Christine had drawn a diagram of where she wanted all the furniture to go, but now that everything was where she wanted it, she couldn’t decide if she liked it. She kept asking me my opinion, and I kept telling her it looked fine. I kept trying to talk about other things, but then I’d catch her looking around the living room and I knew she was still thinking about the furniture.
I was on my third beer when I ended up alone in the kitchen with Kara, getting another slice of pizza. I grabbed her arm. “Do you like him?” I whispered.
“He’s nice,” Kara said. “Do you like him?”
“Of course I like him. Well, most of the time. I don’t know. I miss Riley sometimes, you know? Why do I have to be such a crazy person?”
Kara opened her mouth to tell me, but I reached out and tried to cover her mouth with my hand. I grabbed her chin instead, but that shut her up. “Don’t tell me I’m going through a difficult time,” I warned her. I let go of her chin.
“I wasn’t going to. I was just going to say, if you like Eric, be with Eric. If you like Riley, go be with Riley. They’re both nice.”
“And they’re really different, you know?”
“Yeah, I know.”
“So how am I supposed to know which one I really like? I mean, I don’t know anything anymore, Kara. For real. Like I can’t even decide what I want to eat. I sit around thinking and thinking and thinking and I can’t make up my mind about anything.”
She took my beer and handed me a can of Coke. “Maybe you should switch to soda.”
“See, that’s what I need. That was good. Make up my mind for me.”
“Okay. Let’s go back to the living room and drink our sodas.”
“No, no, no, I mean about the boys. Which boy do I want?”
“You’re with Eric. I thought you already made up your mind.”
“But I miss Riley sometimes.”
“Well, which one do you like better?”
“That’s the problem, duh.” I rolled my eyes. “I can’t figure it out. Maybe it’s Riley. But maybe I only think that because I had him for so long. It could be Eric because, you know, I liked him enough that he pulled me away from Riley. Right? So which one is it?”
“If you’re confused, then maybe you don’t need a boyfriend right now.”
I laughed. “Who would help Wallace lift the sofa if I didn’t have a boyfriend?”
Kara rolled her eyes. “I really don’t understand you and Christine. Why you’re like that.”
“Like what?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. Never mind.”
“It’s not our fault we have boyfriends and you don’t.”
She didn’t answer. She just stood there, staring at me.
“Kara?”
“What?”
“Are you mad at what I said?”
“No.”
“Okay. Then please pick for me.”
“Fine. Hold on. I’m thinking.”
She stood there for at least an entire minute before she spoke again. “Okay, I’m not saying this is what you should do, I’m just saying this is what I would do. If I had to pick, I’d pick Riley. He worships you. Not that there’s anything wrong with Eric. He seems really nice and interesting. But didn’t you say he’s moving to Pennsylvania or something? And besides, you have a history with Riley.”
“It doesn’t even matter what I want. Riley hates me now anyway.”
“I guarantee he doesn’t hate you.”
“I messed everything up.”
Kara shook her head. “You just have too many problems, Lainey St. James.” She took my arm and guided me back into the living room.
On the drive home Eric’s car sputtered to a stop.
I looked at Eric. “Are we out of gas?”
“Well, we drove around all damn day. I thought we’d have enough to make it home. I hope we’re out of gas, actually. If not, it’s something a lot worse.”
I sighed.
“What?”
“It’s my night to watch Collin.”
“I’ll call Frank, and he’ll come take us to a gas station. Don’t freak out.”
“I’m not freaking out. I should just be home by now, that’s all.”
“Well I’m not the one who wanted to sit and drink beer with your friends for three hours.”
“I knew it. You don’t like my friends.”
“I like your friends just fine.”
“You think they’re stupid.” I kicked my feet around on the floor of Eric’s car. There were CDs everywhere. Some of them weren’t even in cases. “You should take better care of your CDs.”
“Lainey, you had too much to drink, and I really don’t want to talk to you right now.”
