“Virginia! Virginia! Help!”
My cry of agony.
Ah! Fucking hell! Nobody can hear, everybody’s laughing. The din’s too deafening… my ravaging harpies couldn’t give a good goddamn… they turn over, on top of me now, just like that, with their bodies upside down… push their crotches right up over my nose… I’m lodged in their pink smothering thighs, steeped in the incense, the aroma of ass, the fragrances… waves… of heat that could set you nibbling and gobbling for centuries on end, asses made in heaven, the blond tufts of angels, oh how like slices of ham cured in Paradise, you can stuff your face with piping-hot Eternity… I go at it… I go at it… nibbling away… chubby cheeks here… her hot butt… I’m going to swallow, suck down everything in sight… I’m drooling, drooling away… an ogre of love! I’m ravenous… fuck Virginia! I want every last one of these bitches from hell… I change my tune in a flash… In the tangle of interlaced flesh, between thighs I spot her in the mirror… it’s her, the slut! My tramp… way at the end… between the wall and the piano… my little dove’s no wallflower… she’s mobbed all over too! Ah! I can make her out… I have a real good look… a huge crush of men on her belly… tails, coats, suits… white hair… a melee on top of her too… every inch of her swarming with a wriggling mass… going at her frontwards and backwards, pawing and mashing her… her short skirt flung in the air… just like my trousers… she’s having her fling! Ah! She gives us a good laugh… and she joins in the laughter too, the saucy little vixen! In leaps and bounds she escapes their clutches! They catch her again, knock her back over… a furious feel-up fest… I can’t even hear her screams… the racket’s too loud… the Tweet-Tweeters and the trumpets… blowing howling something fierce! Keep on yelling, cutie pie! Scream! They’re going to make mincemeat out of her! A grand hurricane of passions! Sweeping, swirling through… at least three fun-lovers straddling me… I’m not going to be able to restrain myself much longer despite everything… I’m muffled in hugs, satiny skins, wild, tender, burning kisses, wrapped tight in the fiery humping frenzy of twenty-five she-devils who’ll never loosen their clutches… they overpower me, flesh-and-blood furies, she-gluttons for pleasure… they’ll suck the soul right out of me… they knock me back over, force me to the floor, remount my mouth my nose, I’ve got to give them head, that’s a fact… if I put up a fight they’ll slit my throat… with a superhuman effort I yank free… spring to my feet back to life, I can breathe… I can still see Virginia! Her little face in the mirrors… her cute adorable little mug!… But I can’t spot her dear body… swallowed up, my dove, my sweetheart, my adored child, under this disgusting jumble, this enraged heap… They’re at least twenty guys on top of her, suits, tuxes, tailcoats, grunting, groaning, floundering out… such things just can’t be! Those greedy lunatics are going to strip the flesh right off her bones! They’re roaring after her thighs, stupendously wonderful golden and amber fruits! After her lusty little treasures, her mischievous titties, fidgety behind, marble and flesh and rose… Everything is up for grabs with those pigs… they’re wallowing in her, swamping her… Jesus, they too adore her! They want her whole and burning hot… a cowshed bliss exploding with mighty moos… multiplying ecstasies… they’re dragging her through the mud something dreadful… this agony’s too intense for me, I wail beneath my crazed bitches, I wail… They’re dumping champagne down my throat, whole bottles at a time… I’m choking, suffocating… Ah! The damned tricky devils! I disentangle myself all the same, pop back to my feet, keel over at once, collapse to the floor… their potion’s what did me in… the no-good sluts gloat in triumph!… I shrink to the floor under their lapping tongues… they want to strip me stark naked now… in every corner, full swing, fever pitch, the whole damn dive’s exploding in frenzy… wailing, wriggling in rhythm to the chorus now… farandoling, gambolling in all directions, steamy stew of sex… the party’s at full blast…
Tweet-Tweet Mister!
Tweet-Tweet Sister!
Yippee Master!
Quack! Quack! Quack!
Pretty monotonous stuff… but the tunnel’s whipped into a fury! The mob’s tweet-tweeting, bellowing with gusto… unleashed, beside itself… they straddle each other in flying leaps and yank out hair by the handfuls… they’re hurting each other, making each other scream, dropping in heaps on the dance floor… piles of drunkards, vociferous, foaming, puking… fuck fever bubbling away… heaps of socialites tangled in all different directions, tongues lolling… the hard boom-boom of the band beats, throbs through the sea of dancers, and the music sort of fluffs up the omelette, the whole fleshiness sprawling, groaning… like a whopping soufflé as big as the dance floor, swelling up, ballooning gigantically high until it pops and drops… all thanks to the music… which gives you some small idea of the drunkenness, the intensity! The trumpet blasts through the joint so stridently you can hear the air ripping, all the mirrors rattling… that’s just how it happens.
