by Scott Blum
ALSO BY SCOTT BLUM
Summer’s Path
Waiting for Autumn
The above are available at your local bookstore,
or may be ordered by visiting:
Hay House USA: www.hayhouse.com®
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Copyright © 2011 by Scott Blum
Published and distributed in the United States by: Hay House, Inc.: www.hayhouse.com • Published and distributed in Australia by: Hay House Australia Pty. Ltd.: www.hayhouse.com.au • Published and distributed in the United Kingdom by: Hay House UK, Ltd.: www.hayhouse.co.uk • Published and distributed in the Republic of South Africa by: Hay House SA (Pty), Ltd.: www.hayhouse.co.za • Distributed in Canada by: Raincoast: www.raincoast.com • Published in India by: Hay House Publishers India: www.hayhouse.co.in
Editorial supervision: Jill Kramer • Project editor: Alex Freemon
Cover design: Amy Rose Grigoriou • Interior design: Pam Homan
The Rumi poem on page 189 was translated by Andrew Harvey.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any mechanical, photographic, or electronic process, or in the form of a phonographic recording; nor may it be stored in a retrieval system, transmitted, or otherwise be copied for public or private use—other than for “fair use” as brief quotations embodied in articles and reviews—without prior written permission of the publisher.
The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Blum, Scott.
Winter moon rises / Scott Blum.
p. cm.
ISBN 978-1-4019-2717-2 (hardcover : alk. paper) 1. First-born children--Fiction.
2. Mind and body--Fiction. 3. Spirituality--Fiction. I. Title.
PS3602.l864W56 2011
813’.6--dc23
2011024060
Hardcover ISBN: 978-1-4019-2717-2
Digital ISBN: 978-1-4019-3093-6
14 13 12 11 4 3 2 1
1st edition, November 2011
Printed in the United States of America
Table of Contents
Foreword
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Epilogue
About The Author
Resources
FOREWORD
I am very honored to write a Foreword for this brave, strange, and magical book by my friend Scott Blum. I am also especially honored to appear in it and give what little wisdom I have found on the Sacred Feminine.
I am not aware of such a book ever having been written before. This work has a unique and modern theme—that of a man who longs to be a father but is overwhelmed with despair and dread when he discovers that everything isn’t as he imagined. This despair and dread take him into a depth of genuine inquiry and openness to revelation that leads him to all his own self-doubts and to a wholly new vision of what Sacred Masculinity can be in a time like ours. So this book is at once a memoir; a thriller; a mystical confession; and a new kind of conversation about the nature of the Masculine and its responsibilities to the worship, adoration, and protection of the Divine Feminine in the great work of our time—the restoration of the full splendor and power of the Sacred Marriage in all of us.
If this sounds grandiose, it is my fault. Why the book works so movingly is that the story is such a human, gritty, and down-home story that opens quite naturally to its own supernatural dimensions. Scott Blum’s great courage is to open us very simply and without artifice to his own growth and healing visionary journey; and to do so from the center of life as a man who owns a business, celebrates his marriage, works deeply on his inner life, and is trying to devote all he is to his heart’s vision. It is Scott’s sincerity that carries us throughout this ordinary and extraordinary story; and this sincerity is one of the heart and soul … and so is a very treasured gift between writer and reader.
May you enjoy this book as much as I have, and find its discoveries as I did.
— Andrew Harvey
the best-selling author of The Hope
CHAPTER ONE
Martika was the first person we told.
In her kitchen. The very same kitchen where Madisyn and I had first met.
Everything seemed oddly similar to the way it had been on that initial evening. Madisyn was dressed in a flowing pastel skirt that matched her silk-wrapped sandals; and I was once again wearing faded blue jeans, a T-shirt, and canvas tennis shoes. But it was our friend’s kitchen itself that brought back the most vivid memories from several years before. The sweet smell of herbal teas danced with the nutty aroma of freshly roasted cashews, and stacks of self-help books crowded the fine china in oak cabinets. It was always comforting to visit the heart of Martika’s home, and it felt like a perfect place to share our news for the first time.
“I’m preg—” Madisyn barely uttered the first syllable before the entire house filled with Martika’s excitement.
“I knew it!” shrieked Martika as she plucked a rhododendron flower from a vase and placed it behind my wife’s ear. Madisyn’s wavy blonde hair gracefully framed the fuchsia petals, and I was once again taken by how much she resembled our close friend. If I didn’t know better, I would have assumed that Martika was Madisyn’s older sister because of their matching locks and petite stature.
“I could tell the first moment you walked in the door!” continued Martika, after wrapping my wife in a firm embrace. “How far are you along?”
“Five weeks.”
Martika’s smile remained as she waved her finger in a mock accusatory gesture.
