She needed to get away for a minute and get her head together. She was a mess and she didn’t like it. This was not how she did things. She was known for her calm and serene manner, famous for it over the hospital, and at the moment she couldn’t even recognise herself.
Ten minutes later after her quick trip to the kiosk she was feeling calmer. Head down, she waited at the main lift as her mind sorted reasonable strategies for what she was going to say to Marco when she met him again.
Someone called her name. Twice. She looked up. Evie Lockheart stood next to her with a quizzical smile on her face. ‘Earth to Emily?’
‘Oh. Sorry. Hi, Evie. How are you?’ She hadn’t made that date for afternoon tea yet.
‘So-so.’ Evie frowned. ‘You okay?’
‘Yes.’ Earth to Emily was right. She needed to plug into her surroundings. ‘Of course. I’m visiting Annie. Her baby had intrauterine surgery yesterday.’
‘Ah. I heard it all went well. Marco D’Arvello. Lucky we’ve got someone of his calibre here, even if it’s for a short time.’
Emily nodded with her head down. ‘He said Finn arranged his visit.’
‘Finn likes him.’
Emily remembered yesterday in the cafeteria. ‘Everything okay between you guys? I saw you in the kiosk yesterday.’
Evie shrugged. ‘Ah. Yes. Well. He’s a stubborn man.’
‘I’ve heard men often are.’
Evie laughed. ‘About time you did more than just hear that, isn’t it?’ Evie studied her face. ‘Shouldn’t you be retraining a stubborn man yourself?’
Marco wasn’t stubborn. But she didn’t say it. ‘I’m a little snowed under with a pregnant daughter at the moment.’
‘Of course. Though that’s the funny thing about falling in love. It doesn’t always pick the perfect moment to happen.’
Emily thought about that and didn’t like the direction. ‘Well, I’ll be careful, then. This really isn’t a good time for me to be sidetracked.’ It wasn’t too late!
The lift doors opened and they moved in. Emily pressed sky bridge level and Evie leaned forward and pressed the button for Administration. The doors almost shut and then opened again.
Marco took two long strides from the left as the lift doors began to close. Stabbed the button. He’d seen Emily get in there. The doors reopened and he stepped inside.
Her eyes widened and she stepped away from him back into the corner. This woman who had left his bed that morning. As if afraid of him?
A slice of pain he didn’t expect. Did she feel she needed to do that? Peripherally he was aware there was another woman in the elevator so he leant against the side wall and nodded. It was the woman with Finn yesterday in the cafeteria.
The other woman smiled at him. ‘We were just talking about you.’ Vaguely he realised she was pretty but he only had eyes for Emily.
Then her words sank in. That wasn’t what he expected to hear. Gossip? He felt the air still in his lungs. Memories from his childhood as always the people whispered behind his back as he walked. Trust issues reared their ugly head. His father’s words, ‘Never trust anyone.’ So already she was boasting. He had not expected that.
She held out her hand. ‘I’m Evie Lockheart. So you operated on Annie yesterday.’
Ah. ‘Si.’ They shook hands. ‘Dr Lockheart. You must thank Finn for me. Last night we dined on the brig.’ Then Evie’s last words penetrated the haze of hurt. She’d only said he’d operated on her daughter.
Evie’s face lit up. ‘The three-master? Lovely. And the weather was great last night. Who’d you go with?’
Emily’s face was pink and already he felt guilt for his thoughts—let alone the indiscretion he had started in retaliation. ‘A friend.’
The lift stopped and the doors opened. Evie turned to Emily, saw her red face and frowned, but Marco had his hand across the doors, waiting for her to exit. ‘Is this you?’
She turned to look at him. Glanced at Emily again and stepped out. ‘Thanks. See you later, Emily.’
‘Bye, Evie.’ Emily didn’t step away from the corner as the lift doors closed.
* * *
Evie Lockheart watched the lift doors shut. Frowned. Stared at the doors a minute longer and then smiled. There just might be something going on there.
Nice if someone had a normal relationship. Emily deserved it. She turned and headed down to Finn’s office. She hoped to hell he’d calmed down since yesterday.