Everywhere a simmering sea of passions… they want to turn us into criminals… I too howl in chorus… I can’t decide what to do – low like a cow like them? Do a pig? A laughing hyena? I’d rather be an eagle so I could fly away with my darling… I bray like a jackass, I’m muffled in hugs, they’re all over me, hot, cold, soft, scratchy… a thousand fingers running over my shorts… decimating me with caresses… every time I jump back I turn the bitches on… but if I baulk they’ll rip my balls off… How can I fight back? The spell can’t be broken… Either I surrender or they tear me to pieces… The Tweet-Tweeters howl in my honour.
“Damn him! Damn him!” Easy to see what they think of me… I’m damned! What gall!
I’ll snap back loud and clear. They’ll get a taste of my anger… But they’re not waiting for my comeback… now they’re crawling free of the piles, out from their filthy tangles, climb to their feet in a rage, and leap back into the fray, crazed loons scrambling to attack each other! I look for Ten-Paw in the turmoil. Can’t see him any more… Where can Mr Amazing have got to?… Nothing to see on the dance floor… just one big indistinguishable blob… even my bacchant bitches ditch me and dive into this mob hot for a fight!… The guys immediately pounce on them, pull their dresses up over their heads… it all makes for a rip-roaring great time! The high spirits of fiends! This is really and truly a witches’ sabbath after all, I had it wrong… Straddling each other, that’s their latest flash… never-before-seen pirouettes I’ve got to say, one standing, the other scissoring through the air, head upside down… I think they want to imitate Ten-Paw… he fired their imaginations… where is Mr Corpse-out-on-the-Town? I can’t see that filthy bone any more… I’m sure he’ll pop up again, sure he’s preparing some showstopper, a sensation, a spectacular finale… I still can’t see him… the mad dogs are out there in the swarming sea, roaring and raging worse than before… little more than wild lunatics… chomping each other down to nothing… I’m still hunting for my Ten-Paw… Ah! This beats by a mile his run-in back in the Underground… the victim’s got more than he bargained for! Impossible to spot him… The raving crazies are all squawking in chorus, finishing off the women now… pushing, knocking them over on the floor… ripping off their dresses, stomping on top of them… looks like they’re aiming to squeeze out every last drop… Squish-squash the weaker sex. Feet pulled together hopping, popping around… Their adorable bodies in the nude… Free rein to every instinct… No sparing the rod… That’s how they are… my harpies from hell are snatched away too, wind up ravaged, they get beaten up like the rest of the women… They shriek in agony! Ah! But their turn has to come… Beauty spurts out all over the floor, oozing in puddles… a stupendous drubbing… the gentlemen triumphant… Ah! I’m glad as hell… I take a breath, it’s hot and stuffy in here. If I could just grab hold of my honey, my charming love… She’s still in their clutches over there… “Tweet-Tweet!” they scream down on the floor, the decimated darlings… Ah! Jesus Christ Almighty, I’m snorting and shaking myself, flailing out, whinnying into action
too, I don’t want to waste away, some do-nothing bum… let’s go! I want to rub out somebody too… those show-offs really went too far… quick, grab a curl, a tit! I knock the cockiness right out of them! For starters let me poke out an eye! Let me rip the treachery right out of them! I’m not fooling around! A sure thing they dumped that potion down my throat! Everybody all around’s in stitches over me. They can see how I’m trying to disentangle myself and leap into the whirling fray of bodies! The way I’m busting my gut… in a flash the women pounce on me… red lionesses chomping away… they want to punish me for pulling free… this time for sure all hope gone… I’m the plaything of these Messalinas… their teeth rip off bits of my privates… I’m outmatched… Evil incarnate triumphant… I lose one shred two then three… I’m flat out woozy deadweight… losing every last drop of strength… another spasm, one more hiccup… Quack! Quack! I’m kicking the bucket, going under… What kind of hell did we land in? What kind of whorehouse did that vampire, that hood lead us into? My arm already failing so badly goes totally kaput… I can’t even prop myself up on my elbow any more… can’t lift myself off the floor… I can still remember Virginia, I beg her, implore her… Ah! There she is, waving to me, she’s not terrified, the party girl, not worried sick, the saucy miss, with her bare ass sticking up in the air… I can see her in the mirrors… sitting right on the men’s laps… I can watch her wriggling and fidgeting around! She’s not acting like the orgy’s the end of the world, but just some hilarious acrobat antics… what a disgrace! I roar, bark… and then she starts kissing all the men around her, first come first served! Go to it, sweetie! She has a whole procession on her tail… first a Gypsy, then a Negro, then a bearded guy, then an athlete, then – hold on here – a little old lady in a bonnet, with a pince-nez and ear trumpet… they both give each other a whoop and a wink to show they’ve got the same thing on their minds… and then leap to it… straddling each other every which way. Ah! What a terrific routine, I don’t miss a trick, can’t be mistaken, she’s giving the whole crew a real big treat without even trying, that dear little pupil of mine… The old gal especially is raising hell, she wants to sink her teeth all over the girl’s behind… she loses her glasses… Ah! This is sheer torture, I howl… my happiness is out there… I’m shaking… my burning love, my soul… I’m stammering in fury… my bacchant bitches knock me back to the floor… flip me over so I can’t see anything… start massaging me ferociously, twisting every part of my body… I can’t even howl in pain any more… I just topple helplessly into their clutches… all the same I can still hear her voice, she’s totally spontaneous by nature, bursting with youth, youthful spirits… the greedy hogs are in hog heaven, the old biddy’s the craziest of the bunch… people pick her off the floor, stand her back on her feet… this time they want her to start singing… they threaten her with a big shellacking, eighty hands spanking her ass! I can see she’s putting up a fight, crying, hugging her breasts… then she gives in and drops her arms… and now her voice goes up… positively the voice of an angel, that’s a fact… sweet, crystalline, smooth, velvety, you name it… But it’s the old coarse chorus:
Tweet-Tweet’s the way to be.
