning.”
Why is he here?
Stepping away from him, I glance over at Charlie making sure he’s asleep. So, he does mean over-all. He’s right though, I do try and escape him, and I’ve fought hard in doing so, but sometimes your weakness can get the better of you, and Lucas is mine. I only attempt to run because of the feelings he’s inflicting, not because I’m afraid. Or maybe I am. He’s playing a dangerous game with my heart. When I finally turn back, I find him taking in the small bedsit, raising an eyebrow when he latches on to my makeshift bed in the corner.
“Nice place.” The flat tone of his voice has my stomach twisting with shame. I know how underprivileged this place is compared to his own. A mattress, resting on old pallets on the floor, is no king-size bed with expensive sheets like his. The old sofa, the battered kitchen table accompanied with the one chair is hardly classed as a contemporary life when he comes from a mansion-style home with flooring you can see your own reflection in and furniture I would need a lottery fund to purchase. Up until he walked through my door, I wasn’t overly house proud, but I was growing to love the little place I could call home as it’s one I’ve longed to have. Only now with the way his eyes scan the surrounding in weighted scrutiny, I’ve never felt more ashamed.
“Why didn’t you tell me you’re in the social care system? You should have told me.”
And there it is.
“Oh, I get it,” I scoff, thankful that my son is a heavy sleeper because I’m about to lose my shit. “That’s what this is really about. You never came here out of curiosity, you came here for answers when you realised what this place is, didn’t you?”
His brows narrow, confused.
I open my arms out indicating the area around us. “Is this an issue for you, Lucas? Have you never screwed someone that's part of the social care system before? Is that it?”
“Don’t be so ridiculous.”
“Am I more cheap and dirty to you now knowing I have to have financial support in raising my son? Not forgetting I earn a wage by entertaining men at the strip clubs. Is that what this is about? Have I kicked a big dent in your pride?”
A rush of flames covers my skin with his stare. It makes me uneasy because the more he looks at me with interest and observation the more I want it.
“Why are you being like this, Tori?”
I know I’m being a bitch, but I have my reasons. I’m annoyed. I’m annoyed that he’s here. Annoyed that he’s invaded my home. Annoyed at the fact he looks sexy as hell standing there in shorts that fit like a glove over his tight, muscular arse and thighs—tight muscular arse and thighs I’ve had my hands on, dug my nails into. I’m annoyed that the tightness of his gym top is showing the outline of his nipple piercing that I want my tongue to run over before pulling it between my teeth and hearing the deep husky groan of him in my ear. Annoyed with myself because even after I left him, I still ache for him in a way that frightens the shit out of me. And I’m annoyed because one touch was all it took for him to invade my thoughts: I haven’t stopped thinking about him from the moment I met him outside of Rubies. But be a bitch and he’ll hopefully lose interest—that’s the intention. Only I don’t think it’s going to be that easy because I’m the one that’s a raging hot mess on the inside while he just stands there calm as you fucking like.
“So, I'm in the system, big fucking deal. It doesn't change who I am as a person, Lucas, so your opinion of me shouldn't either.”
“It doesn't; you’ve suddenly just assumed that it would. I just don't understand why you couldn’t tell me.”
“Because it's none of your business. We had sex, Lucas, that doesn't give you the right to come in here demanding answers about my life.”
With each forceful step towards me, I’m quickly backed up against the wall. My heart rate has doubled, a mixture of my sudden outburst and his proximity.
“First, I never came here demanding anything. I just simply asked a question to which you’ve gone off on one and completely overreacted. And second, if anyone here has an issue with you being part of the system, Tori, then I suggest you take a long look in the Goddamn mirror because it certainly isn’t me.” His solid arm comes to the side of my head, enclosing me in a little.
I hate the fact he’s rattled me, and I hate the fact that everything he said was true. His ocean eyes glance at my lips and immediately darken, igniting the fire inside of me.
“Now, what the fuck is this really about?”
“It doesn’t matter. I just need you to go.”
“Why? Because I’ve found out a little more about you and you don’t like the intrusion? Or because of the effect, I have on you?”
I swallow hard, keeping my voice even. “What makes you think you’re affecting me?”
“Because your heart is racing like a fucking gazelle and I’ve not even touched you.”
I don’t want him to touch me because I know that with the slight sensation of him on my skin, I won’t be able to fight him off. There is being high on drugs and then there is being high on Lucas Simmons, a man that overruled one addiction and laced my bloodstream with another. No matter how hard I contest, I find his presence lethal, which only makes me want more. “Lucas, please. You weren’t supposed to know I was here.”
“So, you were going to lie and hide it from me is that what you're saying?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“Did the other night mean anything at all or was that a lie too?”
The other night was the best night of my life and meant more than he’ll ever know because for the first time, I had comfort. I had security and I had affection. I was wanted as a person not a play toy to be dismissed when the sun came up. He showed me how different a man can be and provided an intimacy I’ve never encountered. The men of my past have either been low-lifes or monsters, and Lucas is neither of those, but whatever it is that he’s inflicted on me I don’t think I deserve it.
“Nothing about the other night was a lie, I swear. I just didn’t plan on you finding out like this.” Not that I planned on him finding out at all. It was meant to be one night, and now he’s showed up at my door and completely changed everything.
“It’s a small town, Tori, I was bound to find out sooner or later. But what’s pissed me off more than anything is why you always think that I’m going to see the worst in you?”
“Because when you put single mother, lap-dancer, and supported by the local social care system in one sentence people tend to judge and don’t see the positives of what I’m trying to do.”
His brows rise. “And you think I’ll judge you for it?”
“It’s a regular reaction I get from most people,
Lucas.” I murmur, feeling my frustration drain away with every heated breath of his that hits my lips.
“Tori, I’m the last person in the world that should fucking judge. I’m far from perfect, believe me. I have regrets. I have demons, and a darkness I can’t shy away from. No one is perfect, and everyone has a history. Being here is something you shouldn’t be ashamed of.” The anguish in him is staring back at me. It’s deep and damaging. He may be strong, but he is also vulnerable and torn, and here now, he’s trusting me enough to unveil a side he hides behind. The first night I saw him, the connection between us was powerful even then, and we hardly spoke. His touch sent a surge of something racing through me: a volume of protection, a knowledge and understanding of what I don’t know, but I felt it. Maybe that’s what this is. Maybe that’s what we are. Two damaged souls fighting for freedom.
“You have a history?” I whisper. “A darkness that suffocates you?”
“A darkness that hurts like hell and one I can’t seem to escape from. That was until I met you. For some reason, you seem to ease it.” He presses himself against me, and my hands ball at my sides, trying not to touch him. “You’re not on your own in this life, Tori. No matter how isolated you feel, how many dark paths you’ve had to walk down, someone standing next to you could be having a rough time too, no matter how well they like to hide it. Whatever it is you’ve been through in life, I’m not the man you think I am.”
I’m unsure if he’s referring to being the non-judgmental kind or the fact he’s a different person to the one I’ve grown to know. Either way, it doesn’t change a thing. My growing feelings for him are becoming intense, but what scares me more is I don’t think I want them to stop.
“I was homeless.” The words leave me like his hand has just entered my throat and taken hold of my voice box, squeezing the truth out of me, and now I can’t stop the words from falling. “I was part of the urban world and lived on or around the street for years until I took refuge in an abandoned car. I’ve had no proper home since as long as I can remember, no family and I’m only in the system now because I fell pregnant and I had no one and nothing. Everything in this room is all I have, and apart from Charlie, none of it belongs to me.”