“My little Virginia, my little Virginia!… Don’t leave me! I beg you! I’ll never yell at you again! Tell me you love me just a little… that it’s not just Curlers who’s caught your eye! Tell me I matter just a little to you!…”
Ah! I wasn’t yet down for the count, I acted real sweet, the rough stuff was getting me nowhere. I wanted to be in on the party too… my visions totally obsessed me! Damn! This jealousy! I had the shakes… Ah! I bleated, pleaded with her… for her not to run away, to forgive me! I’d never say another word to her!… Not one single word, not one single sigh! I wouldn’t bug her any more! I’d carry my bundle like a good little boy. Honest! And then, damn, it started right up again… I was back to my questions. I was dragging my bum leg after those crazy visions… I glance over at her cute little puss… and wham! My blood’s back to boiling, you bet!… I wanted a fuller picture than before… more and more details! Hell-bent for those big secrets… it was too much for my poor wreck of a body, and certainly for my head; my filthy third degree sent my fever sky-high… my kooky questions… she kept mum… she could hear me mumbling… she kept mum, skipping along beside me, very frisky, impish… she must have thought I was off my nut… I was afraid to push her to the limit, my adorable Virginia, my Madonna, my fairy… I kept hobbling forward with my sack of junk, really busting my butt… wheezing… she kept me hooked with her smiles… I was one deadbeat old rascal… I felt like sacking out right there on the sidewalk. Now was no time… Ah! Have to hand it to these British girls!… So spruce and trim, so waifish, so blond… and heaven in their eyes… the kinkiness of angels… with a touch of devil mixed in… a touch of devil, sure as hell… a devil down to her fingernails she was… a devil I was just crazy about!…
We reach Buckingham Street… Right there, as we pass a doorway I want to drag her inside, give her a kiss… it was a dark nook… I want to give her a little hug, she fights me off, wriggling like a fish… I kiss her, tickle her… force her into a cranny… jeez, the way she starts screaming!… Whoah! Do me a favour and pipe down! Pipe down! How thrilled I am… so scared she was going to get away from me!… I sort of hurt her… pinched her, I wanted to know the whole story… I wanted to punish her… for Curlers, for all that jazz back there!… I wanted her to confess… that she was one kinky little kid… I had to take a hard line!… Ah! I loved her so much!… Little bitch!… Even worse than before, even stronger… it was sheer hell… a poison scorching me inside and out ever since Curlers… my trousers were on fire… I was racked with all sorts of excruciating spasms, thigh cramps that set me howling… I was barking in the doorway… slobbering her with kisses, and with my left hand, my strong one, feeling up her little body, her belly, her little bottom so hard and taut… a baby animal!… A bouncy little ass!… Quivering! I clamped onto it, squeezed it, kneaded it, I’d have pressed out every last drop of juice… every last drop of her wily ways, the little hellcat!… Every last drop of blood, of flesh… and then, goddamn it! I started to come… I was coming… and I let go of everything!… staggered around… braying… flailing!… I latch onto her! Crunch! Sink my teeth into her! Right into her neck… and whap! She belts me! A real zinger! The viper! What strength! I’m knocked for a loop… now was that nice?… And whap! I belt her back!… Fair’s fair! I catch her in both arms, squeeze hard… grind her against me… mash her with one of those big sloppy smooches right there against the wall… lap her up… she starts turning to jelly, I feel her wobbling… her head crooks backward… I prop her up straight, try to bring her around… give her a shake, talk to her, she stammers… I rub her, kiss her… she comes to… starts breathing again… This happened on Buckingham Street as I said… a fainting spell… just past Wickham Gate, past the fresh-produce market… but back in those days it was empty. I’m not going to bog my story down in details again… “Come on, kid!…” I head back on our way… I had to cut it short… before we drew a crowd… “Let’s go, my child!” I mean business… this time she follows me… no more skipping back and forth, no more frolicking… I guess I’d really shaken her up… she could have spit nails, had about as much as she could take, darting me dirty looks at the intersections… I thought she was going to cut out. But still we couldn’t drag our feet any more. I stepped up our pace, though!… I was hauling a whole scrapheap on my shoulders, a jumble of odds and ends… a horrendous burden… Ah! I was sweating worse than a pig with every new mile… I even stopped looking at the little snotnose… whatever happens will happen! But now she comes up close, gives me a kiss… she’s the one making a pass at me. She wants to lend me a hand, and right now… she acts nice as could be… back in her good mood, time to make up!… Carry the sack between us… each on one end… I’m real happy!