“I know, I know,” said Madisyn. “But you’re basically family, and if you can’t tell family …”
“I’m sure it’ll be just fine,” reassured Martika, her giddiness returning. “Do you want some tea?” she asked rhetorically while removing three china cups and matching saucers from the top shelf of a glass-faced cabinet. After putting a kettle of water on the stove, she unrolled a narrow bamboo mat on the table between us, carefully wiped the cups and saucers with a soft red cloth, and gently rested them on the mat. She then retrieved an ornate china pot, added two generous scoops of loose black tea from a golden cylinder, and slowly transferred the boiling water from the kettle to the pot.
I had seen Martika prepare tea in this manner twice before on special occasions, and Madisyn and I both watched in silence, appreciating the simple beauty of the ritual.
While the tea was steeping, Martika deliberately rotated each gold-rimmed cup handle to the three o’clock position. The dark liquid swirled as she poured the water into the cups, and the loose tea leaves floated counterclockwise at the surface.
Once the tea had all been poured, she looked at me and smiled knowingly before break
ing the silence.
“Scott, I’m dying to know,” Martika began. “Is it her?”
We all knew who she was talking about, and it was the only thing I had been able to think about since I had seen the matching plus signs on the pair of white plastic sticks. I’d had a strong connection with my unborn daughter since before I met Madisyn, and found myself regularly communicating with her in my dreams. And although my wife and I had both been anticipating her arrival during the past several years, we had decided to focus on our careers before having children, which made the news even more exciting when the day finally arrived.
“Of course it’s Autumn,” I asserted confidently. “She’s been waiting patiently for years, and when she saw that the window was finally open, she flew right in.”
“How does that make you feel?” Martika asked Madisyn.
“A bit left out, but I think I’ll get used to it. I’d better, huh?” Madisyn laughed. “Every daughter goes through a Daddy’s little girl phase, right? This one just seems to be starting a bit earlier, that’s all.”
It was true that I’d developed a stronger relationship with Autumn than Madisyn had, although I was pretty sure that the pregnancy would even the score by the time it was over. However, I was sensitive to the fact that having a relationship with our unborn child for many years before she was incarnate didn’t exactly start the journey on an equal footing with my wife.
“So are you ready to become a daddy?” Martika asked me, her eyes twinkling.
“I’m not sure—I don’t know. I guess so.”
“It’s natural to be nervous,” Martika replied. “Conception, birth, and death are the three most important events in each of our lifetimes. And the former is probably the most special because it is so intimate. It involves only the souls of the mother, father, and baby—it’s the ultimate expression of family.”
“Yeah, I guess so. However, I would have expected a much stronger connection with Autumn now that she’s closer, but she’s been unusually silent since the beginning of the pregnancy.”
“You haven’t communicated with her?” Martika seemed surprised.
“Not recently.” I sighed. “Sometimes I wonder if I’ve imagined this whole thing—if we simply made a baby like everyone else.”
“The first thing to remember is that conceiving a baby is not the same as creating a baby from nothingness,” Martika explained with a familiar sparkle in her eye that emerged whenever she shared her vast metaphysical knowledge. “Every baby’s soul has always existed, and as new parents, you are just inviting it into your life. But it’s the initial process of a child choosing its parents that I find most fascinating.”
“Are you sure a child chooses its parents and not the other way around?”
“I’m absolutely sure. By the time a child is invited in, the parents are already well on their way down their own karmic paths of this lifetime. But at the beginning, a child soul only possesses a single unopened envelope of karmic debt, which is used to comparison-shop for parents. The soul essentially is looking for parents who have the most compatible karmic currency to help pay down this karmic debt.”
“Karmic currency and karmic debt?” Madisyn interjected. “We sound more like a bank than prospective parents. Maybe I don’t fully understand what karma is and how it works.”
“Similar to the scientific law of gravity, karma is an absolute spiritual law that governs the nature of cause and effect,” Martika replied. “Simply put, if we do something bad to someone else, our karmic debt increases. If we do something nice, it gets paid down.”
“Isn’t that the same with everyone you meet?” I asked. “What makes the relationship of a parent and a child any different?”
“Our karmic debt works hand in hand with our soul contract—the agreement we make with the universe before we’re born about what we need to accomplish during this lifetime. These are usually core lessons we need to learn about relating to ourselves and other beings on this planet. For example: compassion, greed, family, anger … that sort of thing. So let’s say a key lesson we need to learn in this lifetime is compassion. If our parents have a nice, easy life, providing us with anything we need or could want, we might not be in a position to learn why we must be compassionate to people less fortunate than ourselves.”
“We wouldn’t be able to relate,” I noted.
