The hearth, the steadfast land, the wandering sea,
Not beautiful or rare in every part,
But like yourself, as they were meant to be.
—Edwin Muir,“The Confirmation”
The candle burned down, leaving distorted shadows dancing in every corner. Anne snuggled against her husband’s chest as he stroked the silkiness of her hair spread out across his arm.
“Now, my Love, I want to hear how things should have been between us.” She caressed Frederick’s jaw line with her fingertips.
He kissed her forehead as he pulled her closer to him. “You might find this amusing,” he cautioned.
“I will not scoff at or make light of what you say. Actually, I am most interested; I used to devise scenarios of how we would rediscover each other.”
“My Darling.” He raised her chin with his fingertips and kissed her gently.
“Tell me,” she demanded once he withdrew.
“Yes, Sweetling,” he said dutifully before settling her in his arms once more. “Well, if you recall, you visited Mrs. Smith at Westgate Building the morning after the concert. She kindly warned you about Mr. Elliot, but, of course, I had no idea that you had left her apartment altogether in a confusion of images and doubts—a perplexity, an agitation of which you could not see the end.”
Anne sighed audibly and snuggled in closer. She kissed the underside of his jaw line before leaning back to lightly stroke the muscles of his chest. Frederick held her tightly to him, unwilling to release her closeness. “Oh, Anne,” he groaned as he tried to force the desire away.
“I am waiting,” she whispered.
Unwilling to control his need, Frederick rolled her to her back and repeatedly drank of Anne’s lips.“I love you.” His mouth rested just above hers.“You are everything to me.”
Anne nibbled on his lower lip.“I suppose I will never hear your story’s ending,” she joked.
“Oh, you will hear it,” he whispered in her ear, “but not for many minutes. I have a different story to tell you—one about a man who loves his wife beyond reason.”
Anne snaked her arms around his neck, lacing her fingers through his hair.“I believe I have heard this story before.” She giggled as he kissed the sensitive spot between her neck and shoulder. “But,” she gasped as his lips traced a line from her ear to the base of her neck,“I believe—it needs—retelling.”
Some time later, Anne sat tailor-style in the middle of the bed, her hair draped prettily over her shoulders. “So I knew about Mr. Elliot. But you did not know how I felt about him,” she prompted him.
Frederick leaned against the backboard; pillows propped up his upper body. He took Anne’s hand and pulled her into closer proximity, lacing their fingers together.1
“Here is my dream. While you were speaking to Mrs. Smith about Mr. Elliot, I heard another version of the story from my sister and the Admiral. The Admiral had heard from one of his cronies, who also attended the concert, that at the end, Mr. Elliot declared himself—and you accepted. I did not know what to believe; I could not accept the Admiral’s words as the truth, but I knew how Mr. Elliot touched you with a familiarity that I was no longer allowed.”
“I—I am sorry,”Anne stammered.
Frederick squeezed her hand. “It occurred to the Admiral that you and Mr. Elliot might want to return to Kellynch, and he and Sophia could speak of nothing else. My heart knew such pain, and my family did not recognize it. After I heard the story, I hid in the study, pretending to read, but envisioning the worst.
“Somehow, the Admiral and you met on the street.That part of the dream was not very clear. I suppose I just needed an excuse for your appearance at Gay Street. Anyway, I hid in the study, but—much to my horror—I heard Benjamin outside the door.
“‘I cannot stay’ said the Admiral,‘because I must go to the Central Office for Naval Affairs, but if you will only sit down for five minutes, I am sure Sophie will come.—You will find nobody to disturb you; there is nobody but Frederick here.’ The Admiral opened the door as he spoke.
“There was no time for recollection! For planning behavior or regulating manners!—There was only time to turn pale before you passed through the door and met my astonished eyes. I was sitting by the fire, pretending to read and prepared for no greater surprise than the Admiral’s hasty return from his errands. Equally unexpected was the meeting, on each side. There was nothing to be done, however, but to stifle feelings and be quietly polite.
