It’s not the answer I was hoping for, but it’s a good place to start. Dr. Akiyama draws the blood himself. Three tubes, to test for everything imaginable, I’m guessing. That or he’s a vampire.
“I’ll wait for the results,” I tell him.
“I was hoping you could go down to the nursery. There were twins born this morning.”
I leave his office, heading for the newborn nursery. And there are twins-identical boys wrapped tightly in hospital blankets, sleeping peacefully in their bassinets. I take a stethoscope off the hook on the wall and look through the paperwork hanging off their bassinets. The first set of twins for the Phoenix District. I listen to their hearts with the stethoscope, their lungs. Inspect their fingers, toes, the shape of their spine. They are perfect.
“Are my babies okay?” I hear a soft voice behind me.
When I turn I find a young woman standing behind me. She can’t be much older than I am. Her eyes heavy with exhaustion, the pale hospital gown making her skin look translucent.
“They are perfect,” I smile at her. “Congratulations.” I wrap up the baby that I was assessing and hand him to her. Then I help her push the bassinet down the hall to her room.
Just as I’m telling her goodbye Dr. Akiyama walks up to me.
“Come with me,” he tells me before he turns, walking down the opposite end of the hall from his office.
“Are my results in?” I ask him as I catch up, skipping a few steps to match his stride. All I hear is an odd noise, a grunt maybe, coming from him. Either the findings are not well, or he’s mad I wasted his time with my concerns of being tired. He takes me to an exam room, closing the door behind him. “We need to do a sonogram, to check something.”
My heart starts to beat faster. “I knew something was wrong,” I tell him. “Is it my kidneys, my liver? I’m sure they sustained permanent damage from what Baillie did to me.”
“Just lie down and pull your shirt up.” He motions to the examination table by the wall. As I lay down he pulls the sonogram machine over, squirts a blob of the blue jelly on my stomach and presses the wand to my abdomen. First he runs it over my liver, then down to my kidneys and a little bit lower. I watch the look of concentration cover his face. He says nothing, just watches the screen with intent.
I was never trained to review sonogram images in nursing school, so I didn’t pay much attention to what Dr. Akiyama saw as he passed the wand over my stomach. But as he watches the screen, pressing the wand near my bladder, the deepening crease in his forehead starts to worry me. I turn my attention to the screen. And I’m sure my heart stops at that moment, because there is no way I could prepare myself for what I was about to see. I knew what it was in an instant, because anyone who has ever had a baby knows what the tiny fluttering heartbeat looks like on the sonogram screen.
I’m pregnant.
“No!” It’s all I can whisper out. I reach over to the cart where my file lies, pulling the lab results out of the folder. I rip them into a hundred pieces, and then shove them in the pocket of my jeans.
“Andie, wait,” Dr. Akiyama tries to stop me.
“You can’t tell anyone,” I tell him as I push the wand away and clean my stomach off with a towel. He watches me, a look of confusion on his face. “Delete the images now.” I jump up, hovering over him, watching him scroll over the image files, deleting them in sequence. “You can’t let anyone know, do you hear me?” I’m sure he can hear the rising panic in my voice.
“It’s hard to keep secrets here, Andie.” He looks at me, solemnly, after he’s deleted all the images.
I have to make him understand, right now, that no one can know about this.
“Someday, Doctor, you will need something from me. A wife, a child, grandchildren, their pairings. My decision will rest on your ability to keep this to yourself.”
It’s a threat I never anticipated ever having to make to anyone, but this can’t get out. It will be just another thing for Crane to hold over my head, for Ian to find out about, and Adam had agreed with me, he would never bring a child into this.
Of all the mistakes I’ve made in my life, I’m sure this is the worst. Just assuming I wouldn’t get pregnant. Because Ian and I had tried for so long without success, the doctors figured there was something wrong with one of us. But we never pressed the issue, we focused on Lina.
I try to think back of the last time I was with Adam. How long has it been, four, five weeks ago, when they brought the children?
I’m sure Adam would never suspect that he brought an extra child to the pasture, a child in its purest form, that of two gametes.
Just when I thought things couldn’t possibly get any worse.
Part II
The Manifesto
CHAPTER fifteen
I stare at the thick pamphlet on my desk. Manifesto of the Phoenix District is written across the cover in thick block letters. I have to read it. Morris has been asking me for days. No, for weeks. I open the stiff cover and start reading.
It starts with an opening paragraph about the world outside:
Few of you may know what happened to the United States last year, as you were protected within the walls of the Phoenix District. An unknown entity is responsible for the obliteration of the United States. The world super power that was once is no more. The United States is now a desperate wasteland, destroyed by bombs and human indifference. You have been chosen to live a life of protection and value. Agreement to the guidelines listed within this guide will ensure your place within the District. If at any point, you wish to brave the violence and destruction of the world outside our walls you may leave. Remember, we only protect those who will preserve the integrity of the Phoenix District.
