‘With who, Marco? With you? A man who has already turned my life upside down. Already made me yearn for things I can’t have. What we had was good. But it’s finished. I don’t have time for me right now.’ She glanced at her granddaughter. ‘Look at her. She’s as fragile as a butterfly on her little open cot.’ She shook her head. ‘I don’t have time for you.’
Appropriate for a man passing though. The pain sliced through him like it had in the lift when she’d stepped away from him. Perhaps he should get used to that pain. There was a greater one coming when he flew from Sydney. Marco nodded. He wasn’t sure he was finished, but at this moment he wasn’t helping. So he walked away.
What did he expect? The doubts eased in as the distance between he and Emily grew. Why should someone want and need him? Nobody ever had. Except for his work. Always he had his work. So back to work and then he would finish here before he caused himself, or Emily, more pain.
But it was much harder than he expected to walk away from the Coopers. Even more reason to run. He passed Finn and Evie as they came in but he didn’t stop.
CHAPTER TWELVE
‘I HOPE Emily’s granddaughter is okay.’ Evie and Finn stood outside the door to Finn’s penthouse after visiting the Coopers in the NICU. This was the first time Evie had been back to his flat because they’d both been absolutely snowed under with work—and to be honest she was a little nervous.
‘Born on her grandmother’s birthday. So I guess if she has as much guts as Emily, she’ll make it.’
Finn opened the door and gestured for Evie to precede him. She couldn’t help a sliding glance at the wall in his apartment she’d become very acquainted with the last time she was here.
Finn saw the pink in her cheeks and raised his eyebrows mockingly. She walked swiftly across the room and perched on the edge of the leather lounge. ‘I think that’s the nicest thing I’ve ever heard you say, Finn. You sound almost human.’
‘Hmph.’ He shut the door with a click. She remembered that from last time too. Goose-bumps feathered along her arms. ‘Don’t tell anybody.’ He crooked his finger. ‘Come here.’
She raised her own brows. ‘You come here.’ Actually, she didn’t think her legs would carry her with the way he was looking at her now.
‘Okay.’ He was across the room in three longs strides and his hand came down and captured hers. He guided her up until she stood hard against his body. ‘Let’s not talk.’
He was so solid against her. She’d never get used to being this close to Finn. She never wanted to stop being this close to Finn. But she needed to know his decision. ‘You said you had something to tell me.’
‘In a minute.’ His finger lifted her chin and slowly his face came down. ‘I need something first.’ His mouth took hers with an aching need that grew more searching, more demanding of her strength, exposed her aching love for this embittered man, tried her by the fire of his fears and her own, and the finality of his decision brought tears to her eyes.
He stepped back but she followed him. Thrust her hips against him to anchor him. ‘Tell me what you’ve decided about the operation.’
‘It’s booked for next Monday.’
The words fell into the quiet room like drips of water in a cave, yet the impact was a ripple of emotion she didn’t know how to ride.
She shivered and for a moment she wanted him to change his mind. Not risk the worst-case scenarios of mobility loss or even death. But the alternative was never going to be an option. His pain would continue to spiral upwards as the shrapnel buried deeper, the motor loss in his hands and arms would grow more unpredictable, and the medications would become more
useless.
Her arms crept around his waist. ‘Then we should make the most of the time we have.’
Finn looked down at her and imperceptibly his face softened. ‘Always to the point, Dr Lockheart.’
‘The point is, Dr Kennedy, I love you and always will.’
‘Always?’ Mockingly again but there was a thread of uncertainty in Finn’s voice that brought the tears to her eyes.
‘It’s terminal.’
‘Thanks for bringing that up.’
‘For God’s sake, Finn. Take me to bed.’
He laughed, threaded his fingers through hers, and drew her through to his room.
* * *
A week later the NICU was quiet when Emily called in on the Friday morning after her shift. The lights were dim and it seemed more peaceful than usual. ‘All the babies must be behaving,’ Emily murmured to herself.
