by Linda Warren
She swallowed, but didn’t respond.
“Love to me is unconditional. It doesn’t come with a list—‘must have babies, must be picture perfect.’ Love is a feeling that overpowers all that. It just is and you can’t change it. Lord knows, I have tried.”
“Beau…”
He placed Zoë in her lap. “I can’t stay angry at you. You’re hurting and I was hoping I could ease that pain inside you. But I can’t. I’m not sure if anything ever will.”
She blinked back a tear. “It’s worse when you’re nice to me.”
He wiped a tear from her cheek. “Be nice to yourself.” He kissed Zoë on the head and stood. The dogs, including Peanut, sniffed at his feet. He bent to pat them. “Gotta go, boys.”
“Beau.”
He turned to stare into her sad eyes. The love she couldn’t voice was there, burning bright. And there was nothing he could do about it. She had to heal on her own and accept love again—a man’s love, hopefully his. But he wasn’t holding his breath or beating himself up anymore.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
He nodded and walked out before his courage gave way.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
THE DAYS PASSED quickly and the hearing was upon them. Beau had his P.I. helping in the search for Delia, but there was still no sign of her. She seemed to have disappeared completely. The Wallstons were in town with Spencer Harcourt and Beau finally managed to get Cynthia Wallston on the phone. She’d been out of the country and Beau was about to give up hope.
“Mr. McCain, my secretary said you’ve been calling. What is this about?”
“It’s about your husband, Keith.”
“My husband is dead.”
“I’m aware of that, but are you aware that your in-laws have filed for custody of minor child, Zoë Randall?”
“Randall? Does this have anything to do with that tramp Delia?”
Beau took a breath. “Yes, ma’am. Delia is Zoë’s mother.”
“I’m not following you. Why in the world would Cliff and Myrna want custody of that child?”
Beau didn’t know how to soften the words, but he suspected that Cynthia already knew the answer. “They ordered a DNA test first,” he replied.
“Oh my God. They don’t think…”
“Yes, ma’am. You got it now. Keith is Zoë’s biological father.”
“That sorry bastard.”
“Zoë is in the custody of her aunt, who wants to have permanent custody.”
“Where is Delia?”
“We don’t know. She abandoned the baby in the hospital.”
“Keith always had a fetish for trash.”
“That’s beside the point. I felt you had a right to know since this affects your children.”
“Mr. McCain, I’m not testifying for your client.”
“That’s your prerogative, especially if you feel the Wallstons are the best ones to raise the little girl.”
“Oh, please. Cliff and Myrna didn’t even raise their own son and he resented it every day of his life.”
“Mrs. Wallston, the hearing is tomorrow at one o’clock at the McLennan County Courthouse in Waco, Texas. If you have any strong feelings about Zoë’s custody, I suggest you attend.”
“I’ll give it some thought.”
“Thank you.”
When Beau hung up, his cell rang. It was Caleb.
“I found Delia, Beau.”
He sat up straight. “Where?”
“In a motel in Reno. I remembered Irene saying when Delia ran away at fourteen that she used Irene’s maiden name. That’s why it was so hard to find her. It was a hunch, but it paid off. She’s using Delia Gordon. I’m flying out to bring her back. Tuck’s going with me. Eli wanted to, but I told him there was no need and I know he doesn’t want to get too far away from Caroline.”
“That’s above and beyond anything I expected.”
“Let’s hope she’s still there when we arrive. I warned the motel manager about alerting her.”
There was a long pause.
“Beau?”
“Yeah. I’m still here. I was just thinking that Delia is in Reno for a reason.”
“Mmm. You better be prepared for that.”
“I’m getting a real bad feeling.”
“I’ll get her back here as soon as I can, and hopefully she’ll be on Macy’s side.”
“We don’t have much time. The hearing is at one tomorrow and I need to speak with Delia an hour before that.”
“I’ll be in touch.”
“Thanks, Caleb.”