The fiery refrain of this lair…
No sort of muck’s too good for my dove!… Ah! I’ll never spring back to life!… A horn explodes with an incredible blast! A thundering scream! Off-key, hell!… It’s a signal… Hubbub… the couples, groups pestering each other for a clue…
“Clear the dance floor!” the Negroes roar, charging into the heap… “Clear off!…”
A fire hose trickles, gushes, explodes!… Ah! A clean sweep! A waterspout right up their asses! Whoah, look out! The floor’s empty!… The mob melts away!… The rumbling of a big trunk… a bellhop pops out of the wings… carrying a huge deck of cards, gigantic playing cards taller than he is… up on his back… he deals out the entire deck on the floor… another bellboy brings on a roulette wheel… “Les jeux sont faits!…” All at once this triggers a mad rush!… All the Tweet-Tweeters want to play, pronto! An instant brawl… Nobody wants to wait one second… right off they start working each other over… They beat each other’s brains out to lay their hands on the cards… the bellhops carry off two massacre victims… the champagne corks pop… and the bubbly comes flooding… “Les jeux sont faits!…” Ten-Paw assumes his position… ensconced as croupier!… Ah! So our invisible man’s back!… Still green and grey!… He sets right down to work! Brandishes the rake!… He’s inviting me!… Wants me to come up close!… He gnashes out above the mêlée!…
“Lookee here, Ferdinand! Riches!…”
Just a little bit closer… All bets are down!… Ah! I can’t move a goddamn muscle!… The crazy bitches have ganged up on me! I’m sprawled lifeless under their caresses!… My last ounce of energy trickles out of me… the perfumed creatures strip me bare… my distress goes to their heads… they abuse my body something terrible, my scars, most of all my arm… which they twist… and tug… I howl but don’t give in… I’m not crazy about any of these lewd maniacs… I hate every single last one… I adore only Virginia! The farther away she gets, the more I worship her!… I can see her out there, kittenish, panting, being hugged, sniffed, licked, lapped, she’s writhing and swooning down to the carpet… way over there at the other end of the mirrors… With socialites piled on top of her again… they’re moaning in delight… I could kill every last one of them!… By writhing and twisting my body out of whack I manage to budge an inch or two! I slither! slither! slither my way up to my Virginia… to reach her… and rescue her from those swine!… The bellhop calls out the winning number… I hold back a second… twelve… twelve… I cross the dance floor, all the numbers are written in chalk… I slither!… Keep slithering!… Six… three… nine… All bets are down again!… Ten-Paw is the guy who sends the balls rolling… I have a full view of the son of a bitch!… He’s huddled under the piano… hunkered down in his stink… glowing like crazy at the start of each game… at each new spin of the wheel… Nine! Nine!… He sniggers… swindles… everybody… raking in all their jewels… He quacks… quacks… quacks… like a duck… his kind of humour!… His rake whisks across the floor… he skims away everything, it’s truly an awful scene… Now he’s raking in their souls… The souls also bet the works… the Tweet-Tweeters! The whole dance floor’s mobbed with souls… rolling around… they’re sort of like hearts… but totally pale, see-through… You can tell they’re incredibly fragile!… I look at him in all his horror, this Ten-Paw from hell!… Ah! He deserved what happened to him down in the Underground!… Ah! Jesus fucking right he did!… I see him at work… Ah! Not an ounce of remorse!… All my own remorse vanishes into thin air! Every last wisp! Ah! I’m over it!… I feel like throwing him right back under the train! Ah! I’d go right to it!… Just let him come back again! I’d snicker just like him!… Haw! Haw!… I start slithering again!… I cut across the battling bodies again!… The sex-crazed swarm! I’m going to howl… and wail, me too!… I’m slithering along… When all at once the drum… rolls… rolls… bass beats… pounding… pounding… closing in… from somewhere up above… from the top of the stairs… Brr… Brr… Brr… the orgy grinds to a halt… the music breaks off… the partiers freeze in their tracks… struck dumb just like that… motionless… the drummer comes down… taking his own good time… Brr… Brr… Brr… He’s coming down towards us one step at a time… down from the street… We can see him now… a tall scrawny guy… we can see his whole body now… Brr!… Brr!… Brr!… He’s solemn on the job… with each step downward… Brr!… Brr!… He’s beating out a call to arms!… He holds his head stiff… draws nearer and nearer… real close past… I can see his cap… “Cemetery” in silver letters on oilskin… He keeps coming down… A uniformed guard… Long frock coat, yellow baldric… he’s some sort of official… a big shot… you can tell by that great big long beard… he keeps coming down this way… walks past… heads for the piano… at a slow steady pace… Ten-Paw crams
