by Taryn Quinn
She shook her head against my shoulder.
I swung her up into my arms. “Yes you do. You’ll be up there with all your friends. And you want to show off your pretty dress, right?”
“Yeah.” Her voice was small, but less scared.
“See? Oh, and you get a diploma. Just like the big girl you are.”
“Diploma?”
I shifted her onto my hip. “Yep. A paper that says you are a very important little girl. Even though we already know you are, right Dad?”
Seth’s eyebrows shot up behind his aviators. “Of course.” He gave his little girl a huge smile. “What are we doing?” he asked out of the side of his mouth.
“She’s a big girl now. She’s definitely going up on stage to get her diploma.”
“Oh, right. Definitely. I can’t wait to take a million pictures of you, munchkin.” He poked his finger into her side and she wiggled in my arms.
“No, Daddy.”
“Okay, maybe one hundred pictures?”
She giggled. “No. Ten is good.”
Seth laughed. “Ten, huh?”
“Yes. One for you, one for me, one for Grandpa, one for Ollie…” She put her hand against my cheek. “One for Ally. She’s just like a mama, right?”
I nearly dropped her.
Seth moved in close to me and slid his hand down my back. “Would you like that, baby girl?”
“Big girl,” Laurie said quickly.
“Sorry. My big girl.” Seth brought his hand up to my ponytail and stroked it absently. “Our big girl.”
Laurie leaned into me and tangled her fingers in the chain of my arrow necklace at the nape of my neck. “I would.” Then she reached up to her dad. “A lot, a lot.”
I swallowed down a lump threatening to strangle me.
Seth hugged us closer to him. “I’d like it a lot, a lot too.”
I looked up at him, but couldn’t see exactly what was going on behind his mirrored glasses. But his familiar scent of smoky sugar and coffee mixed with the watermelon scent of Laurie and it made my head spin.
Did he have any idea what he was saying?
Was he really saying it?
I opened my mouth, but screeching feedback from the podium cut me off.
Laurie winced and slapped her hands over her hears. “Loud.”
A woman in a bright yellow dress leaned into the microphone. “Parents, we’re just about ready to begin.”
“How about that? It’s time to begin. Ally and Uncle Ollie will be sitting with me right there.” Seth pointed to the left side of the folding chairs. “Let’s bring you up there, okay?” He swung her out of my arms and up high in the air. “My pretty girl is graduating today.”
She laughed and clutched at his arms. “Carry me, Daddy?”
“You got it.” He turned back to me. “I’ll meet you up there?”
I nodded and blinked back the sudden wash of tears threatening again. God, hadn’t I cried enough last night?
I met Oliver at the chairs and noted that only the three of them were reserved. None for me?
Oliver looked up from his phone. He took the program off the chair to his left. “I saved you a seat.”
“Where’s your father?” I sat down and crossed my legs under my long summer dress.
Oliver’s jaw flexed. “Not here.”
“Right.” I swallowed and turned my attention to Seth and Laurie. How many times had the elder Hamilton bailed on these things? And yet there was Seth, bent down talking to Laurie as the teacher lined them up. He never missed a single event for her. Somehow I knew he was giving her a pep talk. A single father completely devoted to his little girl.
Even if his father and mother had been less than ideal in that arena, Seth had excelled in parenting. So much so that she was afraid she’d never live up to his ideals there.
He headed back to them with a sweet backwards wave to his daughter before he took the seat beside me. His knee bounced as he cracked his knuckles. He scrubbed his palm down his thigh with a laugh. “I’m nervous. Crazy, right?”
“First of many graduations.” I smiled up at him.
He flipped his hand, palm up and spread his fingers. “I guess you’ll just have to hold my hand through all of them.”
My throat clogged again, but I couldn’t resist the gesture. I laced my fingers with his and turned to watch our little girl.
For the first time I felt like we could be a unit and it scared the crap out of me.
