‘Mummy, my Dinky is broken. I wish Daddy was here ’cos he’d fix it for me. When is Daddy coming back to live in our house? Why does he have to be away all the time? I want Daddy.’ Adam trotted into the kitchen holding up his favourite little red car.
Suzy’s heart sank. Adam really missed his father. He wasn’t eating and he was fretting at night. Christina had gone to the other extreme and was becoming impossibly naughty. Surely Chris must have known, when he embarked on his sordid little fling, that it would have repercussions on his children if he was found out. Even that hadn’t stopped him, she thought bitterly. His kids weren’t as important to him as his own selfish needs.
‘We’ll ask Santa Claus for a new car.’ Suzy deftly changed the subject.
‘Will Daddy be home for Christmas?’ Her son’s blue eyes were raised trustingly to hers.
Oh Adam, please be quiet, she begged silently.
‘Will he, Mum? Will he buy us a turkey?’
‘We’ll have a turkey, don’t worry. We’ll have the biggest fattest turkey in the world.’
‘But will Daddy be here to eat it with us? Will his work be all done on Christmas Day?’
‘I don’t know, pet. Maybe.’ Suzy knelt down and hugged her son tightly. Her eyes brimmed with tears. Fuck you, Chris, she swore silently. She might want him out of her life for good. But his children in all their innocence loved him and missed him. Even a shitty, selfish, uninterested daddy was better than none, it seemed.
Emma’s nose wrinkled in distaste. She hated the smell of hospitals. Her high heels tapped noisily down the long drab corridor that led to Sheila’s ward. Julie Ann trotted along expectantly beside her. All her cousins had been to visit Sheila. She’d been really worried that she wasn’t going to be brought to see her nannie and she’d pestered her and Vincent. After the episode on Saturday at Ellen’s, Emma was reluctant to bring Julie Ann anywhere. The mortification of it still stung. Emma cringed at the memory.
She saw the sign for Sheila’s ward and drew to a halt. She hunkered down and glared at her daughter. ‘Now I’m warning you today, Julie Ann. If you make a holy show of me you’ll be very sorry. There’ll be no Christmas tree, no presents and no panto. Do you hear me?’
Julie Ann tossed her pigtails and scowled.
‘Do you hear me, Julie Ann?’
‘Yes, Mummy. Now come on. I want to give Nannie her card,’ her daughter said dismissively. Emma knew her warning had gone in one ear and out the other. The older she got, the naughtier she got. She practically ignored Emma. Sometimes she openly defied Vincent. Julie Ann’s wilfulness was something she just couldn’t handle, Emma reflected, as they continued their progress down the corridor. Imagine what she was going to be like at the teenage stage. It was a daunting prospect.
The nearer she got to the ward the lower her heart sank. Now she was going to have to eat humble pie with Old Bat Munroe, and apologise for the incident at the christening and invite her to stay with them. She’d promised all of this to Vincent. She couldn’t get out of it.
She turned into Sheila’s ward. Her mother-in-law’s bed was down near the window. Sheila was sitting up, wearing a pink knitted bed-jacket over her brushed-cotton nightie. She was reading. She looked pale and tired, Emma thought, a little shocked. Sheila was usually so healthy and sturdy. Julie Ann raced towards her.
‘Nannie, Nannie. I’ve made you a card. And I’ve brought you a big box of chocolates with a ribbon on it.’ She thrust the chocolates at her grandmother.
‘Hello, dear.’ Sheila’s face lit up. She glanced up at Emma expectantly.
‘Er . . . I was sorry to hear about your accident, Mrs Munroe. I hope you’re feeling better. Em . . . I’m sorry about what happened at the christening. I didn’t mean what I said. I hope you’ll let bygones be bygones.’ She was practically babbling.
‘Certainly, Emma. I don’t hold grudges. I know you were upset.’ Sheila was magnanimous now that the apology had been made. ‘I’m glad to see you’re up and about. Vincent told me you had a tummy upset. Now do sit down, dear, and have a chocolate. I’m not really partial to dark ones myself so eat as many as you like.’ She held out an opened box of chocolates. Emma smarted. She’d brought a box of dark chocolates. Trust Sheila not to like them. And how rude of her to make it known.
‘I love dark chocolate,’ she said tightly, taking one.
‘Me too, can I have some?’ Julie Ann asked eagerly, fingers poised.