“The Admiral wanted to know the truth of the rumors, so he began to question you. ‘Why, Miss Anne, we begin to hear strange things of you.’ Benjamin smiled nicely while I cringed, awaiting your response.‘But you have not much the look of it,’ the Admiral teased,‘as grave as a little judge.’ His words brought a blush to your face, which, to Benjamin, confirmed his suspicions. ‘Aye, aye, that will do. Now, it is right. I thought we were not mistaken.’ His words ripped a hole in my soul. ‘My Sophie will be very happy to see you. Mind—I will not swear that she has not something particular to say to you—but that will all come out in the right place. I give no hints. Please sit down, Miss Anne. Mrs. Croft will be down very soon.’You moved to one of the wing chairs and sat on the edge, obviously very nervous. I assumed from my observations that you simply did not know how to tell me the truth. ‘I will go upstairs and give Sophie notice directly.’
“You sprang to your feet.‘Please,Admiral, do not interrupt Mrs. Croft. I will call another time.’
“‘I will not hear of it,’ the Admiral said in his best military tone, and, like every man who ever served under Benjamin, you followed orders and reseated yourself.Then the Admiral bowed and offered his excuses once again—taking his leave.You and I were to be left alone to deal with our quandary. However, at the door, he turned back to me and said,‘Frederick, a word with you, if you please.’”
“That sounds so like Benjamin,” she observed. “What happened next?”
“I had no choice but to attend him. As Benjamin might do, he began the conversation before we were out of your hearing. ‘As I am going to leave you together, it is but fair I should give you something to talk of.’ I managed to close the door, because I knew where Benjamin’s words would lead and because I did not wish to give you pain.
“Benjamin continued,‘I must know, so if you please, I need you to speak to Miss Anne.’
“I pleaded,‘I cannot do this, Sir. Please do not ask me.’
“However, the Admiral’s agitation could not be contained. ‘We have a lease for Kellynch, but Sir Walter has an option to end it on proper notice.’
“‘Have you not signed the lease?’ I asked.
“‘Yes—yes, of course, but I hate to be at an uncertainty.—I must know at once.—Sophie thinks the same. If Miss Anne is to marry, Sophie and I will remove to another property.’
“The thought of asking if you were to marry Mr. Elliot nearly brought me to my knees, but Benjamin was oblivious to my feelings. I begged to be excused from the task; however, the Admiral was determined. ‘Phoo, Phoo,’ he shamed me. ‘Now is the time. If you will not speak, I will stop and speak myself.’
“I agreed, although a firing squad would have been more welcome. I no more said, ‘Yes, Sir,’ than he opened the door leading back to you. There we were—alone—trying to overcome the impossible. I knew you must have heard part, if not all, of my conversation with Benjamin. He spoke without any management of voice, although I tried to check him.”
“Poor Frederick,” she cooed. “You actually dreamed such an awful state of affairs for yourself?”
In feigned seriousness, he spoke,“I am a real trooper.”
Anne laughed lightly at his false bravado—a tender, romantic gesture.“You are a saint, my Husband.”
“Anyway,” he began again,“I walked immediately to a window, irresolute and embarrassed. I longed to be able to speak of the weather or the concert. I stood looking out at nothing for, at least, a half minute.Then I forced myself to walk to where you sat. In a
voice of effort and constraint, I followed the Admiral’s orders.‘You must have heard too much already, Madam, to be in any doubt of my having promised Admiral Croft to speak to you on some particular subject—and this conviction determines me to do it—however repugnant to my—to all my senses of propriety, to be taking so great a liberty.—You will acquit me of impertinence, I trust, by considering me as speaking only for another, and speaking by necessity.—The Admiral is a man who can never be thought impertinent by one who knows him as you do.—His intentions are always the kindest and the best; and you will perceive he is actuated by none other, in the application, which I am now with—with very peculiar feelings—obliged to make.’
