by Taryn Quinn
The drive to Oliver’s place didn’t take long. He lived about a mile away from me, also on the lake. The Hamilton family home was about a mile away on the opposite side of Oliver’s. We were like three points of a triangle of dysfunction with beautiful views of the water.
I pulled up behind Oliver’s BMW and parked in the circular drive. To torment myself some more, I checked my silent phone. No response from Ally.
Surprise, surprise.
I jogged up the steep flight of stairs to the porch and went inside without knocking. I followed my little girl’s laughter into the kitchen, already smiling. No matter what kind of shit brewed in my gut, hearing Laurie was the way to put me in a better mood.
Especially when she was covered in chocolate chip batter from making cookies with my not so stern, older-by-six-minutes brother.
“Well, look who it is, L-monster.” Oliver swung Laurie up onto his hip and carted her over to me. He was all smiles, but his eyes were a little wild.
I knew that look well.
“Daddy!” Laurie said, already extending her arms to me and leaning half out of my brother’s hold.
“Hiya, sweetie. Sorry I wasn’t here sooner.” I grinned and took her from Oliver, setting her on my hip as he had done.
Every now and then it occurred to me how similar our mannerisms were. Oliver didn’t have any children, of course. I wasn’t sure he ever would. He’d used my experience as reason to double and triple bag ever since. For all I knew, he could’ve gotten snipped, he’d been that freaked out about unplanned procreation.
But he was a damn good uncle, as evidenced by my little girl’s giggles as she recounted her night with my brother.
“We watched movies. Poor Dory. And Hank. Unca O loved Hank.” Laurie looked back at my brother for confirmation. “Didn’t you?”
“I did. So much so that I decided I need Hank bedding for my Alaska King bed. I may have to get it handmade, but such sacrifices are made for love.” Oliver ruffled Laurie’s messy blond curls. “Right, baby girl?”
“Unca O has the biggest bed ever.” Laurie held out her hands as far apart as she could, tilting precariously on my hip until I righted her. “He said it has enough room for all his favorite big ladies to come over for sleepers.”
“Sleepovers,” Oliver corrected, winking at me before he turned away to clean up the cookie mess on the counter.
I narrowed my eyes at O’s back. “That sounds fun. We should do that sometime. What do you think? You, me, and—”
“Ally! She’ll come over for a sleeper. And her friend. The one with the bouncy hair.” Laurie grinned. “Like Goldilocks.”
“Your hair isn’t too far from Goldilocks’s hair yourself, princess.” Oliver turned back to brush a kiss over Laurie’s hair while mouthing the word “no” at me.
“That sounds fun. I’m not sure Ally and Sage could make it, but we should ask them. And we’ll get lots of snacks. All your favorites. Cheetos, and caramel popcorn, and gummy worms. Wouldn’t that be fun to eat all of that in Uncle Oliver’s big special bed?”
“This is how you repay me,” Oliver muttered, shaking his head as he swept the tray of cookies into the oven.
“Yes. So much fun. And we could get a puppy too.” Laurie’s big blue eyes glowed. “Puppies love sleepers. Right, Unca O?”
“Sure. Why the heck not? Might as well get a marching band in there too.”
“I’m sure it could be arranged. I’ll get back to you.”
Oliver flipped me the bird behind Laurie’s back and I swallowed a laugh.
Half an hour later, we were eating warm chocolate chip cookies while Laurie played on a blanket in the living room. Dory was on TV again and Laurie was babbling happily as she dressed the dolls Oliver had bought her to leave at his place.
And I was shoving cookies in my mouth faster than I could speak, so hopefully I wouldn’t have to.
“Out with it. If I’m on overnight babysitting duty, you’re at least going to tell me which townie is now off-limits.”
I picked up a stray chocolate chip and popped it between my lips. “You have a filthy mind.”
“Yeah, and you are long overdue for a reckless night. I hope it was worth me missing three hours of sleep because L kept waking up.”
“Fuck, more nightmares? That’s a new thing. Well, relatively new. The last six months or so. I chalked it up to her seeing a movie she shouldn’t have.”