‘You can have two but that’s all,’ Sheila instructed firmly. ‘You won’t eat your tea otherwise.’
‘Yes I will. I always eat my tea,’ Julie Ann argued as she dived on the chocolates. ‘Don’t I, Mummy? I could even eat the whole box and still eat my tea,’ she added defiantly.
Oh Lord! Emma’s heart sank. If Julie Ann started her shenanigans it would be mortifying.
‘Can I have two more, Mummy?’ Julie Ann demanded through a mouthful of toffee.
‘What did Nannie say?’ Emma said weakly.
‘But tell her I will eat my tea. Tell her I’m allowed.’
‘Now, now, don’t be cheeky, like a good girl.’ Sheila asserted her authority resolutely.
Julie Ann glowered at her grandmother. ‘I’m not cheeky, Nannie. Don’t say that!’
‘Julie Ann,’ Emma hissed. ‘What did I say to you about Christmas trees and presents and the panto?’
‘But Mummy,’ Julie Ann wailed, ‘it’s just not fair. Andrew gets everything and I get nothing. I bet if he was here Nannie would give him loads of sweets.’
‘Don’t be silly, Julie Ann,’ Sheila interjected. ‘Andrew has no teeth. He can’t eat sweets.’
‘He has so teeth.’ Julie Ann sulked. ‘He’s always screeching crying ’cos there’s one growing.’
‘Ah, and how is the little dote?’ Sheila turned to Emma.
‘A bit cross, unfortunately. He has his first tooth coming. He’s starting early.’ Emma tried to ignore her daughter, who was kicking the leg of the bed.
‘Stop that, Julie Ann.’ Sheila grimaced as the bed jarred.
Julie Ann, mutinously, kept kicking.
Emma flushed. ‘Do what your nannie tells you, immediately. Or I’m going to take you home this minute.’ She had a brainwave. ‘And you’re not coming to Ellen’s café to play with your cousins.’
Julie Ann stopped in mid-kick. ‘Now? This afternoon?’
‘Not if you’re naughty.’ Emma felt a wave of relief as she regained control of her wayward daughter.
‘But I’m not naughty, Mummy. I’m a very good girl. I don’t even want any more chocolates.’ Julie Ann was all sweetness and light. In spite of herself, Emma felt a flicker of amusement. There were times when Julie Ann reminded her of herself when she was a child. It was like looking in a mirror.
‘And what do you make of the café, Emma?’ Sheila asked. ‘I believe the opening day was a great success.’
‘It looked like it,’ Emma agreed. ‘They’ve done a lovely job on it.’
‘I suppose I won’t see sight nor sign of Ellen and Miriam now that they’re entrepreneurs.’ Sheila sniffed.
‘They’ll be busy all right,’ Emma murmured, aware that this was her opening to ask her mother-in-law to come to her house to convalesce.
‘I hope they haven’t bitten off more than they can chew.’
‘I hope not.’ Emma was polite. ‘But as the girls are so busy, Vincent and I were wondering if you’d care to spend a few days with us after you come out of hospital. Just until you get on your feet.’
‘Oh! Well now.’ Sheila was taken aback.
‘You’d be most welcome,’ Emma said dutifully, thinking of how pleased Vincent would be with her.
‘Well, that’s very, very kind of you, Emma.’ Sheila’s tone was much more cordial. ‘I’ll have a chat with Mick. He should be in any minute.’
‘Oh, we’ll go now, then,’ Emma said hastily.
‘To visit our cousins,’ Julie Ann piped up.
‘No rush. Sure Mick
would be delighted to see you.’ Sheila settled back against the pillows.
‘No . . . no . . . we don’t want to tire you out. Besides I don’t like to leave Andrew too long,’ she fibbed.
‘Of course you don’t. The little pet,’ Sheila agreed. ‘I’ll let you know then. And thank you for your kind offer.’
‘You’re welcome.’ Emma smiled weakly. Her heart was in her boots. She’d been hoping against hope that her mother-in-law would reject the offer out of hand. Instead she seemed quite taken with the idea. And, if that wasn’t enough, she was going to have to go into that stupid deli so that Julie Ann could see her cousins. It wasn’t her day. And the way things were going, much worse was to come.
‘Come along, you.’ She scowled at her daughter but Julie Ann was oblivious to her bad humour, anticipating the treat in store.
‘We’ll see you, Mrs Munroe. Get well soon.’