It had been a slow couple of nights and sometimes she wished for the craziness of a busy ward that made the wee small hours fly and the sun come up before she knew it was on its way. Especially when she wanted to divert her mind from drifting to a tall, dark Italian who made her toes curl for what might have been.
Her eyes ached with tiredness, that was all, and the dull headache was because it was nearly time for bed and she hadn’t been sleeping as well as she usually did. It was probably all the worry of Rosebud.
She was getting used to her name.
There was an empty chair beside her crib and Emily sank down into it. When she put her chin on her hand she could just sit and soak in the regular in and out of little lungs growing stronger every day. So tiny. So amazingly tough.
She realised that her granddaughter was growing and unfurling like a little blossom. A bud. A rosebud? Emily smiled. Okay. She liked the name.
She looked sturdier, less translucent, and while Emily sat there Rosebud’s little arms flexed and her eyelids flickered.
‘Hello there, little one.’ Emily said softly, and held her breath as Rosebud turned her head and opened her eyes. Emily bit her lip. ‘Hello.’ Such a tiny little pixie face yet so like her mother’s. The little eyelids fluttered and then shut again and Emily sighed back into the chair. ‘Wow. Thank you.’
Marco watched Emily from the corner of the room. He carried the coffee he’d taken to drinking with his piccola rosa, his little rose, before he started his day. He enjoyed the few moments with his tiny friend but was always careful to be absent when her grandmother was due.
He did not wish to cause Emily pain, though often he stayed, as now, just to catch a glimpse.
He saw her smile from across the room and it pierced his heart. He did not know how much more of this he could stand.
He’d added cases every day to the end of his list so that he could shorten the time he was in Sydney. Perhaps he had done enough. He would look for flights tonight.
Something made Emily glance across the room. Marco stood silently in the corner. How long had he been there? She really didn’t think she could do this right now. Every day she had to remind herself he was leaving. Less than a week now.
Perhaps by then this aching wound he’d left in her life would have begun to heal but she was afraid that it hadn’t yet ripped all the way to the bone like it would when he flew out.
Now he knew she’d seen him. He was walking towards her. Tall and solemn he still filled her with that fluttery awareness, the intrinsic magnetism she could barely hold out against, and her heart begged her to reach out and touch him.
Emily tucked her hands into her lap. ‘I didn’t expect to see you here.’
He inclined his head and spoke quietly so as not to startle their baby. ‘I visit Rosebud when I can. We are old friends.’
So he came when he was sure he would not run into her. Well, that was what she’d asked for. Unfortunately she could imagine the early mornings or late evenings with Marco and Rosebud in the quiet nursery, communing in the semi-darkness, and she felt the pain of exclusion.
The image of her and Marco, sitting together at those times, the seductive concept this tiny infant could have been shared as a grandchild. She looked up and the spasm that crossed his face told her he was thinking the same. She tried to hold back the tears that prickled behind her eyes as her wounded heart gaped a little wider. ‘You make friends easily.’
‘But not keep them.
’ He tried to catch her eye again but this time she wouldn’t let him.
She studied her granddaughter intently, checked the readings on the machines, examined the make and model of the open cot, looked anywhere but at him. ‘Perhaps they feel you cannot be relied on.’
He stepped closer and she could feel the hairs on her arms rise in anticipation. Couldn’t help the deeper breath she took to inhale the subtle tang of his aftershave, the intrinsic masculine scent of Marco, that she would recognise anywhere. ‘I would be here if you let me, Emily.’ The words settled over her like a hug she couldn’t touch.
Emily stood up. Picked up the bag she had for Annie. This was survival because if she didn’t move now she’d throw herself onto his chest. ‘It’s called a short-term fix, Marco. The cure is worse than the disease.’
* * *
‘How come Marco leaves every time you arrive to visit me?’ Annie was straight to the point.
Emily tried not to wince. ‘Do you think he does?’ She knew he did. But that was what she’d asked for, space. It was hard enough without Annie on her case. Their bitter-sweet encounter in the NICU—bitter on her side and sweet on his—had almost done her in. The guilt for her harsh words ate away at her composure and she wasn’t sure if she could take Annie’s censure as well.