“Yeah, some of those porn chicks have traumatized me too.” Oliver gave a mock shudder, but I could tell from his furrowed brow that he was worried.
“How bad was it?”
“Not awful, but she was spooked, so I read to her and she eventually fell back asleep.”
“Just once?”
Oliver shifted on his stool. “Three times.”
“Ahh, fuck.” I raked a hand through my hair, guilt swarming my belly like drunk locusts. While my little girl had been crying in her sleep, I’d been fucking Ally.
Father of the year material for sure. Jesus.
“I’m sure it’s just a phase. Kids go through tons of them. Remember that year you wouldn’t eat anything but bologna and cheese sandwiches?”
“It wasn’t a year, more like three months, and this is a bit worse. I wonder if—”
Oliver held up a hand. “Don’t even say it. If you mention that bitch, my good humor will be ruined.”
I leaned forward. “Regardless, she’s her mother. And maybe there’s just no getting around that fact.”
Hearing myself, I frowned. What business did I have trying to set up this arrangement with Ally? My needs—and even Laurie’s—weren’t all that mattered. I’d told myself I could be both parents to my children, but maybe that was crazy talk. I couldn’t magically become the children’s mother. And when it came to the baby I had with Ally, he or she would have a mother. The best mother. Even without seeing Ally have kids of her own yet, I knew that just from watching her with Laurie. So how could I ever consider Ally might want to have a baby and walk away?
Christ, I was a selfish fuck. No wonder Ally didn’t want to talk to me. I’d thought up the most insane plan ever and I’d asked her to make the ultimate sacrifice for a few pennies. All right, a lot of them, but still. Exchanging a child for a college education was nuts.
Ally wasn’t Marj, and asking her to make a deal like that proved that I didn’t deserve a best friend like her.
I just fucking hoped she’d give me another chance.
“Seth?”
Shaking my head, I held up a finger at my brother and yanked out my phone. I texted Ally as fast as my fingers would work.
I’m so fucking sorry. More sorry than you’ll ever know.
She didn’t respond, and by now, I almost didn’t expect her to. I couldn’t have screwed up this situation any more if I’d tried.
I jerked to my feet and almost without thinking, tucked two cookies in my suit coat. Chocolate chip was Ally’s favorite.
Oliver rose, clearly reading my intentions to split. “You’re leaving? Just like that?”
“Yeah, I have shit to fix. I’m sorry, man. I really appreciate last night.” I clapped him on the shoulder and went to talk to my daughter.
She wasn’t in a hurry to go, of course, but I mentioned a possible hot fudge sundae at the diner in her future if she came without a fuss. More sugary snacks weren’t the best idea, and I’d probably pay the price for the rest of the weekend, but desperate times.
Oliver shook his head before I carted Laurie and her bag of toys and clothes out the door. “Whatever you’re up to, I hope it ends well.”
“Me too. I’ll call.”
I was already halfway down the steps with Laurie, who was waving frantically at my brother. “Bye Unca O! Bye bye!”
“Bye sweetness. Be good for your Daddy.”
She wriggled in my arms, smelling of powder and chocolate. “We go see Ally?”
“Yep, we’re going to see Ally. But Daddy needs to talk to her alone for a few m
inutes, so Aunty Sage will keep you company.” If Sage was even working. And if Sage didn’t hate me too for being a jackass and debauching her roommate, assuming Ally had told her what had happened. Part A and Part B.
Shit, I’d asked a virgin to have my baby. Not knowing she was a virgin didn’t make it any better. Somehow I should have known. Ally was a lockbox under the best of circumstances, but something like that…
Not to mention that I’d agonized more than once about her choice of dates over the years, imagining her going home with some of them and needing to drink to get the pictures out of my mind. I’d been certain it was just my streak of protectiveness in her direction kicking in, but what if?
What the fuck if?
I placed Laurie in her car seat and adjusted the belt, snapping it into place. “Extra sprinkles on your sundae if you’re good for Aunty Sage.”