‘I will indeed, and give your mother my regards.’ Sheila waved graciously.
‘She’s a judge’s daughter, you know,’ Emma heard her mother-in-law say proudly to the woman in the next bed.
Too blooming good for you, Emma thought sourly as she followed her excited daughter out of the ward.
Sheila lay back against the pillows and waited for her tea to come. The clickity-clack of the tea trolleys being wheeled along the corridor sent a frisson of anticipation through the ward. Mick had brought her a tea brack. She was looking forward to a slice. All the visitors were gone and it was as if the ward had exhaled a deep breath and contracted back to normal. Visitors were tiring, if well intentioned. Mick was fine, he didn’t need to be entertained, but she’d found Emma and Julie Ann’s visit wearing.
She was pleased to see Emma though. That unpleasantness at Andrew’s christening had distressed her. It was good that it was all over. And her daughter-in-law’s invitation to stay with them was most surprising.
It was certainly more than Ellen and Miriam had offered, she thought crossly. Now that they had more important concerns on their minds.
Maybe she just might go and stay with Emma for a day or two. That would give them something to think about. Ellen had shown scant consideration for her. She who had given her daughter a roof over her head when many mothers would have put her out of the house for coming home pregnant. Some people had short memories. Madam Miriam was another one who forgot kindnesses received. She would go to Emma’s and show that pair up, Sheila decided as she sat up for her tea.
‘Your wife’s a fucking malicious cow, and I want to know what you’re going to do about it, Chris!’ Alexandra was livid, her voice shrill and demanding down the phone. ‘I’ve a good mind to sue her for defamation of character!’
‘What can I do about it? It’s too bloody late now,’ Chris growled. He couldn’t believe his ears when Alexandra had read the card aloud to him. Suzy’d really flipped. She was dangerous.
‘Go and tell her you’ll cut her off without a penny if she doesn’t behave,’ Alexandra demanded.
‘Leave it with me. I’ll deal with it. I’ll see you tonight.’
‘No you won’t. I’m going to the theatre and I’ll be late home,’ Alexandra snapped. ‘Bye.’
Chris glared at the receiver. It was as bad as being bloody married to her. It was all right for Alexandra to tell him to cut Suzy off without a penny. She didn’t know about his tax evasion. She didn’t know about the sword of Damocles that was waiting to chop his head off. Suzy held all the cards whether he liked it or not.
Hell, if she could send a card like that to Alexandra’s work she was capable of anything. He wasn’t going to go stirring it up. He sighed deeply. Now he had two viragos on his back. What he wouldn’t give for a night in Ellen’s arms. He badly needed some tender loving care. Alexandra couldn’t be tender if she tried. Suzy was too eaten up by bitterness to forgive and forget. Ellen was so different to both of them.
What was she doing now? he wondered as he stared out the window. She must think about him sometimes. She’d worshipped him. He knew that. It had always made him feel very good to know that there was someone there who he could be sure of, come hell or high water. It had been the greatest shock of his life when Ellen had ended their relationship.
Maybe she was missing him too, he thought hopefully. She must still have feelings for him. They’d shared such precious times. Surely she couldn’t blot out the memories just like that.
He’d really thought she was his for life when they’d resumed their relationship. Seven years apart had made their second time around much more passionate and intense. How could Ellen settle for that beardy jerk? They had nothing in common, Chris was sure of it. And after all, Chris was Stephanie’s father. That had to mean something. Chris gazed dejectedly at his reflection in the small mirror on the window sill and felt very sorry for himself. He looked strained and harassed. He had bags under his eyes. He was going very grey at the temples, he noted with dismay. A man under pressure. Maybe if Ellen saw him she might feel pity for him and have a change of heart. He’d always been able to depend on her compassion. Christmas was the time of year for ending quarrels and bad feeling.
Speaking of Christmas, he’d have to discuss arrangements with Suzy. She’d need extra money for the kids’ toys. And where was he going to spend Christmas? Alexandra was going off to stay with friends in London. He was like a homeless waif. He might as well be on the streets.
Chapter Sixteen
Ellen snuggled up on the sofa, in the crook of Doug’s arm. A howling gale raged outside and the rain battered the window panes relentlessly. The fire blazed brightly. Flaming pine logs crackled, scattering showers of golden sparks up into the sooty dark chimney. The lamplit room was snug and warm. A haven after her hectic week.