17
Seth
What was that old saying? Can never go home again? I was learning that applied even when you’d never left your hometown.
The old homestead wasn’t all you couldn’t return to. You also couldn’t go back to high school and pretend you were still eighteen when all you cared about were the three Ps—partying, Pabst, and pussy.
I still loved pussy. Ally’s in particular. I sat back in my chair and rubbed my forehead. Actually, I didn’t want any other.
Ever.
Christ, lightning bolts hurt. This one had jabbed me before, causing sizzling little bursts of revelation—usually quickly ignored—but now reality speared me between the eyes.
We weren’t just making a baby. We were making a life.
“I think we need to go out the night before the reunion and get fucking trashed,” JT said on the phone, and I grunted.
Not in agreement. Not in approval. Nope. Wasn’t gonna happen.
“I have a kid, you know. I can’t just spend the night getting lit.”
“So what? I might have a kid out there too, somewhere. You don’t see it slowing me down, man.” JT laughed heartily and I swallowed a sigh.
I’d called JT to rehash old times while I ate half a turkey sandwich at my desk in between meeting with clients. Afterward, I intended to bike ride down to the bank before my slate of appointments later in the afternoon. It was a nice day out. Maybe I’d even stop at the bakery and see if they had any of those half moons Ally liked. If I brought a couple to the diner, maybe she’d soften up enough to talk to me.
It had been several days since she’d left my place in a rush. Surely by now she had to be over the whole wanting space thing. Or whatever it was.
Her weirdness had started right around when she’d found that reunion invitation. But that didn’t make sense. She’d had a good time in high school too. Or so I’d thought.
All I knew was that right now, JT wasn’t funny, and I wasn’t feeling the old times gig as much as I’d expected. Maybe because the best part of my past was also part of my present—and hopefully my future.
“Yeah, well, mine lives with me, and I’m not going out to get wasted. She’s already spent the night with her uncle once this month.”
“So what? Kid needs some freedom.”
“Freedom like I had? My dad never gave a shit if I was home, but I better not do anything to tarnish the precious family name.”
Even as I said the words, I regretted them. My dad could be thoughtless, and he definitely wouldn’t win the father of the year award, but he hadn’t been a bad parent.
At least he’d stuck around, unlike my mother.
Unlike Laurie’s.
Fuck, were we doomed to repeat every pattern in our lives? Just like I’d pulled a page out of my father’s playbook by paying off Marjorie, I’d tried it again with that stupid contract.
I yanked out my top desk drawer where the contract still resided. I was going to set that stupid thing on fire.
Ally and I didn’t need signatures between us. We weren’t about that. We made our own damn rules.
“Look, dude, I’m just saying it’d be fun if we cut loose and partied like we did in the old days. But if you’re not cool with that, then me and Brad will just see you at the reunion.”
“That’s probably a better idea. Maybe we can get a beer afterward,” I added, though I already knew that probably wouldn’t be happening. Ally would be with me, and she’d been clearly uncomfortable when the subject of high scho
ol had come up. I wasn’t entirely sure why, but it didn’t matter.
If she didn’t want to do the whole reunion thing, we’d make our appearances, talk to a few people, and split. I preferred spending the night with her and my little girl anyway.
“Sure, man, whatever you want. I’m just glad to be seeing you and Brad again. I’ve been missing those old days something fierce. Nothing’s been like them, you know? We had the life back then.”
His words were still echoing in my head after I’d hung up. I’d had fun going down memory lane for a few minutes the other day, but perhaps I didn’t need that blast from the past as much as I’d thought.
My present was pretty damn awesome.
I pushed aside the remnants of my turkey sandwich and flipped open the folder. I would tear up the contract. And in case Ally didn’t get how serious I was about her—about us—I’d bring the damn thing back to her in pieces. Maybe then she’d relax a little and let things happen.
If that was even what she wanted.
My gaze scanned the page on top automatically. She’d faxed over the house paperwork separately, so the only thing that should be in this folder was the contract I’d given her. And it was, all signed, sealed and delivered.
