I was rambling. I ended the call and shoved my phone into my pocket. It wasn’t the first time I’d called and rambled on and on trying to get her to listen. Deep down though, I knew she wasn’t listening to any of the messages I left.
The next morning there was a knock on my bedroom door.
“What?” I pulled the covers over my head to block out the light.
“You need to get your ass out of bed.” Ryan threw the door open.
“It’s too early.”
The covers were yanked off me. “It’s two in the afternoon.”
I glanced at the clock and groaned. “Shit. I didn’t think it was that late.”
He held out an envelope to me. I could clearly see the Hayward logo in the top left-hand corner. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind what was in there.
“Thanks.” I took it from his hands and tore it open. Exactly as I thought, it was a contract for the offensive coaching position.
Ryan watched me. “Are you taking the job?”
My heart picked up pace. I couldn’t stop myself from looking over to where my phone lay silent on the nightstand and back to the papers in my hand. “I don’t know.”
He sighed and leaned back against the wall. “I know you’re hoping Mari will see the video and call. Shit, I’m hoping that happens too. You guys were good together. But this is an opportunity of a lifetime. I’d hate to see you regret not taking the job to wait for her and never get her back.”
I ran a hand through my sleep-tousled hair. “I know. I know. I’m not dismissing it completely. I just need some time to really think it over.”
He nodded. “Don’t wait forever. You don’t want them to give the job to someone else.”
“I won’t.”
I looked at the papers in my hands again. Ryan was right. I knew that, yet my heart still revolted at the thought of taking the job so far from the one woman who made my life complete. The room felt too small. I folded the papers and pushed them back into the envelope, setting them on the bedside table for safe keeping.
About a week and a half later I officially accepted the job. No matter how many times I’d tried to contact Mari, I couldn’t get through. I had all the evidence of my innocence in my hands and I couldn’t get her to listen. I figured putting some distance between us would make her rejection easier to deal with. Maybe someday she’d see the truth.
Maybe.
CHAPTER 31
Mari
There was no way I was staying in another hotel, letting the media dissect my every move. The guys weren’t thrilled with the idea of making a five-hour trip back that late, but they did it for me. I knew I was being a bitch, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself. When we weren’t performing I avoided any socializing at all costs, except when I wanted to get on the road earlier than we planned. I honestly didn’t deserve them, how they took all my crap without complaint. The moment we arrived home, I went to my room and locked the door. I’d been holed up there ever since.
The first few days Sawyer tried to coax me out, and even though a part of me felt bad about it, I refused to leave the room. I needed time. This wasn’t just a simple case of a broken heart. Ice cream and rom-coms with my best friend could fix that. This was a goddamn soap opera destruction of a relationship, complete with the unforgivable lies and massive embarrassment. It had been about a week since we’d gotten home and I was no closer to pulling myself out of the mess I’d landed in. The publicist and PR people for the label had done everything possible to tamp down the conjecture by the media. Not that I paid attention. I deleted all my social media accounts from my phone. I also refused to watch, read, or listen to the news. There was nothing about that day they could tell me that I didn’t already know. The question I kept asking myself was how I could have been so wrong about Cole? Why didn’t I see it?
Those questions are what kept me locked behind closed doors. I couldn’t trust myself to be out in the world. Judging people’s characters and deciding if they were worth my time. I’d tried it and failed miserably.
A knock sounded on my door and like every other time, I ignored it. Sawyer would end up leaving whatever food he made on the snack table he’d set up by the door when he realized I wasn’t going to answer.
The knock came again. “Mari, we need to talk.”
Not Sawyer, but Heath. I continued to stare at the ceiling.
“Look, I know you don’t want to see anyone, but we need to make some decisions about the band as a group. Monty and Jackson are here too.” He waited a beat for me to answer and when I didn’t he continued. “We’ll wait for you in the living room for as long as it takes.”
The tone of his voice told me they’d wait all night or for days if they had to. My head and my heart warred on what to do. Sitting in my room had gotten me nowhere. I was part of Jaded Ivory. I put them in jeopardy with my decisions, the least I could do was listen to what they had to say, as long as they had no plans to talk about Cole. That was a topic I never wanted to bring up again.
Knowing that they really would wait, I forced myself from the bed and for the first time in days, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. The sight that greeted me stopped me in my tracks. The woman before me looked like she’d been to hell and back. Blond hair stuck out in a million different directions and no, it wasn’t in a hip, stylish way. There wasn’t enough makeup in the world to cover the dark circles and red-rimmed eyes. I gave a brief moment of thought to the idea of showering before I met with the guys, but decided it didn’t matter. The sooner we got this done the better. I planned on going back to my room when we were done. Eventually, I need to pull myself out of the funk, but today wasn’t the day.
I padded my way out to the living room where the guys were talking in hushed tones. Sawyer’s head snapped up when I stepped into the room. He jumped from his seat. The other guys glanced around the room, none of their eyes landing on me. I had a pretty good idea that they were talking about me. Not that I could blame them, I’d been an absolute wreck.
“Hey, Mari,” Heath said, sliding back into his seat.
Sawyer stepped in front of me. “Are you sure you’re up for this?”
