Lovers in the Age of Indifference

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Lovers in the Age of Indifference Page 9

by Xiaolu Guo


  18-07-2009 11:10

  Ah how you know exactly what

  i want?

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  18-07-2009 11:13

  Maybe I have a little Japanese

  in me.

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  18-07-2009 11:16

  Ok if eat Japanese then I say

  place. Hiroshima, 6 Mare St, 7.

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  18-07-2009 11:19

  7? Are you sure – I thought you

  said you had to work late …

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  18-07-2009 11:22

  I change my mind.

  * * *

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  18-09-2009 23:48

  Thanks for a really lovely evening.

  And such great sashimi too!

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  18-07-2009 23:52

  Not best octopus I’ve had. I prefer

  walk we did through park after.

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  18-07-2009 23:54

  You smelt gently of saki.

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  18-07-2009 23:57

  Oh Im sorry.

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  19-07-2009 00:01

  No, I liked it very much. Sweet

  dreams.

  * * *

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  19-07-2009 01:15

  You asleep yet? You know I really

  wanted to kiss you in the park.

  There were shadows on your face

  from the trees. I could smell your

  beautiful black hair. Wish I had.

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  19-07-2009 01:18

  I have been breathing you since

  we met. Your spirit wrapped

  around me like smoke. Goodnight.

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  19-07-2009 01:40

  I’ve been lying awake thinking

  about you. Why did you leave so

  urgently in the park earlier?

  Sunday:

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  19-07-2009 09:30

  Morning! Did you get my text last

  night? Love to meet up today if

  you’ve time. Same place by the

  tree in the park? Hope you aren’t

  suffering too much from that

  allergy.

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  19-07-2009 09:36

  Allergy is bad – trees in the park

  make me sneeze too much. Maybe

  we can meet later … I dont know.

  What you doing today?

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  19-07-2009 09:40

  I might play my guitar, but should

  really go to the library. Giving a

  paper at a conference tomorrow

  and need to work. Text me

  whenever and I can meet you in

  London Fields.

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  19-07-2009 09:45

  You play guitar? You write songs

  too?

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  19-07-2009 09:49

  Yes – bad ones though! I actually

  once wrote a song called ‘The

  Third Tree’.

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  19-07-2009 09:51

  The Third Tree! I can’t believe it.

  Hmm. Like our tree in park. What’s

  about?

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  19-07-2009 09:52

  It’s about an apple tree in our

  garden in NZ. About my childhood.

  So, when can I see you?

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  19-07-2009 09:55

  Actually i dont think that good

  idea. We should not have met.

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  19-07-2009 09:58

  I don’t understand. What do

  you mean?

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  19-07-2009 10:03

  Too complicated.

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  19-07-2009 10:10

  Ah, but I am a scientist. I am

  particularly interested in

  complicated subjects and you

  are a perfect test specimen!

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  19-07-2009 10:13

  Anyway we shouldnt get

  too close.

  * * *

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  19-07-2009 12:14

  Hi! Come and have lunch with me?

  And why shouldn’t we get too

  close? You are so lovely – I want to

  know everything about you.

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  19-07-2009 12:17

  You dont have to know every

  lovely thing.

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  19-07-2009 12:21

  But you are special. When I saw

  you under the tree I knew you

  were someone special, someone I

  had to meet. Do the Japanese

  believe in fate or destiny?

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  19-07-2009 12:24

  Yes. I believe in fate.

  * * *

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  19-07-2009 14:36

  Hello again. All ok? Working hard?

  Maybe you need a walk. Where

  are you working?

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  19-07-2009 14:40

  I am in cafe reading. Same cafe

  we ate last night. But not sure how

  long i will stay here my nose cant

  stop running.

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  19-07-2009 14:45

  Hold onto your nose – I’ve a

  special kissing medicine that

  works wonders! On my bike – be

  there in 15 mins.

  * * *

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  19-07-2009 22:26

  I miss your hair, your fingers. I

  miss your smell. We live so close

  to each other – why don’t you

  cross the park and come to

  see me?

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  19-07-2009 22:30

  I miss you too …

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  19-07-2009 22:34

  Sorry i cannot.

  * * *

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  19-07-2009 23:01

  So what you wear for tomorrow

  conference speech?

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  19-07-09 23:08

  Good question! Well, I want to

  promote a kind of artist/scientist

  image.

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  19-07-2009 23:14

  How does that work? Science is

  not art. You have to be precise

  I thought.

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  19-07-2009 23:19

  True, but in my work I’m getting

  closer to a version of your eastern

  philosophy. Might not sound like

  science but ultimately everything

  leads to a state where the truth is.

  I study how the brain perc
eives

  these ideas.

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  19-07-2009 23:22

  Truth? I dont believe this word.

  The truth of the world is

  there is no truth.

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  19-07-2009 23:24

  Maybe you’re right, in one sense.

  But I’m still trying to prove the

  impossible with science.

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  19-07-2009 23:27

  But you cant prove that. In japan

  we believe zen: you cant know

  world from your brain, you can

  only know world by feeling it with

  your heart.

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  19-07-2009 23:31

  Hmm, for me feeling is not the

  final truth. Anyway, my love, can I

  see you now?

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  19-07-2009 23:33

  No. It is a dangerous game.

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  19-07-2009 23:37

  Why dangerous? Are you saying

  you’re playing games with me?

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  19-07-2009 23:42

  No. I am fearful. Cant explain to

  you in text message. I sigh.

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  19-07-2009 23:46

  Wish I could kiss your sad sighs

  away. Am going for a late-night

  stroll now. Come out and join me?

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  19-07-2009 23:48

  Sorry i cant come out now.

  * * *

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  20-07-2009 01:07

  I think of you all the time. Can’t

  sleep. I want to see you now.