Just not with her name.
Your Ally Cat was written in her tight little scrawl, and fuck if it didn’t make me smile.
She was mine, and she had been since high school. And if we went to that reunion together, there wasn’t a person there who wouldn’t know it.
Especially her.
I shoved the folder across the desk and rose. Actually, nope, I wasn’t going to tear up the contract. Not where I had it in writing that she was mine. I’d take proof in whatever way I could get it.
She wasn’t going to shut me out forever.
I’d made it halfway to the door when Oliver swung into the room, his briefcase in one hand and his eyebrow already climbing for greatness. “So you drove her away, hmm?”
Frowning, I stopped dead. “Drove who away?”
“Why, Alison, of course. She’s the only woman in your life, isn’t she? Perhaps not.” Oliver moved forward to sit on the corner of my desk. “That would explain the secrecy. You have to know friends with benefits never works out well long-term. Or maybe you don’t. Consider it free advice. Just another of Oliver’s—”
“You don’t have any friends, so what would you know about it?” I muttered, not caring if the jab hurt. My brother certainly never worried overmuch about his pointed remarks in my direction. “Oliver’s Life Lessons”, he called them.
I usually offered a lifted middle finger as thanks.
“I know Alison has called out sick all week to work and Sage grew desperate enough to ask me if I’d seen her. I indicated I had not. Clearly she’s not warming your bed either.”
As if he’d dropped a giant weight onto my shoulders, I returned to my desk and sank into my chair. “She’s called in? She never does that. Maybe she really isn’t feeling well.” Hope bloomed inside me as I did some quick calculations. It was early, but possible. She could definitely be feeling some twinges if something had taken root.
But she hadn’t called me.
I reached for my desk phone just as Oliver snatched up the folder. And started to read while I stared almost unseeingly at him.
My slowness to react had to do with the possibility Ally could be pregnant. That was the only reason I had for not leaping to my feet and yanking the folder out of my snoop of a brother’s hands.
“Well, now, isn’t this interesting? A baby contract. Is Ally feeling the need to procreate? She is nearing thirty. I can see why she’d want to move on that sooner rather than later.”
“Give me that, you jackass. And no, Ally wasn’t feeling anything. I was the one who wanted the baby.”
Oliver’s brows snapped down as he peered at me over the folder I wasn’t getting back unless I wrestled him to the ground—and that might end up happening. “I think you better cut back on those vitamins you’ve been taking. That ginseng-biloba must be messing with your wiring.”
“My wiring is just fine.”
“You have a baby. Why would you want another?”
“Laurie is four. Hardly a baby. And I’m not justifying my decisions to you.” I narrowed my eyes. “Why is it so shocking that I’d want another kid? The first one came out pretty damn good.”
“She did, but one is plenty. What do you think you’re going to do? Quit your job and play house husband?” He glanced at the contract. “Seems like you just want her eggs and want her gone. Paying for her school, huh? Guess that explains why Sage mentioned her applying for classes in New York City. Free ride.”
Oliver probably kept talking, but I wasn’t listening anymore. All I could hear in my head on a constant loop was that she’d applied for school in New York City.
Miles and miles away.
I had no right to feel hurt. That had been what I’d suggested all along. We’d make a baby, then she could go to school wherever she wanted. In the back of my mind, I’d always known it was a real possibility whether I gave her the funding or not. Ally mentioning wanting to split town was less frequent these days, but every now and then, it still came up. She wanted a fresh start. Hell, she deserved one. My money could give her that.
Equal exchange. And hey, she could always come see our kid on weekends and breaks and holidays. The city was only a little over four hours away. Not that far at all.
“Fuck.” I slammed my fist into the desk, barely registering the sting.
Oliver shut the folder. “Didn’t know she was applying to schools in New York City?”
“No. I mean, I told her anywhere was fair game.”