Sometimes she felt as if she was just another conquest to him and at others she thought she glimpsed their unwilling connection. But, damn it, she cared.
He’d point blank refused to talk to her about his problem. Like the future of his career wasn’t worrying him. She only wanted to help.
She’d been shocked by the depth of emotional turmoil she’d seen in his eyes. Finn the invincible looking just for a moment anything but invincible and it had stayed with her. Of course it had stayed with her. She’d barely slept. But then again she hadn’t slept well since the day she’d gone to his flat and discovered a side to herself she hadn’t realised existed. A wanton, wild and womanly side she’d only shown to Finn.
A side that he had mocked—and here she was, back for more.
But today wasn’t about that—or even them as a couple, if that was what they were. It was to talk about the possibility of a cure. Again.
Yesterday’s discussion hadn’t worked. From the little he had let drop, the experimental surgery—despite the huge risk—offered a chance Finn could continue the work he lived for and take away the pain he tried to hide. If it was a success.
Even odds. Fifty per cent he might be able to operate or fifty per cent he might never operate again.
All this was constantly going over in her mind and how she could broach the subject when he obviously wanted no interference from her, and it was driving her bonkers. Unfortunately, she couldn’t leave it alone.
Wouldn’t leave Finn to go through this alone. She had to believe they had a connection and he was the one pretending they didn’t.
She paused outside his office door and drew a deep breath. ‘Gird your loins, girl,’ she mocked herself. She knocked.
No answer. So she knocked again. ‘Finn?’
Silence. She pushed open the door and the room was empty. Damn. She circled the empty room, frustration keeping her moving as she realised she’d have to psych herself up all over again. Then her gaze fell on his desk.
The research papers he’d mentioned. Explanations of the experimental surgery. So he had considered it, despite his horror of the risks. She could understand that, see his abhorrence of life without his work, but he had to do it. You couldn’t live with increasing pain for ever. The time was past when he could do nothing.
‘What are you doing here?’ Finn stood tall and menacing in the doorway with blue ice shooting from his arctic eyes.
I’m not scared, she told herself, but she swallowed.
Guess he was still seething from yesterday, then. ‘Waiting for you.’
‘Why are you rifling my desk?’
She raised her eyebrows, outwardly calm. ‘Hardly rifling when it was all open for me to see.’
He stepped into the room and the space around her shrank to a quarter of the size. Funny what the aura of some people could do. ‘Not for you to see.’
Evie stood her ground. ‘Afraid I might suggest you consider it again?’ She paused. ‘So at least you’ve read it?’
He ignored that. ‘I’ve read it. And I don’t want to talk about it.’
She stepped around the desk until she was standing beside him. This man who infuriated and inspired and drove her insane with frustration and, she had to admit, a growing love and need to see him happy.
‘It’s a choice, Finn. One you’re going to have to consider.’
His voice grated harshly. His face was set like stone. ‘Now you want to look after me? One episode of good sex is all it took?’
She ignored that. Ignored the splint
er of pain that festered inside from his contempt. Banished the pictures of him showing her the door afterwards.
‘Hippocratic oath,’ he mocked. ‘Save your patient.’
‘You’re not my patient.’ She met his eyes. Chin up. ‘Just think about it.’
His eyes narrowed further. ‘Why should you care?’
‘Because I do.’ She touched his arm and the muscles were bunched and taut beneath her fingers. ‘Is that so hard to believe?’
He shook her off. ‘I look after myself. Had to all my life and it’s never going to change.’
She took his hand and held it firmly. Looked into his face. ‘Tell me.’
He looked down but this time he didn’t pull away. ‘Tell you what?’
She shook his arm. ‘Finn. For God’s sake, let me in.’ Finally he seemed to get it. A glimmer of understanding of what she wanted to know. Why she wanted to know.
‘What?’ A scornful laugh not directed at her for a change. ‘The whole sob story?’
Evie didn’t move. ‘Yes. Please.’
He sighed. Her hand fell away as he turned and stared out over the harbour and when he started his voice was flat, emotionless, daring her to be interested in his boring tale. ‘Why would you want this? You probably know most of it. Orphan. Unstable foster-homes. The army was my best parenting experience and they don’t do affection or connection.’