… The sack teeters, crash! She drops her end… it spills out over my feet! I yowl! It goes rolling all over the road… now I’ve got to leap and lunge after everything! All the small coupling rings in the gutter!… Ah! What a kick Virginia’s getting out of this! Me pouncing after all the gear… getting under everybody’s feet!… under all the passers-by! What a terrific trick! She got her revenge!… Worked like a charm!… I keep my mouth shut… gather up my goulash… I’ll see to her later… the little horror’ll get what she deserves!… I make myself a promise… I sure as hell don’t want any more of her help… let her stay pissed off! That’s the way I’d rather have it… I was stopping everywhere to catch my breath… practically at every corner… naturally this slowed us down some… we finally reach Wardour… between Wardour and Guilford, way back when during my first weeks in London, I’d spotted a hotchpotch of shops that were really like museums of travel souvenirs, curios, world maps, chromos, antiques from all corners of the world, prints of sailing ships, compasses, mounted fish, albatrosses… heaps of miscellaneous junk like I’d never seen before… between Wardour and Guilford Street… Plus it was a pleasant spot, no mob to fight, nice and enclosed, with connecting walkways… It put a dry roof over your head where you could wait out downpours… And give your shoes a break… It reminded me of the kind of passages we have back in Paris, but loads more fun, cosier too, not crawling with riff-raff, a sewer for the great unwashed like ours… nothing but shops dealing in colonial goods, in the foreign, the exotic… I’d dropped by often, always brought back for one or another reason… I’d already spent a good amount of time lingering around here… in front of practically every shop window! Ah! This was the kind of place where you could let your mind wander, get a feel for different countries, at least in a certain way… the one catch is that it sort of wears you out, it’s tiring and depressing… the world is full of so many places! Tibet’s not the only country out there! Your mind ends up racing… reeling… there’s too much to see! All that exotic junk winds up going to your head, offers you too many different windows… in the end it makes you world-weary, woeful… poor crummy cockroach, the likes of you will never get to see anything, with your pathetic screwed-up feet… Shitty rinky-dink bug… you’ll never go anywhere! Plus I was incredibly greedy… I felt like cleaning out the whole shop, the back room, piling every last thing in the window on top of my cargo of hardware, so maybe that bum Sosthène could teach me a thing or two, give me a real sort of education, not just his constant Hindu crap… He had the chance to put all his knowledge to work. I bet that ugly sucker knows his stuff… otherwise, what was the point in being such a tough guy, somebody who had been around the block a few times… I bet anything he was feeding me a line! I’d have shown him the butterflies in their little boxes, the star maps… I was sure he’d be stumped… He didn’t know the first thing about astronomy – des Pereires knew a hell of a lot more… my lousy school diploma didn’t open up any horizons for me… I’d have liked to learn about the world… but he’d have poured on the snake oil again… tough, I’d just have to deal with it… I was lecturing Virginia… while working our way from one window to the next… at least twenty weird stores all in a row… botanical curios from around the world… plus a four-eyed monster bat with sixteen paws�
� a flesh-eating plant… an astrolabe… a “feather-head” iguana, the last of its kind in the world, as pretty a sight as Curlers… I point it out to the girl, it gave her a good laugh… Ah! I was sure happy too… I was making my impression after all!… Explorers’ maps of Africa… the polar bears of the Arctic Circle, I was chewing her ear off about them, the seals, the woolly mammoths… packing the ice fields… I concocted stories for her! The only problem was that my brain was working overtime, I really lost track of what I was saying, I was going at it too hard, lost my steam… the kid was treating me like a dumb-ass clown, she kept firing questions at me… I couldn’t really tell what I was looking at any more… everything was whirling in front of me, the island savages, the iguana, the astrolabe… like a merry-go-round in my head… my heart pounding… another dizzy spell… I get two-three a day… I catch myself against the window… wind up sitting on top of my bundle, my junk pile… my mind’s spinning… everything’s spinning!… I hold my head in my hands… I can see it all again… the painted savages in their masks… dancing in a circle around me… plus des Pereires among them, poor old des Pereires collapsed in a heap in his wheelbarrow… I don’t know why… the feeling of faintness was bringing my memories back… fluttering heartaches, butterflies of muted music… I can still sort of hear… it’s my heart… and now blazing red I can see it! My jealousy’s flaring up!… I ought to move but I can’t any more… got to keep an eye on the girl in case she beats it!… Ah! It’s just awful how weak I am… collapsed in a heap against the shop window… and everything stirs up my memories, my strength… got to keep an eye on the girl… so who’s really been violating her?