Beau clicked off and stood, needing to tell Macy. He didn’t want to do that over the phone.
Liz walked in, eyeing him. “It’s so good to have you back—the real you.” There was a wealth of meaning in the last three words.
“Don’t like a tyrant for a boss?”
“Absolutely not.” She laid papers on his desk. “I’m getting too old to toe the line.”
“Liz, you’re ageless.”
“Yeah. Tell that to my body.” Her mouth twitched into a rare smile and she pointed at the files. “That’s more financial records on the Wallstons.”
“Thanks. I’ll go over them later. Now I need to talk to Macy. If you need me, you can reach me on my cell.” He headed for the door.
“Do you want Jon in court tomorrow?”
He stopped. “No. I want him here in case I need any last-minute detail.”
“You got it.”
Beau walked away, thinking that old saying, “You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar” was very true. His office was in chaos when he was in a bad mood. Now it was running smoothly, like it always had. He had to remember to leave his heartache at home.
ZOË WAS CRYING and Macy let her, trying not to pick her up every time she whimpered. And the restraint was difficult. Zoë rolled onto her back, kicking and screaming, then flipped again to her stomach. She scooted to the edge of the playpen, her watery eyes searching for Macy. The dogs, all three of them, began to bark, alerting Macy that Zoë needed her. When Macy made no move toward the playpen, they trotted to it. As soon as Zoë saw the dogs, she quieted down, sticking her fingers to the netting trying to reach them.
Macy smiled. Oh, yes, someone was very spoiled. The doorbell rang. Macy clapped her hands. “It’s your favorite person,” she cooed to Zoë. “I bet he’ll pick you up.”
Captivated by the dogs, Zoë didn’t pay her any attention, so Macy hurried to the door, knowing it had to be Beau.
But it was her father. “Dad, what are you doing here?” The words came out harshly, which is not how she meant them. “Come in.”
Her father stepped into her home for the first time and it was a surreal moment. Lucky and Lefty barked at the stranger. Peanut ran to his bed. Freckles didn’t move from her perch on the sofa.
“Hush,” Macy said to the dogs, and they trotted back to Zoë, where their attention was appreciated.
“Still have a menagerie?”
“Yes. I don’t think that’s ever going to change.”
He smiled slightly and she knew he was remembering all the years that he’d nurtured her love of animals. Spotting Zoë, he immediately went to her. “She’s grown so much.” He glanced at Macy. “Do you mind if I pick her up?”
“Oh, she’d loved that,” she replied, unable to resist.
Her father held Zoë effortlessly. He was good with children. Macy had forgotten that. She remembered what her mother had said—that Ted didn’t want any more kids. That was hard to believe and she knew she had to talk to her father.
After Ted visited with Zoë for a while, Macy fed her and put her down for a nap. Then she sat on the sofa next to him.
“I thought I’d come and offer my support for tomorrow.”
“Thank you. I’d like that.” She meant it, and that surprised her.
“Any word from Delia?”
“No.”
He ran his hands over his face. “I failed both my girls a
nd I’m so sorry for that.”
“I wish I understood why.”
He looked down at his hands. “Irene and I handled things badly.”
“I talked to Mom.”
His eyes swung to her. “What did she say?”
“Basically the same thing you did.” She took a deep breath, needing to tell him, needing to open her soul one more time. “I have to tell you something.”
“What?”
She swallowed. “I had a baby.”
“Excuse me?”
“Allen and I had a baby girl. She lived four days. She was born with a congenital heart defect. They operated but she didn’t survive.”
“Oh no!”
“The defective gene came from me. After that Allen looked at me differently and he blamed me. Or I thought he blamed me. He never came out and said the words. But I’m the reason our baby girl died.” As hard as she tried she couldn’t stop the tears.
Ted took her in his arms. “Oh, Macy, honey. I’m so sorry.” He drew back and lifted her chin with his forefinger. “Listen to me. You are not the reason your baby died.”
“Then why do I feel like it?”
