by Pamela Ann
Glancing away from her, I tried to concentrate on folding the sleeves of my dress shirt before pushing them behind my elbows. “I had these hidden here, so I could be surrounded by you when I was stressed out and needed to get my priorities straightened out.” I looked at her, knowing my love only ever grew from the moment I met her. “It was a place I loved to hate when you and I broke up.”
Sienna made a strained gasp, before she stared at her canvases, eyes full of wonderment. “You’re really in love with me, aren’t you? I mean—I thought you loved me…but now, I think you’re crazy in love for me. Does that make sense?”
It did. It was damn sad because I knew she didn’t feel that for me. Her love was conditional. Sighing, I went over to the bed and sat, brooding.
Sienna strode over to me, standing, looking at me sorrowfully. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry that you’re feeling this way?” I looked at her closely. “Or are you sorry that I got to witness it?” I was referring to her crying in Matthews’ arms.
“Both, I guess.” She stepped closer, unsure. “I don’t want to leave you. You must know that.”
“No, I don’t.” Each time that thought emerged in my mind, I tried to squash it down, but it haunts me. Every time.
Her eyes sought mine, pleading for me to understand her position, her feelings—her pain. “I wish there was an easier way to do this, but there isn’t. He’s been such a big part of my life. I’m letting go of him because I want to be with you. The whole process—is very difficult, painful. I feel like I won’t ever see him again…like this goodbye would be it.” She sighed, full of sadness. “Kyle is family. It might not look it to you or to the other people, but he was the only family I’ve had for the past decade. I don’t do well with goodbyes, especially after my dad died.”
“Blake—”
I gazed at her, understanding her perspective, but the pain and the string of doubts were embedded in my mind—but I was at least trying.
“I’m grieving. That’s all. There’s nothing more to it, so please, don’t resent me for it.” She leaned against me, before flinging her arms around my neck. “I love you too, Blake.”
Forcing myself to smile, I kissed her forehead, before placing my own against hers. “Thank you for telling me—for opening up. I’m still gutted, but I understand you more now.”
Her stomach blatantly growled, breaking the awkward silence. She laughed it off, blushing. “Oops.”
“Come on, poppet. Time for me to feed you.” I helped her to her feet, guiding her towards the exit. “What do you fancy having? We can still get reservations if you like.” I offered, wondering what cuisine she’d be into.
She spun around, halting our steps. “Would it be okay if we just stay home and just…be together, just the two of us? I missed you.”
We had been so caught up with work and the investigation that I forgot how to be like us. She was right. I had missed her too. “Then we shall dine at home. We can rummage through the kitchen as see what we can whip up.”
Forty minutes later, we were home. I was just coming out of the shower when I heard Sienna yelling my name. Frantic, I was in the kitchen in a heartbeat. “What’s happened? Are you hurt?” I searched her face, her body then her surroundings. When her confused look turned into tiny spurts of laughter, I got even more frustrated. “I don’t find this amusing at all.”
“It so is. Look at you, marching in here, guns blazing and ready to break a bone—dripping wet with only a towel on. Seriously?”
Planting my hands on my hips, I glared at her, waiting for an explanation.
“Okay—don’t laugh, but we don’t have cheese.” She bit her bottom lip, making a cute funny face. “I mean, how can we make an omelet without cheese?”
I nodded, my tongue on the side of my lips, almost glaring. “We ran out of cheese.” I cocked my head on the side, thinking this was a cock-up. “Huh.” My eyes pierced into hers, pulling.
“Oh, no. Not right now, Knightly.” Sienna placed the batter back on the counter, trying not to look at me.
Elated, I moved closer, until I was pushing against her curvaceous bottom, cushioning my hardness. “Face me, amore.”
Slowly, she spun around, cautious. “Yes?” She wench asked, eyes wicked.
Securing both of my arms on her sides, I moved my face closer, almost touching her nose. “I deserve a kiss, don’t I?”
“Just a kiss?” She arched her brow at me, making sure I wasn’t bluffing.
“Un bacio, cara.” One kiss, darling.
When I took her lips, I was having a hard time trying not to touch her everywhere, to feel her close to me. As our kiss deepened, Sienna was barely containable.
She moaned my named. “I want you,” she rasped out.
I laughed, knowing how the kiss would turn out this way. She always did. Kissing her nose, I grinned down at her. “I have to feed you, my sweet.”
She was mumbling some colorful words as I laughed my way to the fridge and pulled some ingredients out. “You need to be creative with food. You can’t always depend on omelets to satisfy your hunger. Cooking a meal isn’t that difficult.”
She smirked, throwing a cherry tomato at me. “Yeah, cause you’re Italian.”
“Not only are we romantic but most Italian men can cook. We love like no other. Make love like no other.” I winked at her before lighting the stove.
Sienna giggled. “You’re way too cocky sometimes.”