… Her uncle? The Colonel? Sosthène?… Which colonel? I can’t remember… I’ve got a colonel too!… A real one, you bet! Not some jerk! Des Entrayes! Fucking Christ Almighty! The Sixteenth heavy artillery! I’m all discombobulated! I puke right there against the shop window! It just happens! Tough luck about the Vegas! Don’t know which end is up any more… And that sly devil Nelson! And the astrolabe! And Curlers, that old painted sow! I’ll show you where I’ll stick them! Plus Matthew, that dyed-in-the-wool pig from the Yard! His eyes whirling me around… never off me?… Where am I going to stick them? A merry-go-round humming in my brain… roaring like hell inside my head… dazing me badly, I wobble on my feet… I’ll never make it through this. They were a gang of geeks… geeks! I’m positive they put their paws all over her!… In any case her uncle sure did! No mistake on that score! She wasn’t new at this game! I’d seen her with Curlers… if she’d just been some kid, I mean genuinely innocent, she’d have run away screaming! But no fucking way, what delight! I sure got an eyeful! And they’d sure had one hell of a time, two turtle doves in bliss! Two lowlife tarts smack in the centre of the square! A little girl! Not even a speck of shame, of decency! The snotnosed slut! Driving me up the wall with that cheap tramp! That creepy old bag! They put me through hell in a hurry, no buts about it! I can’t keep still! I climb to my feet. I want to charge straight out of here! I’m seething inside! Damn, my head! Tough shit! I force myself! I’m really obsessed! I’ve got to get away! To react! Come on, off we go, Virginia, we’re out of here! Can’t let her go! I drag her by the hand! Brazen snotnosed little vixen! I said get a move on! Let’s hit the road! That dirty louse Sosthène! Hypocrite! He’s looking for the Devil! Well, I’ve got him right inside! Day and night writhing in my skull! He’s just got to grab him and carry him off! No sweat! The Devil’s moving all through me, I’ve got him in my guts, in my leg! In my brain! And in my heart! And the kid beside me is a devil from head to toe! We’ve all gone to the Devil, goddamn it! Crummy Sosthène with his magic crew! And then there’s Curlers! She’s got the Vegas beat with her hundred thousand grimaces, a one-woman show!… She casts her spell and sucks the life out of you! Whoah, things are bad, my legs like jelly… can’t move forward… forced back on my butt… dizzy with anger… my mind back on that bastard Sosthène… and then Matthew… two fine specimens!… And then there’s my jealousy beside me, I’m clasping her by the hand… cocky little bitch from hell… fairy princess of my heart… my well-knit kinky little treasure… what you going to do with her, moron? My mind slips its tracks, soars off with me in tow… I lose control… I’m straitjacket material… I am aware of that much all the same… this is totally insane… the fairy princess of my heart, so mischievous… what a depraved nymphet… with Curlers, that toad!… Some fairy tale that was back there… I was moaning, panting on my pile, my gear… collapsed like a beaten mutt against the store front… what a pretty sight!… She could clearly see I was done in, the hussy was totally aware… she could have lent me a hand a little… People were looking at us. It was quitting time… Crowds were passing… Heads up for the cops! What if they haul me in like some bum?… Some wreck zonked out on a public sidewalk… On your feet, you mongrel! I buck myself up. Bust my gut! Nose to the grindstone, punk… I pour it on. We weren’t too far from Gingolf’s, paint and putty… I’d lots of provisions to stock up on there… Gingolf & Co., I can see the shop… I keep going… walk right by. I was caught up in my thoughts. Sleepwalking… straight ahead… holding Virginia by the hand… absolutely determined she stay with me… I wanted to keep her by my side once and for all! That’s where my mind was at. Even if it came down to locking her up… While walking briskly, I gave this idea some thought… I needed to stash her away in safe keeping like a jewel… no more traipsing about for her… like the Crown Jewels in the Tower of London!… That was my hot idea!… Nobody would ever set eyes on her again!… I’d drink her up with my eyes all by myself… as much as I wanted!… An impregnable fortress… with dungeons, loopholes… giant drawbridges!… And boiling oil for Curlers, her dirty creepy pork face! Always standing ready over the doorway! The fire always hot! Right on her chops! So that she’d never come back for more! Old sow!
“I’ll lock you away!” I said to her… I promised she’d be happy… “I’ll lock you up in my tower!”
“Where’s your tower?”
She wasn’t fazed.
“In my big castle, you little ninny! You’ll be nice and cosy! In my fortress, my pretty one! You’ll be nice and warm!”
She was giving me a sarcastic look… she kept trotting along, the little goat… and then she started to skip… not one bit upset… “Cuckoo!” she said to me. “Cuckoo!” Sticking her finger to my temple… she kept skipping… and I kept walking… the nutcase!