‘I hadn’t noticed.’ Liar. Emily looked up. ‘I thought Rosebud looked amazing this morning when I went across to the NICU after my shift.’ Emily adjusted some flowers in a vase as she smiled brightly. ‘She even turned her head and opened her eyes for a few seconds.’
Instantly diverted Annie smiled and nodded. ‘I know. She did it when I went down. Dr Teo is very happy with her progress and she’s tolerating the tiny bit of milk from me down the tube really well.’
Emily’s day brightened a little. ‘That’s wonderful, darling. A week being stable makes a big difference to a prem baby.’
Annie’s eyes shone. ‘Rodney’s coming in early because they think we’ll be able to have her naked against my skin for a while today.’
Emily smiled mistily. ‘Kangaroo care. If it’s after my sleep, can you ring me? I’d love to see her snuggle up to you.’
‘You do look tired. Are you sleeping okay without me at home?’
‘I’m fine.’ She smiled and then nodded at Annie’s magnificent cleavage. ‘I see your milk’s come in.’
Annie poked her chest out and looked down with a smug smile. ‘Did you know that my breasts make milk that suits the exact premature age my baby is?’
‘Yep. Mother nature knows best.’
‘That is so cool.’ Then she fanned herself. ‘Actually, my boobs are quite hot and sore but I’m telling myself I’d be more upset if they weren’t working.’
Emily pulled a brown paper parcel from her bag. ‘I have a present for you.’
‘More presents?’ Annie clapped her hands and Emily shook her head.
‘You’re spoilt but I think you’ll appreciate these.’ Emily laughed and tipped two opened disposable nappies out of her bag onto the bedside table and they rocked like little cradles. ‘They’re frozen. I poured some water on them and put them in the freezer and now you can open them out and wrap them around your breasts. It’s just for the next twenty-four hours while you’re engorged.’
‘That’s crazy.’ Annie wasn’t sure she was convinced this would be a good idea.
‘Try them and see.’ Emily helped Annie ease the crunchy nappies down into her bra and wrapped the cold netting around her hot breasts.
Her mouth pursed as she looked at her mother. ‘Oh. Wow. That feels so-o-o good.’
‘Excellent. And you just put them back into this plastic bag and pop them back in the freezer to re-freeze.’
‘Awesome.’
‘I bring the coolest gifts.’ Mother and daughter grinned at each other.
Annie patted her chest and sighed blissfully. Then she sat up. ‘Speaking of cool gifts, Marco brought me a card and more phone credit so I could ring Rodney whenever I wanted.’
Emily struggled to keep the smile on her face. ‘That was nice of him.’
Annie’s attention sharpened. ‘Which brings me back to my original question. Have you two stopped seeing each other?’
Emily studied her fingers as she screwed up the brown paper bag on the bench. ‘We were never really seeing each other. Did he say something?’
‘Oh. Pleeease, Mum. You guys are hotter than my boobs for each other. And, no, he didn’t say anything. He’s a clam, like you.’
A clam. Where had she heard that? Emily drew a deep breath and faced her daughter with the truth. ‘Look. He’s going soon, Emily. You and Rosebud are my priorities.’
She slowed her words even more. ‘I need to concentrate on what’s important in my life and at this moment you and Rosebud top that list. I don’t have space in my life for a doomed love affair.’
Annie wasn’t having that. ‘Why not?’
Emily closed her eyes and opened them again. ‘Because I want to spend time with you. And my granddaughter. And be here for you both.’
Annie stared at her thoughtfully, chewed her lip, and finally sighed. ‘I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, Mum, but...’ She reached out and took her mother’s hand. Squeezed it. ‘I’ll always want your support and your love, it’s just...maybe it’s time you should think about your own life. Your own happiness.’
Annie drew a deep breath and began to speak faster, as if afraid her mother wouldn’t understand if she didn’t get the whole concept out before she was interrupted. ‘Heck—even embrace being the wonderful, gorgeous woman you are and not just be a mum to me. Rodney’s here for us, Mum. He’s Rosebud’s father. She has us and I have him. You deserve a man who cares too.’
