by Leela Ash
She had a survivor's instinct, hardening herself to the possibility that he might not come back for her. Maybe he would find his brother and stay with him, or maybe he would be killed. Or maybe he wouldn't even be able to find his way back to the little homestead. All of these were distinct possibilities. She only hoped that if he did get lost, maybe Al would be able to guide him back to the homestead from the community where he was heading.
But hope it wasn't something she allowed herself to waste much time on, and instead set to work making the cabin as cozy as possible. She had to admit that she had a homemaker's streak, enjoying every chance that she had to put her hands into the space and create a unique and comfortable feeling within it.
She tried not to eat too much, knowing that winter was coming soon. She had found about twelve Mason jars in the cabin and decided that she would preserve some of the fruit and vegetables for as long as she could. The solar power and wind power that was connected to the house made it possible for the refrigerator and freezer to work. She couldn't believe their luck, but without Jax, she didn't feel as safe, even in their sheltered little house. She knew she would defend their home with her life, and she wasn't sure that was something she was willing to do.
Although it was exhausting having to survive on her own without the comforts of four walls around her and knowing that the tribes would be lurking about and looking for prey, it had been safer in ways because she was never off her guard. It may have been difficult and stressful for her mental health, making her paranoid and jumpy, but it had also kept her alive for this long. She would be on her toes in her little house, not sleeping soundly in her bed. There were no traps outside her doorway to alert her to noise or predators. It was something she would have to work on while he was gone.
She decided to go out and gather the peaches from the tiny orchard before they started to rot, scooping them carefully off the ground and taking what was left over on the trees. She would make a jam, she decided. Maybe a jelly or some sort of dessert with them. She could keep some in the freezer and share the dessert with Jax when – no, if – he came home. She would have to be content with whatever happened, even if the last goodbye that they shared had been for good.
There was a stovetop with two burners and a small oven beneath. They had been utilizing it like crazy, happy beyond their wildest dreams that they had found such a comfortable place to live. It wasn't gigantic and it was nothing like what they were used to before the virus, but it was security. Whoever had lived here before had been minimalistic, only wanting the bare essentials. It was as if they had anticipated something like this virus happening all along, and had prepared accordingly. She lowered her eyes, stricken by a sudden pang of sadness that even with all of this preparation and forward thinking, whoever had been here wasn't still there to enjoy the bountiful lifestyle that they had created.
It was always hard when they found pictures, so she was glad that they didn't find anything in the cabin except clothing and little odds and ends that they could use. Candles, cooking utensils, even the rifle that was in the front closet and a huge supply of ammunition. They also found yards and yards of thick rope, which Jax had used to set traps for animals around the garden. They had been eating well, and she had to remember to check the traps every day and reset them. Luckily, Jax had shown her how.
She was just beginning the sweet, sugary process of creating peach preserves when it hit her. A sudden pang of immense nausea. She tried to hold it back, but she couldn't, and ran to the door, retching out over the railing of the small porch. It had been years and years since she had been sick like this, and she wondered what had brought it on. Had some of their food not been washed thoroughly enough or cooked well enough? Was her meat contaminated? Maybe there was still some bacteria in the water and it hadn't been boiled well enough or filtered properly.
She walked back into the house, her mind spinning with potential explanations, when the wafting smell of peaches make her stomach drop. She had to run outside again to vomit. She had forgotten what it felt like to be that sick, and clutched the railing miserably as she wiped the bile off of her full lips. Her eyes were watering and she scrambled to one of the barrels of water they kept outside, not trusting the one she had drank from most recently in case it was the source of the contamination. She took a handful and rinsed her mouth out with it, then took the pot of peaches outside so that she wouldn't have to smell it as she boiled more water to drink.
From there, she collapsed onto the couch, feeling lonely and miserable. It figured that she would get sick when she was alone. She curled up in the blanket, grimacing at the pain and wishing more than anything that Jax was there to comfort her.
Chapter 6
Jax looked around. He had been following the trail for two weeks, but now he didn't know where to look. He had made it into a clearing and there wasn't a tree in sight. The further north he got, the colder it became, and he was cold even through the thermal underwear that Layne had packed for him.
He shifted impatiently. The going was slow now and if he was going to catch up with his brother, he would have to keep moving. He covered a lot of ground with his running, but even after two weeks he was feeling hopeless. He began to wander forward but stopped himself. He couldn't figure out where he was supposed to go. Damn it, Al.
He groaned in frustration and decided to make camp. As he was digging a small trench to build his fire in, he suddenly paused. The ground beneath his feet was littered with rocks. Most of them were a deep gray color, but there was a line of red rocks that stood out. He backed up and squinted down at them, realizing that it created a huge ‘L’ shape that was pointing to the east. His heart thudded in excitement, and he scrambled to put his belongings back into his rucksack. He would head east.