“Yes, my precious treasure… behind triple locks! And another triple set on top of that! That’s the way it’ll be!”
“Kii! Kii!” she started giggling… Ah! Great start… the more I hammered away the funnier I got!… I felt like crying… the darling… flower of my dream… what a precocious kid, damn! Ah! It bowled me over… little British girls of this sort with their sturdy calves and all, who would raise holy hell at the drop of a hat… start a riot, screaming and shouting over nothing… over some itty-bitty liberty… and this from a girl who makes a public spectacle of herself with a rotten old battleaxe, a sex-crazed granny… Ah! What an absolute hoot!… Just wait and see what I’ve got up my sleeve, brat! Asshole craziness!
“Cuckoo!” she kept going at me. “Cuckoo!” Actually I was sort of funny, walking and talking… a raging pig tortured to pieces… she could see me all in a dither, fretting away, racked with worry… but she just didn’t care, she just didn’t. I was showing her the best time she’d ever had… I was her weepy-eyed nitwit. She was clueless… Come on, keep moving, funny guy! Lug along your torments with your bundle! Let’s go, shake a leg! Klutz! Keep moving, crackbrain… We covered a nice distance even so… we were almost back where we started out that morning… right at the French bookshop… Ah! I was done in, I had to have a break for a minute. And this time I wasn’t kidding… I was at the end of my rope… I set down my bundle… Got to keep the girl amused… I’m forever scared she’ll take off… we do a little window-shopping… the picture books, the children’s comics… just right for her age… Virginia re
ads French well… Plus there are dirty books… which interest her, I’ve got to say… She’ll take Suzette’s Week*… We step inside the store… Scads and scads more books… especially adventure stories… the trek of two orphans to the North Pole… plus colour engravings, complete collections of airplanes, turbine-powered cycles, race cars… Every sort of gas-driven invention… It took me back to the past… at least seven years… eight years… I was counting… that long already! How time flies! Des Pereires… his inventions… his great favourite… and then the wheelbarrow… damn, those really were the good old days!… Screwed-up old clown! And what about this new guy? Mr Jig, Sosthène! How would we say goodbye?… I already had memories… war piles them up for you… I looked at the girl… the kid… She didn’t have an inkling… I talked to her about the pretty pictures… just right for her age… I told her all about the globe-shaped ones… I sure knew a thing or two about them!… The manager was real easy-going, we were allowed to turn the whole place upside down, all his collections… he’d let you linger for hours on end while the rain came pouring down… he’d never bitch… he hardly ever left his cashier’s office, he kept tabs on the scene from way on high, I can still see him now… his pince-nez!… Hopelessly short-sighted, lived in a cloud, celluloid choke collar, your change with a smile… the only drawback was that you could smell him coming, a pungent reek, the taste of the period, a stink of stale sweat. It took the First World War to wipe out people’s stink, I mean their BO. I wonder what this new war’s going to wipe out? Tooth decay? Bad breath? Just another two or three cataclysms and we’ll be all set! Back to wearing peplums and the reign of the great god Pan! Paradise Regained!… But four-eyes hadn’t gone off to the war yet! So why’s he unfit for service, looking so stiff and starchy? How was he disabled? Didn’t really look so old, after all… I never asked him any questions… I didn’t want to come across like the cops… he had just a few strands of hair… a small grafted-on-looking moustache… sort of like des Pereires. It was as though he’d been appointed here… they might as well stuff him right away, not another soul would be cast in his mould, no others of his ilk would be sent over from France or anywhere else… in short, he was already a thing of the past, part of a collection, frozen in time at the end of an era… he was a walking museum… whenever I’d pass I’d stop in to see him… I used to wear the same soft collar as he did, the same celluloid collar… bow tie… but he was still at his post… I’d left it all behind… I was the one adventuring through his collections… and well, I’ve got to admit, some adventures they were too! Ships down through the ages… a really mind-boggling array… from every century under every flag… from draggers to ocean liners, clippers, cargo and passenger steamers, frigates, galleons and corvettes… every vessel that had ever ploughed the waves in all oceans and climes, sky-blue mirrors, sheets of slate, storm-tossed waves!… I was so tempted to buy something, a big change from tracking down cotton padding… replacing cast iron… Ah! I felt like snapping up a ship or two, a collection, a real assortment, I’d’ve plastered my walls with them, covered the Colonel’s stairwell, plus the bedroom I shared with Sosthène, a whim, a craze on a sudden impulse, a couple magnificent three-masters for instance, and how about five or six passenger and cargo steamers?…
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