A sardonic laugh that grated on her ears. ‘Maybe that’s why I fitted so well.’
She wanted to hug him. ‘You did connection okay the other night.’
She saw his frown from across the room. ‘Don’t go there, Evie.’ She flinched and he sighed. ‘Do you want to hear or not?’
She held up her hands. ‘Please.’
This time he turned to look at her fully and she watched the muscle jerk in his cheek as he held emotion rigidly in check. She wanted to cradle his head in her hands but she was too scared to interrupt him. Too scared she’d stop the flow she’d waited so long for him to start.
‘You know about Isaac. I had to watch my brother die. The same bomb that tore into me, which is wrecking my career now, took his life. The day Isaac died I died too, Evie. Since then, what little ability I had to love, I lost. And with Isaac gone I lost the only person who really cared what happened to me.’ He shrugged. ‘That’s why I am what I am. I don’t want to be around someone when I feel like that.’
She took a step towards him. Aware how much it would hurt if at this moment he rebuffed her. ‘You don’t have to feel like that, Finn.’
Sardonic sweep of eyebrows. Daring her to contradict him. ‘Don’t I?’
‘No.’ Closer.
‘Why’s that, Evie?’ The biting sarcasm was back but she refused to be put off by it. Toughened herself because she would never be cowed by this angry man who frightened others to keep them at bay.
Another step. ‘I care what happens to you, Finn.’
Vehement shake of his head. ‘Don’t pity me, Evie.’
She almost laughed. ‘You’re not a man anyone can pity, Finn. You won’t allow it. You alienate people so they don’t. But unfortunately I feel so much more for you than that.’
She swallowed, tossed caution to the winds, stepped closer and stared into his face so he couldn’t ignore her words. ‘I love you, Finn Kennedy. And there’s not a lot of reward for that at the moment.’
A more subtle shake of the head. ‘How can you love me?’
Now she was in front of him again. ‘How can I not, you stupid man? I think about you every minute of every day, wondering when you’re going to care for yourself like you should.’
He sidestepped her, crossed the room to shut the door, shut out the hospital for probably the first time since he’d started here, and then came back. Put himself in her space deliberately.
‘What are you saying, Evie?’
‘I love you. Foul temper and all.’
His hands slid around her waist. ‘I didn’t ask for that.’ Something in his voice had changed. Gave her a glimmer of hope.
‘You didn’t ask for it?’ She stared into the harsh and haunted face she loved so much. ‘Neither did I. But there’s not a lot we can do about it now.’
His face softened just a little. ‘So you weren’t just after sex the other day?’
This was what she dreaded. ‘What do you think, Finn? Did it feel like that to you?’ She’d laid herself open, exposed her soft underbelly of caring, and he could mortally wound her, even worse than he had after she’d given herself to him.
He lifted his hand and stroked the hair out of her eyes. ‘No.’ He sighed. ‘Though God knows why you bother. What I felt the other day scared the hell out of me, Evie. And that’s not all I’m scared of. I’m scared I’m not the man you think I am.’
‘Well, seeing that I don’t want to be without you, Finn, we’ll just have to take that chance. Whatever happens, I’m here for you. And always will be.’
He shook his head. Couldn’t accept that. ‘I might not just be an emotional cripple, Evie. I could be in a wheelchair.’
She leaned towards him. ‘Or it could be the answer to all your medical problems. You could get full control back. You have to take that chance.’
‘I don’t think it’s an option.’ He sighed. ‘But I’ll think about it.’ An air of finality.
She had to be satisfied with that. It was better than they’d had before today.
CHAPTER SEVEN
THE lift doors closed after Evie left and the silence deepened with Marco and Emily alone in the lift.
Finally. ‘I’m sorry.’ Marco sighed as the elevator began its ascent. ‘I thought you had spoken about our evening out with her.’
And, boy, were you unhappy! ‘I gathered that.’ So he was that embarrassed to say he’d taken her out. Not that she wanted to be the centre of a gossip storm.