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  20-07-2009 01:09

  I can’t sleep too. But we dont have future.

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  20-07-2009 01:12

  You don’t know what the future

  holds. You can’t decide the future

  now. That’s not fair.

  Monday:

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  20-07-2009 16:35

  Hello. How was conference today?

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  20-07-2009 16:37

  It’s actually not finished yet. Too

  many scientists speaking about

  neurones and hypotheses! They

  drive me crazy, but they don’t

  distract me from thinking of you…

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  20-07-2009 16:40

  I cant work either. Today i miss

  you badly.

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  20-07-2009 16:43

  Me too. Going to duck out of the

  drinks here this evening – I will

  run across London to see you.

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  20-07-2009 16:47

  I feel terrible, incomplete. I feel

  urge to see you. Like cherry

  blossoms about to fall to the

  ground in one night.

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  20-07-2009 16:49

  Meet me in front of my house at 7.

  Can’t wait to see you and kiss you.

  Tuesday:

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  21-07-2009 22:35

  I start to paint again. This morning

  i painted some images. They very

  dark depressive. Dont know what

  the shapes mean to me.

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  21-07-2009 22:38

  Sounds amazing! Would you show

  me sometime? In fact, why do you

  never invite me to your place?

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  21-07-2009 22:41

  Maybe one day i will. At least

  show you the darkest painting i

  have ever done.

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  21-07-2009 22:44

  I wonder what makes you paint

  dark pictures.

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  21-07-2009 22:49

  Sometimes i feel very alone.

  A kind of utter loneliness.

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  21-07-2009 22:52

  But I am with you. How can you

  feel so lonely? I wish I could

  embrace you right now.

  Wednesday:

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  22-07-2009 12:41

  When can I see you today? I am

  hungry for your touch.

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  22-07-2009 12:43

  Meet at cafe near bridge? They

  have good lentil soup.

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  22-07-2009 13:17

  Where are you? I’m like a starfish

  moving around without a brain.

  I’m losing myself…

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  22-07-2009 13:20

  Im coming. I have problems with

  HIM. But I leave now.

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  22-07-2009 13:22

  Him? Tell me everything when you

  arrive. I want to hold you tight.

  * * *

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  22-07-2009 17:31

  I watched you disappear down the

  road. My body aching for you

  again already. Your sweet scent.

  Your silky skin. My body tingling

  like a horse ready to jump. I want

  to have you. I want your body to

  belong to me always.

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  22-07-2009 17:36

  It was grey raining outside as i

  walked home past canal. I just saw

  huge fish swim through the water.

  I have big decision on me now.

  * * *

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  23-07-2009 00:12

  It is like silent war here. Invisible

  smoke in every corner of the

  house. I am glad we talked today,

  but im suffering. I cannot bear my

  body separated from you. I am

  sleeping here beside another

  body and i am tormented.

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  23-07-2009 00:15

  Baby I want you so much. I wish

  you were mine, not his. My

  nervous system is going crazy at

  the thought of you. Even my brain

  doesn’t function as before.

  Thursday:

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  23-07-2009 09:17

  I’m still mesmerised by every

  moment from yesterday. Woke up

  with wonderful images of your

  body filling my mind.

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  23-07-2009 09:20

  I wish my body is still with you.

  I am aching. Want to be close to

  you. I feel the deeper i attract to

  you, the more painful my messy

  situation. My life splits in two. The

  life in this bed and the life in your bed.

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  23-07-2009 09:23


  My body feels like it is swimming,

  yet I want to be your protector

  and provider. Like I am a hunter

  bringing the catch back to his

  woman. Laying it at your feet.

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  23-07-2009 09:25

  You mean like in ancient time, a

  man comes home with deer meat

  and wild fruit?

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  23-07-2009 09:27

  Exactly! And also something

  beyond that as well. I want you to

  be mine.

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  23-07-2009 09:28

  Please. Dont push me. What you

  ask from me is impossibility.

  I have built a place with HIM and i

  have built my life around his

  world. And you ask me to destroy this.

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  23-07-2009 09:31

  Sorry, my darling, I just want to

  see you and be with you always.

  I cannot stand this situation.

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  23-07-2009 09:34

  Im not alone and i cant always lie.

  I try and get out in little while. See

  you by the third tree in 2 hour.

  * * *

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  23-07-2009 14:06

  Sorry if I was too strong earlier. I

  can’t help it. I hope I didn’t hurt

  you. As I walked home through

  London Fields I wished I was still

  sucking you and drinking you and

  entering you. I want you so much.

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  23-07-2009 14:09

  I feel burning. You came into me

  too strong. You almost broke my

  bones. I feel you are a bit

  impulsive, when you pulling

  my skirt.

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  23-07-2009 14:11

  I will kiss you better when I see

  you again. I am not impulsive – it

  just feels so beautiful to be with

  you, my darling.

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  23-07-2009 14:14

  But you makes me feel unsettled.

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  23-07-2009 14:16

  Maybe that’s what love is – don’t

  you think? I walk through the

  streets thinking: why aren’t we

  together in a warm bed,

  embracing? I want nothing else.

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  23-07-2009 14:19

  You know why not. For scientist

  everything is possible to

  experiment, you kill something

  old for something new. You lose

  nothing in a lab.

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  23-07-2009 14:21

  But sometimes you only can

  discover something new when old

  things die.

  SENDER: E

  +7891533432

  23-07-2009 14:25

  Yes but love make me weak. I cant

  do anything and i dont paint at all.

  And i think i cant leave him for

  someone I know only for few days.

  Its madness.

  SENDER: J

  +7771783477

  23-07-2009 14:28

  No, my darling, it’s not madness at

 

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