“Because you feel things deeply, just like me. Neither your mother nor I are the reason Sabrina died, either. It took a lot of years for me to admit that. It just happened. But at a time like that it’s so easy to place and accept blame.”
She felt a measure of peace in the arms of her father, a man who knew her better than anyone. She drew away, wiping away tears with the back of her hands.
“Does Irene know?” he asked.
“I told her for the first time when she visited Zoë.”
“You’ve kept all this inside you?”
“Yes. My family had fallen apart and I felt you and Mom didn’t care. I felt so alone.”
He drew a sharp breath and stroked her hair.
“I came home to Waco, hoping to put it all behind me, but it haunts me every day.”
“Macy.” He pulled her to his shoulder. “I’m sorry, honey. I don’t know what else to say.”
“Just talk to me.”
“When Sabrina died, it was the worst time of my life, except when I made the decision to leave your mother.”
“Why did you do that?”
“I couldn’t stay with her any longer. I…”
The doorbell rang.
No, Macy cried inwardly. She needed to hear his explanation, but she rose to get the door.
Beau came charging in. “Caleb found Delia.”
“Oh. Where?”
“In Reno, Nevada. Caleb and Tuck are flying out to bring her back. Hopefully she’ll be here in time for the hearing.” Beau suddenly saw Ted. “Hi, Ted.” They shook hands.
“Have you spoken to her?” Macy asked eagerly.
“No. I don’t want to spook her at this late stage.”
Ted stood. “I should go. Nina is waiting at the hotel.”
“She came with you?” Macy shoved back her hair, feeling a taste of resentment returning.
“Yes. It’s time she met my daughter.” He kissed her cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Beau.” He nodded and was gone.
“How do you feel about that?” Beau asked as the door closed.
“I can’t think about it right now. I have to concentrate on tomorrow.”
“Yeah.”
He didn’t push her and she was glad.
“Do you want to go over what’s going to happen tomorrow?” he asked.
“No. I trust you.”
“Macy…”
“Just do what you have to,” she snapped, her nerves stretched beyond endurance. “But I want to speak with Delia as soon as she arrives.”
“Okay. I’ll be over in the morning, then I have a meeting with Harcourt and the judge.”
She slumped onto the sofa. “This all hinges on Delia, doesn’t it?”
“Yes. Even though she abandoned Zoë, Zoë is still her child.” She could feel his warm eyes on her. “Try to get some rest. I’ll be in touch.”
So many emotions churned inside her and she couldn’t make sense of any of them. But she was so afraid. That she could identify, but identifying what she was afraid of was more difficult.
THE MORNING DAWNED bright and sunny. It was early August and the heat was stifling. Macy quickly dressed and got ready for the day, trying to keep her anxieties at bay. As she was dressing Zoë, the doorbell rang.
“We’re very popular these days,” she said to Zoë, laying her in her crib with nothing on but a diaper.
Hurrying to the door, she opened it.
“Hi there, sugar,” her mother said. “Thought I’d come and be with you today. There’s no need for you to have to face this alone.” She walked in and set down a suitcase.
Her mother was here! Her father was here! The last thing she needed today—her parents together after ten years.
“Mom, I wish you would have called.”
“Why? You can’t handle everything by yourself, Macy. Though Lord knows you try.” Irene looked around. “Where’s Zoë? Where’s that beautiful baby?”
“In her crib. I was just getting her dressed. Mrs. Pruett is going to watch her while…”
The doorbell pealed again. Irene disappeared into the bedroom and Macy took a long breath. Please be Beau. Please be Beau, she prayed as she opened the door. Her prayer wasn’t answered. Her father stood there.
“Thought I’d come by and see if you needed any help this morning.”
Before she could find a suitable reply, Beau walked up. “Good morning, Ted.”
The two men shook hands. “Beau. Any news about Delia?” Ted asked.
“I haven’t heard from Caleb so I’m hoping that’s good news.”