I laughed, before focusing on making us a meal, feeling at ease. This used to be our normal back in the day—back when we were friends, and I merely loved her from afar.
After making us some cozze marinara, a few Italian appetizers, I was enjoying our easy banter before she broke the spell.
“Babe—Kyle is leaving tomorrow. He decided to leave early, instead. I’m going to go over and have breakfast with him, if that’s okay with you?”
“Do what you must,” I kindly said, feeling wretched all over again. Gathering her dishes, I placed them in the sink, before I went over to her and kissed the top of her forehead. “Have a good sleep, amore. I’m going in to look at work stuff.”
“Thank you for dinner, babe. I love you.” She kissed my lips before darting towards our bedroom.
I stared after her, thinking how things have changed.
Now in my study, I strode towards the fireplace, setting it ablaze. The night wasn’t that chilly but it helps my mood and watching the fire burn and dance somehow helps me think. I was merely toying with my cognac, idle, when my phone rang.
“Knightly.”
“Good evening, sir. I’m calling to inform you that the contracts are sent and you should have copies in your inbox and your fax machine in your home office just in case you want to look them over now.” Adriana’s cheery delicate voice wafted through the phone.
This woman worked at lot, even on weekends, she was on top of everything. It was impressive. “Excellent, thank you,” I murmured, thinking. “Hey—listen, why don’t you book yourself a spa day tomorrow and charge it on me. You’ve been working far too much and I’m not an ingrate, well not most of the time anyway.” I suggested, hoping that she’d take the offer.
“Really? Thank you, Mr. Knightly. That’s very kind of you.” She chirped.
Her jovial voice was refreshing to hear. There was far too much sadness in my life. “You’re very welcome. You deserve it, Adriana. Once Luke gets his promotion, I just want you to know that you can take his place, if you so wish it.”
She was now a giddy blabbering mess, saying thank you a few more times before she calmed down. “You’re a great boss, Mr. Knightly.” She drawled. “Whatever is going on with you, just keep smiling because it keeps bad things away.”
I did smile at her suggestion. “Throwing your words of wisdom on me now?”
Adriana was silent awhile, before she finally found her voice again. “I hear stories, you know. I’m not sure if most of them are true, but you deserve to be happy. You’re su
ch a kind, generous man and not to mention one of the world’s most eligible bachelor. I just think—I’m sorry; I’m stepping out of line here. I apologize.” She rushed out, dawning how much she’s been yapping.
“No, do go on, I want to hear your thoughts. I appreciate honesty more than anything.”
“You look so unhappy all the time. It just doesn’t look healthy to me. Sometimes it’s healthy to step back and look at the picture clearly, see if it’s something you want to deal with for the rest of your life.” Adriana sounded concerned. “You deserve more than that, Mr. Knightly.”
Her kindness touched me. I wasn’t sure if it was because m friends were all so busy with their lives, or that no one was paying attention to what I was going through, but Adriana noticed. “Thank you for your honesty, Adriana. And yes, I will think about what you said. I will speak to you tomorrow. Please, don’t forget that spa appointment I told you. Go hit the shops while you’re at it.” I offered, before saying my goodbyes a few minutes later.
Was I that miserable with Sienna? Apart from amazing sex, our love was still there, but it was tense—the peace I used to get from being with her was no more. It could be because she was grieving the loss of another man. Or maybe because when she tells me that she loved me, it didn’t sound the same.
I was so consumed with my thoughts that I didn’t hear her until she stood before me.
“Blake? I’ve been calling for you, but you weren’t responding.” She asked, glancing at the phone then back at me. “Who were you talking to?”
“Adriana, my assistant.”
She nodded, pressing her lips together before she gave me a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “Come to bed, we can make love a couple times before going to sleep.” She offered her hand.
Make love…I remembered not a few hours ago, after I emptied myself inside her, I had never felt more hollowed in my life. Like the void was seizing me whole—no, making love to her wasn’t the answer. Taking hold of her outstretched hand, I pressed my lips against it before looking up to her. “Go on, poppet. Get some sleep. I will need sometime to sort some things. I will be there with you shortly.”
If she was shocked or offended when I declined her offer, she didn’t show it. I didn’t go into our bedroom until dawn. Staring at her for another half an hour as thoughts ran through my head, before sleep finally caught on me.
Sixteen
Blake
I woke up after nine in the morning, by then Sienna was long gone. Grumpily, I headed to shower, trying my damnedest not to think that she was with him.
It was Saturday and I normally don’t go into work, but I needed to distract myself because I would go mental if I stayed at home, dwindled my fingers and waited for her to come home—depressed and aggrieved.
Dressed and ready, I dashed towards the lift and towards the lobby. Coming out of the cart, my heart jumped in my throat because past the marbled entrance, just right outside the entrance doors, Kyle and Sienna were wrapped in each other’s arms—while Gareth was a short distance away, while the hired security team was onto them, while the concierge folks were staring curiously at the saddened couple.