Emily gulped, felt the sting of tears, and she forced them back with iron control, but she didn’t know how she was going to get the words out. Her throat had closed and another dull ache opened in her chest. Imagine if she lost both Marco and Annie!
She squeezed the words out. ‘I see.’
‘No, you don’t.’ Annie climbed out from under the covers, took Emily’s hand and pulled her down until they were sitting side by side on the edge of the bed.
‘You look devastated. Don’t be. You’re my mum, my hero, for goodness’ sake, there is nobody in this world who can do what you do, make things happen like you can.’ Annie squeezed her hand again. ‘You’re amazing.’
Annie shrugged. Patted her mother’s hand like she was the mentor here. ‘I just think you might have found an awesome guy who actually has an inkling how cool you really are, and you’re beating him off with a stick.’
Annie hugged her mother carefully, and the ice in her bra crackled between them, until Emily gave a watery smile. ‘Please don’t be hurt because I’m actually thinking of you for a change.’
A lone tear trickled annoyingly down her cheek and Emily brushed it away impatiently. Tried to take in her daughter’s words and the sense behind them, but the flicker of fear hovered in her throat. What if she did lose both of them? And it was already too late for Marco. ‘But he’s going.’
Annie snorted and for a moment there she sounded like Gran. ‘Well, for goodness’ sake, do something about that. If anybody can, you’re the one.’ She looked at her mother. ‘But you’d better go home and go to bed for a couple of hours before you take on the weekend. You look tired. We have the baby shower tomorrow afternoon in the NICU.’
* * *
It was only an afternoon tea but Rosebud nearly missed it. Her see-through skin tinged yellow like a baby banana with jaundice. Not surprising really. Her tiny liver was so immature it couldn’t handle the breaking down of her unneeded blood cells now that she was in the outside world.
It just meant Rosebud couldn’t watch with her painted blindfold sunglasses on as she lay under phototherapy. But the air was warm, and love and caring drifted her way from her family and their friends, and the purple light that shone on her was doing the job her liver couldn’t.
> ‘Never mind,’ Rodney said. ‘She sleeps a lot anyway, like her mother.’ And everyone smiled.
The original baby shower had been planned for today at Emily and Annie’s home.
For obvious reasons that wasn’t possible but the NICU girls who’d helped look after Annie during those first few difficult weeks sixteen years ago had decided Annie’s own daughter held a special place in their hearts and they wanted to be a part of Rosebud’s baby shower.
Along with the fact that most of the guest list worked in the hospital, it was a crowded but well-behaved affair.
Rodney brought one friend, Jack, a big, blond, punk-haired and pierced bouncer, who turned out to be a favourite once they could stop him washing his hands and making sure he was clean enough to come in.
Jack kept punching Rodney in the shoulder and telling him, ‘You’re so lucky, man.’ And Rodney just nodded and glowed and hugged Annie.
Rodney had brought Annie a gift-wrapped box with tiny rosebud earrings and for his daughter the smallest bracelet with her name engraved on it and a little pink rabbit.
Emily had found the softest little pink lace cap for Rosebud to wear. She would have liked to show it to Marco but he wasn’t there. She’d have liked to show Marco lots of things but she had driven him away. Teo and Zoe brought exquisite tiny doll’s clothes and Lily and Luke brought a doll to dress up after Rosebud grew out of them.
Even Finn and Evie showed and chose a magnificent pink shawl to take Rosebud home in when the time came.
Annie floated graciously around, thanking people.
Emily passed around fairy bread and tiny scones and jam and cream and held onto her pride for the maturity of her own daughter while she kept the tears at the back of her throat.
And Marco should be here. Even Annie had commented sadly that he must be very busy. Emily knew their last conversation had driven him away. Not surprisingly.
She couldn’t deny his absence left an aching sense of loss she hoped nobody else saw, and she only had herself to blame.
All the while Rosebud slept on in her little sun bed, oblivious to the subdued good wishes from her departing guests.
Sydney Harbor Hospital: Marco's Temptation Page 12