As he moved, he noticed a small snowflake gracefully fall from the sky and land on the tip of his nose. His eyes widened as more gentle snowflakes began to fall, and he hurried his pace, quickening so that he might find Al's community sooner rather than later. It was never any fun to be stuck in a snowstorm, but for now, things were looking up and the little snowflakes brought warmth to his soul and hope to his heart.
***
Layne wasn't feeling any better later in the week. She thought she was, but quickly found new, sudden bouts of nausea overwhelming her. She was sore all over her body and massaged her tender breasts, groaning in misery and sipping water. She could only stomach certain foods and, unfortunately, peaches were not one of them.
She hoped that she hadn't caught dysentery or something from the water, and groaned to herself. What if Jax came home and found her dead? But no, part of being able to survive was having the willpower to survive. She would be fine. She only hoped Jax was faring just as well.
***
“Welcome," the man said. Jax studied him skeptically, worried that he had stumbled upon another cult. He had followed a path lined by brier bushes, and been pleased when it opened up into raspberries. He groaned when he heard a man step behind him, knowing that he no longer had the advantage. Fortunately, when he turned around, the man was smiling warmly. He didn't trust him, but he was too cold to complain when the man heaved a huge, heavy coat around him and pulled him further down the path and into a warm shelter.
“How did you find this place?" the man asked, looking at Jax with a small smile.
It reminded him of being quizzed after using a business service. How had he found their business? Was it online or maybe through a friend? Perhaps the advertising they had done on the subway finally did the trick. He tried to shake off the cynicism and told him about meeting with Al, and immediately asked if they had heard from Jonathan.
The man's eyes widened and he took a step back, looking behind him at the small group of people that were in the shelter with them. It was a relatively nice community, most of them living in teepee like tents with a fire burning inside. The smoke escaped through a ventilation hole at the top and they were free to warm themselves by the fire and cook as the
y pleased.
“Are you his brother? The one from Hex?”
“I haven't been with Hex in a long time," Jax said. “Don't worry.”
“Oh, I'm not worried. They teach pretty great survival skills in that tribe, there are a couple people here who made it out a while ago. Maybe you will know them."
“Maybe," Jack said impatiently, thinking of Layne alone at home. “But I'd really rather find my brother before I talk to anybody. He hasn't come back here?"
“No, they went east from here looking for the underground city that people used to whisper about. They claim the government knew that something bad was going to happen and tried to cover their asses after Grow Inc. got some test results back. They were prepared for the worst case in any event. They didn't expect it to go so viral.”
“I remember," Jax said bleakly. “Would you mind showing me the way to Roger? I hear he was with my brother last and I'd really like to speak with him.”
“Oh, Roger! Of course, that's a great idea. I'm sure he could help you.”
The man offered his thick hand and smiled. He was in his late middle ages and was strong and meaty. His sandy brown hair was cropped short to his head, and his wide face was littered with stubble. He was a little overweight, wearing a pair of overalls and a red collared shirt that was rolled up at the sleeves, despite the temperature. He saw Jax looking and grinned.
“Never minded the cold much,” he said. He seemed rugged and experienced, and Jax didn't have any trouble picturing how he had survived through all of this.
“My name is Blake by the way," the man said. “I can show you around to get you some food and then maybe you can head out. How does that sound? If you'd like to stay the night and camp out here that would probably be for the best. It's pretty dangerous out here at night. We found a way to safeguard against the animals and the elements, but out on your own, it's definitely a lot harder. And the snow is falling now, it might be a better idea to stay inside for the night and take the weather as it comes in the morning.”
Jax was silent, and walked quietly behind Blake as he led him to another teepee. He glanced around, taking in the large bonfires and the rows of greenhouses that had been constructed to protect their food sources from the elements. They had found saran wrap and created the greenhouses out of the stretched plastic and bendable branches, which was fairly clever.
“Have you ever been out in the winter before? If you're looking out for your brother, that shows me that you've mostly been in the South.”
“I was in the Boy Scouts once," Jax said vaguely. “But honestly most of it didn't stick. I'd be willing to listen if you had any advice for me."
“Don't try to drink snow," Blake said, scratching at his stubble with a dried crunching sound. “And if you do, melt it first between layers of your clothing or filtered near a fire. If you use your body's energy to melt the snow, you're going to be more at risk for hypothermia and other crappy winter stuff.”
“All right, thanks,” Jax said.
“Sure, but it you should probably remember that snow doesn't give you anywhere near as much water as ice does. In a pinch, you should always melt ice first.”
“Oh, I didn't know that."
“Yup, the water content is way higher. Do you have a tarp?”
“No, not really,” Jax said. All he had was the worn cloth he had always used for his tent.
“Well, we will get you one. You can use them for shelter.”
“Thank you,” he said, wondering what was in it for Blake.
“Why are you trying to get people up here anyway?” Jax asked him as they paused outside one teepee and grabbed a large, neatly folded blue tarp. Blake handed it to Jax, who tucked it inside his bag.