“Exactly. But if our parents’ karma provides for a lifetime of financial struggle and they’re unable to provide us with the basic needs of food, shelter, and clothing, we would have a much deeper understanding of why compassion is an absolute necessity in this world.”
“So having a difficult childhood isn’t necessarily a bad thing.”
“Not from a karmic perspective. It might be exactly the foundation that allows us to pay down our karmic debt and learn our core life lessons.”
“Well, I hope that Autumn has already learned compassion,” said Madisyn. “I don’t want to have to lose everything we’ve earned just to teach her a lesson. But I guess since she’s been hanging around so long, she’s probably the only one who wants us.”
“Unlikely. If you consider that every living being has a soul, there are literally millions dying each day. For every conception, it’s likely that there are thousands of souls waiting in line to be reborn. It’s just that Autumn’s karma is perfectly matched with your own.”
“Who would’ve thought that making a baby could be this complicated?” I said with a wry grin.
“I think I learned the abridged version in elementary school.”
“I know what we should do!” Martika exclaimed suddenly. “Meet me here tomorrow afternoon and bring some comfortable walking shoes. I know the perfect way to honor the beginning of the most amazing journey you’ll ever have …”
As Martika walked us to her front door, I had the distinct feeling that everything was oddly different than it had been when we first arrived. The pungent food smells were deeper and more complicated. The precarious stacks of books were suddenly flirting with gravity as we walked by.
And the paintings appeared to have taken on additional brushstrokes while we were having tea.
Yes, everything did seem oddly different—precisely because it was different.
Nothing would ever be the same again.
CHAPTER TWO
Everything is going to be just fine,” I said softly while driving along the country road toward Martika’s house. The stately ranchlike estates were a welcome contrast to the more densely clustered dwellings of downtown Ashland, Oregon; and although it was only a few minutes’ drive between our houses, it often felt like we were going on vacation whenever we went there.
“What are you worried about?” I asked.
“There are so many things that can go wrong. I just don’t know if it was a good idea to wait so long,” replied my wife.
“We needed to wait until the business was stable enough to support everyone.”
Madisyn and I had started a company together, and it had taken a few years before it was able to sustain itself. We weren’t the first to discover that nurturing a start-up takes a lot of time, money, and energy, although we were lucky that it was eventually able to support all the people who were relying on it.
“I know, I know, but I’m just feeling we might have waited too long.”
“We’re still young,” I said confidently. “We might be older than some of the other parents, but we’ll make up for it in experience.”
“It’s different for boys,” my wife noted sadly. “Girls are taught from a young age that they only have a limited time to have children.”
“Oh, that’s not true anymore. It’s very common for women to have healthy children well into their fifties now.” I didn’t want to discount her feelings, but I honestly believed she was overreacting based on an obsolete societal pressure.
“It’s a feeling I’ve had since before we got pregnant,” she said, gazing out the passenger window as we pulled into Martika’s driveway. “I
just hope everything will be okay.”
Martika was waiting for us next to her car and hugged us both tightly after we parked. “Come on, you guys,” she said excitedly. “We don’t want to be late. You can ride with me … Onyx is already in the car.”
The front passenger seat and floorboard of Martika’s white Subaru station wagon were filled with dozens of used astrology books, so we both climbed into the backseat next to the full-grown black Lab.
“Hi, Onyx!” Madisyn said when she got inside. “Are you ready for a walk?”
Onyx panted excitedly and attempted to climb up on our laps. The backseat was roomy, although it felt cramped with the overzealous dog.
“Settle down, Onyx!” Martika yelled from the front seat. “Sorry about the passenger seat. I forgot to go to the bookstore to drop these off earlier—they also have another boxful for me to pick up. I’m completely obsessed with astrology at the moment. It’s absolutely fascinating how accurate it all is … I resonate with it completely.”
“It’s okay,” replied Madisyn as she scratched the side of Onyx’s muzzle. “It gives us a chance to catch up with this handsome guy.”
“Do you ever miss him?” Martika asked me as she headed toward the mountains, in the opposite direction of town.
“Yeah, I do miss him,” I said sadly. Onyx looked at me wistfully. “But Madisyn’s cat, Zoe, would never have allowed him to stay. She barely tolerated me when I first moved in.”
Onyx had originally been the companion of a dear friend of mine named Robert whom I had met when I first moved to Ashland. Robert taught me many things about life and was essentially responsible for my own personal spiritual awakening. When he was preparing to move on, Robert had requested that either Martika or I take care of Onyx after he was gone. The dog stayed with me for almost a year until I moved in with Madisyn, and then he began living with Martika, where he’d been ever since.
“He’s one of the best things that ever happened to me,” said Martika. “I’m the luckiest girl in the world to be able to spend my life with this incredible soul. I’m so happy I was able to get my allergies under control, because I can’t imagine living a day without him.”