“Sage has pretty hair. Yellow like mine.” Laurie touched her curls.
“Yes, just like yours, though yours is the prettiest in all the land.” I leaned forward to kiss the tip of her nose and she giggled.
A minute later, we were on the road to the diner. I debated giving Ally a heads up that I was stopping by, then decided a sneak attack was best. I wasn’t trying to corner her or convince her of anything. All I wanted to do was look her in the eye and make sure she was okay. And to apologize. Possibly fifty times or so.
I parked up the street from the diner and released Laurie from her car seat prison. Setting her on my hip, I checked my jacket pocket to make sure the cookies were still intact. Laurie wasn’t about to miss a chance for more sweets, however. She got one forbidden glimpse of them and screwed up her adorable face, her big blue eyes going shiny with unshed tears.
“For me?” she wailed. “For me?”
God save me from women. I truly wasn’t equipped to deal with them. Every time I thought I could handle the task, new obstacles were thrown in my path.
I dug out one of the cookies and resigned myself to a sleepless night with my child. Just as well. God knows I had no other reasons not to sleep at night. Last night’s event had been a one-off, certain to never be repeated again.
Virginity destroyer.
The little bell over the diner door dinged as I entered with a now contentedly munching Laurie. She was spewing crumbs all over my wrinkled dress shirt, but my attention snagged on all the faces that turned my way. It seemed like every patron in the place was staring at me and Laurie.
All but one person with a high, bouncy dark ponytail, and that was because she had her back to me. Luckily, she was talking loudly enough that I could hear her just fine.
“Oh, not you too, Sally Mae. As I was just telling Vern, I was just helping him with a problem. You know, as a friend.”
Sally Mae was looking past Ally at me. She cleared her throat. “Uh, dear, I’m not sure—”
“Certain issues of a performance nature,” Ally went on. “Any good friend would help. Now would you like eggs over easy like usual with red potatoes and a side of sausage? We have the summer fruit cup on special today. Comes free with any meal.”
“Alison,” I said in an undertone.
Ally’s shoulders went tight in her uniform, but she didn’t glance my way. Didn’t acknowledge me at all.
“The fruit cup has blueberries, honeydew, pineapple, and slices of fresh strawberries. The first crop this year from Happy Acres Orchard, right down in Turnbull.”
“Alison,” I said again.
Laurie finished scarfing down her cookie and pulled her chocolatey fingers out of her mouth. “Ally!”
Yeah, my best friend might be able to ignore me, but she definitely couldn’t ignore my little spitfire.
Ally turned, a genuine smile creasing her face and lighting up her honey eyes. “Hiya you. What’re you doing here?” She moved forward and snatched Laurie out of my arms without acknowledging my presence. “Look at these cheeks, all covered in chocolate. What has your daddy been feeding you?”
“Cookies. Unca O and me made ‘em. Daddy brought you one.”
“Daddy actually brought you two, but a certain thief felt the need to sample more of the merchandise.” I cupped my daughter’s head, leaving my hand there until Ally had no choice but to meet my gaze.
“I texted you.”
“Sorry, working.”
“And gossiping. About problems of a performance nature.” The diner was far too quiet around us, and I wasn’t about to give the town anything more to chat about today. “Is Sage working?”
“Sure am.” The cheerful blond crossed the restaurant with a tray full of dishes. “How can I help you?” Sage asked as she passed us, stopping to say something to Mrs. Negley in one of the booths.
They both giggled and glanced my way.
Fabulous.
“By the way,” I said, raising my voice, focusing on Ally’s face as it paled, “we both know my performance was just fine. Spectacular, in fact.”
“Enough to knock you right out?” Sage asked, blinking innocently when I narrowed my eyes.
“Back room,” Ally muttered, handing off Laurie to Sage without even waiting for my direction. Even with all this shit between us, we had a rhythm.
A damn fine one, in and out of bed. Fuck performance issues. Mine had been spot-on.
Sage hugged Laurie and carried her to an empty booth. “How about a nice cup of fruit while your Daddy and Ally talk?”