“You ever tried settling in a commune with only a handful of people? It's not easy. There's a lot of work to be done. But it is safer, and we do all right. It's especially nice during the spring and summer. And we all get along, and none of us are angry and violent. It's a safe place. Everybody deserves a safe place.”
Jax considered this and nodded, and they finally reached the opening of Roger's teepee. They ducked inside and Roger greeted them warmly.
“Is this a new recruit?" he asked.
“No," Blake said. "This is Jonathan's brother, Jax. The one he spoke about so often."
Roger's face fell and he shirked away from Jax and Jax understood immediately that he felt guilty for abandoning his brother in the elements during the attack. He wanted to be angry at Roger, but looking at him, he could only feel a pang of pity. He had a small child in his lap, smiling up at him, and a beautiful woman behind him at the fire, stirring a small pot of soup. Roger had a family; he had a family like Jax had Layne. He would've done the same thing if he found himself in danger. He couldn't leave Layne on her own to fend for herself in a world like this. Even if there was safety at their homestead.
“Look, Al told me what happened and I'm not mad at you. I just need to know where you last saw my brother and I was wondering if you could take me. I know it's probably scary and dangerous, but I would really appreciate it. I need to understand what happened.”
The woman stopped stirring the pot and looked suddenly and intensely at Roger. The child stopped cooing and noticed the tension in the room. She looked between all of the people there and tilted her head in confusion. She reached her hand up to Roger, combing her fingers through his little beard, and Roger gripped her tiny hand in his own and pulled it away from his face.
“I'd be happy to show you where I saw him last. But we might be ambushed there. I'll take you most of the way, but I'll have to come back for my family. They are my only reason for living, and I have to be there for them.”
“I understand," Jack said with a nod. “It's a deal.”
Chapter 7
They set off early in the morning, and Jax noticed with interest that the small snowfall had turned into a large one, blanketing the world around them in icy white flakes.
Roger led him for a day and a half, marking a trail by breaking evergreen branches, and stopped finally in a clearing.
“This is where they got us," Roger said sadly. “I don't know what happened, I just panicked and did the only thing I knew how to do. I escaped with my life. I feel terrible about it, but maybe in a way bringing you here was my opportunity to try and make it up to your brother. I don't know if he got killed because of me, but if he did I'm really sorry.”
He didn't give Jax an opportunity to reply before he turned his back and walked away from him, heading back to the settlement with his warm teepee and little family. Jax watched him go for a moment before approaching the clearing. His feet crunched loudly in the snow, and he shivered as his face splintered with the cold. So his brother had been here. It had been a couple of weeks. Well, more like a month now, but he had been here.
Jax didn't know what to do from there except to give himself the allotted time frame that he and Layne had agreed upon to look for any sign of Jonathan. If he couldn't find him within two weeks and everything looked hopeless, he had to go back.
And so Jax began wandering in the cool countryside. It didn't take long for him to discover a cave in a cliff face. He poked his head in with interest, cautious of animals who may already be inside the dwelling. He let his eyes adjust for a moment and saw that nothing else was living inside before ducking in to explore. Maybe Jonathan had been there. His heart was brimming with the possibility of seeing his brother again. He couldn't wait to finally embrace him and apologize for all the years of being without him. He felt so close he could touch it.
Jax made his way carefully down the cave, and suddenly found his foot caught on something. He nearly tripped over it and cursed, lowering himself into a crouch and examining the contents on the floor. Suddenly, his heart started to pound painfully. His food had wound around the strap of a bag.
It was a bag that he recognized.
A bag that belonged to his brother.
It had everything in there. His essential
s. They were things that he would never have left behind, even if he was just going out to take a piss. He would've taken them wherever he went, which meant that something must have happened to him. Something terrible.
Jax burned with grief as his shaking hands sifted through his brother's belongings. Everything was hopeless now. He would never see his brother again. They had left everything in shambles, their relationship broken and cold, and there was no way that he would ever be able to apologize for it.
The sudden realization brought Jax to the floor. Everything was meaningless now without his brother. Nobody would ever be able to make him feel better. Everything was miserable and unfair. The virus; the circumstances of his brother's parting. He didn't even care that Layne was in their homestead, waiting for him to come back. She would never be able to understand his grief. He was completely alone.
He suddenly got to his feet and ran out of the cave as fast as he could. His only living family member was gone. Layne's had been gone for a long time already, he knew, she was used to having nobody. But this was a new feeling for him. He had never felt more alone and hopeless.
He pulled one of the bottles of beer from his sack and chugged it down as quickly as he could, glancing at Layne's note and crumpling it up before reading it. Somehow, he blamed her for this. If he hadn't gotten involved with her, he might have found his brother by now. He could have saved him.
He left the note, allowing it to grow soggy on the wet, icy ground as he began staggering around in the snow and crying loudly. He was drunk and full of agony, and he stumbled, falling face first onto the ground. The coldness bit his face, and it almost felt good. He would give up. He passed out in the snow, waiting to die and join his brother.