I do my best not to burst out laughing. All this is, is a listing of vague propaganda. Crane knows who is responsible for the destruction of the country. I’m sure he is one of the main culprits. And since no one has ventured outside the walls since the bombings that occurred almost a year ago, who knows what it’s like out there.
I scan through the rest of the pamphlet.
The section titled District Sovereign contains a paragraph of explanation.
The positions of District Sovereign have been assigned for your protection and safety. They will carry out duties of the sciences, humanities, medicine, research, technology, District guideline development and faction management.
There are pictures of the current Sovereign and the factions they are responsible for managing. A holy picture of Crane, who looks even more ridiculous than usual. Morris looks respectable and so does Alexander. My picture is next. I stare at the photograph, not ever remembering one being taken. This looks more recent than any of the pictures that were at the house I shared with Ian. I focus on the background, which is slightly blurred, but I can make out a few things, a glass door, a black countertop, a large white freezer. This was taken in the lab, when I was sorting the residents, completing the genetic pairing.
That bastard Crane was watching me the whole time. He must have taken the picture from the front of my computer screen. I am no longer filled with the light laughter bubbles from reading the opening phrase of the Manifesto. Instead I’m filled with anger so strong it tingles in my fingertips.
I move onto the description underneath the picture.
Andromeda Somers
District Sovereign Matchmaker
Solely responsible for the genetic pairing of District residents and ensuring the vitality of future generations.
I read the line over at least three times. I guess I should have read the rough draft when Morris begged me. I can’t think of anything worse than all these people thinking I am their matchmaker. Just look at me. I gave up my husband to save my daughter, who in turn has lost her father. I ruined my marriage vows and worse I’m pregnant in a relationship that’s mostly based on lies, awkward situations, and sporadic nights of intimacy. I am the world’s worst choice for matchmaker.
I flip to the next page and find a pict
ure of Adam dressed in full Volker garb with a stern look on his face. I stare a lot longer than I should. I’ve never seen him make this expression before. I’m sure it was all for show. To keep on Crane’s good side, so he can continue to figure out whom the Funding Entities are and how far this has spread.
I stare at the picture a little longer. I wonder if this is the same expression he will give me when I tell him I’m pregnant with a child he never wanted. With a child I never expected to have.
“I’m pregnant, Adam,” I tell the picture out loud. Expecting it to respond to me, maybe talk back. This is the moment I realize, I truly am crazy.
I turn my attention to the blurb underneath his picture.
Colonel Waters
District Sovereign Head of Volker Faction
Responsible for maintaining the integrity of the District and protection of District Sovereign
I give up on talking to Adam’s picture and move onto the next page. It’s entitled Sovereign Children’s Training Program.
In the event in which your child has shown exceptional intellectual ability, they will be chosen to participate in the training program. This program provides them the opportunity to receive an individually tailored education preparing them to become the next generation of District Sovereign.
After that there are pages of what to expect as a new Resident, the testing, assignment to a faction and housing, the ages appropriate to receive genetic pairing. I start on the guidelines which I helped create. All I can remember is Baillie arguing, Crane’s pre-determined guidelines, these were barely determined by the Sovereign as a whole. I give up, closing the pamphlet and hiding it in a drawer so I don’t have to look at it and so Lina doesn’t find it.
I find it odd that there was no mention of the other Districts, or the convict Faction. I wonder if Crane will warn the Residents if they are caught participating in suspicious activity that they will be assigned to a life of medicated bliss and hard labor?
This Manifesto is a Declaration of a loss of our world. It’s real now, more real than the bombings. Our children may never remember, but we will. There will be no more shopping malls, no more fancy dinners out, no more homes buzzing with electronics, no more choices. This world is far different than the one I was born and raised in. The realization makes me ache even more for my old life. At least back then I knew what to expect. I knew how I would grow old and who I would be growing old with.
Now, everything seems so undecided for me, mostly because the decisions are out of my hands. There is no worse feeling than not being able to plan on your future, because it’s already been decided upon.
--
“Crane has called a committee meeting for this afternoon,” Morris informs me. “Can you come down to Headquarters?”
I want to tell him no immediately. Instead, I take my time deciding. Before I was afraid I might run into Crane, but he’s already found us. He knows where we are. As if pointing a gun in his face wasn’t bad enough, I’m sure showing up down there, proving to him that I’m no longer afraid of him, even if I still am, will drive him crazy. I need to start taking some control.
“Sure,” I tell him.
“I’ll send Colonel Waters to collect you.”
I get myself ready. I shower and put on my usual black slacks and sweater, then twist my hair into a loose bun. This will be the first time I’ve seen Adam since I found out. Since I got the test results and had the sonogram. I still haven’t worked up the courage to tell him. I’ve found the courage to avoid him though and it’s been a few weeks since I saw him last.
I stand in front of the mirror looking at myself from the side. Thankfully nothing is showing. With all the weight I’ve lost out here I’m hoping it won’t show until I get the guts to tell him that this is his child.