‘Imagine it’s a week since we opened. It seems like yesterday.’ She smiled up at Doug.
‘It seems like a year to me. This is the first time I’ve had you to myself.’ Doug stroked her cheek.
‘Our timing’s terrible.’ Ellen sighed. ‘You’re up to your eyes at work, I’m up to my eyes in The Deli, I’m beginning to wonder what I’ve let myself in for.’
‘It’ll even out. It’s still a novelty. You’re bound to be busy.’
‘But it’s crazy, Doug. We can’t keep up. We keep running out of food. Everyone wanted soup today. I suppose because it was so cold. I had to go shopping for potatoes and carrots twice. And then the bloody fire went out three times. And getting the napkins and towels dry in this weather is a nightmare. The kids fought all day today. I swear to God, I nearly swung for Connie with her impudence, she almost put Julie Ann to shame. That’s most unlike her. Maybe she resents Miriam working. I don’t know. And then of course . . . there’s Mother!’ Ellen threw her eyes up to heaven. ‘She’s queening it over in Emma’s and doing her best to make me feel bad.’
‘Dear oh dear. We are feeling sorry for ourselves,’ Doug teased. ‘Think of the noughts adding up in your bank account – that will fix you.’
Ellen laughed. ‘Yeah, that was good. Denise was so chuffed. I suppose I’ve always been used to having my own money. She has to practically crawl on her knees to get anything from Jimmy. It must be horrible to be married to someone you detest and to have to be dependent on them for money. I’d die! I’m really, really glad that she’s got her own money now.’
‘So am I, she deserves it. And you deserve every penny you earn. You’ve worked damn hard for it.’ Doug bent down and kissed her soundly. Her arms tightened around his neck as she kissed him back, tasting, exploring, soft butterfly kisses that became more insistent.
Breathless, they drew apart. ‘I really missed you,’ Doug said huskily. ‘All I wanted to do was to be with you.’
‘I wanted to be with you too. I love being with you, Doug. I love the way we talk for hours. I’m always dying to see you to tell you things.’
‘Me too.’ Doug hugged her tightly. ‘We’ve been close friends for more than a year now. It’s been one of the nicest times of my life, thanks to you.
’
‘Oh Doug! That’s a lovely thing to say. Thank you.’
‘I mean it. You’re very important to me, Ellen. And so is Stephanie.’
‘I know that,’ she said quietly. ‘And you’ve never pushed or been impatient with me. You’ll never know how much I appreciate that.’
Doug grimaced. ‘I wanted to, Ellen, many times. I wanted you to feel for me what you felt for him. But I know you have to come to me yourself. Not out of a sense of obligation or because you feel you owe it to me, but because you want to. I really want you to come to me because you want to,’ he said emphatically.
‘I know that, Doug. I want to come to you because I want to, too,’ Ellen said shyly.
‘Do you still think about him?’ he asked, tentatively.
‘Not as much as I used to,’ Ellen answered truthfully. ‘Before, he’d be on my mind from the minute I woke up until the time I went to sleep. But now he just drifts in and out now and again. And I ask myself, did I mean anything at all to him or was it just lust? And then there are other times when I think that he did need me. And that he did love me in his own selfish way. At least I like to pretend that to myself. It helps me to feel it wasn’t all a total failure.’
‘He was a fool to let you go, Ellen. And for that, alone, I feel sorry for him. But he made his choices and he has to live with them. And you have to move on. If you want me to travel by your side, you know I will.’ He stared into her eyes, his hazel eyes earnest and unwavering. If it was true that the eyes were the mirror of the soul, Doug had a good soul, Ellen thought humbly as she met his gaze and saw the truth of what he said and the love he had for her mirrored there.
‘I think you deserve better than me, Doug,’ she whispered.
‘Don’t say that, Ellen,’ he said sternly.
‘But how can you love a woman who’s been as stupid and gullible and self-deceiving as I’ve been?’ she blurted. ‘Don’t you ever think that I deserved everything I got for being such a woefully bad judge of character, not once but twice. What’s the old saying? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me! How can you have respect for me when there are times I hardly respect myself for being so easily taken in? And for still believing that somewhere there has to be a spark of decency in Chris? Even now I can’t accept that he’s totally without good. That’s because I can’t love what he is. I can only love what I want him to be. So that’s not much of a love, is it? Maybe I just can’t love anyone warts and all.’
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