Well, that was one thing Eric and Riley had in common: They both hated me when I was drunk.
“I didn’t drink anything,” I lied. I was a compulsive liar when I was drunk. That got me into trouble at parties too.
Eric rolled his eyes. “Just sit there and be quiet, and I’ll call Frank.”
“They just like my old boyfriend better, that’s all. He would have known what was wrong with the car. He would have fixed it a long time ago before it broke down.”
“I’m out of gas. It doesn’t take a genius to figure that out.”
“You’re just guessing. He would know the difference. He would have fixed it.”
“Oh yeah? Why didn’t he fix your car? Why do you have to get under the hood every other time you try to start it?”
“Shut up.”
He took out his cell phone and started dialing. I jumped out of the car. I pulled my box out of the backseat. I held it to my chest and stomped down the shoulder of the road.
Stupid Eric. Stupid Riley. Stupid Corona Light. Maybe Kara was right. Maybe I didn’t need a boyfriend. I’d be anti-Mom. I wouldn’t need anyone.
Kara had been right, when I stopped to think about it. She wasn’t jealous that Christine and I had boyfriends. Where had it gotten us, anyway? We’d been with the same guys since ninth grade, planned our lives around them, and now what? Now Christine was knocked up and living in a sad little apartment. I didn’t even have a plan anymore, didn’t even know if I was still going to community college in the fall. Kara knew what she was doing. She’d go to school. She would be a nurse. She’d never needed anyone, and she never would.
I’d probably walked about half a mile when Frank’s car pulled up beside me. I saw Eric sitting in the passenger seat. I’m sorry, he mouthed to me. I stopped walking. I climbed in the backseat.
“What’s with the box?” Frank asked.
“Her sister tried to sell her panties,” Eric explained. “Now she has to take them with her everywhere and guard them with her life.”
Frank turned and raised an eyebrow at me. “How much was she—”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I snapped.
Vallery came in and sat on my bed that night. Collin had already fallen asleep, and I’d almost been out, too.
“Do you know a woman named Deborah?” she whispered.
“Deborah?” I asked.
“Yeah. She said she came by and talked to you a few weeks ago.”
“Oh. That weird woman. With the hair.”
“Yeah.”
“She wanted to buy Mom’s notebooks. I didn’t know what she was talking about, though. I think Mom just made that stuff up off the top of her head.”
“So you didn’t find anything?”
I shook my head. I had at least ten composition and spiral-bound notebooks under my mattress, and that huge blue binder stuck between my mattress and the wall. And I lied to Vallery’s face.
“Yeah, I looked through the whole house and I couldn’t find anything either. God, that sucks. She wanted to give us a ton of money.”
“How much is a ton?”
Vallery told me.
“Oh my God.”
“Seriously.”
“Maybe they’ll turn up.”
Vallery sighed.
“Maybe. Okay, good night.”
Vallery walked back across the hall to her bedroom.
Deborah seriously wanted to give us that much money?
That could pay the bills for a few months.
That could get me a new car. A cheap used one, at least.
I fantasized about taking the money and running off to Pennsylvania with Eric. He’d go out in the cold every day and teach people how to ski. I’d get a job working in the lodge, making hot chocolate or something.
I fell asleep and dreamed about snow.
The Old Crew must have told Riley all about the new bearded, camouflage-coat-wearing guy I was dating, because he called and said he was coming over so we could talk.
We sat on the porch on the Walmart swing Mom had bought but never really used. She’d gotten it thinking that she and Carl could sit there on the porch during the summer while Collin played in the yard, but it didn’t work out that way. Carl didn’t like the porch because of the bugs flying around everywhere.
“I need to know if we still have a chance to make this work,” Riley said. He didn’t look at me. He looked at Collin. I watched Collin too, as he played in the grass with his toy soldiers and LEGOs.
“I guess everyone told you about the guy I was with last night.”
“They didn’t say much.”