“Ice scream. Daddy promised ice scream.” Laurie glanced my way and banged a tiny fist on the table. “With sprinkles if I was good.”
“Were you good?”
“Yeah, put a hot fudge sundae with sprinkles on my tab. A small one,” I said out of the side of my mouth.
Sage nodded. “Will do.”
Ally was already headed down the hall that led to the bathrooms, the break room, and the storage room, so I followed, figuring she’d aim for the break room. Instead she went right for the storage area.
The second I shut the door, she whirled on me.
“What was I supposed to say? Everyone knows, Seth. Everyone. Someone must’ve seen us at the hotel, or hell if I know.”
I started to reply, but Ally wasn’t finished.
“They asked me questions all shift. I had to make a joke out of it, so people didn’t think you and I could—that we could ever be—”
“Had to make a joke out of me, you mean.” I tucked my thumbs in the pockets of my jeans. “Think you got your wish. Probably half the town is now wondering how I even managed to make my daughter.”
She bowed her head and her jaunty ponytail drooped over one shoulder. “I’m sorry. It was just a joke to save face and I guess I went too far.”
“Save face why? Even if someone got the idea that we were together, why not just roll with it?”
“Roll with it? Are you crazy?”
“I must be, considering the last week.” I stepped forward and forced the irritation from what she’d told people out of my head. When compared with my recent sins, it didn’t really rank. “I texted you that I was sorry.”
She tucked a stray curl behind her ear. “For what, exactly?”
“I never should have asked you to have my baby.”
Ally’s gaze shot to the door as if she expected it to blow open at any moment. “About time you realize that.”
“It was completely unfair of me. I’m not enough to be both mom and dad to a new child. I mean, with Laurie, it just worked out that way, but to set up a situation where I’m the only one making all the decisions for another child isn’t right. I’m simply not enough.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Ally stepped forward, going toe to toe with me. “Laurie is a happy, well-adjusted little girl. She adores you.”
“I’m not her mother. I can never be her mother.” I swallowed hard. “No matter how much I love her, it’s not the same as—”
“You think a child knows the difference as long as they’re treasured? Sure, they might wonder what if, but the lack comes
from not being loved enough, not from whether the person who tucks them in at night was mommy or daddy. I didn’t know my father, and I grew up just fine with only my mom. She was everything.” Ally gripped my wrists and jerked my arms until my eyes snapped up to meet hers. “She was way more than enough.”
“Your mother was amazing.”
“You’re right. She was. And so are you. Laurie couldn’t be any luckier if she had two parents. No one could love that little girl more than you do. Just like you’d love that new baby. I never doubted for a second that you were enough. It wasn’t that.”
“I didn’t know you were a virgin. If I’d known…”
“It’s not about that either.” Her nails scraped my wrists, and the bite of pain made my cock spring to life. I wasn’t proud of it, but this woman was like a goddamn torch to my libido.
One taste of her hadn’t been enough. Would never be enough.
“Then?” I asked softly, fighting the urge to cup her cheek so she had no choice but to look into my eyes. I hated that she never fully looked at me anymore. That was a new thing too.
So much of this was new, and she wasn’t the only one struggling to keep her footing. With every step, I felt as if I was sinking in quicksand.
“You’re the most important person in my life. If this goes sideways and I lose you—” she began.
“Not gonna happen.” Even after the past week, I didn’t have to fake the confidence in my voice. “We are solid. Always. No matter what.”
“A baby would change things. You thought you’d make it easy on me, give me the chance to walk away. But I couldn’t. Just like I can’t turn my back on you or that little girl.” Her face tipped up to mine and her pleading tone cut me to the quick. “Do you honestly think I could walk away from a child we’d made?”
“So do it with me.”
Her mouth quivered. “What?”
“Have the baby with me and we’ll raise it together. Why the hell not, right? We’re both single, and we’re friends. As close as could be before sex, and now that’s obviously a go too, so why not?” I rushed on, the idea gaining speed. I didn’t know all the logistics of what I was suggesting, but right now, I didn’t care.