She went on, ‘You were pretty quick to retaliate.’ Like a cobra, and a big warning for the future. Or their lack of it.
‘My apologies. Again.’ His face stayed frozen and even his words seemed to have difficulty leaving his mouth. ‘It is how
I am.’
He must have an interesting history—but she wasn’t going there. Emily sighed. So he hated gossip. She did too.
But they were both mad if they thought the whole hospital wouldn’t find out anyway. It always happened. She’d seen it time and again over the last sixteen years.
Somebody’s son would be a waiter on the boat or a deckhand on the ferry. A woman thought nobody knew and usually she was the last to figure out everyone had been talking about her for a week. Now she’d be one of those. Thanks, Marco.
And a bit of ill feeling might help keep him at bay. Maybe cultivating that wasn’t a bad idea. ‘As long as we don’t repeat the experience, I’m sure we’ll both be fine.’
He stepped across to her. ‘And yet I’d hoped to see you again, spend more time with you before I spoiled my chance.’
‘No. Thank you, Marco. You’re not my favourite person at the moment.’
The lift stopped and he moved back as the doors opened. Emily didn’t look at him as she left but she could feel him behind her as she walked towards the nurses’ station.
Then he was gone as she went on to Annie’s room.
When he walked in five minutes later Emily had herself well in hand. She smiled distantly at his left shoulder, watched her daughter’s face the whole time, and agreed that tomorrow morning would be a good time to pick Annie up.
Then he was behind the curtain, talking to June, and she could drop the silly smile from her face and get on with life.
‘You okay, Mum?’
She jumped. Annie was staring at her. ‘Sorry? Oh. Yes. Fine. I’m tired.’
‘Didn’t you sleep last night?’
There was silence from behind the curtain. Maybe he was just feeling June’s tummy. ‘Oh. Um. Not as well as I’d hoped.’
Conversation started behind the curtain and she frowned at herself. Stop it.
/> ‘Why don’t you stay home this afternoon? Just chill. I’m fine. Some friends are coming in to see me in visiting hours and I have my phone credit now. I can ring if I want anything.’
And do what? Mope? ‘No. Don’t be silly. I’ll come back this afternoon.’
‘Seriously, Mum. I’m just as happy if you don’t.’
She looked at Annie. Hurt. Stung and embarrassed that everyone else in the room would have heard it too.
‘Oh. Okay. That sounds fine, then.’ Ridiculous stinging in her eyes and she’d be mortified if she cried. ‘I’ll catch up on all the things I’ve been meaning to do.’ Forced brightness. ‘Lovely.’
She leant over and kissed her daughter’s cheek. Avoided her eyes but, then, Annie seemed to be avoiding hers too. Maybe she realised she’d been an ungrateful little wretch. Wishful thinking probably. She had her friends coming. She didn’t need a mother. ‘See you tomorrow.’
She walked hurriedly away but not hurriedly enough. Marco caught up with her in four strides. ‘Are you okay?’
She paused, turned and stared at his tie. ‘Fine. I’m sorry. Perhaps we were both rude in the lift. Thanks for last night.’
Then she walked away. Thanks for last night? She winced. What did she mean? Dinner. Great sex. Today was a difficult day but she’d got through others.
She could feel his eyes on her back.
She wasn’t surprised when he turned up at her house two hours later. He was bearing gifts. Well, food anyway.
She stood back to let him enter. ‘I guess we do need to talk.’ A lingering trail of subtle exotic herbs and spices followed him.
‘And I wish to apologise again.’
What was in that bag? ‘For what?’
‘For my comment in the elevator. For doubting you.’
She forgot food and studied him. He had his mask face on again and she wondered where the smiling Italian gypsy had gone. But, then, again the smiling Emily seemed a tad AWOL at the moment as well. ‘Why are you here, Marco?’ Because I don’t want to fall for you.
‘To see you. To ask why you left this morning. To see if you are all right because I have been worried I made you unhappy.’
‘You don’t have to worry about me. I’m a big girl.’ Better on my own.
Sydney Harbor Hospital: Marco's Temptation Page 6