himself underneath!… Rolls his whole bag of bones up into a ball! Shrivelling away!… Shrinking down into a small heap… He’s so scared it’s disgusting!… Reduced to little more than the sound of faintly rattling twigs!… Ah! His acrobat days are over!… High up in mid-air… no more fluttering through the atmosphere!… He’s huddling under the stool… trying to slip down under the floor… ripping up some boards… digging down, hollowing his hole… like a dog!… And whining horribly… right in front of the caretaker with his drum!… The caretaker walks closer to him. Touches him with the end of his stick… Ten-Paw jumps, and gnashes his teeth something scary… and then it’s all over… finished… Ten-Paw bounds out from under the piano, he’s yelping like good little doggie. Hopping around his master… Pouncing on his big shoes… licking… lapping the soles… couldn’t be more affectionate… Now the caretaker’s heading back up the way he came, one step at a time… his face remained blank through the whole scene… He didn’t utter a single peep!… Just keeps beating out his drum roll, period!… After each step up! Boom!… Boom!… With the drumbeat he lures Ten-Paw along behind him… boom!… Boom!… Boom!… Ten-Paw sticks to him like glue!… Tagging along at his heels under the spell!… Sniffing around on all fours!… At each step he lets out a small yelp… as though whining in pain. Nobody dares go close up to them… All the socialites are frozen in their tracks!… They took in the scene, just like that, dumbstruck, jaws wide!… Ten-Paw and the cemetery caretaker keep slowly climbing the stairs… Brr! Brr! Brr!… They vanish into the night!… Through the door that opens all by itself!… Ah! The socialites weren’t in a mood to party any more!… They just stood there totally sheepish… Ah! Feeling pretty shabby!… Mystified about what to say or do next!… Ah! Damn! Now if you ask me, I thought it was one hell of a good deal for Mr Beard to have yanked that filthy gloomy heap of bones up and out of here!… So putrid and crappy and everything!… Air! I’ll shove him right the hell back under the hard metal if I catch him at his old mischief again!… Playing tricks on people who were minding their own business… Ah! He got off easy! Ah! I’ll just come right out and say it!… That stinking creep was a big pain in the ass! With his little glittering routine and all that crap… his hazy glow! Ah! The amazing incubus… I hope the caretaker was planning to bury him in a way he’d stay buried this time around… in the Hole of Eternity! The real thing!… Throw him down in with the maggots for laughs!… The rotting louse with his hare-brained whims!… There would be some whirlwind fireworks!… If I ever again catch the little imp ghosting around dance joints!… Ah! I’d be pulling the pranks next time!… All! The bearded caretaker made me feel a whole lot better! Order was re-established! Ah! I felt completely invincible! Recharged! Trembling! A brand-new man! Made of steel, you better believe it!… Ah! My spirits do a flip-flop!… I pump myself back up in a flash!… In a bound!… I tell the frisky bitches to piss off! Send the lewd ladies flying to the floor… disentangle myself… and charge ahead!… With just one leap I’m on the stairs… While whizzing past I nab Virginia… She’s about to go rolling across the dance floor… Ah! I pounce on her… Ah! I’m going to take it out on the little monster!… I drag her up to the doormat… She’s sobbing something awful… Pleading with me!… Punishment! That’s what I shout… Punishment!… And that gets the Tweet-Tweeters back in their party spirit!… Mr Cemetery hit them pretty hard… I’m dragging Virginia by the hair…
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