“I knew I made little sense—rambling on—but when you refused to look at me, I could barely think. I stopped—merely to recover my breath—not expecting an answer. I proceeded, with a forced alacrity. ‘The Admiral, Madam, was this morning confidently informed you were—upon my word I am quite at a loss—.’ Again I took a deep breath to settle my nerves and finished by speaking quickly. ‘The awkwardness of giving information of this sort to one of the parties—you can be at no loss to understand me.—It was very confidently said that Mr. Elliot—that everything was settled in the family for a union between Mr. Elliot—and yourself. It was added that you were to live at Kellynch—Kellynch was to be given up.This, the Admiral knew, could not be correct.—But it occurred to him that it might be the wish of the parties—and my commission from him, Madam, is to say if the family wish is such, his lease of Kellynch shall be canceled, and he and my sister will provide themselves with another home, without imagining themselves to be doing anything which under similar circumstances would not be done for them.—This is all, Madam.—A very few words in reply from you will be sufficient.—That I should be the person commissioned on this subject is extraordinary!—And, believe me, Madam, it is no less painful.—A very few words, however, will put an end to the awkwardness and distress we may both be feeling.’”
Wentworth heard Anne gasp. “Oh, Frederick, tell me I said something intelligible at this juncture! Please say I was not as tongue-tied as I usually am.”
“I am afraid, my Love, that I dreamed you as you really are—perfect—but often afraid to give offense to anyone.” He continued his tale as Anne stared silently at him.
“Before you could answer, I added,‘If you only tell me that the Admiral may address a line to Sir Walter, it will be enough. Pronounce only the words, He may.—I shall immediately follow him with your message.’
“I stood transfixed, waiting for you to speak the words, which would doom me to a life of loneliness. Finally, you found your voice.‘No, Sir—there is no message.—You are misin—the Admiral is misinformed.—I do justice to the kindness of his intentions, but he is quite mistaken.There is no truth in any such report.’
“There we were—hearts beating madly—held in a moment of exquisite agony. I was a moment silent, and then you turned your eyes toward me for the first time since my reentering the room. I saw all the power and keenness that no other eyes possess.‘No truth in any such report!’ I repeated.
“You gave me an amused smile. ‘No truth in any part of it?—None.’
“I collapsed in the chair I was standing behind, enjoying the relief of what you said. I drew a little nearer to you. We looked at each other with expressions that were silent but still a very powerful dialogue. On my side there was supplication, on yours, acceptance. Then I took your hand and said,‘Anne, my own dear Anne!’”
With this, he pulled her hand to his lips and kissed the inside of her wrists. “Was that the end of the dream?” She barely got the words out. He had taken her breath away.
“Not entirely.” Frederick’s eyes lit up with mischief. “You, of course, ended up in my arms.”
Anne rolled her eyes.
“We kissed passionately until Sophia finally made an appearance in the study. I am afraid that my sister quite understood the situation even without our explanation. Your lips were swollen from our ardent kisses.” Frederick chuckled in remembrance. “Beautifully swollen, in fact.”
“You would enjoy embarrassing me so!” she chastised him.
Frederick pulled her even closer.“I enjoyed holding you in my arms.You were finally mine. How could I not kiss you blind?”
“Then what?”
“Well, it began to rain, and my sister astutely invited you to stay to dinner. A note was dispatched to Camden Place—and you stayed—stayed with me until ten at night. Sophia contrived for her and the Admiral to be frequently out of the room together. Nature, or fate, took its course. The rest of the dream is very much like what happened in reality. I told you of my love, and we found each other—so rationally, but so rapturously, happy as any two people could be.”
“I agree.” Anne fell into his embrace. “Your version is nearly as romantic as the real thing.” She smiled mischievously. “Now, I was wondering if you would care to demonstrate how well you kissed me during this romantic dream?” Her lips came near to his.Wordlessly, he complied.
CHAPTER 16
Love, faithful love, recalled thee to my mind—
But how could I forget thee? Through what power,
Even for the least division of an hour,
Have I been so beguiled as to be blind
To my most grievous loss?
—William Wordsworth,“Sonnet”
Frederick knew he could not escape Sophia’s close examination when he returned, but he honestly wished he could simply slink off to lick his wounds and regroup for a new assault on Anne’s regard. He handed his hat and coat to a waiting servant before heading upstairs to the Admiral’s study.
“Frederick, you are home early,” the Admiral noted as Frederick stepped through the open door. “I thought you might join some friends after the concert.”