“Come on. I know they did. What did they tell you?”
“They said he was nice but a little strange, not your usual type. I didn’t want details. I don’t want to know who he is. I don’t even want to know his name.”
“Okay,” I said.
“So you’re with him now? Like really with him?”
“Well, yeah. I guess.”
“I get that you’re confused. Doubts are natural, you know? After my parents got engaged, a few months later my mom got cold feet and they took a break. But it all worked out. My mom wasn’t dating another guy, though. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
I nodded. If I stayed with Eric, Riley wouldn’t wait around for me to change my mind.
“You know what I think you should do. And Kara told you what she thinks you should do. Unfortunately your life isn’t a democracy, so you get to do whatever you want. I mean, do you really like this guy?”
“Yeah. I like him okay.”
Riley laughed like he didn’t think anything was funny, and he grabbed my hand. I tried to pull it back, but he held on and stared at me. “You’re going to throw away almost four years with me for a guy that you like ‘okay.’ Think about how that makes me feel. Just think for a second about that, Lainey.”
I looked down at the ground. “I know how it sounds, but I’m really not trying to be a bitch about it.”
“I know you’re not. But I just need to know what we’re doing here.”
“Why? Are you going to start dating someone else?”
Riley didn’t answer right away, and I jumped up and pointed my finger at him. “Oh my God, you are!”
“I’m not dating anyone. A girl asked me out. That’s all. We’re supposed to go out on Wednesday after work. I don’t even really want to go. But if you’re telling me we’re over, if you’re dating this other guy, then why shouldn’t I go and have a good time and meet new people?”
I sat back down. “Well, I don’t care what you do.”
“Really.”
“I don’t. Date a girl. What do I care? We should both move on.”
“Road!” Riley screamed. He jumped up and pushed past me. I spun around and saw that Collin had climbed the fence. I ran toward Collin, but Riley had enough sense to run for the gate. While I helplessly reached over the fence toward Collin, Riley intercepted him at the sidewalk.
“No road!” I screamed at Collin as Riley carried him back into the yard. He set him down in front of me, and I grabbed Collin’s hand and smacked it. “What’s wrong with you? You could get hurt!” I looked at Riley. “We’re going to have a time-out. I’ll see you later.”
“No!” Collin screamed. If Riley said bye, I didn’t hear it. I dragged Collin into the house kicking and screaming.
“My LEGOs!” he yelled, and tried to yank away from me.
“You’re punished from LEGOs.” I threw Collin down on the couch. “Time-out for five minutes.”
“No time-out!”
“Yes, time-out.” I sat down beside him and threw my leg over his lap so he couldn’t move. “If you fight, it will be five more minutes.”
I stared at Collin and wondered what would possess him to climb the fence and run for the road. There was nothing there. No ball rolling away. No cute puppy. No ice cream truck. Nothing that would entice a normal kid to run into the street. But of course I wasn’t dealing with a normal kid.
And of course I hadn’t been the one to protect him. That had been Riley yet again. And probably for the last time. What would have happened if we’d been out in the yard, just the two of us, without Riley? I might not have even noticed.
When I started crying, Collin stopped struggling to get free. He turned and looked up at me. I pulled my leg off him. He climbed onto my lap. “What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Don’t run in the road,” I said. “It’s very bad.”
He held my chin and stared into my eyes. The tears made him look blurry, and I could hardly make out his face. “Don’t cry,” he whispered. “Feel happy.” He kissed me on the cheek.
“I’m happy,” I said. I wiped my eyes and forced a smile. “Go play. Time-out’s over.”
He jumped up and ran off. I went outside and brought in his LEGOs.
Feel happy. If only it could be that easy.
While Collin played in the bathroom with his toy soldiers, I got the phone to call Kara. “Do not flush them,” I said one more time before I dialed.
I didn’t bother with hello. “Who is Riley dating?” I asked when she answered.
“I don’t think he’s dating anyone,” Kara said carefully.