“Maybe if I knew what we were talking about, but as long as the topic stays on the band and not my personal life, I’ll be good.” I couldn’t even bring myself to say Cole’s name. Sawyer nodded and led me to a seat in the living room.
Heath clapped his hands together to get everyone’s attention. “I spoke with Tom right before we came over and the label wants us back in the studio. They want us to record an entire album.”
Silence filled the room, but it wasn’t hard to miss the wide eyes and open-mouthed stares. At least until Monty leapt from his seat with a loud whoop. The sound broke the tension in the room. Cheering, clapping, yelling. All of my worries of five minutes ago were pushed aside in that moment. Hugs were passed around as we jumped up and down throughout the living room.
“Guys,” Heath yelled, gesturing for us to sit down. “I know everyone’s excited but there’s more we need to talk about before we celebrate.”
Jackson rolled his eyes. “What else could possibly be so important it can’t wait until after we celebrate?”
I noticed Heath glance at me, but just as quickly his eyes moved over the rest of the group. “Staying here. The last track took us almost two weeks to record. This would be a full thirteen to fourteen songs and we can’t spend the next six months driving two hours each way. I think it’s time we consider moving closer to the studio.”
Monty nodded. “Makes sense. We could probably finish the songs sooner if we didn’t have to worry about the drive.”
“Think we’d find a place to rent with practice space?”
“Doubt we would need practice space with the studio right there.”
The conversation swirled around me, but I’d stopped paying attention to who said what. It didn’t matter. Not one of them brought up Cole, yet it seemed to come back to him anyway. I wanted nothing to do with
him. So why did a part of me hate the idea of moving so far from where he was? It didn’t matter how close or how far away he lived, he was still the same guy I knew in high school, he just got better at putting on the mask. Maybe moving from here would be good for me. Another fresh start. Another chance to put the past behind me. It worked the first time and as long as I didn’t let my walls down it should work again.
When I looked up four sets of eyes were turned in my direction. “Why is everyone looking at me?”
Sawyer ran a hand through his hair. “Are you okay with moving away from here?”
I shrugged. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
Heath chewed on his thumbnail. “Cole—”
I threw my hands up and stood. “I don’t want to talk about him. Make whatever arrangements are necessary. Sawyer can find us a place and you guys just tell me when it’s time to pack.”
I didn’t bother waiting for a reaction. I stormed down the hall to my bedroom, slamming and locking the door behind me. It was bad enough my own thoughts went straight to Cole when Heath mentioned moving. What I really didn’t want to do was sit there and talk about all the reasons I might be upset moving far away from Cole. Tears raced down my cheeks as I dropped to the bed and pulled my pillow over my head. What a fool I’d been. I went and fell in love with the one man who I knew from the start would break me all over again.
A light tapping sounded on the door. “Keys, the guys left. Please let me in so we can talk.”
I could have laid my soul at Sawyer’s feet like I had so many times before, but for some reason, this time, I wanted to suffer on my own. Which left me ignoring Sawyer’s plea again.
The pattern that started when we first arrived home continued. I left my room more often, but the moment someone tried to get me to talk I returned there for at least a day if not more. Sawyer tried a few times to get me to listen to him, but once it became obvious that I wouldn’t talk about it, he would talk about anything but Cole. The ache in my chest grew with each passing second and I didn’t have the first clue how to explain it to anyone. Why would they for one second understand how I could be heartbroken over a man like Cole? Except, I was. My heart was in a million pieces and I wasn’t sure I knew how to put it together again.
Sawyer and I grew even closer than we were before. He made sure to find ways to keep me occupied. He avoided social media with me and we spent days binge-watching old 80s movies. He did everything possible to pull me out of the dark place I’d crawled into. When we were together he succeeded, but at night, alone in my bed I couldn’t help but fall farther back in.
We were sitting in the living room watching TV and out of the corner of my eye I noticed Sawyer’s leg bouncing up and down. Every once in a while he’d shift in his seat, watch me for a minute, then turn his attention back to the screen. By the fourth time he’d done it, I’d had enough.
I threw my hands up in the air. “What is the problem? Just spit it out already.”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “I found us a place.”
“And?”
“And I didn’t want you to be upset. We move in in two weeks.”
“Okay, so we need to start packing up the house.” I did my best to keep my voice normal at the pain in my chest.
“Yeah. I can grab some boxes tomorrow.” He sighed and his shoulders relaxed.
Rather than upset Sawyer more than I already had by completely withdrawing from him, I waited another half an hour before I stood and stretched. “I think I’m going to lie down and take a nap.”
Sawyer nodded, but I noticed his eyes following me down the hall. I might have tried to play it off, but he knew me better than anyone. What I really wanted was some time to process moving on my own.
As I stared at the ceiling of my room, I knew I couldn’t keep going on like this any longer. I hadn’t sung a note in weeks. I’d managed to push everyone in the band away to the point they all walked on eggshells around me. I wouldn’t let my dream fall by the wayside or push away my friends over Cole. It was my life and I was going to take it back.