I take a bag with me. I fill it with a bottle of water and some homemade bread. I’m hoping to avoid throwing up again if they serve lunch-once was enough for today. I stop by the barn to tell Elvis my plans for the day then walk to the gate to wait for Adam. I turn around noticing that there are two Guardians following me. Usually there is just one trailing behind me where ever I go. It’s much less intimidating than having a whole pack following me like they used to, when I wandered the Pasture like a ghost after arriving here.
I wonder why two now? I haven’t done anything to worry them, have I? Then I realize they must sense it, they’ve figured out that I’m carrying a child. I hope no one else takes such quick notice.
I shoo them away as I hear the vehicle pull up on the other side of the gate. They don’t go far. They just wander behind a shrub where I’m sure they’ll wait for me until I get back. Then they will continue to follow me around.
The gate slides open and I can see Adam on the other side, pushing the heavy iron.
“That’s far enough I’ll just walk through,” I tell him. He stops short, not expecting me to be waiting for him. I never wait at the gate. Usually he picks me up by the house. I rush past him and get in the passenger side of the black SUV and watch him as he pushes the gate back into place and locks it.
“Are you feeling all right?” He asks me as he climbs into the driver’s seat and starts the engine.
“Fine, just… I just want to get this over with.” Which is true, I’m not looking forward to sitting back at that table. Making decisions again. Looking at Crane’s freckled face.
The ride to town is quick and Adam drives down Main Street. I watch out the window in awe. I didn’t see this last time because I had kept my eyes closed, trying to control the panic of leaving the Pasture. But everything here has changed. All the houses have been painted white. The lawns clipped short, gardens growing in the empty lots. Workers sweep the sidewalks and streets. Volker patrol on foot, greeting passersby, still with guns strapped to their hips. My town has never looked so clean, so put together, so quaint. The Residents on the streets smile. The children play. A bus drives by us filled with people either on their way to work or on their way home.
“What happened here, it all looks so… so…?” I can’t seem to find the words to describe it.
“So much like a Rockwell painting?” Adam chirps in. “Were you expecting rioting and gunfire? Crane has better taste than that. The Manifesto worked-quite well actually. It’s amazing what happens when you give people the choice to live outside the walls if they aren’t happy here.”
I’m not sure what I was expecting. Something dreary, more dismal. I feel like I’ve been on another planet these past few months.
Adam pulls slowly into the Headquarters parking lot. This hasn’t changed much. The building still looks the same, the sign remains the same. The only difference now is the Volker guards that stand at attention near the front doors. There’s no turning back now. I take a deep breath in then jump out of the SUV, not bothering to wait for Adam. Sightseeing on the way in was a good distraction but now I know the time has come to sit with Crane. My first Committee meeting in a long time. I don’t wait for Adam. I walk to the front doors, the Volker hold the door for me. I look in both of their faces. They are unfamiliar, yet somehow they seem to recognize me. The Manifesto. For a second, I forgot. I wait for Adam at the elevator.
“In a rush?” He asks.
“I just want to get this over with,” I repeat to him.
We arrive on the top floor and walk the familiar hallway to the conference room. The wooden stock door I remember has been replaced, now there are large glass double doors. The image I remember from the conference room wall is etched meticulously into the glass, a large phoenix rising from a burning fire. I can see Crane’s orange hair as he sits at the conference table, his face buried in the computer. Morris and Alexander are there and they stand when we enter the room.
“Andromeda, it’s so great to see you could make it.” Morris shakes my hand. His warm eyes making contact with mine, smiling. I’m sure he’s trying to calm me, to let me know I will be fine sitting in the same room as Crane. He holds my hand for a long time, letting
go only to cough into his hand.
“Good to have you back,” Alexander steps in front of Morris, greeting me.
“Let’s take our seats and start shall we?” I hear Crane interrupt our reunion from the table.
Crane starts the Committee meeting just as I remember, the tap of the hammer on the copper plate. Our laptops in front of us light up with an agenda for today’s discussions. I scan it quickly. Noticing we will be discussing updates of the factions, security, the nuclear reactors, the nuclear engineer.
Ian. No wonder they wanted me to come.
The meeting starts out slow, with everyone giving their updates. I relish in the fact that I may not have to speak at all here today. That is, until Crane brings up the lack of morale amongst the Residents.
“You need to speak in front of them,” Crane points to me. “We’ll show them images of the bombings, the ruins that are left. You need to come up with a speech.”
“Why me? I’m a terrible public speaker,” I argue.
“You and Adam are the only people the Residents may recognize, you were locals, and you know them.”
And it's true. I do know most of them, and their families. Each day I pass people who I went to school with, who I went to college with. I think of that mother I met in the hospital, the one with the twin boys, she seemed to know me and trust me completely with the future of her babies. Still, I don’t want to make a speech. I wish I had never told Crane my theory as to why the Residents rebelled. I wish I had let him figure out some other reason for the uprising.
“I don't want to,” I tell Crane. “The Manifesto is enough.”
The Phoenix Project Series: Books 1-3: The Phoenix Project, The Reformation, and Revelation Page 38