“You told her. As if she isn’t an unencumbered adult capable of making her own choices.”
I stayed silent for that one. The truth hurt as much as my now aching knuckles.
“Don’t know if you know this, but Dad paid off mom.”
My head snapped up. “What?”
“She didn’t just take off. They made a deal. He’d finance her lifestyle elsewhere if she didn’t try to take him for half in the divorce, thereby forcing him to expose her cheating and other misdeeds in court. Neither of them wanted messy, so she went for it. Last I knew, she was living in Cabo with her new family.”
“Cabo?” I rubbed my thumb between my eyes. “Who the hell lives in Cabo?”
“Our mother does. From what I’ve heard, we have a younger half sister too. Unsubstantiated, of course. Dad isn’t exactly forthcoming on the subject, and the internet coughs up only so much.”
I didn’t say anything. My mind was so full of Ally that I couldn’t focus on anything else.
If she missed work, she must’ve gone to New York to scope out schools. There was no other explanation. If she was truly sick, she would’ve been home with Sage. And she didn’t have any other friends in town she’d stay with. Nor did her budget extend to spur-of-the-moment vacations.
“I did drive her away. Somehow.” I braced my elbow on the desk and raked a hand through my hair. “I don’t know how to do this. Every time I think we’re getting somewhere, we lose even more ground.”
“Hamilton men are meant to be single file.”
Normally I laughed off Oliver’s certainty in that direction. For a long time, I’d been half convinced of the very same thing.
Not anymore.
“Meant to end up like Dad, you mean? Bitter and alone, with only his money to keep him company?”
Oliver adjusted his tie. “He has two rather strapping sons as well. One more so than the other.”
“Keep trying with your workout routine. Persistence is key.” I tipped back in my chair. “Fuck, Ol, how do I fix this?”
No sooner had the words left my mouth, I shook my head. “No. Never mind. I did not ask for your advice. There’s desperate and then there’s suicidal.”
“Actually, maybe I should fix this.”
“What? No. God, no.”
His laughter was rich and throaty, like any good movie villain. “Seriously, man, pull yourself together. I thought you only wanted use of her eggs. And from the way you were making out the other day at Laurie’s party,” he cleared his throat, “I’m going to guess you already achieved liftoff there.”
“We weren’t making out. It was a kiss. We just kissed.”
“Hmm, and here I thought you knew how babies were made already.” Oliver whisked his fingers over the hairline straight seam of his trousers. “That might actually explain a lot.”
In spite of everything, I laughed. “Why are you still here?”
“Because you need help, and I’m a giver.”
“You don’t even like Ally. I don’t know why, but you don’t.”
“You are as dense as a two-by-four without all the uses.” He gave a heavy sigh when I stared at him. “I was jealous. Possibly.”
“Of Ally? Why?”
“Not of Ally, per se. Of your relationship with her. The two of you have always been a unit against the world. Before Ally, it was you and me, in case you’ve forgotten.”
“It’s different with Ally.”
“No kidding. But you never fully realized just how much.”
I shook my head. “No. Not until now. Even Marj—“ I stopped. “You introduced me to Marj. Kept telling me she would be great for me.”
Oliver shrugged and set aside the folder beside my sandwich wrapper on my messy desk. “I never thought you’d knock her up. Or marry her.”
“One kind of led to the other,” I said drily.
“Yes, well, some of us know how to bag it up. Then again, you’re going bag-free intentionally now, so there’s no understanding you, brother.” Oliver rose and glanced down at me with all the paternalism being two minutes older brought to bear. “Let me try to fix this.”
“No. Absolutely not. You don’t even know what the issue is, and I’m supposed to let you sweep in and muck things up even further?”
“She’s left you without a word. What further muck can I cause?”
I had no answer for that.
“As for not knowing the issue, it’s fairly clear. You made up a nonsense reason to sleep with her that didn’t require brutal honesty, and now you’ve finally realized you’re in love with her.”