If I thought that was wretched, I should think again because that was when the love of my life pulled back and kissed him on the cheek, before his lips and lingered there. If she was about to open her mouth and shoved her tongue into his, I wouldn’t have known because I couldn’t take it. I marched towards the exit staircase that led to the other side of the building, before hailing a cab, got into it and wished my life away.
I spent my weekend in stupor with my phone off. I managed to check into a hotel suite before I drowned myself into oblivion. I didn’t want to talk to anyone else. Being along was all I needed.
Monday, I finally was out of my haze and decided to go home. Mind you, a hysterical woman greeted me. Quite brilliant, really.
“Where in God’s name have you been? I’ve searched high and low for you!” Sienna screeched at me, eyes cracking with fire.
Halting my steps, I gave her a cutting glance. “Busy. Why, did you need me for something?”
“Yes—I needed to know if you were okay! Damn you, Blake!” She was about to keep going but Gareth brought in a box.
A delivery for Sienna. I’m sure it was from Matthews, I thought with pure disdain and loathing, before I grabbed it out of Gareth’s hands and opened it myself.
What contained it was really quite out of the ordinary. Was this a sick joke? It was a certificate of a purchased funeral lot with her name on it. “What in the bloody fucking God’s name is going the fuck on?” I eyed Sienna before I slashed Gareth another glance.
“What the hell are these, Sienna?” I asked her, needing answers this instant.
Gareth shook his head, pondering hell. “I have no clue, Mr. Knightly.”
Sienna then snatched them, studied it closely, turning pale as she scanned the pages. With doubtful eyes, she spoke. “It’s from them.” She stated as a matter of factly, as if it has happened before.
My blood turned cold. “This is not the first time, is it?” I bellowed, losing all of my composure, my temper reared with blasted hell.
“No.” she breathed. “This is the second.”
Merda! “And you kept it from me? How could you?” I thundered out, feeling bothered and betrayed that she would keep something this significant to the investigation, but more importantly she didn’t deem me worthy to know.
“I wanted to just ignore it. I didn’t want to deal with it. These could be just idle threats to make me leave you. Who the fuck knows?” She countered, standing her ground.
Was Sienna this dense really? “Someone. Tried. To. Kill. You! That doesn’t sound like an idle threat to me!” I screeched. “How difficult is that to grasp woman? But you don’t care do you? Yeah, go on as you are, I’m sure they’d be hounding your heels much more because you do not give a flying arse if you die today!”
“I truly don’t.”
“Well, good for you. Truly. Maybe I should learn to be just a fucking cold-hearted bitch and not care about anyone else other than myself!” I fumed, glancing at her infuriated face, before I glanced at Gareth. “From now on, Sienna’s in charge with you. If she decides to fire you this instant, that’s up to her. She knows what she’s doing apparently, so I’ll hand it all over to her. Good day.” I strode towards the lift, wanting to leave this forsaken place.
Sienna was charging towards me, spitfire. “Where are you going? I’m not with you yet!”
Yeah, everything had to be about what she wanted for fuck’s sake! “Too bad, cara. I don’t want to be here, let alone face you.”
“Blake!” Sienna pleaded, before I shook my head and left her.
If she wanted to be in-charge about her future then so be it. What was the use to trying to protect her if she didn’t want it? What was the point of trying to push myself with her if she wasn’t interested?
I was grasping on straws.
I was fighting a battle that wasn’t truly there because Sienna made it difficult for me to see—she was confusing the hell out of me. She was grieving Kyle, but was in love with me. How did that even make sense? If I had loved another woman, would she be this patient? Would she have done the same things I’d done for her?
Somehow I doubted it.
But whatever was going on anymore, I wasn’t going to be a beggar and keep the scraps she keeps throwing at me once in awhile.
I was one desperate, besotted fool, but even fools in love have limits too. I think I might’ve reached mine.
Seventeen
Sienna
“Hello?” I answered Lucy’s call.
“Hey, love. I’m flying with Chad and Luke. Will you be joining us or you’re flying private with Blake? I heard he wouldn’t be flying out until later this afternoon.”
Hell, she was going? What? “Lucy, are you sure this is even wise for you to be there? I mean…you know, this is not going to be easy, babe.”
She sigh
ed, melancholy. “I think I have to see it with my very eyes. Then I wouldn’t be thinking if that ever happened or if it was all my imagination kind of thing.”
Lucy was an enigma to me sometimes. The things she did, I wouldn’t have the guts to do. “Are you sure? That sounds a little crazy to me.”
“It is. Anyhow, are you about to join us?” Lucy directed me the question I didn’t have an answer to.
I didn’t even know if Blake wanted to see me, especially after what happened earlier this morning. Was he washing himself off me? I didn’t know. Toby’s wedding was going to happen tomorrow afternoon and we all needed to be there tonight for festivities.