Frederick walked to where Sophia sat, bending to kiss his sister’s upturned cheek. “I left before the concert ended.” He crossed to the window to peer out at the darkness. Just get through the civilities, and then you can withdraw, he told himself.
“Was the concert not entertaining?” Sophia watched him to see his reaction.
Frederick clasped his hands behind his back. “I was disappointed—the singer was lacking.”
“Really?” His sister sounded surprised. “I would have thought that Lady Dalrymple would never lend her name to any entertainment that was less than stunning.”
Frederick paused before answering, not wanting to rehash the evening with his sister.“Some found the performance adequate.”
“But you did not?” Benjamin seemed as surprised as his wife.
“Miss Anne says that it is probably because I heard the arias while I was in Italy.These were poor imitations.”
Sophia set down her book. “You spoke to Miss Anne at the concert?”
“Indeed. Lady Dalrymple is a relative of the Elliots, and, of course, Sir Walter would want to preserve the connection. The whole Elliot clan was in attendance.”
“I see,” Sophia mused.“Were you received by the family?” He turned to face them.“Only Miss Anne.The rest treated me only as a bowing acquaintance, although Sir Walter thinks I am a ‘very well-looking man.’” Sarcasm dripped from his every word.
“And even though Lady Dalrymple agreed, she believes I have the air of an Irishman!”
The Admiral guffawed, nearly choking on his port, while Sophia stifled her smile.“That is better than being the best-looking sailor he ever met,” Benjamin countered.
“When one puts it that way, I suppose I prefer my compliment to yours.” He begrudgingly took the seat across from his sister.
“I am sure Miss Anne did not treat you poorly.” His sister spoke the words softly, not sure whether Frederick wanted to hear them. “Miss Anne is not as anxious about class as the rest of her family.”
“No, she is not,” Frederick allowed at last. His time with Anne this evening had been superb; surrounded by concertgoers, he remembered none of
them—only he and Anne existed in those moments.
“If the two of you do not mind, I think I will make it an early evening. After spending six weeks with Edward, I am accustomed to country hours.” He rose to his feet before offering them a quick bow.Then he headed to the door; he needed time—time to figure out how to fix the mess he had created.
The night seemed endless—little sleep came, and Frederick took some relief at leaving his bed, having had a thorough battle with the linens and pillows throughout most of the time he spent stretched out across it. Part of the time he thought it best to abandon Anne to Mr. Elliot.As much as he despised the man, Mr. Elliot could offer Anne things of which Frederick could only dream. If Anne married Mr. Elliot, she could assume her mother’s position as the mistress of Kellynch Hall. She would be Lady Elliot—call Kellynch her home again—her home forever. Mr. Elliot was to inherit everything.—Anne deserved everything.—Frederick thought there would be every possibility of their being happy together. A most suitable connection everybody must consider it—but he thought it might be a very happy one also.
Yet, the thought of Anne sharing her life with anyone but him seemed to rip his heart from his chest. Anne—his Anne—was incomparable—beautiful—intelligent. His fascination with her had begun years ago, and it never waned, even though he had tried repeatedly to put her behind him. Am I just a wishful fool—hoping against hope that something will change before Anne accepts Mr. Elliot’s troth?
Frederick spent the day after the concert walking about Bath in hopes of a sighting Anne. He visited the Pump Room, Victoria Park, the Royal Crescent, the shops, and Sydney Gardens; yet,Anne could not be found. Panic set in!—Could Mr. Elliot be applying for Anne’s hand while Frederick searched fruitlessly for her? I was foolish—damnably foolish—yesterday evening. I left her in the company of Mr. Elliot, although she, obviously, wanted me to stay—to join her, even, on the bench. She asked me to listen to a love song, and I refused. “There is nothing worth my staying for.”What idiotic words! I should have told Anne she was worth staying for and then seated myself next to her. But I allowed her family to turn me away—to question my own worth—to retreat before being snubbed.What do I care if the likes of Lady Russell or Lady Dalrymple or Sir Walter Elliot do not approve of my relationship with Anne? Evidently, more than I thought! How could I let them ruin my chances to see Anne or to call on her again?
Captain Wentworth's Persuasion Page 22