“He told me a girl asked him out. And since I’m your best friend, not Riley, I want you to tell me who the girl is.”
“Christine really knows more about it than I do.”
“Fine, I’m calling Christine.”
I hung up on Kara and dialed Christine’s number as I paced in the hallway.
“Who is Riley dating?” I asked when she answered.
“I don’t think—”
“Come on, I just had this exact same conversation with Kara.”
“As far as I know, he’s just going out on a date with this girl Gina.”
“Did you set him up with her?”
“Lainey, please.”
“Well, where’d he meet her?”
“We were having lunch at José Yummy’s—”
“I knew this was going to have something to do with you.”
“Do you want to hear the story or not?”
“Yes.”
“So we went there for lunch, me and Riley and Wallace, and Gina was working there, and she was kind of flirty with Riley, so afterward Wallace told him to go get her number and he didn’t want to, obviously because he’s still in love with you. But then Wallace said, ‘Maybe it will make Lainey jealous.’ So Riley went up and got her number. And I assure you he was only doing it to make you jealous. And you’re obviously jealous, so it worked. Are you guys back together?”
“Why would I call you and ask you who Riley’s dating if Riley and I were back together?”
“Is that one of your sarcastic questions that I’m not really supposed to have an answer for?”
“He’s going out with her.”
“Well it’s your own fault. You should have told him not to.”
I heard a crash in the bathroom. “I have to go.” I hung up on Christine and then ran to the bathroom to see what Collin had broken now.
Riley wanted to date? Whatever. I had Eric. Eric was cute. Nice. Funny. Cooler than Gina. On the day of Riley’s date, I invited myself over to Eric’s. We had an absolutely thrilling afternoon, wrapped up in blankets on
the couch bed watching TV. He kept the air conditioner blasting all day long and it was always freezing cold in his room. Or apartment. Or basement. Whatever you wanted to call it.
“I’m hungry,” I said, running my hands through the hair on his chest. Riley had been relatively hairless. Yet another reason my new boyfriend was far superior to my old one. Older, wiser, hairier.
“What do you want?” Eric asked.
“I don’t know.”
“We can make grilled cheese.”
“Grilled cheese?”
“Yeah. We’ll put the sandwiches between our hot bodies and melt the cheese.”
I rolled my eyes, but Eric couldn’t see. Despite the fact that I wouldn’t let him do much more than kiss me, he thought his naughty jokes were hilarious.
“Didn’t you like my joke?” he asked.
“I think it’s the cheesiest thing anyone has ever said.”
“Cheesiest?” Eric asked. “Was that a pun?”
“Yes,” I said.
Eric cracked up, so I gave in and laughed too. “I don’t even have cheese,” he finally said. “Let’s try again.”
“How about burgers?”
“Burgers?”
“Mmm, yummy burgers.”
“What kind of yummy burgers?”
“From the place we went the first time I worked with you.”
“Oh, that place in Annapolis? I’m not going to take you back there if you’re planning on getting the same thing.”
“Why not?”
“Because you said it was the best burger you’d ever had. And if I take you back, you’ll just be disappointed.”
“Okay, that’s dumb.”
“No, it’s not. Every time you eat something that blows your mind, and then go back and have it again, it’s not as good. And that depresses the hell out of me.”
“Well, maybe it will be just as good.”
“In my experience, that’s never true.”
“But it could be.”
“I’m going to tell you a story.”
“All right. I like stories.” I laid my head on his chest. Eric kissed my forehead.
“Once upon a time I worked at a supermarket, and in the same shopping center as this supermarket, there was a snowball stand. So every day after work I stopped at the snowball stand and got a raspberry-flavored snowball. But on one particular day, I was feeling rather decadent, so I opted instead for something called chocolate-covered cherry. It was mind-blowingly delicious. It stopped the world. I could have died happy right then and there eating that snowball. You know what I did the next day?”
The Snowball Effect Page 18