I grabbed my laptop off the floor determined to find a killer recipe. It would at least be a start in the long list of groveling I needed to do. We could eat, laugh, and celebrate the start of something new together. After I apologized for the way I treated them of course. And even though it might hurt, hopefully we could hash out everything I went through with Cole and we could leave the subject where it belonged—in the past.
I searched the food sites I like until I found the perfect recipe. It wouldn’t take that long to make and I was pretty sure we had all of the ingredients. If not I knew I could talk Sawyer into going out to pick up what we were missing. A notification at the bottom of my screen caught my attention. Over six hundred emails sat in my inbox. My spam filter was decent but apparently not good enough. If I was taking my life back, it was time to clean up the mess that built up when it fell apart.
I opened the app on my computer and cringed at some of the subjects. Anything that wasn’t from an email I recognized I deleted immediately. My fingers were starting to go numb from all the clicking. About halfway through, I finally recognized one sender.
Kristen.
In all the chaos, I’d completely ignored her. She’d been coming out of her shell, learning that it wasn’t her fault a few of the guys in her school were jerks. Up until the release of the video we’d talked at least once a week. Usually by text or email, but if I was free we talked by phone. I wasn’t even sure if my phone worked anymore. Once the battery died, I hadn’t bothered charging it again. There hadn’t seemed to be a point. It was full of social media, phone calls, emails, and texts that I didn’t want to deal with. And in my selfish shutdown I hadn’t once thought of Kristen.
What kind of person did that make me?
I couldn’t imagine what that video had done to her. She looked up to Cole, believed he’d do anything to stop the bullies only to find out he was one of them. The email was sent two weeks ago. She needed me and I failed. Well I wouldn’t fail her anymore. I opened the email and was surprised to see an attachment.
Mari,
I can’t imagine what the last few days have been like for you. I was crushed when I saw that video. I couldn’t understand how Mr. Wallace could do that to someone. How the same teacher who stood up for me twice could hurt you like that? So I did what everyone is always telling me to do and I stood up to him. What I didn’t expect when I sent him the email was for him to actually answer me. I figured he’d brush me off and delete it. So imagine my surprise when I saw he replied. But there was more to it.
I know you won’t want to watch the video I’ve sent, but I really think you need to. You deserve the truth more than anyone. I’m not sure what you’ll decide to do afterward, but please if you won’t watch the video for you watch it for me. It would kill me to know I’ve kept the truth from you. You’ve done so much for me over the last few months, this is the only way I know how to repay you for it.
Kristen.
My hands shook as I moved the mouse onto the link for the video. What could she possibly be sending me? When I hit play, my stomach lurched at what appeared on the screen. It was the same clip I’d seen over and over again since the press released it. I hit stop. My chest felt tight, like I couldn’t get a full breath in. Closing my eyes, I tried to focus on my breathing until the muscles loosened and I was able to pull in a full gulp of air. I switched back to Kristen’s email with every intention of sending a “what the hell” reply, when her words caught my eyes. But there was more to it.
Of course I was the girl with the sadistic streak a mile wide, I pulled the video up again. Kristen begged me to watch it for her and that’s what I would do before responding to her email. I sucked in a deep breath, bracing myself for the next few moments and hit play. Sam’s voice made my blood run cold. To this day, the bastard’s voice caused me to flinch. I tried to push it out of my head while I waited for Cole to appear on the screen. A few seconds later, br
oad shoulders that I’d recognize anywhere stepped on camera. He walked right up to me.
Don’t be scared.
I heard his voice like he was standing right in front of me. I was shocked when the video didn’t cut out. All the times it played, it went to black right after Cole spoke to me.
But there was more to it.
I sat forward on the bed, my hands gripping my thighs. On the screen, Cole stepped away from me and went right to Sam, grabbing his arm and dragging him down the hall. He shoved him into an empty classroom.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Cole advanced on Sam.
“Me?” Sam shouted. “What’s wrong with you? We were just having a little fun with Mariloon.”
“That’s not fun. That’s you being a prick with a superiority complex.”
“Aren’t you all of a sudden Mr. High and Mighty. Now that Cole’s got his scholarship on the way to the NFL he’s better than us.” His lip curved into a sneer as he glanced around the room.
“Whatever you want to think, but I’m not gonna let you treat people like shit anymore.”
Sam took a step toward Cole. “And what are you going to do to stop me?”
“Whatever it takes.”
Cole turned his back to walk out the door when Sam grabbed him and attempted to throw a punch, but Cole was faster. He ducked and spun on his heel landing a punch to Sam’s stomach. Sam dropped to the floor and Cole was on him in a second, landing shot after shot to his face. At one point the phone drops to the floor, but it still showed three guys pulling Cole off Sam. A hand comes across the screen and the video cuts out.
And I can’t move a muscle.
I remembered the hall being empty when I opened my eyes. And I also remembered Sam being absent for two weeks after that. I didn’t give a shit where he was, I just thanked my lucky stars I didn’t have to deal with him.
My lungs burned and my vision blurred. Without thinking, I threw my legs over the side of the bed, my laptop crashing to the floor as I ran to find Sawyer. He was still in the same place I’d left him earlier.
Rock Me (Jaded Ivory Book 1) Page 25