They both stared at Macy and she didn’t even realize that she had one hand on the open door and the other on the doorjamb, as if to block their entrance.
“Oh, oh, come in.” She stepped back, knowing there was nothing she could do to stop this meeting.
“Macy, what do you want Zoë to wear? How about this pink-and-green sunsuit? It’s so…” Her voice trailed away as she saw who was in the room.
Ted and Beau stared in puzzlement at the woman in tight capris, equally tight top with plunging neckline, flamboyant jewelry, dyed hair and high heels.
Finally, her dad said, “Irene?”
“Ted.” For a moment Macy could see her mother was thrown, but she quickly recovered. “Don’t tell me you didn’t recognize me.”
“No. I didn’t.”
Irene spun around. “I’ve changed—for the better.”
“I’m not so sure.”
Her mother’s blue eyes flashed a warning and Beau stepped in. “I need to speak with Macy alone, so that will give you two time to get…reacquainted.”
He pulled her into the bedroom before she could protest. “I don’t think it’s a good idea to leave them alone,” Macy said.
“Trust me. Sometimes it helps divorced couples to talk in private.”
At the sound of Beau’s voice, Zoë kicked and made funny spluttering noises.
“Hey, munchkin.” He tickled Zoë’s stomach, then picked her up, kissing her cheek. “I love the way she smells.”
“I just bathed her.”
Beau stared at her, his eyes soft, and her heart flip-flopped. “Are you ready for today?”
She nodded and wanted to tell him about the talk with her father. But it wasn’t the right time. She wanted to talk to Beau when they’d have no distractions.
He glanced at his watch and placed Zoë in her crib. “I really need to get going. I have a meeting with Harcourt and the judge. I just came by to tell you to be at the courthouse by twelve. Judge Brampton is a stickler for punctuality and we don’t want to start off on the wrong foot.”
“I’ll be there.”
He glanced at his watch again. “I have to go, so I guess I’ll brave the intrusion.”
Opening the door a crack, Macy heard loud voices clearly and her first instinc
t was to shut it again. But a phrase held her attention.
“You destroyed our marriage without a second thought,” her father screamed.
“That’s a lie,” her mother denied hotly. “I tried everything to save it.”
“Yeah,” Ted said, laughing bitterly. “Having an affair and a child by another man is not what I call trying to save it.”
“You drove me to it!”
“You can blame me all you want, Irene, but it doesn’t change the facts.”
The words were like a blow to Macy’s chest and she struggled to breathe. She backed into the solid wall of Beau’s chest and his strength kept her from sinking to the floor.
He gripped her elbows. “Macy…”
“I’m fine,” she murmured, and yanked opened the door, ready to face her parents—and the truth.
“Macy.” Her mother stopped in the middle of her tirade. “I didn’t realize…”
“Yes. I heard you.” She walked closer. “How many times have I asked both of you what happened to break up our home? How many times have I begged and pleaded for some answers?”
“I’m sorry you heard that,” her father said.
“Why?”
“It’s between your mother and me.”
“I’m tired of hearing that. You have two daughters who were affected and we deserve to know the truth. We deserve to know why our world was turned upside down.”
Her mother twisted a ring on her finger and Ted looked away. “Or should I say one daughter. Evidently one of us is not yours. I’m assuming it’s Delia.”
“Yes,” her father replied, still not looking at her.
Macy’s gaze centered on her mother. “You had an affair?”
“It wasn’t my fault,” Irene mumbled.
A chill slide down Macy’s back. “Were you raped?”
Irene clamped her lips together.
“Tell her, Irene. For heaven’s sakes, it’s time to tell her.”
Her mother brushed away a tear. “After…after Sabrina died, Ted refused to have any more children. I wanted another child, but he said he couldn’t go through that kind of pain again. We argued and argued and I could never make him understand that life didn’t come with a pain-free guarantee. It came with risks, challenges, joys and, yes, pain. That’s what life is all about. If I could have another baby, a healthy one, it would be worth the risk.”